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Comedic and Iconic Movie Lines: The Best One-Liners in Cinema

O ne-liners can be hilarious. Other movie one-liners are deep, even dark, while others are just straight up weird. Regardless of the genre, they’re usually remembered long after the movie’s release, and the words can impact an entire generation. Don’t believe me? See if you’ve ever said or heard any of these phrases in conversation. You might not even know what movie they’re from. But that’s okay!

We’ve curated a list of some of the best funny movie one-liners, some dramatic examples, and even a few creepy mentions. Let’s take a look.

Iconic, Dramatic, and Funny Movie One-Liners

The best movie one-liners.

Ranking seems silly but we did it anyway. We didn’t rank by category, just based on a gut feeling and what the line did for the scene or film.

What’s considered “the best” is always up for debate, and honestly, I’m not a fan of ranking. But, just for fun, let’s start with some classics and see where we end up. 

MIDNIGHT COWBOY

55. “i’m walking here”.

If you missed Dustin Hoffman's performance in  Midnight Cowboy , you likely didn't miss the famous phrase it bore. You know a line is truly indelible as this one when it gets parodied this many times.

Midnight Cowboy gives not only a line, but an attitude

54.  "i'm as mad as hell, and i'm not going to take this anymore".

You may have never seen  Network, but it's strangely relevant for today's socioeconomic and political climate.  Whichever side you sit, it's also just really good movie. 

Speech from Network sounds weirdly relevant today

Jerry maguire, 53.  “show me the money”.

Reiterated in many movies (most notably Austin Powers), "show me the money," is surely used by everyone, even those who have never seen Jerry Maguire . 

Tom Cruise and Cuba Gooding Jr. "show me the money" scene

Toy story 2, 52.  “to infinity and beyond”.

Now, I'm not sure this one-liner necessarily "beats" the few above in quality or depth, but its use spans (at least) two generations. Not to mention, the sequels are actually pretty good.

This also became the Buzz Lightyear toy catchphrase

It: chapter one,  51.  "now i'm gonna have to kill this f***ing clown.".

Actor, Finn Wolfhard delivers the line and it's probably the more badass than all of his lines from Stranger Things, combined. 

It movie ending one-liner

When harry met sally, 50.  "when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.".

And now we side-step over to romantic comedies. Cheesy or adorable, maybe a little bit of both, When Harry Met Sally boasts a few memorable one-liners. We'll see another a little later in the list. 

Billy Crystal's one-liner

49. “love means never having to say you’re sorry.”.

Aw, how many decorative wall art pieces did this inspire. Just kidding, cheesy or not, this line has been repeated a number of times since the film's release in 1970.

Run with him to a minute and 30 seconds to hear the line

48.  “shaken, not stirred.”.

For every corny dad out there, or maybe just for mine, because that's definitely how I learned this line. Luckily, I stopped saying it by the time I was actually old enough to order a drink.

This line was said in many Bond movies

Sudden impact, 47.  “go ahead, make my day.”.

Clint Eastwood had to make the list, so we went ahead and added this iconic scene from Sudden Impact.  

Wait for the one-liner towards the end of the scene

46. “here’s lookin at you, kid.”.

So famous and so iconic, you know that's true because this one really does span generations. 

One the most famous lines of all time

45.  “i’ll be back.”.

Said in the Terminator voice, of course. And often quickly followed by "Hasta la vista, baby." May we never forget how our 10-year-old selves used to leave a room.

Arnold Schwarzenegger in Terminator

Field of dreams, 44.  “if you build it, he will come.”.

Not to be confused with "if they build it, they will come," which never actually said in this film. But I guess people hear what they want to hear, thanks to the real phrase for giving us something to work with. Below, wait for it at about one minute and 30 seconds. 

Life lessons from Field of Dreams

E.t. the extra terrestrial, 43.  “e.t. phone home.”.

Yeah, sometimes we say this one for no real reason at all. It's cute, and it's a little weird, just like the movie. 

Drew Barrymore is almost as adorable as E.T.

Taxi driver, 42. “you talkin to me”.

The best part about this iconic movie one-liner is that it comes directly from De Niro improvising. 

Taxi Drive infamous movie one-liner

The shining, 41. “here’s johnny”.

And then there are those that are iconic because the level at which they freaked us the hell out. I've heard people say this in real life, and I really question who they are as a person.

And there he is: Jack Nicholson in the Shining

40.  “houston, we have a problem.”.

We do don't we? Because whenever you hear this phrase, there usually is an issue with whatever situation you're in. The gravity of how often this phrase is used is overwhelming. Pun absolutely intended. 

Tom Hanks delivers the famous line

39.  "yippie-ki-yay, motherf—er.".

Bruce Willis added the "the mother f--ker" part for fun. It did so well with the test audience, it stuck.  

Sometimes actors write the lines

A league of their own, 38.  “there’s no crying in baseball”.

Sage advice from Tom Hanks' Jimmy Dugan that can be applied to any situation. Love this film and this line. 

A League of Their Own movie one-liner

37. “i’m the king of the world”.

I've said this at least a hundred times as a kid. And maybe even as an adult, just in my head. 

Liberating movie one-liners

The usual suspects, 35.  "the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist.".

I didn't even realize this was from a movie, I just assumed some sage said it. Maybe they did. Either way, it entered into the cultural ether in The Usual Suspects . 

One-liners frame interesting perspectives

Best in show, 34.  “we could not talk or talk forever and still find things to not talk about.”.

It doesn't really matter what's being said in this movie, it's all hilarious because the characters are incredible. To refresh your memory, or if you've never seen  Best in Show , watch below. 

Best in Show one-liner

Star wars: the last jedi, 33.  "the greatest teacher, failure is.".

Ah, yes, how could we leave Yoda out. Forget, we must not. Include him, we must. I don't know. Here's a good one-liner from Yoda. 

Learning from Yoda's one-liners

Spider-man: homecoming, 32. "if you're nothing without the suit, then you shouldn't have it.".

It's too new to be iconic, but I think it has the most depth than the majority of this list. Maybe one day it will be considered iconic, but for now, I'll just appreciate it for it's truth. 

Robert Downy Jr. schools Spiderman

When harry met sally, 31.  “i’ll have what she’s having.”.

Iconic, fun, and has probably been repeated by anyone capable of speaking. The rando who delivers the line is definitely not talking about food, but that's typically how it's used in real life. 

When Harry Met Sally has a few one-liners

30.  “i am serious. and don’t call me shirley.”.

Airplane! I love this movie! The humor can be enjoyed by literally anyone, and the plays on words are almost too perfect. 

Anyone who knows it probably loves this line

Frankenstein (1931), 29.  “it’s alive it’s alive”.

If this list reflected the most known phrases, this would be number one. It's actually a little creepier than I remember. I said it as a child so many times but now that I watch the clip, I'm not sure I'll want to pass it along to my own kids. Though, I'm sure they'll hear it somewhere. 

The original "It's alive!"

The jazz singer (1927), 28.  “you ain’t heard nothin yet.”.

There could probably be separate article just on how many times this one-liner was used in cinema. But it originated in 1920s.

How many times have you heard this?

Almost famous, 27. “i am a golden god”.

I'm not sure how often this is yelled from rooftops, but I personally have always wanted to. 

"I'm on drugs" isn't a terrible preface to this one-liner

26.  “as if.”.

Quite possibly one of the greatest teen movies of all time, Clueless created its own language, way before  Mean Girls  was a thing.

90s one-liners are always a favorite

The big lebowski, 25.  “the dude abides.”.

He sure does. I mean, is it really a one-liner or is it more of a motto? What's the difference? In light of the Dude, whatever.

Funny movie one-liners

24. “you’re gonna need a bigger boat.”.

Classic, iconic, and over-used. But it definitely deserves a mention. 

Infamous movie one-liners

23.  “may the force be with you.”.

So powerful, May the fourth is now Star Wars Day.

Bordering historic one-liner

22.  “i am your father.”.

This line is so ubiquitous, it's hard to imagine how powerful this twist actually was. 

Where would the movies be without this scene

The wizard of oz, 21.  “i'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too".

One of the most known phrases in cinematic history, this one-liner can give a child and a 90-year-old something to talk about.

Wizard of Oz one-liner

20. “your aura is purple.”.

Another  Almost Famous  line because what a great movie. Hippies love this one. I love this one. Your parents probably have never heard of it. 

Almost Famous is filled with great one-liners

Bridesmaids, 19.  “i’m glad he’s single, because i’m going to climb that like a tree.”.

Melissa McCarthy makes my life. She spits out ridiculousness regularly and while they can't be considered "classics" just yet, at least one of her lines deserves a spot.

Bridesmaids movie one-liner

The godfather, 18.  "i'm going to make him an offer he can't refuse.".

Back to basics, but not in the boring sense. This is one of those sayings that you probably forgot where it originated from. 

The Godfather famous lines

Pulp fiction, 17.  “they call it a royale with cheese.”.

Of course, we couldn't have a list of lines without Tarantino. John Travolta delivers hits magically delicious line in Pulp Fiction.

Try ordering this out

16.  "toto, i've a feeling we're not in kansas anymore.".

I think I heard someone say this before I even saw the movie, which is actually hard to accomplish, because this is like the first movie every child sees. 

Great set design aided this iconic phrase

Apocalypse now, 15.  "i love the smell of napalm in the morning.".

The fact that this one caught on in mainstream society reminds just how weird and awesome people can be. 

Famous Apocalypse Now move line

14.  “say hello to my little friend”.

Al Pacino gives us the best (violent) one-liner probably in cinematic history. It's ridiculous, and if we heard it today, it probably wouldn't even stick. But for some reason, Al Pacino in 1983 as Tony Montana wins every time. 

One of the most notorious lines in movie history

13.  “there’s no place like home.”.

This phrase and those ruby red slippers will be around forever. 

Most famous Wizard of Oz line

12.  “leave the gun. take the cannoli.”.

This probably should've been lower on the list in comparison to the "classics," but honestly, it's my favorite, and I say it's number 12. 

Best movie one-liners

The godfather part 2, 11.  “keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.".

So many quotes, life lessons, and ideas came from this franchise. It's crazy to think about how many parts of our speech and ways we think, actually came from cinema, especially mafia cinema.

Part 2 still delivering

10.  “this is not ‘nam. this is bowling. there are rules.”.

This one isn't "better" than The Godfather's lines, it's just number 10 because it's different, it's unique, and it's also perfectly stupid for this stupidly perfect movie.

John Goodman delivers the line

Gone with the wind, 9. "frankly, my dear, i don't give a damn.".

The OG of the best movie one-liners.

Gone with the Wind clip

Dr. strangelove, 8.  “gentlemen, you can’t fight in here. this is the war room”.

Even if you haven't seen it, just read it, it's amazing. 

Older one-liners

7. “what is this a center for ants.

Popularized amongst millennials, this one-liner has weirdly become one of the most comedic ways to express the size of anything.

Perfect way to end the film

The dark knight, 6.  “why so serious”.

This phrase introduced us to Heath Ledger's Joker. The first time we see him in The Dark Knight , is the first time we hear it, it was powerful then, and it still is now...though, still super creepy.

Ledger's line introduces us to his character

Jerry maguire, 5.  “you had me at hello.”.

Probably the most romantic movie one-liner ever. I wish I could go back to the day I heard it for the first time.

Watch the full scene

Back to the future, 4.  “roads where we’re going, we don’t need roads.”.

I still say this, all the time. It makes no sense when I say it, and that's the power of it. It's fantastical, quirky, and everybody loves it. 

Back to the Future one-liner

3.  “she doesn’t even go here”.

This line is in this particular spot because I think it's more difficult for younger films to get noticed for their incredible one-liners. Films like The Godfather , Star Wars , or what's considered "classic cinema" tend to get all of the attention for noteworthy lines. 

She doesn't even go here

The silence of the lambs, 2. “i’m having an old friend for dinner.” .

I cringe just thinking about this, but it's also so good and perfect for what's actually going on in the film.

What a line

1.  "i told you not to go in that house.".

Okay, so this line may not be something repeated for generations, but it will definitely be remembered. It brings the film full circle and it's a near perfect ending. It may not be a universal line like those in The Godfather , but I put it here because not only does it provide comedic relief for the scene, it provides it for the entire film. 

One-liners bring comedic relief in Get Out

Best movie taglines & why they work.

You saw some of the best examples of one-liners in movie history, but how good are you at describing the entire film in a line. If you're a writer, you'll probably have to do that at some point. Learn from the best in the next article. 

Up Next: Best Movie Taglines → 

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You can tell this was done by a youngster…

I have been taught not to say anything if it cant be nice so.

No, Alyssa. You missed the mark. The greatest movie line in history is from Casablanca. Peter Lorre as Ugarte says to Rick, “You despise me, Rick.” And Humphrey Bogart as Rick replies, “If I gave you any thought, I probably would.” LOLOLOLOLOL Greatest movie line ever. Second best is Jo Van Fleet as Arletta in Cool Hand Luke says to Luke (Paul Newman), “Laugh it up, kid, you’ll make out.”

What about Jean Harlous line and Marie Dressler's responew in Dinner at Eight"? "I was reading a book the other day"

Get out?? Never even heard of the film. #1?? Mean girls? Last Jedi was disgusting. Yoda has better.

The others were solid however.

– "Fasten your seat belts, it's going to be a bumpy night" ? – "Charlie Don't Surf!" – "It really ties the room together" – Several from Weird Science, though "It's purely sexual" sticks out.

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50 of the funniest, most searing movie reviews ever written

• Movie reviewers have had some pretty scathing takes on films throughout the years. 
• One reviewer referred to a film as like "Grease: The Next Generation" acted out by the food-court staff at SeaWorld.
• Another riffed "Some movies leave a bad taste in the mouth. This one causes full-on halitosis."

For many viewers, a movie can simply exist as something to fill a void of upwards of 90 minutes. Film critics, who spend their lives scribbling notes in dark theaters, ask for a little more.

" I have a colleague who describes his job as 'covering the national dream beat,' because if you pay attention to the movies they will tell you what people desire and fear in their deepest secrets," the late Roger Ebert wrote in 1992 . "At least, the good ones will. That's why we go, hoping to be touched in those secret places. Movies are hardly ever about what they seem to be about. Look at a movie that a lot of people love, and you will find something profound, no matter how silly the film may seem."

Sometimes the best thing to come out of a movie is a blistering review. INSIDER rounded up 50 of the funniest, most searing movie reviews ever written.

Critics said that heartbreak was preferable to watching "Valentine's Day."

"'Valentine's Day' is being marketed as a Date Movie. I think it's more of a First-Date Movie. If your date likes it, do not date that person again. And if you like it, there may not be a second date." —   Roger Ebert , Chicago Sun-Times.

Critics eviscerated "Twilight," but the movie still made more than $390 million at the box office.

"I've had mosquito bites that were more passionate than this undead, unrequited, and altogether unfun pseudo-romantic riff on 'Romeo and Juliet.'" — Marc Salov , The Austin Chronicle.  

"The Other Woman" wasn't a hit with critics.

"I know what you're thinking ... 'Enough beating around the bush. Just tell us whether you liked it.' Consider this, which I will say in terms this movie would understand, if you were on an airplane, 'The Other Woman'   might not be preferable to simply staring into your empty airsick bag, but it has enough nicely executed physical comedy that in the event you become ill, it is definitely preferable to staring into your occupied airsick bag." — Linda Holmes , NPR.

"The Emoji Movie" has an 8% fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes.

"This is a movie about how words aren't cool, but you can still expect a girl to fall at your feet in response to mild wordplay. Please keep up. Or throw whatever device you’re reading this on into the ocean. Send me a postcard ... tell me what it’s like to be free." — Kaitlyn Tiffany and Lizzie Plaugic , The Verge.

Netflix is making a sequel to "Bright" despite the fact it was totally panned by critics.

"While I had the misfortune to see 'Bright' in a theater, most people will simply press 'play' out of curiosity on their Roku remote. I am willing to concede that this might elevate the experience a little ... the ability to take a quick trip to the kitchen or restroom after shouting 'no, don't pause it' to your partner on the couch will be liberating." — Jordan Hoffman , Vanity Fair.

"Battlefield Earth" was a box-office bust and a critical failure.

"'Battlefield Earth' saves its scariest moment for the end: a virtual guarantee that there will be a sequel." — Desson Howe , The Washington Post.

The basic plot of "Milk Money" perplexed critics.

Roger Ebert imagined what the conversation between studio executives would have looked like when they greenlit the movie:

"Studio Executive A: Kind of like 'Working Girl Turns a Trick?'

"Studio Executive B: Cuter than that. We start with three 12-year-old boys. They're going crazy because they've never seen a naked woman.

"Studio Executive A: Whatsamatter? They poor? Don't they have cable?"

Even fans of the HBO series prefer to pretend "Sex and the City 2" doesn't exist, according to critics.

"When viewed as a rom-com, 'Sex and the City 2' is terrible and crappy and a horrific inversion of everything the show once was. But when viewed as a science fiction film, 'SATC2' is subversive, stylish and chilling. Like The Island from 'Lost,' we may never know The City's true identity — Is it a VR computer program? A malevolent interdimensional god? Satan?" — Cyriaque Lamar , i09.

Making fun of "Gigli" became a national past-time.

"Even making a little game of it, and trying to pinpoint the exact moment when Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez fell in love, stops being fun after a while. Perhaps it's when he says, in an attempt to seduce her, 'I'm the bull, you're the cow.' Or when she beckons him into foreplay by lying back in bed and purring, 'Gobble, gobble' — which could forever change the way you view your Thanksgiving turkey." — Christy Lemire , The Associated Press.

"The Adventures of Pluto Nash" wasn't a hit with critics.

"It's good to know that, if we have to leave Earth someday, we won't have to go without our kitsch. Forensics experts will be digging through the rubble of this fiasco for a long time, trying to reconstruct the accident. How did so many lines fall flat? Why were the action scenes so corny and unconvincing? Who put the stink on this?" — Jack Mathews , New York Daily News.

"Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2" has a 2% fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes.

" At its best/worst, 'Superbabies' hallucinatory idiocy inspires open-mouthed horror at what happens when an ill-conceived premise leads to even more jaw-droppingly misguided execution." — Nathan Rabin , AV Club.

Critics thought "Gotti" was so bad it was almost criminal.

"I'd rather wake up next to a severed horse head than ever watch 'Gotti' again. The worst movie of the year so far, the long-awaited biopic about the Gambino crime boss' rise from made man to top dog took four directors, 44 producers and eight years to make. It shows. The finished product belongs in a cement bucket at the bottom of the river." — Johnny Oleksinski , New York Post.

Critics got personal with their contempt for "Jaws: The Revenge."

"In the just-released 'Jaws: The Revenge' the shark's main course is intended to be Roy Scheider's widow, Ellen Brody, a frumpy middle-aged woman played by boring actress Lorraine Gary, who happens to be married to the president of MCA Universal, which finances the 'Jaws' films and which explains her lead role. Let's put it this way: When you see and hear the nasal Lorraine Gary on screen you want the shark to eat her." — Gene Siskel , Chicago Tribune.

"One Missed Call" didn't warrant anyone's attention, according to critics.

"The kid in front of me spent most of the movie playing Tetris on his phone. I didn't care enough about the movie to ask him to stop, or to find a cooler game." — Wesley Morris , The Boston Globe.

The critical response to "Jack Frost" was icy.

"With emotions as sincere as the soap flake snow on its sets, 'Jack Frost' goes on to show how much fun it is to have a snowman as a loving, though dead, father … As one more Hollywood effort to look on the sunny side of fatality, 'Jack Frost' is so sugarcoated that it makes other recent efforts in this genre look blisteringly honest." — Janet Maslin , The New York Times.

"The Snowman" left critics cold.

"'The Snowman' is like if aliens studied humanity and tried to make their own movie in an attempt to communicate with us. This simulacrum contains all the requisite pieces of a movie, but humanity got lost in translation." — Barbara VanDenburgh , The Arizona Republic.

Critics saw "Batman & Robin" as more of a cash-grab than a movie.

" The people who made this movie — which, as always, is set up for a sequel — will be laughing all the way to the bank. But isn't there someone in that bank who can lock them all inside a safety-deposit vault and throw away the key?" — Peter Rainer , The Phoenix New Times.

"Cool World" was almost universally hated by critics.

"The plot of Michael Grais' and Mark Victor's screenplay is even more nonsensical than it needs to be, revolving around frequent unmotivated trips between parallel cartoon and live-action universes, and around the question of whether cartoon women will have sex with human men." — Janet Maslin , The New York Times.

"Titanic" won 11 Academy Awards, but critics thought it took its sweet time getting to the point.

"'Titanic' is a good, often stunning movie caught in a three-and-a-half hour drift. As we marvel at the physical spectacle of the Titanic's last few hours, we're left staggeringly untouched by the people facing their last moments. This movie should have blown us out of the water. Instead, we catch ourselves occasionally thinking the unpardonable thought: 'OK, sink already.'" — Desson Howe , The Washington Post.

"Howard The Duck" was a one-note movie that prompted critics to question for whom exactly the movie was made.

"The story has no center; the duck is not likable, and the costly, overwrought, laser-filled special effects that conclude the movie are less impressive than a sparkler on a birthday cake. George 'Star Wars' Lucas supervised the production of this film, and maybe it's time he went back to making low-budget films like his best picture, 'American Graffiti.'" — Gene Siskel , The Chicago Tribune.

"Catwoman" is considered by critics to be one of the worst superhero movies ever made.

"The film could have turned out worse, but only via the addition of a Tom Green cameo, or an accident in which the actors caught on fire." — Keith Phipps , The AV Club

Critics thought "Mac and Me" was a discount version of "ET: The Extraterrestrial."

"'Mac and Me,' which opened yesterday at the Guild and other theaters, has a final police shootout and a fiery explosion in which Eric is the victim. When a doctor announced that Eric was gone, a small boy behind me said, 'He ain't dead,' with all the calm assurance of an experienced moviegoer who knows perfectly well that if E.T. came back, so would Eric. Cloning is a dangerous thing." — Caryn James , The New York Times.

Only a sucker would bother watching "Sucker Punch" after reading reviews.

"In the end, though the metaphor of mental institution as battleground is an interesting one to explore, that is not the analysis at the heart of this movie. Nope, 'Sucker Punch' is a two-hour $82 million fetish film examining how hot sad schoolgirls look when holding weapons. Snyder should have just made a porn movie — it might have been better, and it definitely would have been cheaper and more honest." — Dodai Stewart , Jezebel.

"Movie 43" prompted devastating reviews.

"It's as if 'Movie 43' was itself a feature-length f--- you to Hollywood, a movie made simply to show how bad a movie a studio could be induced to make and actors could be persuaded to act in." — Richard Brody , The New Yorker.

The best thing critics could say about "Fifty Shades Freed" was that the trilogy was finally over.

"Universal has had some fun with its marketing campaign, using the tag-line, 'Don't miss the climax.' It's a shame, though, that the posters exhibit considerably more ingenuity than the film itself." — Brian Lowery , CNN.

"A Christmas Prince" falls squarely in the category of "so bad it's good."

"It's a Netflix original movie, but it feels like a violation of nature that it somehow isn't from Lifetime or the Hallmark Channel. Nathan Atkins is credited with the screenplay, but this film is such a perfect amalgam of established tropes that I am not entirely convinced that isn't a pseudonym to keep us from discovering that Netflix has created the artificial-intelligence technology to generate a script using auto-complete." — Dana Schwartz , Entertainment Weekly.

"A Christmas Prince: The Royal Wedding" seemed to revel in shoddiness.

"It plays like a piece of Prince Harry and Duchess Meghan fan fiction, written by a child who actually doesn't know who they are but has watched the 'Princess Diaries' films." — Carly Mallenbaum , USA Today.

Critics thought "Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice" was far too depressing for a superhero movie.

"An even less charitable way to put it is that a clearly excited 7- or 8-year-old kid sitting in front of me busted out crying and had to be whisked out of the theater by his father within the first five minutes. Perhaps he was unnerved by the harsh, operatic violence of Bruce Wayne's parents getting murdered — the mom's pearls get tangled around the gun, somehow, which allows for some very tight and poignant slow motion — or maybe he was offended by the notion that a 2016 Batman movie felt it necessary to depict Bruce Wayne's parents getting murdered. Either way, this kid bounced." — Rob Harvilla , Deadspin.

Critics thought "Transformers: The Last Knight" was simply too incoherent to describe.

"I'll admit, I've been dreading the thought of trying to at all explain the plot of this movie — even in broad, simple terms. I honestly had anxiety dreams last night about this moment. It's like staring at a projected kaleidoscope for two and a half hours and then trying to tell someone about the plot." — Mike Ryan , Uproxx.

Many thought "The Brown Bunny" was tedious and only remembered for its inclusion of one explicit scene.

"It's not really a movie. I suppose it's what could be called a recorded behavior. It simply reproduces, with some crude fidelity, the hapless anguish of a grieving man as he copes with his loss. It has no characters, it has no conflict, it has nothing that could be called a plot. It offers no reason to watch it — that is, no reason within the picture." — Stephen Hunter , The Washington Post.

Critics were thoroughly disgusted by "The Human Centipede," but they were also bored by it.

"This is one of those movies where victims repeatedly have opportunities to escape but choose not to, guaranteeing still more grotesque degradation, full of gore, torture, and sexual humiliation — and contains not an iota of wit or intelligence to justify any of it." — Michael Ordoña , The Los Angeles Times.

"Avatar" is still the highest grossing movie of all time, but not everyone was a fan.

"' Avatar' isn't about actors or characters or even about story; it's about special effects, which is fine as far as it goes. But for a movie that stresses how important it is for us to stay connected with nature, to keep our ponytails plugged into the life force, 'Avatar' is peculiarly bloodless. It's a remote-control movie experience, a high-tech 'wish you were here' scribbled on a very expensive postcard. You don't have to be fully present to experience 'Avatar'; all you have to do is show up." — Stephanie Zacharek , Salon.

Critics thought "I Know Who Killed Me" was embarrassing for everyone involved.

"Pretentious and inane, 'I Know Who Killed Me' arouses unexpected sympathy for its embattled star. 'Should we populate the movie with competent, strong performances, or were we looking for stars?' asks the producer, Frank Mancuso Jr., in the film's production notes. Out of the mouths of producers." — Jeannette Catsoulis , The New York Times.

Critics thought there was nothing redeeming about "Sorority Boys."

"I'm curious about who would go to see this movie. Obviously moviegoers with a low opinion of their own taste. It's so obviously what it is that you would require a positive desire to throw away money in order to lose two hours of your life. 'Sorority Boys' will be the worst movie playing in any multiplex in America this weekend, and, yes, I realize 'Crossroads' is still out there." — Roger Ebert , The Chicago Sun-Times.

"Forrest Gump" won multiple Academy Awards, but it still prompted some biting reviews.

"With two decades of perspective on 'Forrest Gump's triumph, you get the sense that '90s audiences were relieved to see a film that said it was OK — even honorable — to ignore all the bad stuff about war. So, too, was the Motion Picture Academy, which 12 months after lauding 'Schindler's List'   decided, 'Screw it, let's give the awards to the movie that sells cookbooks.' — Amy Nicholson , LA Weekly.

Critics absolutely hated "Life Itself."

"'Life Itself' thinks you're stupid. Or, if not stupid, unable to understand how a movie should work. It's a movie made for people who can't be trusted to understand any storytelling unless it's not just spoon-fed but ladled on, piled high, and explained via montage and voiceover" — Kate Erbland , IndieWire.

"Ridiculous 6" felt intentionally offensive.

"There's the broad racism and misogyny of the piece. After the controversial walk-offs, Netflix claimed that this was 'satire.' It's not. There's nothing satirical about Sandler's bad Native American accent, which totally comes and goes, by the way, or Schneider's Hispanic caricature. Saying that this is satire is like the drunk guy at the bar telling you how many black friends he has after telling a racist joke. Don't fall for it." — Brian Tallerico , RogerEbert.com.

"The Village" felt like a waste of time to some.

" [M. Night Shyamalan] directs the material as if he'd written it (which he did), and not a single friend dared tell him the truth." — Mick LaSalle , SFGate.

The extreme level of product placement in "Crossroads" was an issue for critics.

"It turns out that 'Crossroads' is not a music video, not yet a movie, but more like an extended-play advertisement for the Product that is Britney." — Ann Hornaday, The Washington Post.

Critics thought "Grown Ups" was a lazy attempt at comedy.

"The movie is symptomatic of a social attitude that might be called the security of incompetence. There's something reassuring about a bad movie that doesn't ask you to think or feel or even pay attention ... we can all be happy D-minus students huddled together in communal self-disgust in a D-minus world." — Stephen Holden , The New York Times.

Critics thought "Grown Ups 2" was so bad that it made them appreciate the first movie.

"In 'Grown Ups 2,' which is set on the last day of school, our heroes are now all living in the same small town together, and everybody's pretty happy, so there's little to motivate the action. It makes the first movie look like 'The Maltese Falcon.'" — Bilge Ebiri , Vulture.

Some thought "Suburbicon" was too smug for its own good.

"You absolutely can fault [George Clooney] for wrongheadedness in making a movie that condemns racism, and specifically segregation in the postwar housing boom, albeit in the most broad, perfunctory, awareness-ribbon-wearing way while barely allowing its black characters to speak. 'Suburbicon' might be the biggest embarrassment to pious Hollywood liberalism since 'Crash' won best picture in 2006." — Chris Klimek , NPR.

"Mother!" may not have been enjoyable, but it certainly was memorable.

"I admired the camerawork, the wide-angle close-ups of flaring nostrils, and the pandemonium of the crowd scenes in the second half of the film when it goes haywire and insanity reign. It's an odd sensation to still remember moments of technical brilliance in a movie I never want to see again." — Rex Reed , The Observer.

Some thought "Freddy Got Fingered" was an embarrassment for everyone involved.

" This movie doesn't scrape the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't below the bottom of the barrel. This movie doesn't deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence with barrels." — Roger Ebert , Chicago Sun-Times.

Critics thought there just wasn't anything funny about "Joe Dirt."

"Why do American audiences accept the stance that silly movies have to be terrible by definition? There's nothing enjoyable about 'Joe Dirt.' Absolutely nothing. Spade's generic nonperformance is the centerpiece of a very wobbly story, and he simply isn't enough of an actor to keep you interested." — Paul Tatara , CNN.

Critics thought "Fantastic Four" was the opposite of fantastic.

"My notebook usually remains near my lap, but at this movie, it made involuntary trips over my mouth to cover all of my gasping. The entire experience is shameful — for us, for the filmmakers, for whoever at the studio had the job of creating the ads, in which the cast appear to be starring in hostage posters." — Wesley Morris , Grantland.

"From Justin to Kelly" was embarrassingly amateur, according to critics.

"How bad is 'From Justin to Kelly?' Set in Miami during spring break, it's like 'Grease: The Next Generation' acted out by the food-court staff at SeaWorld." — Owen Gleiberman , Entertainment Weekly.

"National Lampoon's Gold Diggers" has a 0% fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes.

"Just how repellent is 'National Lampoon's Gold Diggers?' So stupefyingly hideous that after watching it, you'll need to bathe in 10 gallons of disinfectant, get a full-body scrub and shampoo with vinegar to remove the scummy residue that remains. Some movies leave a bad taste in the mouth. This one causes full-on halitosis." — Jen Chaney , The Washington Post.

"Venom" was a tonally-uneven, muddled mess, according to most critics.

"For all of its cult potential, and my God, is this film rife with it, it is 'Venom's' insidious political intonations, which were entirely avoidable, that become the least palatable aspect of the film. And this is a movie where you see Tom Hardy eat out of a garbage can." — Sarah Tai-Black , The Globe and Mail.

"North" almost universally disliked by critics and prompted one of Roger Ebert's movie memorable reviews.

"' North' is one of the most unpleasant, contrived, artificial, cloying experiences I've had at the movies. To call it manipulative would be inaccurate; it has an ambition to manipulate, but fails … I hated this movie. Hated hated hated hated hated this movie. Hated it. Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it. Hated the sensibility that thought anyone would like it. Hated the implied insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would be entertained by it." — Roger Ebert , Chicago Sun-Times.

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10 Best Movie One Liners

A great line can take a good movie and make it a classic. These one-liners are the best to ever be heard on the silver screen.

Great movie one-liners are hard to forget. These bits of witty or poignant dialog become popular, as they can be referenced in various outlets, sometimes becoming better known than the movies they originated from.

Related: 10 Best Fantasy Movie Openings

A great movie on-liner is not remembered because people have seen the movie, rather the movie is known through that one-line. Word of mouth is a powerful tool, and it is what has helped so many movie one-liners to become as popular as they are. One-liners are carried through time as they make appearances on shows, other movies, and social media outlets, taking on lives of their own.

10 "Go Ahead, Make My Day"

Sudden impact (1983).

Clint Eastwood's most famous role is as Dirty Harry in Sudden Impact . In the film, Eastwood has an abundance of great movie one-liners, but his line " Go ahead, make my day " stands out more than the others. People know this line regardless of whether they've seen the film or not.

This makes his line " Go ahead, make my day " one of the most notable lines of Clint Eastwood's acting career. The line is so notable in fact, that Clint Eastwood signed his own rendition of the popular movie line alongside his name and hand prints on Hollywood Boulevard.

9 "I'll Be Back"

The terminator (1984).

Arnold Schwarzenegger took his line " I'll be back " and made it one of the most famous movie lines in cinema history. Almost 30 years have passed since the release of The Terminator , and people still utter " I'll be back " before making their exit.

Related: 10 Movie Franchises That Got Progressively Worse

There are several other great lines that came from The Terminator franchise, but " I'll be back " has taken the number one spot. The line has become so iconic that Arnold Schwarzenegger cannot say those three words without viewers relating it back to his role in The Terminator .

8 "With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility"

Spider-man (2002).

While Uncle Ben's classic line " With great power comes great responsibility " has been known by comic fans for over 60 years, it was 2002's Spider-Man that turned it into a pop culture sensation. Twenty years later, and the quote is still being used in shows, movies, and by fans around the world. To make the quote more iconic it was re-used by Aunt May in Spider-Man: No Way Home .

Movie viewers don't need to have seen Spider-Man in order to know the famous line said by Uncle Ben. The line remains just as popular as it was twenty years ago. " With great power comes great responsibility" is a line that will live on for years to come.

7 "I Am Your Father"

Star wars: the empire strikes back (1980).

Star Wars has become a large franchise, and people do not need to be a fan in order to know that Darth Vader told Luke Skywalker " I am your father. " It was a moment of awe as those words were first spoken on screen. Fans had chills as the scene was filled with tension, making Darth Vader's line all the more empowering.

Related: 10 Best Star Wars Lightsabers, Ranked

The line was an attempt to persuade Luke Skywalker to join his father on the dark side. Darth Vader believed they would become more powerful if they were to join forces. Despite the line's popularity it often gets misused as " Luke, I am your father. " Regardless of its misuse, the line is considered to be one of the most popular movie lines.

6 "There's No Place Like Home"

The wizard of oz (1939).

After being lost in the land of Oz, Dorothy can't help but think " There's no place like home. " It is one of the oldest movie lines that can still be heard today. People will find themselves out and about at places they dislike and will reference the line " there's no place like home " while clicking their heels together.

The Wizard of Oz is nearing its 85th anniversary, and during that time, Dorothy's line has become rather famous and well-known throughout the world. " There's no place like home " is referenced by viewers, other shows, and movies as well.

5 "You're A Wizard, Harry"

Harry potter and the sorcerer's stone (2001).

The scene where Harry Potter meets Hagrid is both memorable and important to the Harry Potter series, both in the books and the movies. Hagrid states his iconic line, " You're a wizard Harry, " and Harry Potter is in disbelief. Not only is the line memorable, but the scene helps guide viewers to the beginning of Harry Potter's journey.

Hagrid's line " You're a wizard Harry " sets the foundation for the story. It is a turning point in both the book and the film. Hagrid's one line tells Harry more about his family and his past than he had ever known before.

4 "You're Killing Me, Smalls!"

The sandlot (1993).

Hamilton Porter, better known as Ham in The Sandlot repeatedly used his popular line, " You're killing me, Smalls! " throughout the film. In several scenes, Ham states his famous line, which adds a bit more comedy to the scene. Ham simply calls out his friend's lack of baseball knowledge by saying " You're killing me, Smalls !"

Hamilton's line is referenced across social media, among movie fans, and friend groups alike. Referencing Ham's line adds a bit of comedic flair to the conversation and gets people laughing. The line may very well be more popular than The Sandlot itself.

3 "You Shall Not Pass!"

Lord of the rings: the fellowship of the ring (2001).

In perhaps the most pivotal scene in Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, Gandalf sacrifices himself to save Frodo and the others from the Balrog. The powerful wizard paused to break the pathway as he yelled " You shall not pass! " and made his promise true as the Balrog plummeted into the abyss, but not before taking Gandalf along with it. Gandalf's line is one of the most memorable moments of the Lord of the Rings trilogy .

Surprisingly enough, it is not the same line that was written in the book. J.R.R. Tolkien wrote the line as " You cannot pass ." While both lines hold the same significance, is still uttered by fans today.

2 "Stop Blowing Holes In My Ship!"

Pirates of the caribbean: the curse of the black pearl (2003).

Throughout the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, Jack Sparrow says some very memorable lines. However, " Stop blowing holes in my ship! " takes the cake, as it is often used in memes and other references across social media. In Pirates Of The Caribbean: The Curse Of The Black Pearl , Jack Sparrow is held captive on his own ship and helplessly watches the Black Pearl be pelted by the Interceptor.

Related: 10 Actors Who Have Played More Than One Iconic Character

No one loves the Black Pearl more than Jack Sparrow, so it is understandable when he yells out his famous line while his ship is being bombarded by the Interceptor. Fans reference this line during moments when they feel the same kind of frustration Jack Sparrow felt.

1 "To Infinity And Beyond!"

Toy story (1995).

At the beginning of Toy Story , Buzz Lightyear believes he is real , and thus believes he can fly. With this came Buzz's famous line, " To infinity and beyond! " The line quickly became popular, as fans can no longer say " to infinity " without adding " and beyond " afterward.

Buzz Lightyear gifted fans with a memorable line to reference. The line only becomes more notable as Buzz's best friend Woody takes a turn with the catchphrase. Buzz says the line throughout the Toy Story franchise making " To infinity and beyond " hard to forget.

Next: 10 Movies That Don't Deserve Their Popularity (& Why)

Screen Rant

10 funniest action movie one-liners, ranked.

When the hero delivers a one-liner in action movies, it's usually meant to be intimidating, but some of these lines deliver the humor as well.

While people don't necessarily go to action movies for the dialogue, there are occasionally some memorable quotes. The action movie one-liner is a beloved aspect of the genre with some of them becoming iconic movie quotes. But while some of them are meant to be tough and intimidating, some of them are just plain hilarious.

RELATED: 10 Best Action Movie Catchphrases Of All Time, Ranked

It's true that some of these lines might not necessarily be meant as funny, but they are entertaining nonetheless. Others are able to balance to cool action movie tone with some humor, and there are some that are funny for how they poke fun at the usual action one-liner.

"Something Cool!" - 22 Jump Street (2014)

The series 21 Jump Street was a cheesy cop show that launched the careers of many Hollywood actors . However, few could have predicted the movie version would not only be a wildly entertaining action-comedy but also delivers an equally terrific sequel.

The hero cops, Schmidt and Jenko, see themselves as real action movie heroes, even wanting to deliver the cool one-liner. When Jenko is about to throw a grenade at the bad guy, Schmidt reminds him to say something cool. Jenko takes that literally and yells "Something cool!"

"I Have Had It With These Motherf***Ing Snakes On This Motherf***Ing Plan" - Snakes On A Plane (2006)

There have been a variety of action movie sequences set on planes , but only one that also includes a lot of snakes. Legend has it that Samuel L. Jackson only signed on to Snakes on a Plane because of the title and the movie gradually transformed into a semi-parody from there.

Given Jackson's penchant for saying a particular curse word in most of his movies, this new line was written. It is a purposely ridiculous line that is a wink and the audience and delivered with the perfect amount of passion by Mr. Jackson.

"Some Motherf***Ers Are Always Trying To Ice Skate Uphill" - Blade (1998)

While it remains to be seen if the MCU's Blade will be R-rated , the Wesley Snipes version fully embraced the more mature content. While this allowed for some gory moments, it also gave Snipes the opportunity to let loose with some memorable curses.

When the villainous Deacon Frost transforms into an all-powerful vampire god, Blade is not too impressed. Just before delivering his final blow, Blade offers these hilarious words of wisdom. It's not clear how much these words really relate to the moment at hand, but it is a surprisingly profound idea.

"I'm Gonna Take You To The Bank Senator Trent. To The Blood Bank" - Hard To Kill (1990)

Despite being one of the biggest action movie stars in the 1980s and 1990s, Steven Seagal was never much of an actor. With an intense delivery and lack of emotion, most of Seagal's lines ended up being unintentionally hilarious.

RELATED:  Steven Seagal's Funniest Quotes From His Films

A lot of these one-liners seem to know they are being funny, but this iconic one from Hard to Kill is delivered with such sincerity that it is hard not to roll on the ground laughing every time Seagal says it.

"Let Off Some Steam, Bennett" - Commando (1985)

There are few action movie heroes who can deliver a corny one-liner as well as Arnold Schwarzenegger. While these types of lines became a staple of his career, Commando is probably the movie with the most quotable lines.

During Schwarzenegger's final fight with the villain Bennett, he makes easy work of the inferior foe. In an amazing final move, Schwarzenegger rips a steam pipe from the ceiling and throws it through Bennett's torso. The line is wonderfully obvious and made even better by the sight gag of the pipe still letting off steam while impaled in the bad guy.

"I Have Come Here To Chew Bubblegum And Kick Ass. And I'm All Out Of Bubblegum" - They Live (1988)

They Live is a very fun and underrated action sci-fi romp from iconic filmmaker John Carpenter. The movie is also a great showcase for pro wrestler Roddy Piper who plays the cool hero of the story.

Piper cements himself in action movie history in this famous scene where he enters a bank that is filled with disguised aliens. Wielding a shotgun, Piper makes this glorious declaration that is the perfect balance of being eye-rolling silly and admirably badass.

"Dying Ain't Much Of A Living, Boy" - The Outlaw Josey Wales (1976)

Though his career is filled with many great roles, Clint Eastwood's career in Westerns is the stuff of Hollywood legend. He brings a swagger and confidence to these cowboy roles that makes the audience immediately cheer for him.

RELATED:  The 7 Westerns Directed By Clint Eastwood, Ranked (According To IMDb)

One of his best Westerns, The Outlaw Josey Wales , gives Eastwood a number of great one-liners. When a gunman corners him, Wales asks if the man is a bounty hunter. The man confirms that he is, saying it's a way of making a living. But Wales argues with total calmness, "Dying ain't much of a living, boy." It is a clever and ultra-cool line that puts a smile on the face of any viewer.

"Hey Terrorist! Terrorize This" - Team America: World Police (2004)

Another movie that plays against the tropes and silliness of the action genre is Team America: World Police . The movie uses marionette puppets to create a Michael Bay-like action story about a team of world-saving soldiers.

Despite the use of puppets, this is actually a solid action movie while also having fun with the genre. During the opening action scene, one of the soldiers delivers this action hero line. What is great about the quote is that it sounds like a typical action line at first, but giving it some more thought, it actually doesn't make any sense.

"You're The Rocket Man" - The Rock (1996)

Nicholas Cage appeared in many action movies throughout his career, but there was a time when he was quite an unexpected actor to become an action hero. It was The Rock that launched this stage of Cage's career.

What is great about the movie is that it lets Cage be in an action movie while also embracing his awkwardness and quirkiness. When cornered by a bad guy, Cage tries to make small talk and asks if he likes the Elton John song "Rocket Man" then launches a rocket into the man. It is such a random line that fits Cage perfectly.

"Yeah, Well I'm Taller" - Speed (1994)

Keanu Reeves was the king of action movies in the 1990s and perhaps his greatest moment was in Speed . Most of the intense and entertaining action of the movie takes place on the speeding bus, but there is a thrilling sequence at the end when Reeves battles Dennis Hopper's villain atop a subway.

Hopper's character manages to get on top of Reeves while beating him and taunting him that he is smarter than Reeves. In response, Reeves lifts Hopper's head until he is decapitated by one of the tunnel lights. Reeves then points out to the headless man, "Yeah, well I'm taller."

NEXT:  10 Non-Action Movies From Popular Action Movie Stars, Ranked By IMDb

20 Best Movie One Liners of All Time

There are many things that make a film memorable. This can be a scene, a single shot or sometimes a dialogue that becomes a hit amongst the masses. A single line can cut across different groups of people and become part of pop culture. No one can really figure out why it happens, but there is just something about a particular line that makes it a big hit. In some cases, these one-liners are so popular that they are used to identify a movie. For example, ‘Die Hard’. And with the advent of meme culture, the legend of these dialogues is definitely growing.

The beauty of these lines is that they can be used in many different situations. So you can whip one out to surprise your friends or you can use them to process an event. There are many possibilities. So let’s have a look at the list of top most awesome one liners ever.

20. “I’m The King Of The World” – Titanic (1997)

The line became famous when it was uttered by Leonardo DiCaprio in the film. There are a couple of reasons for this. One, it expresses a feeling of achievement and it is also a great way to motivate yourself. Go ahead, say it, don’t you feel better ? The line also gained some notoriety when director James Cameron said it at the end of his speech after winning the Best Director Oscar.

19. “I’ll Have What She’s Having” – When Harry Met Sally (1989)

An example of a scene that gets elevated because of its punchline. The line said by Estelle Reiner, the mother of director Rob Reiner is the perfect way to cap a great scene. Although to be fair, credit has to be given to Meg Ryan for her very convincing performance. It is safe to say that without that ending, this scene wouldn’t have become iconic.

18. “This..Is..SPARTA” – 300 (2006)

This is a one-liner that does not possess the universal usage that other entries on this list have. What makes this awesome is just how exhilarating it is to see on screen. The moment when Gerard Butler says the line and kicks the guy in the chest, is bound to give you goosebumps. It is one of those visceral feelings that the film evokes and its popularity can be seen by the sheer number of memes that are made from it.

17. “I Like The Way You Die Boy” – Django Unchained (2012)

When it comes to crafting quotable dialogue, Quentin Tarantino is one of the best at it. And ‘Django Unchained’ is filled with them. But perhaps the most awesome and badass line of them all, would be this one. It is said by Jamie Foxx after killing someone, who deserved it. What makes it perfect is the delivery and timing of the line.

16. “I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass…and I’m all out of bubblegum” – They Live (1988)

Although this is an awesome line, what makes it memorable is just how idiosyncratic it sounds. Seriously just think about it. What an amazing way to deliver a threat. The line has added to the cult of the film and it has been parodied several times. Another great aspect of the line, you can use it in real life as well.

15. “Coffee’s For Closers Only” – Glengarry Glen Ross (1992)

It occurs during one of the most iconic cameos in film history. To be fair, all the lines Alec Baldwin utters are awesome and they set the tone for the film. This is especially remarkable because of his very limited screen time. Nonetheless he manages to leave an indelible impression. And this line that comes during that memorable scene, is the perfect way to top it off.

14. “King Kong Ain’t Got Shit On Me” – Training Day (2001)

In a performance that would fetch him an Oscar, Denzel Washington says many quotable things. This particular line of dialogue in the middle of a monologue, seems to have left the largest impression. Once again, this is something that you can use as motivation. Using this in many situations cannot be justified but at times, it really is worth saying it and for that we have Denzel to thank for.

13. “Show Me The Money” – Jerry Maguire (1996)

This is another film that is filled with memorable one-liners. But if you had to choose one among them, it would have to be this. It is contagious and when he’s saying it, you feel like screaming it out yourself. It is this aspect alone that makes it worthy of being awesome. It also works as a line that manages to encapsulate a character very well.

12. “Ever notice how you come across somebody once in a while you shouldn’t have fucked with? That’s me” – Gran Torino (2008)

Clint Eastwood’s career has reached a level where it can be used as a synonym for iconic. In his long career, he has had many one-liners that captured the people’s imagination. And this from ‘Gran Torino’ is one of his more underrated one-liners. Apart from being menacing and awesome in equal measure, it also shows that this is someone you do not want to mess with.

11. “I Dare You, I Double Dare You Motherfucker” – Pulp Fiction (1994)

If this list was about dialogue in general, this exchange would be up there with some of the very best. You could pick out quite a few lines from this exchange, but this one makes the cut. It is not only an awesome way to threaten somebody, it is also hilarious. And to Samuel L. Jackson’s credit, it doesn’t seem right when anyone else says it.

10. “60% Of The Time, It Works Everytime” – Anchorman: The Legend Of Ron Burgundy (2004)

Some lines become memorable because of how funny they are or how cool they sound. But sometimes the sheer absurdity of a piece of dialogue propels it to fame. ‘Anchorman’ is filled with many such lines. And this one said by Paul Rudd’s character perfectly captures the spirit of the film. It doesn’t sound funny when you listen to it the first time but it’ll surely grow on you.

9. “If You’re Good At Something, Never Do It For Free” – The Dark Knight (2008)

The demise of the great Heath Ledger robbed us of an incredible actor who left us with a few iconic roles. Chief among them being The Joker. While almost everything he says is quotable, this is an awesome and important line in the film. It shows us that not only is this guy crazy, he is actually sensible and calculating. A bonus is that we can use this in our lives as well.

8. “Yippee-ki-yay, Motherfucker” – Die Hard (1988)

When it comes to action films and action heroes, there are few who are more iconic than ‘Die Hard’ and John McClane. The line is used as a way of showing McClane’s confidence. But what is also does is to boost the confidence of the audience as well. It gives them something to cheer for and more than anything else: what a way to reply to someone when they think they’ve cornered you.

7. “I Love The Smell Of Napalm In The Morning” – Apocalypse Now (1979)

As a film that puts you right in the middle of the war zone in Vietnam, ‘Apocalypse Now’ succeeds in its intent with the harrowing visuals we get to see. But, a one-liner gives us a good understanding of the psyche of those involved in the war. Robert Duvall’s iconic line is not only cool, it also shows the man’s sheer love for war or in this case, napalm.

6. “Say Hello To My Little Friend” – Scarface (1983)

Tony Montana is one of the most badass characters we have seen on screen and it is fitting that he gets to deliver a really badass and not to mention awesome one-liner. The line has become one of the most famous quotes from a film. It is a thrilling scene that gets elevated thanks to Al Pacino’s killer (no pun intended) delivery.

5. “May The Force Be With You” – Star Wars (1977)

A line that serves many purposes. It is one of the most commonly used one-liners from a film. It can be used to motivate someone, wish them luck and so on. In fact, it because of this versatility that the line has developed a life of its own. In the film, it captures a great moment when Harrsion Ford says it and he’s finally won over by The Force.

4. “I’m Gonna Make Him An Offer He Can’t Refuse” – The Godfather (1972)

It is considered by many to be quite possibly the greatest film ever made. It certainly has some of the best dialogues in a film. The line establishes the myth that is Don Corleone. When he says it, we actually believe him. And also, it is an incredibly elegant way to word a threat. The line is so closely attached to Brando and the film that they are impossible to think of separately.

3. “You Talkin’ To Me?” – Taxi Driver (1976)

This may be one of the only times, a one-liner has made it to pop culture despite being directed at an imaginary person. Travis Bickle (Robert De Niro) speaks to the mirror as if he’s threatening somebody. What the scene and this line achieve is showing us a layer of Bickle’s personality, his loneliness etc. that make him who he is. It also has quite a chilling effect.

2. “Get Busy Living, Or Get Busy Dying” – The Shawshank Redemption (1994)

Not a quote you would expect to see this high on the list but there is a good reason for its presence here. We all know how inspirational a film, ‘The Shawshank Redemption’ is. It has many great lines that we can employ in our day to day lives. But in my opinion, this one takes the cake. This is because of the sheer simplicity behind the line that gives it a deep meaning.

1. “Frankly My Dear, I Don’t Give A Damn” – Gone With The Wind (1939)

Few lines are more iconic than this and it also great importance in the history of cinema. The usage of the word “damn” led to a change in the Production Code. Looking at the line, we can sense a man who has given up on his love for a woman. And it is one of the most eloquent ways in which you can dismiss someone. For those reasons alone, this deserves to be at the top of the list.

Read More: Best Movies of All Time

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Best Movie One Liners: Top One Liners From Films

Ever watched a movie and found yourself repeating that one killer line over and over?

We’ve all been there, caught up in the magic of a perfectly timed zinger that’s both iconic and endlessly quotable.

From the chilling to the chuckle-inducing, we’re diving into the realm of the best movie one-liners that have left their mark on cinematic history.

Get ready to nod in agreement or even discover a few gems you might’ve missed.

MOVIE ONE LINERS

What are movie one liners.

Movie one-liners are memorable, succinct phrases from films that capture the essence of a character, a moment, or the film itself.

These lines often become part of popular culture and are remembered long after the movie’s release. 

They can be humorous, dramatic, poignant, or inspirational, and are typically delivered at pivotal moments in the film.

Their effectiveness lies in their ability to convey a significant idea or emotion in a concise and impactful way.

Classic Movie One-liners

In the tapestry of cinema, certain threads are woven with more vibrant hues than others – iconic phrases that have transcended their silver screen origins.

The collective consciousness of moviegoers is often defined by powerful snippets of dialogue.

• The Godfather gives us the chilling offer that’s impossible to refuse, embedding a sense of the Mafia’s invincibility in our minds.
• From Dirty Harry, we’ve learned what happens when you feel lucky — or at least, when Clint Eastwood’s Harry Callahan challenges you to ponder your fortune.
• When Scarlett O’Hara asserts that tomorrow is another day in Gone with the Wind, it’s more than optimism; it’s a testament to the enduring human spirit.

Not merely filler between action scenes, one-liners serve as narrative linchpins – a confluence of character, timing, and thematic resonance.

We find these moments in films like The Wizard of Oz, where a simple declaration of not being in Kansas anymore transports us into a fantastical odyssey alongside Dorothy.

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Some lines become the soul of the film itself.

For instance: In Casablanca , Rick’s “Here’s looking at you, kid” captures a timeless romance that lingers long after the credits roll.

Terminator’s “I’ll be back” merges the foreboding with the inevitable, etching Arnold Schwarzenegger’s character in sci-fi legend.

These one-liners offer a quicksilver quality – they encapsulate entire narratives within a handful of words, a feat of cinematic brevity that demands recognition.

As we jump further into our analysis, it’s clear that a great line is as much about delivery as it is scripting.

The actors breathe life into these words, making them immortal.

By examining such iconic quips, we’re not just remembering a flickering image on a screen.

We’re acknowledging the imprint these words have left on pop culture and our own viewing experiences.

These snippets of dialogue have set the stage for countless imitations and references across different media, further cementing their legacy.

As we explore various genres and eras, it’s apparent that the power of a succinct phrase can be just as impactful as the most elaborate monologue.

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Action-packed movie one-liners.

Action films are synonymous with high-octane sequences and even more explosive dialogue.

It’s no surprise that some of the most unforgettable one-liners come from the genre that embraces thrill and spectacle.

These punchy quotes have done more than just underscore moments of intensity – they have become synonymous with the characters that deliver them and reflect the ethos of the action genre itself.

In  Die Hard , Bruce Willis’ dry delivery of “Yippee-Ki-Yay, Motherfucker” elevates the moment from just another showdown to cinematic legend.

Similarly,  Terminator’s  “I’ll Be Back” is a perfect blend of foreboding promise and robotic terseness.

These statements are crafted with such finesse that they remain etched in memory, often outliving the movies they come from.

Action one-liners often serve a dual purpose –

• They offer a release of tension during high stakes scenarios,
• Provide character insights in an immediate, relatable manner.

Arnold Schwarzenegger’s penchant for catchphrases in films like  Predator,  with “Get to the Choppa!”, showcases his character’s urgency and leadership amidst chaos.

Meanwhile, Clint Eastwood’s “Go Ahead, Make My Day” from  Sudden Impact  exemplifies a no-nonsense attitude that’s become emblematic of his on-screen persona.

One-liners also reinforce the signature style of renowned directors.

Funny Movie One-liners

When we jump into the realm of comedy, movie one-liners are not just lines – they’re meticulously crafted verbal juggernauts that pack a punchline.

Films like Airplane and The Naked Gun have gifted us with rapid-fire wit that keeps audiences chuckling decades later.

These quips don’t just make us laugh; they often hold a mirror to society, parodying everything from politics to pop culture.

In the hands of comedic geniuses like Mel Brooks or the Farrelly Brothers, a one-liner can become the highlight of a movie.

Take for example the line  There’s Something About Mary  – “I say we need more lemon Pledge.

” It’s a subtle nod to not only the character’s personality but also the plight of the overlooked and underappreciated.

Throughout cinematic history, filmmakers have harnessed the power of humor to create memorable moments that resonate beyond the screen.

• Ghostbusters: “Dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria!” – here’s a comedic prophecy that encapsulates the chaotic fun of the film,
• Caddyshack: “So I got that goin’ for me, which is nice.” – a line that’s become synonymous with finding a silver lining in a bizarre situation,
• Step Brothers: “Did we just become best friends?” – a question that’s echoed in real-life moments of bonding.

These lines, while hilarious, are more than just spoken words.

They’re culturally significant markers in film, acting as social commentary and offering insights into the human condition.

Understanding the context in which these one-liners were delivered is crucial, for they serve not only as entertainment but also as a reflection of the times.

Matt Crawford

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The best one-liners and quips of the Marvel Cinematic Universe

Devan Coggan (rhymes with seven slogan) is a senior writer at Entertainment Weekly. Most of her personality is just John Mulaney quotes and Lord of the Rings references.

It ain't a Marvel movie without a snarky one-liner or a well-deployed pop culture reference. Quips and quotes have been a cornerstone of the Marvel Cinematic Universe ever since Tony Stark dropped a MySpace reference in the opening scenes of 2008's Iron Man , and they're as integral to this world as Cap's shield or Thor's hammer.

With Avengers: Endgame bringing MCU's Infinity Saga to a close and MCU's fourth phase taking its place, EW is looking back on some of the series' best one-liners. (We're sticking to single lines, so no dialogue between multiple characters. Apologies to "Where is Gamora?" / "Who is Gamora?" / "Why is Gamora?")

Warning: This post contains spoilers, but we're going in chronological order by film release date, so read at your own discretion.

Iron Man (2008)

"I am Iron Man." —Tony Stark ( Robert Downey Jr. )

"I do anything and everything that Mr. Stark requires — including, occasionally, taking out the trash." —Pepper Potts ( Gwyneth Paltrow )

The Incredible Hulk (2008)

"Hulk smash!" —Bruce Banner ( Edward Norton )

Iron Man 2 (2010)

"Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to exit the donut." —Nick Fury ( Samuel L. Jackson ) to Tony Stark

"Look, it's me. I'm here. Deal with it. Let's move on." —James Rhodes ( Don Cheadle ) to Tony Stark

Thor (2011)

"This drink, I like it. Another!" —Thor ( Chris Hemsworth )

"Mew mew? What's mew mew?" —Darcy Lewis ( Kat Dennings ) mispronouncing Mjolnir

"Does he need CPR? Because I totally know CPR." —Darcy Lewis, regarding a passed-out Thor

Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)

"I don't want to kill anyone. I don't like bullies. I don't care where they're from." —Steve Rogers ( Chris Evans )

"I can do this all day." —Steve Rogers

"I'm gonna need a rain check on that dance." —Steve Rogers to Peggy Carter ( Hayley Atwell )

"I'm just a kid from Brooklyn." —Steve Rogers

The Avengers (2012)

"That's my secret, Captain...I'm always angry." —Bruce Banner ( Mark Ruffalo )

"We have a Hulk." —Tony Stark to Loki ( Tom Hiddleston )

"There's only one God, ma'am. And I'm pretty sure he doesn't dress like that." —Steve Rogers on Loki

"He's adopted." —Thor on Loki

"Puny god." —Hulk

"Doth mother know you weareth her drapes?" —Tony Stark to Thor

"I recognize that the council has made a decision, but given that it's a stupid-ass decision, I've elected to ignore it." —Nick Fury

"It's good to meet you, Dr. Banner. Your work on anti-electron collisions is unparalleled. And I'm a huge fan of the way you lose control and turn into an enormous green rage monster." —Tony Stark to Bruce Banner

Iron Man 3 (2013)

"Oh my God. That was really violent." —Pepper Potts after destroying Killian ( Guy Pearce )

"You're in a relationship with me. Everything will never be okay." —Tony Stark to Pepper Potts

Thor: The Dark World (2013)

"This is so unlike you, brother. So clandestine. Are you sure you wouldn't rather just punch your way out?" —Loki to Thor

"I can feel the righteousness surging. Hey, wanna have a rousing discussion about truth? Honor? Patriotism? God bless America!" — Loki, as Captain America

"I should not be left in charge of stuff like this. I don't get paid enough. I don't get paid, period." —Darcy Lewis

Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014)

"Before we get started, does anyone want to get out?" —Steve Rogers

"Hey fellas, either one of you know where the Smithsonian is? I'm here to pick up a fossil." —Natasha Romanoff ( Scarlett Johansson )

"On your left." —Steve Rogers

"I do what he does, just slower." —Sam Wilson ( Anthony Mackie ) on Steve Rogers

Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)

"You said it yourself, bitch: We're the Guardians of the Galaxy." —Peter Quill ( Chris Pratt )

"We are Groot." —Groot ( Vin Diesel )

"Nothing goes over my head. My reflexes are too fast. I would catch it." —Drax ( Dave Bautista )

Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015)

"You get hurt, hurt 'em back. You get killed…walk it off." —Steve Rogers

"Language." —Steve Rogers

"The city is flying. We're fighting an army of robots. And I have a bow and arrow. None of this makes sense." —Clint Barton ( Jeremy Renner )

Ant-Man (2015)

"Why don't you pick on someone your own size?" —Scott Lang ( Paul Rudd )

"Ah, she left me. Yeah, my ma died, too. And my dad got deported. But I got the van!" —Luis ( Michael Peña )

"Baskin Robbins always finds out." —Dale (Gregg Turkington), after firing Scott Lang

Captain America: Civil War (2016)

"I don't care." —T'Challa ( Chadwick Boseman ) to Clint Barton

"So, you like cats?" —Sam Wilson to T'Challa

"Anybody on our side hiding any shocking and fantastic abilities they'd like to disclose? I'm open to suggestions." —Tony Stark

Doctor Strange (2016)

"Dormammu, I've come to bargain." —Doctor Strange ( Benedict Cumberbatch )

"Just Wong? Like Adele? Or Aristotle? Drake, Bono, Eminem…" —Doctor Strange to Wong ( Benedict Wong )

Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol. 2 (2017)

"I'm Mary Poppins, y'all!" —Yondu ( Michael Rooker )

"You shouldn't have killed my mom and squished my Walkman." —Peter Quill

"He may have been your father, boy, but he wasn't your daddy." —Yondu

"We're really gonna be able to jack up our prices if we're two-time galaxy savers." —Rocket ( Bradley Cooper )

"I just keep imagining you waking up in the morning, sir, looking in the mirror and then all seriousness, saying to yourself, 'You know what would be a really kickass name? Taserface!'" —Rocket

Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)

"Don't do anything I would do, and definitely don't do anything I wouldn't do. There's a little gray area in there, and that's where you operate." —Tony Stark to Peter Parker ( Tom Holland )

"So…you got detention." —Steve Rogers

Thor: Ragnarok (2017)

"We know each other! He's a friend from work!" —Thor

"I'm made of rocks, as you can see, but don't let that intimidate you. You don't need to be afraid unless you're made of scissors! Just a little rock-paper-scissors joke for you!" —Korg ( Taika Waititi )

"There was one time when we were children. He transformed himself into a snake, and he knows that I love snakes. So I went to pick up the snake to admire it, and he transformed back into himself and he was like, 'Blech, it's me!' And he stabbed me. We were 8 at the time." —Thor on Loki

Black Panther (2018)

"Hey, Auntie." — Erik Killmonger ( Michael B. Jordan )

"The real question is… WHAT ARE THOOOOOOOSE?" —Shuri ( Letitia Wright )

"Guns. So primitive." —Okoye ( Danai Gurira )

"You cannot talk one more word, and I will feed you to my children! I'm kidding. We're vegetarians." —M'Baku ( Winston Duke )

Avengers: Infinity War (2018)

"Dude, you're embarrassing me in front of the wizards." —Tony Stark

"I don't want to go." —Peter Parker

"Get lost, Squidward." —Tony Stark

"They taught it on Asgard. It was an elective." —Thor on Groot

"What master do I serve? What am I supposed to say? Jesus?" —Peter Quill

Ant-Man and the Wasp (2018)

"You can do it. You can do anything. You're the world's greatest grandma." —Cassie (Abby Ryder Fortson) to her dad, Scott Lang

"You want a juice box and some string cheese?" —Hank Pym ( Michael Douglas ) to Scott Lang

Captain Marvel (2019)

"Higher, further, faster, baby." —Carol Danvers ( Brie Larson )

"If toast is cut diagonally, I can't eat it." —Nick Fury

Avengers: Endgame (2019)

"Honestly, until this exact second, I thought you were a Build-a-Bear." —Tony Stark to Rocket

"I get emails from a raccoon, so nothing sounds crazy anymore." —Natasha Romanoff

"That is America's ass." —Steve Rogers

Related content:

• The ultimate Marvel Cinematic Universe binge guide
• The Avengers, then and now: See the Marvel stars' first roles
• The most memorable fight scenes in the Marvel Cinematic Universe

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Ranking Arnold Schwarzenegger's Most Famous Movie One-Liners

An Arnold Schwarzenegger one-liner is a dad joke delivered with a dash of death and destruction, a pun served up with pain and punishment, a Laffy Taffy-worthy wisecrack laced with cheesy machismo. Most screenwriters dream of one day winning an Academy Award. We would much rather pen an unforgettable Arnold one-liner. Maybe it's his thick Austrian accent, his wooden deadpan delivery, or the groan-inducing corny greatness. Okay, let's be honest — it's all of the above and so much more than measly mere words can convey. Say what you will about Arnie's acting talent (just not to him, we don't want you to get terminated), but no other actor drops a one-liner like the Governator. 

Sure, Al Pacino hamming up "you are terminated!" would be awesome in its own way, but it just wouldn't be the same as when Schwarzenegger says it ... or should we say "slays" it. To be honest, this list could have been 75 one-liners long, so we only included the best quote from each respective movie we chose, with honorable mention going to, well, lots of movies. Yes, narrowing it down was tough — like picking your favorite child, only much harder — but not nearly as tough as single-handedly mowing down the army of an exiled South American dictator or going toe-to-toe with a 10-foot-tall alien monster with mandibles. But Arnold did those things. For us. This list is for him. Get to the chopper (or more accurately, your couch) as we rank Arnold Schwarzenegger's most famous movie one-liners! ( Warning — there are spoilers below .)

12. You've just been erased

The best movie quotes emerge organically from the storyline. Then there are the movies that pretty much start with the quote and the screenwriters build a plot around it. We suspect that's the case with "Eraser." Some dude probably thought, "Hey, wouldn't it be cool if Arnold Schwarzenegger said, 'You've just been erased'?" Well, they were right. It is cool, even if the movie leaves much to be desired. 

"Eraser" is either the end of Schwarzenegger's early '80s to mid-'90s hot streak or the beginning of his cold streak. Here, the star is pretty much playing a self-parody of himself (as opposed to a fictional version of himself a few years earlier in "Last Action Hero") as U.S. Marshal John "The Eraser" Kruger, whose job is to ... wait for it ... erase people. "Eraser" wasn't a bomb, as history incorrectly remembers it, since  the movie managed $234 million on a $100 million budget . However, the reviews tell the story. The low critics score was nothing new for Schwarzenegger (what do critics know anyway?), but the low audience score signaled audiences were losing interest in his schtick. While Schwarzenegger will never be erased, "Eraser" showed his star power was on the wane, awesome one-liner or not.

11. No sequel for you

By the early 1990s, Arnold Schwarzenegger had played a barbarian king in a fantasy land, a killer robot from the future, and most fascinatingly of all, a kindergarten teacher. The one thing he hadn't played? Himself. That all changed with 1993's "Last Action Hero" (okay, technically he played himself in "Dave," but that was a cameo). "Last Action Hero" is a meta action movie in which a pre-teen Arnold fan is transported into the universe of his favorite Schwarzenegger character, LAPD detective Jack Slater. Here's the kicker: Slater doesn't realize he's not a real person but a character in an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie (and isn't a big fan of the guy when they meet in real life). 

It's a clever concept and should have been a big hit. It wasn't. Slater was slaughtered at the box office, with $137 million on a $85 million budget . You can blame it opening just one week after "Jurassic Park" and the fact critics and moviegoers just didn't like it . However, it's impossible not to like the movie's awesome Arnold one-liner, "No sequel for you," delivered just before Slater shoots the bad guy in his grenade glass eye , blowing him to smithereens. Runner-up line? Schwarzenegger, playing Hamlet, saying, "Hey Claudius! You killed my father! Big mistake!"

10. Consider that a divorce

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Paul Verhoeven, and Philip K. Dick may sound like strange bedfellows, but hey, that's the early '90s for you. In 1990, Schwarzenegger was just coming off a string of quintessential '80s action classics , including "The Terminator," "Commando," and "Predator." As for Verhoeven, the Dutch director of decadent destruction just had a big hit with "RoboCop." Meanwhile, Dick was just coming off ... well, nothing, because he died in 1982. But "Blade Runner" — which was based on his short story "Do Androids Dream Of Electric Sleep?" — had come out in 1982 ... and bombed. But it was well-regarded, and so Dick's work was still ripe for a live-action adaption. 

Enter "We Can Remember It for You Wholesale," Dick's 1966 short story about a man with a mysterious Martian past who's given false memories as part of a coverup. Take that scenario, add some Arnold action and Verhoeven vavoom, and you get "Total Recall." We can say confidently Dick didn't write Schwarzenegger's signature one-liner in the film — "Consider that a divorce" — which the star delivers after dealing the death blow to his villainous fake-wife, played by Sharon Stone, with a ZMG to the head. Sublime Schwarzenegger snark to be sure. But the most famous line from "Total Recall" isn't Arnold's. Instead, it's the "start the reactor" bit delivered by the monster that lives in Marshall Bell's stomach. Okay, then.

9. Here's your Subzero ...

"The Running Man" is a 1987 dystopian sci-fi action movie based on the 1982 novel of the same name by Stephen King, er, Richard Bachman (his pseudonym). Which got us thinking ... wouldn't it be awesome if more Stephen King movies starred Arnold Schwarzenegger? (Arnold vs. Pennywise? Yes, please.) Anyway, we digress. "The Running Man" finds Schwarzenegger actually being the Fighting Man (he doesn't run) in a futuristic game show —  set in 2019 ... ugh — in which elaborate characters kill each other for the amusement of millions watching at home. So basically like watching cable news? 

Anyway, with a lineup straight out of pro wrestling (literally), featuring names like Fireball (Jim Brown) and Captain Freedom (Jesse Ventura), you just know Arnie's gonna drop some great one-liners. "That hit the spot" (after launching a rocket sled into the bad guy). "He had to split" (after killing  a bad guy named Buzzsaw). "I don't do requests" (after being told to "drop dead"). However, we have to go with this "cool" number after killing Subzero, a murderous hockey player: "Here's your Subzero. Now plain zero." What gives this one-liner the edge isn't just the, ahem, "quality" of the writing but Arnold's delivery. It's said not with a smug, knowing smirk but as if he's reciting "Macbeth." Schwarzenegger should be in more Stephen King movies, we'll just leave it at that.

8. Freeze in hell, Batman

"Batman & Robin" is arguably the most reviled and controversial piece of Batman media of all time. The movie killed the franchise for nearly a decade with its neon-glowing, Bat-nippled weirdness, but the greatest part of the film (yes, we said "greatest") was Arnold Schwarzenegger smoking the scenery like a stogie. It's not "good" in the literal sense, but you can tell he's actually having fun, which helps sell the multi-colored madness that director Joel Schumacher subjected the audience to.

Of course, it's hard not to have fun when you're dropping cold-related puns like "very n ice ," "allow me to break the ice," "cool party" ... we could go on ... and on. However, the best isn't really a pun, just a imperative statement: "Freeze in hell, Batman!" What does that even mean? We're not 100% sure, but we're 110% there for it. It's appropriate that Schwarzenegger is the most memorable part of the movie (aside from the aforementioned Bat-nipples) as he was paid $25 million for his "performance,"  one-fifth of the film's budget . Alas, it didn't pan out, as "Batman & Robin" made a less-than-cool $238 million worldwide, sending the once record-breaking series straight to the ... wait for it ... freezer!

7. Milk is for babies

Most of the one-liners on this list are from Arnold Schwarzenegger playing a character (or a fictionalized version of himself in "Last Action Hero"). But this line is actually from Arnold Schwarzenegger himself, showing his big-screen persona isn't that far from the real thing. You might have already guessed, but the line comes from the 1977 documentary "Pumping Iron," about the world of professional bodybuilding, specifically the 1975 IFBB Mr. Universe and 1975 Mr. Olympia competitions. 

As you probably know, unless you've been living under a barbell, Schwarzenegger was a world-famous weightlifter and bodybuilder before he became a movie star. In fact, he was the Michael Jordan of bodybuilding, though since he came first, technically Michael Jordan is the Arnold Schwarzenegger of basketball. Anyway, when Schwarzenegger is asked about his diet, he informs the documentary crew that he doesn't drink milk. The reason? "Milk is for babies. When you grow up you have to drink beer." Well said. We're sure nutritionists and dieticians would disagree, to which we'd say, "Where are your   14 world weightlifting titles ?"

6. I eat Green Berets for breakfast

"Commando" may not be the best Arnold Schwarzenegger movie , but it is definitely the most quintessential. No killer robots from the future, evil aliens from space, or even the Caped Crusader and Boy Wonder to do battle with here. No, just the personal battalion of a South American dictator who had the audacity to kidnap Arnold's daughter. What was he thinking? Yep, all Schwarzenegger wanted to do was raise his kid and carry trees over his shoulder with one arm in peace. Is that so much to ask? Apparently so. 

"Commando" sees our hero go on a journey to find his girl, mowing down bad guys along the way, sort of like "Taken" released 23 years later — only if Liam Neeson were Austrian instead of Irish and, well, absolutely jacked. The movie is a veritable buffet of great bad guy-killing one-liners, which is understandable, as it came out in 1985, when Arnie's screen persona had been firmly established. However, the line that speaks to us comes just before he takes out Bill Duke, informing him, "I eat Green Berets for breakfast." It's a great line in the movie and in the larger context, as it was clearly Schwarzenegger shooting shade at his offscreen rival, Sylvester Stallone , specifically his second most famous character, John Rambo. Who would win that fight? The audience.

5. You're fired

Scorsese and De Niro. Kurosawa and Mifune. Cameron and Schwarzenegger. Okay, so maybe the latter isn't among the greatest director-actor pairings , but it's definitely the most entertaining. After all, Cameron's passion for bombast met its muse in Schwarzenegger. "True Lies" was their latest, though hopefully not last, big-screen collaboration — a remake of a quirky French comedy that in Cameron and Schwarzenegger's hands turned into a massive blockbuster. In fact, it's the first film to have a budget of $100 million ( via Film School Rejects ).

In the film, Schwarzenegger plays Harold Tasker, a mild-mannered suburban father whose wife (Jamie Lee Curtis) doesn't realize he's actually a super spy who could break James Bond in half. Nobody got Arnold better than Cameron, which is why he wrote three of the star's greatest lines, including this one. While Arnold expertly pilots a Harrier pilot jet, he tilts the plane so the bad guy will fall and get tangled up on a missile. Here, the action hero looks at the villain and smugly says, "You're fired." Then he clicks the missile launcher and shoots him into a helicopter holding the rest of the bad guys. Tell us, when did Martin Scorsese and Robert De Niro ever do that?

4. To crush your enemies ...

Arnold Schwarzenegger's dreams of big-screen stardom looked in doubt in the early 1980s, mostly because nobody knew what to do with him. A 6'2" hulking monster with an accent so thick he needed subtitles? Let's just say there wasn't a template for this guy. Especially in the 1970s, where the "New Hollywood" stars of the era were Al Pacino, Dustin Hoffman, and Robert De Niro — magnificent actors to be sure but smaller than Arnold's morning meal. Well, America finally caught up with Schwarzenegger in the early 1980s, thanks to a cigar-chomping, gun-toting, maverick movie maker every bit as macho as Arnold: John Milius. 

Milius was making a movie based on Robert E. Howard's famous character from his 1930s pulp novels, Conan the Barbarian. This was a sword-and-sorcery epic that demanded a big-screen adaptation that looked like a living Frank Frazetta painting. Dustin Hoffman wasn't going to cut it. Only one man could: Arnold Schwarzenegger. Thanks to a greater command of English than his previous films, accompanied by his signature Austrian brogue, nobody but Schwarzenegger could have delivered the movie's signature line. When asked what is best in life, Conan gives a barbarian manifesto of sorts, saying, "To crush your enemies. See them driven before you. And to hear the lamentation of their women." And just like that, the bodybuilder became a movie star.

3. If it bleeds, we can kill it

Schwarzenegger's decade of dominance as the world's biggest movie star (literally) had left moviegoers wondering, who on Earth can beat Schwarzenegger. Nobody, turns out. So his next opponent came from the deep reaches of space. Arnold's foe in 1987's "Predator" was an extraterrestrial hunter as tall as a basketball player, as big as a bodybuilder, as mean as a chihuahua, with a mandibled maw that made him "one ugly mother ..." you know the rest. "Predator" worked so well because it pitted Schwarzenegger against the one thing that could beat him — a monster. 

Why the filmmakers didn't name the movie "Arnold v. Alien Monster" is anyone's guess, but that's exactly what audiences wanted and precisely what they got. They also got one of the movie star's greatest quotes, besides the aforementioned "one ugly *beep*" line, which we can't quote here. After the creature has killed off their fellow commandos, Schwarzenegger's jungle team is concerned the invisible monster is unbeatable. But Schwarzenegger, noting the creature's glowing green blood, says, "If it bleeds, we can kill it." Great line. Note: "Get to the chopper" (pronounced "choppa") is perfectly acceptable alternate choice.

2. Hasta la vista, baby

Seven years after James Cameron and Arnold Schwarzenegger first worked together on "The Terminator" -– making each other cinematic superstars in the process –- the duo came back with co-star Linda Hamilton to work on the highly anticipated sequel, "Terminator 2: Judgment Day." While Arnold's T-800 was the villain in the 1984 original, Cameron realized bringing Arnold back as the bad guy just wouldn't work after the star had spent nearly a decade as a superhero. Besides, we'd already seen that, so switching up the face/heel alignments also gave Cameron the opportunity for more compelling storytelling. And let's be honest, it also let him serve up some spectacular Schwarzenegger one-liners. 

The most famous of these comes when Edward Furlong — playing humanity's savior, John Connor, when he was just a whiny pre-teen — is teaching Schwarzenegger's T-800 slang. The line should be familiar: "Hasta la vista, baby." English translation: "Bye." Of course, the line notably reappears near the end of the film, when the T-800 drops the quote right before blasting the villainous T-1000 to smithereens. And just like that, L.A.'s skater stoner culture went mainstream. It's a line that transcended the movie, becoming every bit a time capsule of early '90s culture as Bart Simpson's "don't have a cow, man" or Right Said Fred's "I'm Too Sexy."

1. I'll be back

Come on, did you really have to guess what Arnold Schwarzenegger's greatest one-liner would? On a list of winners, "I'll be back" is the #1 one-liner by a country mile. Schwarzenegger's deadpan delivery of "I'll be back," delivered just before driving a stolen cop car through a police station, helped make "The Terminator" a sleeper hit, the T-800 Schwarzenegger's signature character, and the Austrian Oak not just a movie star but a superstar. The line also landed in the top 50 on "American Film Institute's 100 Years ... 100 Movie Quotes," at #37 between the "stinking badges" bit from "Treasure of the Sierra Madre" and "the luckiest man on Earth" speech from "The Pride of the Yankees." Frankly, my dear, we would have put it in the top 10.

Ironically, Schwarzenegger didn't want to say the line as written. In a 2015 interview on "The Howard Stern Show,"  the actor revealed that he thought the line should be "I will be back," sensibly arguing that the android assassin with an Austrian accent wouldn't use American abbreviation. Thankfully, the mercurial James Cameron overruled him (with a profanity laced tirade, no less) with a one-liner that turned Arnold Schwarzenegger into an American icon.

41 One-Star Movie Reviews That Are Equal Parts Hilarious And Baffling

12. Taken 3

13. The Lion King

14. Kung Fu Panda

15. There Will Be Blood

16. Goodfellas

17. The Blair Witch Project

18. Bohemian Rhapsody

19. The Wizard of Oz

20. Peter Rabbit

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The Most Scathing (But Also Kinda Funny) Movie Reviews From Critics

Whether they specialize in summarizing and rating the latest Hollywood flicks or older classic films, moviegoers value the assessments critics provide online and in print. Good critics often spend years studying the film industry and journalism to contribute fair and unbiased evaluations for their readers, and audiences rely on their opinions when deciding to commit time and money to a film.

As honest and reliable sources in the entertainment industry, reviewers often expose the flaws and shortcomings of the movies they rate. While readers expect to get honest and sometimes unflattering film reviews from their trusted sources, they often assume critics will remain professional and courteous with their words. However, now and then, a critic will hate a particular film so much that they feel obligated to voice their unfiltered opinion. Although their most likely intent is to provide a seriously harsh analysis, the scathing reviews from these critics often come off to readers as quite comical. 

This list features 22 such instances of funny movie reviews from critics who despised the films they critiqued. Some aren't that surprising, as the movies did not go over so well with general audiences, either. (Yet they are still, ultimately, hilarious.) However, some of the featured films won numerous awards , becoming instant classics in the hearts of fans and seemingly every other critic who watched them. 

Vote up the most brutally insulting reviews from film critics that also made you laugh. 

Roger Ebert Likened Watching ‘Battlefield Earth’ To Taking A Bus With Someone Who Doesn’t Bathe

Giving the 2000 film only half a star, Roger Ebert thought sitting through Battlefield Earth was about as enjoyable as sitting next to someone who stinks for a few hours in a tight, enclosed space: 

Battlefield Earth is like taking a bus trip with someone who has needed a bath for a long time. It's not merely bad; it's unpleasant in a hostile way. The visuals are grubby and drab. The characters are unkempt and have rotten teeth. Breathing tubes hang from their noses like ropes of snot. The soundtrack sounds like the boom mike is being slammed against the inside of a 55-gallon drum… Hiring Travolta and Whitaker was a waste of money, since we can't recognize them behind pounds of matted hair and gnarly makeup. Their costumes look like they were purchased from the Goodwill store on the planet Tatooine… The Psychlos can fly between galaxies, but look at their nails: Their civilization has mastered the hyperdrive but not the manicure… Some movies run off the rails. This one is like the train crash in The Fugitive . I watched it in mounting gloom, realizing I was witnessing something historic, a film that for decades to come will be the punch line of jokes about bad movies. There is a moment here when the Psychlos' entire planet (home office and all) is blown to smithereens, without the slightest impact on any member of the audience (or, for that matter, the cast). If the film had been destroyed in a similar cataclysm, there might have been a standing ovation.

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Gene Siskel Wanted The Lead To Get Eaten In ‘Jaws: The Revenge’

Chicago Tribune critic Gene Siskel thought Lorraine Gary's performance tanked 1987's Jaws: The Revenge : 

So, we need a good villain that everyone is afraid of [to carry a storyline]. Right, a great white shark. That solves the problem with the recent Jaws films in that lately the big fish has been eating nobodies. Remember Robert Shaw's old fisherman in the original Jaws ? Remember the police chief Scheider and the ichthyologist played by Richard Dreyfuss? Now those were three somebodies. We didn't want them to die. But in the just-released Jaws: The Revenge the shark's main course is intended to be Roy Scheider's widow, Ellen Brody, a frumpy middle-aged woman played by boring actress Lorraine Gary, who happens to be married to the president of MCA Universal, which finances the Jaws films and which explains her lead role. Let's put it this way: when you see and hear the nasal Lorraine Gary on screen you want the shark to eat her…

The film critic also commended a previous actor for refusing to act in the picture:

Roy Scheider wisely departed the Jaws films, having cashed enough paychecks without losing his self-respect.

• # 79 of 89 on The Best Movies Of 1987, Ranked
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Roger Ebert ‘Hated Hated Hated Hated Hated’ Rob Reiner’s ‘North’

One descriptive “hate” just wouldn't suffice for Roger Ebert as he voiced his distaste for the 1994 film, North :

I have no idea why Rob Reiner, or anyone else, wanted to make this story into a movie, and close examination of the film itself is no help. North is one of the most unpleasant, contrived, artificial, cloying experiences I've had at the movies. To call it manipulative would be inaccurate; it has an ambition to manipulate, but fails. The film stars Elijah Wood, who is a wonderful young actor… Here he is stuck in a story that no actor, however wonderful, however young, should be punished with….. What is the point of the scenes with the auditioning parents? (The victimized actors range from Dan Aykroyd as a Texan to Kathy Bates as an Eskimo). They are all seen as broad, desperate comic caricatures. They are not funny. They are not touching. There is no truth in them. They don't even work as parodies. There is an idiocy here that seems almost intentional, as if the filmmakers plotted to leave anything of interest or entertainment value out of these episodes… I hated this movie. Hated hated hated hated hated this movie. Hated it. Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it. Hated the sensibility that thought anyone would like it. Hated the implied insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would be entertained by it.

The hate-heavy line from the review became so famous, Ebert's book collection of bad reviews is titled after it.

• # 63 of 85 on The Best Movies Of 1994
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'New York Post' Reviewer Johnny Oleksinski Would Rather Wake Up Beside A Severed Horse Head Than Watch ‘Gotti’ Again

In a reference to The Godfather, the film that spawned the modern mob movie, reviewer Johnny Oleksinski claimed he would choose being threatened with an animal carcass in his bed over sitting through Gotti for a second time:

I’d rather wake up next to a severed horse head than ever watch Gotti again. The worst movie of the year so far, the long-awaited biopic about the Gambino crime boss’ rise from made man to top dog took four directors, 44 producers and eight years to make.  It shows. The finished product belongs in a cement bucket at the bottom of the river… Travolta, who’s made a career out of Italian stereotypes, obviously thought the Dapper Don would be his Don Corleone. It’s his Chef Boy­ardee. His performance is a leather-faced freak show. And the plot is nonsensical… [It] is an excuse for ­Travolta to shmact and for his wife, Kelly Preston - playing Gotti’s wife, Victoria - to howl like Medea… It’s the worst mob movie ever, but I see a bright future in midnight showings. “The Gotti Horror Picture Show.”

According To Christy Lemire, Even Bennifer Couldn’t Save ‘Gigli’ From Its Terrible Dialogue

Film reviewer Christy Lemire argued that Gigli was “unwatchable,” despite featuring Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck in the leading roles: 

Gigli - which spawned the phenomenon the gossip pages and celebrity magazines so lovingly refer to as “Bennifer” - is every bit as unwatchable as the deafening negative chatter would suggest… Even making a little game of it, and trying to pinpoint the exact moment when Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez fell in love, stops being fun after a while… Perhaps it's when he says, in an attempt to seduce her, "I'm the bull, you're the cow." Or when she beckons him into foreplay by lying back in bed and purring, “Gobble, gobble” - which could forever change the way you view your Thanksgiving turkey… If this were a movie starring two B-list actors, or two complete unknowns, it probably would have gone straight to video. After curious masochists and J.Lo fans check it out the first weekend, Gigli probably will have a drop-off in audience that rivals The Hulk - 70 percent - then go to video…  Cameos from Pacino, Christopher Walken as a detective and Lainie Kazan as Gigli's mother don't help, either. Did they owe someone a favor? What are they doing here? Pacino won his one and only Oscar with Brest, [the director and producer of the film], for 1992's Scent of a Woman , but couldn't he have just thanked the director instead?

• # 8 of 17 on What Actors Said About Their Biggest Flops
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Roger Ebert Had A Lot To Say About The ‘Vomitorium’ That Was ‘Freddy Got Fingered’

Esteemed Chicago Sun-Times critic Roger Ebert thought Tom Green should consider bringing rocks into the theater to throw at the audience in case they assaulted him for making such a horrible film:

This movie doesn't scrape the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't below the bottom of the barrel. This movie doesn't deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence with barrels. Many years ago, when surrealism was new, Luis Bunuel and Salvador Dali made Un Chien Andalou, a film so shocking that Bunuel filled his pockets with stones to throw at the audience if it attacked him. Green, whose film is in the surrealist tradition, may want to consider the same tactic. The day may come when Freddy Got Fingered is seen as a milestone of neo-surrealism. The day may never come when it is seen as funny. The film is a vomitorium consisting of 93 minutes of Tom Green doing things that a geek in a carnival sideshow would turn down.

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‘Austin Chronicle’ Reviewer Marc Savlov Has Had Mosquito Bites More Passionate Than ‘Twilight’

Austin Chronicle reviewer Marc Savlov didn't fall for the shimmery, fangless vampires in Twilight :

I've had mosquito bites that were more passionate than this undead, unrequited, and altogether unfun pseudo-romantic riff on Romeo and Juliet . Based on the hideously readable (or so my dark beloved tells me) series of "don't call them young adult" novels by Stephenie Meyer, Twilight is the first in what promises to be a lengthy cinematic franchise featuring sexy vampire boys who just say, "No, I don't drink… you ." Teens of a certain mindset (not to mention Dark Shadows fans) will eat it up, as will those who've never borne witness to Christopher Lee's bodice-busting abilities. Goths of a purer (or is that im -purer?) bent will likely put a stake in it early on and exit this soggy take on Suck Valley High in favor of more sanguine affairs (Udo Kier? Frank Langella? Max Shreck!). Another annoyance is how Meyer and Twilight 's screenwriter Melissa Rosenberg play fast and loose with traditional vampiric lore. Not only do these bloodsuckers lack anything resembling fangs (!), but they don't even succumb to sunlight, instead bursting into shimmery sparkles like raver-fairies on acid.

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According To AV Club Reviewer Keith Phipps, Only Two Things Could Have Made ‘Catwoman’ Any Worse

A.V. Club film reviewer Keith Phipps felt that the 2004 film was just an excuse for Halle Berry to parade around in a leather catsuit and that very few things could've made Catwoman any worse: 

Able to leap around with feline grace, wear revealing leather outfits without shame, and improvise cat-themed puns, she is Catwoman, even though she bears little resemblance to the Catwoman from the Batman universe. It's like naming a movie Spider-Man because it's about a guy with eight legs who shoots silk out of his *ss… Mononymical director Pitof cut his teeth on digital effects and music videos, and he directs Catwoman as though he was targeting the attention span of actual cats. He cuts rapidly, keeping the camera in constant motion lest viewers wander off in search of food or a quiet place to nap. It's the least exciting form of excitement imaginable, and the story doesn't prove much of a distraction… Relentlessly gaudy and in love with its PG-13 approximation of kink, Catwoman is essentially an excuse to pose Berry in ever-skimpier outfits. It's all too pre-fab to register as sexy, though, and even the fight scenes look like fashion shoots, complete with anonymous R&B bump 'n' grind musical accompaniment. The film could have turned out worse, but only via the addition of a Tom Green cameo, or an accident in which the actors caught on fire.

• # 94 of 99 on The Best Movies Of 2004, Ranked
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'Washington Post' Reviewer Jen Chaney Said 'National Lampoon's Gold Diggers' Will Prompt One To Bathe In '10 Gallons Of Disinfectant'

Jen Chaney held nothing back when she reviewed National Lampoon's Gold Diggers for The Washington Post in 2004. The reviewer asserted that audiences would walk out of the theater dumber than they were when they walked in after putting the actors' performances on blast:

Just how repellent is National Lampoon's Gold Diggers ? So stupefyingly hideous that after watching it, you'll need to bathe in 10 gallons of disinfectant, get a full-body scrub and shampoo with vinegar to remove the scummy residue that remains. Some movies leave a bad taste in the mouth. This one causes full-on halitosis… It's hard to say what's most offensive about Gold Diggers . Is it the tastelessness of seeing Lasser - that's "Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman" to you - and Taylor flaunting their aging bodies for cheap laughs? That's certainly a major factor. These sisters, who engage in randy stripteases and eat mounds of whipped cream off of their much-younger lovers' bodies, are so vile and uninteresting that they make Patty and Selma of The Simpsons look like the twins from the Coors beer commercials.  But what's even more egregious about this alleged comedy is the fact that it was released in theaters at all. Clearly this should have been a straight-to-DVD affair. Then again, that's unfair to the many mediocre movies released solely on DVD. Even they don't deserve to be lumped in with this sub-sub-sub-par waste of 87 minutes' worth of celluloid.

Peter Rainer Suggested Bringing Ear Plugs (And Nose Plugs) To See ‘Batman & Robin’

No actor playing a leading role in the 1997 film Batman & Robin escaped the wrath of Peter Rainer's review for the Phoenix New Times :

Bring earplugs to Batman & Robin . A pair of noseplugs wouldn't hurt, either. The fourth installment in the Batman franchise is one long, head-splitting exercise in clueless cacophony that makes you feel as though you're being held hostage in some haywire Planet Hollywood while sonic booms pummel your auditory canal… The addition of Batgirl (Val-gal Alicia Silverstone) - Alfred's niece, Barbara Wilson - doesn't significantly punch up the proceedings. She seems to be in the movie not so much to give young women in the audience a heroine, but, rather, to set straight our nagging thoughts about two guys wearing capes who live together.  Despite the film's pseudofeminist angle, this new Batman is as macho fetishistic as ever: The opening credits give us full frontal body armor and codpieces, and, in a touching display of gallantry on the part of the filmmakers, Batman's and Robin's body-suit nipples are far more pronounced than Batgirl's… What gets to you isn't Freeze's attempt to revive the wife he froze until he could cure her wasting disease. No, what touches the soul is [Arnold] Schwarzenegger's heroic attempt to get his mouth around the English language - still. Schwarzenegger is game enough to work his accent into a semblance of a comic style - he pronounces it “Bat-min” - but he sounds like a Prussian Mike Mazurki. When you can make out what's he's saying at all. [Uma] Thurman's Poison Ivy is a slinky creeper who spends most of the movie in various botanically tinted body stockings or magenta gorilla suits. With Freeze, Poison Ivy wants to take over Gotham City - the world - and save the plants. She's a cartoon nightmare of a Greenpeacer - or she would be if the filmmakers had any penchant for satire, or humor above the level of an after-school special… The people who made this movie - which, as always, is set up for a sequel - will be laughing all the way to the bank. But isn't there someone in that bank who can lock them all inside a safety-deposit vault and throw away the key?

• # 97 of 99 on The Best 1990s Action Movies
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Gene Siskel Questioned Who ‘Howard the Duck’ Was Made For

Famed Chicago Tribune movie critic Gene Siskel hated the characters and special effects in Howard the Duck and urged director George Lucas to stick to low-budget films after this 1986 oddity: 

Who was this stupid film made for? It's not a Donald Duck cartoon for little kids - there are too many scenes of sex, violence, and rock 'n' roll that are both dimwitted and inappropriate for little ones. Instead, this $52 million bust-out appears to have been inspired by the special-effects-filled, blockbuster comedy, Ghostbusters ... The story has no center; the duck is not likable, and the costly, overwrought, laser-filled special effects that conclude the movie are less impressive than a sparkler on a birthday cake. George ( Star Wars ) Lucas supervised the production of this film, and maybe it's time he went back to making low-budget films like his best picture, American Graffiti.

Siskel gave the film one star.

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• # 276 of 399 on The Best Movies Of The 1980s, Ranked

The Long Run Time Of 'Titanic' Left Critic Desson Howe Thinking, ‘Ok, Sink Already’

In 1997, Titanic was nominated for 14 Oscars and won Academy Awards in 11 different categories. However, not every critic agreed with the movie's sweeping success. Historical events aside, even the drama of Jack and Rose's love story aboard the ill-fated ship wasn't enough to keep critic Desson Howe entertained for three and a half hours:

After this magnificent setup, the movie springs an indiscernible but steady leak. DiCaprio and Winslet make a good-hair, great-body couple… But their story - though meticulously linked with the greater disaster - is only passably involving. (And the less said about Zane's pantomimically nefarious, gun-toting assistant, played by David Warner, the better.) The fanciful, choked-throat bliss the lovebirds are supposed to evoke dissipates in the heat of Cameron's manic passion for the Titanic itself. …the movie's too long. Who wrote the 11th Commandment that says epics should go on forever? Titanic is a good, often stunning movie caught in a three-and-a-half hour drift. As we marvel at the physical spectacle of the Titanic's last few hours, we're left staggeringly untouched by the people facing their last moments. This movie should have blown us out of the water. Instead we catch ourselves occasionally thinking the unpardonable thought: "OK, sink already."

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• # 6 of 50 on The Biggest Movies Of The '90s, Ranked
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Roger Ebert Found ‘Armageddon’ To Be An ‘Assault On The Eyes’

Roger Ebert warned potential audiences that they would most likely rather die than sit through Armageddon in his earth-shattering review of the Oscar-nominated film :

Here it is at last, the first 150-minute trailer. Armageddon is cut together like its own highlights. Take almost any 30 seconds at random, and you'd have a TV ad. The movie is an assault on the eyes, the ears, the brain, common sense and the human desire to be entertained. No matter what they're charging to get in, it's worth more to get out… Armageddon reportedly used the services of nine writers. Why did it need any? The dialogue is either shouted one-liners or romantic drivel. "It's gonna blow!" is used so many times, I wonder if every single writer used it once, and then sat back from his word processor with a contented smile on his face, another day's work done… Staggering into the silence of the theater lobby after the ordeal was over, I found a big poster that was fresh off the presses with the quotes of junket blurbsters. "It will obliterate your senses!" reports David Gillin, who obviously writes autobiographically. "It will suck the air right out of your lungs!" vows Diane Kaminsky. If it does, consider it a mercy killing.

The famous critic hated Armageddon so much that he ranked it as the worst movie of 1998, even beating Spice World for the dishonorable prize.  

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• # 28 of 50 on The Biggest Movies Of The '90s, Ranked
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CNN Reviewer Paul Tatara Found ‘Absolutely Nothing’ Enjoyable In ‘Joe Dirt’

According to CNN reviewer Paul Tatara, Joe Dirt is a film permeated with bad acting and no real plot:

The newspaper ads promoting Joe Dirt - a miserable, free-form trailer-trash parody starring David Spade - boast that the picture has received "0 Directors Guild Awards, 0 Producer's Guild nominations, and 0 Golden Globe Awards." This self-deprecation might be amusing if Joe Dirt suggested that the people who made it are talented individuals who simply dropped the ball. But this script never had a chance of being converted into a decent picture, and they filmed it anyway. So, rather than be criticized for blowing it, either the producers or the studio decided to pretend it was all intentional. The question needs to be asked, then: Why do American audiences accept the stance that silly movies have to be terrible by definition? There's nothing enjoyable about Joe Dirt . Absolutely nothing. Spade's generic nonperformance is the centerpiece of a very wobbly story, and he simply isn't enough of an actor to keep you interested… Joe Dirt 's flashback structure is just as lazy as the humor. It allows director Dennie Gordon to hop, skip, and jump through the material without having to develop the characters or build even a semblance tension. It's not asking too much, by the way, to expect such things… even when you're watching a patently absurd movie. Check out Raising Arizona (1987) to see how overt stupidity can be handled with verbal wit, momentum, and a welcome implication that the audience itself isn't composed of idiots. If Raising Arizona is sophomoric, Joe Dirt is struggling through pre-school.

And in case Tatara's audience didn't quite pick up on his outward distaste for the comedy, he continued his rant in the description of the rating: 

There's not enough gumption in Joe Dirt for it to be genuinely offensive. A dog's testicles get stuck to a porch, and septic tank goo spews onto Joe's head. Is it possible to close America until further notice? Rated PG-13. 92 minutes.

• # 507 of 702 on The All-Time Greatest Comedy Films
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Bosley Crowther Called Warren Beatty’s Performance In ‘Bonnie and Clyde’ ‘Mannered Play-Acting Of A Hick’

New York Times film reviewer Bosley Crowther hated the acting in Bonnie and Clyde and didn't understand the massive public approval that the fictionalized story of two notorious offenders received: 

The performance that Warren Beatty gives of a light-hearted, show-offish fellow with a talent for stealing cars and holding up banks at gunpoint is mannered play-acting of a hick that bears no more resemblance to [Clyde] Barrow than it does to Jesse James. And the sweet prettified indication of Bonnie that Faye Dunaway conveys is a totally romantic exoneration of that ugly and vicious little dame. Likewise, the scattering of poor people in Texas and thereabouts that Arthur Penn has put forth as grateful recipients of the beneficences of Bonnie and Clyde - including a gauzy, grey-haired image of Bonnie's disapproving old Maw - is a skillful but loaded collection of stereotypes of poverty… It… is a grossly romantic, sentimental and arbitrary setting up of a collision of comedy and violence, which spews noise and sparks but not much truth.

The reviewer just couldn't get past the public's good opinion of the criminals or the positioning of society as the antagonists, even arguing:

By this same line of reckoning, one could build up a theme of sympathy and sadness on the thought that the system was the enemy of a character named Lee Harvey Oswald who had a penchant to fire high-powered rifles at moving targets, or that the irony of Hitler's terror was that he was so confused by his early rejection that he didn't realize the awfulness of the violence he caused.

Most other publications heaped praise upon the film, and though he'd been considered “the dean of movie critics” for the previous 29 years, Crowther's “retirement” from The Times was announced shortly after his review.

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• # 700 of 772 on The Most Rewatchable Movies
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'Washington Post' Reviewer Desson Howe Said ‘Encino Man’ Was ‘Less Funny Than Your Own Funeral’

The plot line and joke sequences in Encino Man flatlined for The Washington Post 's Desson Howe:

A lot is riding on Hollywood Pictures' Encino Man . A youth comedy about a caveman who appears in 20th-century California, it scrambles hopefully after the success of the Bill & Ted and Wayne's World movies, its comic knuckles smashing every bump on the ground. If this Cro-Magnon-dumb film scores, prepare yourself for an avalanche of "isn't teenspeak b*tchin'?" movies… Less funny than your own funeral, its mission is to introduce us to yet another strain of post-surfer Cal slang. The new idioms are uttered by likable MTV personality Pauly Shore and unlikable pug Sean Astin, outcasts at Encino High… The mirth, you should be warned, never stops… If there's a funny line in the movie, it comes from Astin's father, Richard Masur. Frustrated at the ceaseless dudespeak around the dinner table, he finally sputters, "Speak English."

• # 577 of 772 on The Most Rewatchable Movies
• # 305 of 702 on The All-Time Greatest Comedy Films
• # 55 of 168 on The Best '90s Comedy Movies, Ranked

Kenneth Turan From The ‘Los Angeles Times’ Thought ‘Fight Club’ Was A ‘Witless Mishmash Of Whiny, Infantile Philosophizing’

Los Angeles Times reviewer Kenneth Turan questioned why anyone would even want to talk about Fight Club :

Fight Club , a film about men who like to fight, is an unsettling experience, but not the way anyone intended. What’s most troubling about this witless mishmash of whiny, infantile philosophizing and bone-crunching violence is the increasing realization that it actually thinks it’s saying something of significance. That is a scary notion indeed… These initial parts of Fight Club are structured in part as satires on the modern mania for consumerism and the cult of New Age sensitivity. Certainly these areas are ripe for sending up, but this film is so contemptuous of anything human, so eager to employ know-it-all smugness, that the cure plays worse than the disease… In one of the more curious footnotes to modern culture, Fight Club plays at times like the bombastic World Wrestling Federation version of Susan Faludi’s Stiffed , also a treatise on men who have “lost their compass in the world” and suffer from “the American masculinity crisis."… Though the film employs dubious plot twists to quasi-distance itself from the weirder implications of a philosophy the Columbine gunmen would likely have found congenial, it’s to little effect. Aside from the protracted beatings, this film is so vacuous and empty it’s more depressing than provocative. If the first rule of Fight Club is “Nobody talks about Fight Club,” a fitting subsection might be “Why would anyone want to?”

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Roger Ebert Criticized The Implausible Plot Holes In ‘Home Alone'

After summarizing the plot of Home Alone as a storyline that encompasses ideas of “scary nostalgia,” Roger Ebert expressed his inability to look beyond the plot holes of the now-classic holiday film:

Home Alone is about an 8-year-old hero who does all of those things, but unfortunately he also single-handedly stymies two house burglars by booby-trapping the house. And they're the kinds of traps that any 8-year-old could devise, if he had a budget of tens of thousands of dollars and the assistance of a crew of movie special effects people... A real kid would probably be more frightened than this movie character, and would probably cry. He might also try calling someone, or asking a neighbor for help. But in the contrived world of this movie, the only neighbor is an old coot who is rumored to be the Snow Shovel Murderer, and the phone doesn't work. When Kevin's parents discover they've forgotten him, they find it impossible to get anyone to follow through on their panicked calls - if anyone did so, the movie would be over… The plot is so implausible that it makes it hard for us to really care about the plight of the kid.

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• # 3 of 50 on The Biggest Movies Of The '90s, Ranked
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Gene Siskel Called ‘The Shining’ ‘Downright Embarrassing’ In The 'Chicago Tribune'

Though widely appreciated today as one of the best horror movies of all time, The Shining , which made significant deviations from Stephen King's best-selling novel, was less appreciated at the time of its release. One contemporary critic who was far less than impressed was Gene Siskel, reviewing for the Chicago Tribune :

Stanley Kubrick's latest film, The Shining , which is being billed as the "ultimate horror film," turns out to be much less. In fact, it's a crashing disappointment. The biggest surprise is that it contains virtually no thrills… The Shining is more boring- and on a couple of occasions downright embarrassing - than anything else… One of the major problems with the film is that neither Jack nor Wendy do much changing. Right from the beginning she’s a mess, and he’s under terrific tension. There’s virtually no development of character, and we don’t have a clue why they married each other. There’s no attraction between them… At the end, as we watch the film's climactic chase scene, we expect to be overwhelmed by a horrifying image or mood. Instead, we are bored by a chase that is the stuff of amateurs. When Kubrick, late in the film, includes a shot of cobwebbed corpses sitting around tables in a parlor, we think we are looking at some kind of cheap-o horror film from the ‘50s.

In another abridged review of the film, Siskel concluded , “Jack Nicholson parodies himself while Kubrick fails to provide any thrills.”

Michael Dempsey For ‘Film Quarterly’ Called ‘The Exorcist’ ‘The Aesthetic Equivalent Of Being Run Over By A Truck’

Instead of being converted into a fan, film reviewer Michael Dimpsey expressed his repulsion for The Exorcist in the Summer 1974 edition of Film Quarterly :

The Exorcist is the trash bombshell of 1973, the aesthetic equivalent of being run over by a truck. Evidently a lot of people think that great art is supposed to be like this; if it shocks them, it must be brilliant. The movie is shocking alright - the press has been full of stories about fainting, vomiting, fleeing viewers - but you'd have to be a block of wood not to be shocked by the spectacle of a child systematically turned into a yellow-eyed, slime-spewing, head swiveling monster.  Despite their pontificating about Greek tragedy, the mystery of faith, and Good vs. Evil, director William Friedkin and writer-producer William Peter Blatty have actually made a gloating, ugly exploitation picture, a costlier cousin of those ghoulish cheapies released to drive-ins and flea pits almost weekly in major American cities… Blatty's hackneyed writing… only makes the character's loss of faith look like constipation. 

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Russell Maloney Of 'The New Yorker' Labeled ‘The Wizard of Oz’ A ‘Stinkeroo’ With ‘No Trace Of Imagination’

After talking about Walt Disney owning the fantasy realm of movies, The New Yorker 's Russell Maloney roasted MGM's Academy award-winning classic film:

…I sat cringing before M-G-M’s Technicolor production of The Wizard of Oz which displays no trace of imagination, good taste, or ingenuity. I will rest my case against The Wizard of Oz on one line of dialogue. It occurs in a scene in which the wicked witch is trying to persuade Dorothy, the little girl from Kansas, to part with a pair of magic slippers. The good witch interrupts them, warning Dorothy not to give up the slippers, whereupon the wicked witch snarls, “You keep out of this!” Well, there it is. Either you believe witches talk like that, or you don’t. I don’t. Since The Wizard of Oz is full of stuff as bad as that, or worse, I say it’s a stinkeroo. The vulgarity of which I was conscious all through the film is difficult to analyze. Part of it was the raw, eye-straining Technicolor, applied with a complete lack of restraint. And the gags! Let me give you just one. Dorothy is telling the Wizard about the fate of the wicked witch. “She just melted away,” Dorothy says. “ Liquidated , eh?” the Wizard comes back, quick as a flash. He’s a card, that Wizard; you ought to hear him ribbing the boys in Dave’s Blue Room some morning. Bert Lahr, as the Cowardly Lion, is funny but out of place. If Bert Lahr belongs in the Land of Oz, so does Mae West… I don’t like the Singer Midgets under any circumstances, but I found them especially bothersome in Technicolor.

A 'New York' Magazine Review Thought ‘The Thing’ Was Disgusting And Boring

A movie critic for New York magazine didn't find the 1982 version of The Thing particularly scary, or even interesting:

John Carpenter's monster movie is more disgusting than frightening, and most of it is just boring. Unlike the 1951 Thing , an entertaining B movie, Carpenter and screenwriter Bill Lancaster exploit the original premise of John W. Campbell Jr.'s 1938 science-fiction story, “Who Goes There?”… Intending to create total paranoia, Carpenter makes the monster as hideous as possible, and releases a torrent of blood and viscera. But the filmmakers never dramatize the feelings of their indistinguishable characters, and the threat is entirely external. Set in drab rooms and hallways, and shot without a distinctive visual rhythm, The Thing is about as impersonal as a movie can be.

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Kung fu panda 3 review: non-stop kung fu action, funny one-liners, great for the whole family #kungfupanda #trailer #review.

Review by Denise Salcedo, Red Carpet Report Entertainment Reporter follow her on Twitter  @_DeniseSalcedo

Our favorite panda, Po- is back with more swift moves, dumplings and comedy chops than ever before in the third installment of Kung Fu Panda 3 starring the colorful voices of Jack Black, Angelina Jolie, and Dustin Hoffman.

DreamWorks Animations continues the delightful adventures of the dragon warrior, Po, by presenting him with a new challenge that tests both his physical and spiritual strengths. In this new film, Po, must take his role of the dragon warrior to a new level by learning to master the force of “Chi” in order to protect his home against a new supernatural villain Kai.

But if having to defeat a larger than life evil isn’t enough, Po, has also been reunited with his real panda dad who leads him to the hidden village of pandas where Po finally learns what life as a real panda is- rolling and eating dumplings non-stop.

As Po is trying to learn his “Chi” by connecting with his panda roots; Kai and his evil green monsters are raging through China destroying villages and even taking the souls of his best friends.

It’s then up to Po (Jack Black), Tigress (Angelina Jolie), Mr. Ping (James Hong), his dad Li (Bryan Cranston) and the whole gang of pandas to save China from the evil Kai.

Kung Fu Panda 3, also dug deep this time around connecting Po and his two worlds into one by bringing to life a unique bond between a son, his step-dad and his real dad. The story shun both a positive light to those with unconventional families and what it means to try to adapt yourself to a new world by not changing where you came from and who you are.

Overall, the movie was non-stop kung fu action, funny one-liners and brought to life new characters that can easily connect to people of all ages. The film also included many moments where the 3D action was lively and exciting, and the peaceful colors used in the film really resonated with the Chinese culture making it characteristic and charming.

Kung Fu Panda 3 hits theaters January 29, 2016.

Visit www.kungfupanda.com for more info

• Starring: Jack Black, Angelina Jolie, Dustin Hoffman, Jackie Chan, Seth Rogen, Lucy Liu, David Cross, James Hong, Randall Duk Kim, Bryan Cranston, J. K. Simmons, Kate Hudson
• Directed By: Jennifer Yuh Nelson and Alessandro Carloni
• Release Date: January 29, 2016 http://www.dreamworks.com/kungfupanda/

More about KUNG FU PANDA 3 When Po’s long-lost panda father suddenly reappears, the reunited duo travels to a secret panda paradise to meet scores of hilarious new panda characters. But when the supernatural villain Kai begins to sweep across China defeating all the kung fu masters, Po must do the impossible—learn to train a village full of his fun-loving, clumsy brethren to become the ultimate band of Kung Fu Pandas!

Follow DreamWorksTV instagram – https://instagram.com/dreamworkstv/ twitter – https://twitter.com/dreamworkstv facebook – https://www.facebook.com/dreamworkstv

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Not everyone in the Marvel Cinematic Universe has the means to use a high-tech suit of armour, a mythical hammer, or a vibranium shield. But whether or not they're superheroes replete with fancy weaponry, everyone in the MCU possesses the power of the mighty one-liner. To pay tribute to all those little gems that add much-needed levity to the heroic lifestyle, we've collected our favourite Marvel movie one-liners in one place. 

To clarify, these are all movies from Marvel Studios , so sadly you won't find any Deadpool or X-Men quotes here. Now that's out of the way, let's dive into these lovable bits of banter that help humanize hero and villain alike. See if you remember these lines as vividly as we do - and if you don't, we've included some context to make them almost as effective as they are in the films. You can enjoy most of these excellent one-liners on the new Disney Plus streaming service. Not signed up yet? Check out the latest Disney Plus bundles .

"Hey everyone!"

The movie: Captain America: Civil War (2016)

Who says it? Spider-Man

The setup: Iron Man is ready to deploy his secret weapon in the stand-off against Captain America and is cohorts. With a shout of "Underoos!" he calls in a familiar neighborhood webslinger to snatch up Cap's shields in impressive fashion.

Why it's Marvel-lous: THERE HE IS! IT'S THE NEW SPIDER-MAN, IN AN AVENGERS MOVIE, AND HE SPOKE! This one crossover moment elevated the Internet's hype levels to astronomical heights. Just imagine the impact of seeing it unspoiled in the theaters rather than the trailer. 

"You get hurt, hurt 'em back. You get killed... walk it off." 

The movie: Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015)

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Who says it? Captain America

The setup: This is it. The last stand against Ultron (James Spader) and his clone army, with the fictitious country of Sokovia (suspended in the sky by rockets) serving as the battleground. As the fight rages on, Steve Rogers (Chris Evans) pumps up his teammates with some reassuring words of inspiration. 

Why it's Marvel-lous: This is yet another illustration of Captain America's qualities as a natural-born leader, wrapping up encouragement, bravery, and light-heartedness into a single statement. 

"Oh, no no. Daddy don't get scared." 

The movie: Ant-Man (2015)

Who says it? Luis

The setup: Scott Lang (Paul Rudd) has acclimated to the Ant-Man suit, and it's time he finally show his heist-assisting buddies what he can do. Lang warns them not to freak out, saying that "Things are gonna get weird", but his main man Luis (Michael Pena) is apparently ready for anything.

Why it's Marvel-lous: It's the best of Pena's hilariously quotable lines, which all reinforce the fun of Ant-Man working with a team of quirky regular Joes before those superpowered heroes recruited him. It's made all the better when Luis screams in fright at the sight of a tiny Lang chilling on his shoulder. 

"Activating instant kill." 

The movie: Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)

Why says it? Karen

The setup: Our friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man finds himself in quite the predicament, as he sneaks out of the academic decathlon in hot pursuit of Vulture's gang. It's up to Peter to take 'em out... well, if he can figure out his new suit settings. Luckily, his AI Karen is on hand to offer him enhanced combat mode...

Why it's Marvel-lous: The build-up with Peter and Karen bantering back and forth is some of the best patter in the flick. It perfectly sums up his inexperience with the suit and her random willingness to change his settings to slay everyone in sight. 

"Teach me!" 

The movie: Doctor Strange (2016)

Who says it? Stephen Strange

The setup: Dr. Stephen Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch) has just been offered a glimpse into the many magical realities that exist parallel to our own, courtesy of the all-powerful Ancient One (Tilda Swinton). While still processing his astral projection and the fantastical visions he's just witnessed, Strange looks up to the Ancient One with the utmost respect and makes a single request.

Why it's Marvel-lous: Comic readers are accustomed to the Sorcerer Supreme having near-limitless power and knowledge, but to watch him take the first step on the path to magical mastery makes for a very special moment.  

"I'm sorry. I took it too far. [pause]. I meant trash panda." 

The movie: Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017)

Who says it? Peter Quill

The setup: Peter and Gamora tirelessly argue with Rocket over semantics when he discusses how a tiny one-inch man saved their lives but he'd likely be bigger if he was closer. Clearly not understanding perspective, Peter starts to rip into Rocket before offering up this "apology." 

Why it's Marvel-lous: Rocket doesn't exactly understand the back-handed insult. That's what makes it land so well; he turns to Drax and asks if it's better and he doesn't know either. "It's worse," Peter replies, snickering, "much, much worse." A solid end to some classic Guardian banter.

"He just kicked your ass, full-size. You really want to find out what it's like when you can't see him coming?" 

Who says it? Howard Stark

The setup: Frustrated that the original Ant-Man Hank Pym (Michael Douglas) won't share the Pym Particles technology, S.H.I.E.L.D.'s Mitchell Carson (Martin Donovan) makes a tasteless remark about Pym's deceased wife. Understandably, Pym punches him in the face and storms out. Carson is still upset that he won't cooperate, but Howard Stark (John Slattery) warns him not to press the issue.

Why it's Marvel-lous: Slattery's delivery is so on-point, instantly putting Carson in his place. And don't feel bad for Carson - turns out he was a defector working for Hydra. 

"We know each other! He's a friend from work!" 

The movie: Thor: Ragnarok (2017)

Who says it? Thor

The setup: Having spent ages away from his pals, Thor finds himself imprisoned and forced to battle in one of the Grandmaster's legendary fights. He spies the tunnel on the opposite side of the arena, and notices a familiar figure emerge: it's none other than his old mate, Bruce Banner, in full-on rage form! 

Why it's Marvel-lous: In a comeback sequel packed to the gills with one-liners, this one sets the tone perfectly for a new Thor era hinted at in the Thor and Daryl shorts . 

"I don't know if you've been in a fight before but there's usually not this much talking." 

Who says it? Falcon

The setup: It's the showdown to end all showdowns and it's happening... at an airport? As Tony and Steve's teams embark on one hell of a tussle, Falcon and Bucky run into the terminal, pursued by an over-enthusiastic Spider-Man who just won't stop yabbering on...

Why it's Marvel-lous: ' Cause Falcon finds himself getting caught up in the discussion before stopping himself.  A moment of playfulness to an otherwise dire conflict. In other words: classic Marvel movie one-liner. 

"That's not a question I need answered." 

Why says it? Black Widow

The setup: While enjoying some mildly drunken downtime between world-saving heroics, the Avengers all take turns trying to lift Thor's mystical hammer Mjolnir, which can only be budged by those it deems worthy. After the fellas fail to make any headway, they all turn to Romanoff (Scarlett Johansson) with an expectant look. 

Why it's Marvel-lous: While the guys all try (and fail) to show off how macho they are, Romanoff is happy to simply observe their shenanigans, totally secure and with nothing to prove. That self-confident coolness is a huge part of Black Widow's charm. 

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Gem Seddon is GamesRadar+'s west coast Entertainment News Reporter, working to keep all of you updated on all of the latest and greatest movies and shows on streaming platforms like Netflix and Amazon Prime. Outside of entertainment journalism, Gem can frequently be found writing about the alternative health and wellness industry, and obsessing over all things Aliens and Terminator on Twitter. 

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32 Hilarious Steven Wright One-Liner Jokes

All hail the King of Brilliantly Random One-Liners.

Many stand-up comedians who rise to household-name popularity tend to get their name out through yearly (or at least semi-regular) album releases, TV specials, books and whatever else might help spread the word. Not so much for the dry and droll Steven Wright, who has become a bonafide comedy icon despite only releasing two albums and three specials across a career spanning 40+ years. Part of Wright’s legacy is due to his occasional appearances in cult classics such as The Larry Sanders Show and Half-Baked , but it’s largely due to his signature style of brilliant one-liners and deadpan observations that are steeped in irony, wordplay and surrealism.

Making his first appearance of many on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson in 1982 — at least one of which can be streamed with a Peacock subscription — Steven Wright became something of a late night staple over the years, which was pretty much the only place for fans to hear his new jokes and head-scratching musings between the release of 1985’s I Have a Pony and 2006’s When The Leaves Blow Away . No need to turn on any TVs or to scour the Internet, however, as we’ve rounded up a bunch of the Oscar winner’s funniest one-liners.  

"You can't have everything. Where would you put it?"

Even if you had a bag that was big enough to put everything else inside of it, where would you put that bag? 

"I xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra xerox machine."

Steven Wright has several jokes about sci-fi-esque ramifications that come from making copies, but this is easily my favorite. A few questions: How much ink would that have taken? Has this joke lost any relevance in a world where 3D printing is commonplace? Who's the youngest person in the U.S. who knows what Xerox means?

"It's a good thing we have gravity or else when birds died they'd just stay right up there. Hunters would be all confused."

This winner of a joke is the equivalent of saying, "Look, a dead bird!" amongst friends, with the goal of poking fun at whoever mistakenly looked up to the sky instead of on the ground. 

"I lost a buttonhole."

My personal all-time favorite Steven Wright one-liner. Like a two-sentence horror story, it's all about the brevity, and he earns all the slow claps here. Extra credit goes to the occasional follow-up line, "Where am I gonna find a buttonhole?"

"I bought a house on a one-way, dead-end road. I don't know how I got there."

On a road trip many years ago, while driving down a dark and spooky frontage road in the middle of the night, I went through a moment of fearful confusion where I thought the one-way came to a dead end, which of course seemed patently ludicrous two seconds later. But that upside-down feeling never really left, and this joke encapsulates it.

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"Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish."

Steven Wright has talked about Salvador Dali being one of his heroes (via the Phoenix New Times ) 

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"When I turned 2, I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm 6 I'll be 90."

That math doesn't totally add up for anyone whose brain has grown beyond that of a two-year-old, but every time I arrive at the correct answer, I picture what 6-year-old Steven Wright would look like with a 90-year-old's features, and all math becomes irrelevant. 

"I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, 'Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours.' He said, 'Yes, but not in a row.'"

How can you argue with that kind of logic, or lack thereof? I wonder how expiration dates work in that store. 

"I stayed up one night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died."

Definitely not the same line-up as Wild Bill Hickock's "Dead Man's Hand," but no less effective.

"I went to a fancy French restaurant called Deja Vu. The headwaiter said, 'Don't I know you?'"

Another A+ joke of his pertaining to deja vu involves him experiencing that and amnesia at the same time, inspiring the punchline: "I think I've forgotten this before." Thankfully, no matter how many times fans hear Steven Wright's jokes, they never get less funny.

"You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... And all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time."

While Wright doesn't exactly overuse any specific formats when crafting his one-liners, he does occasionally lean into ideas like the one above, in which he compares his sense of being to a largely intangible expression or feeling. Another favorite involves him describing the feeling of almost falling over when leaning back in a chair.

"My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere."

I don't recall getting a lamp shaped like an elephant where the lampshade only sits on top it, and the lamp doesn't even emit light. Wait, I see what happened here...

"I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time.' So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance."

No word on how that meal turned out, but I bet it was magnifique with sacrebleu-berry syrup. 

"I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time."

Where we're going, we don't need mugs. For those who aren't into going backwards or forwards through time, I also suggest avoiding the 88 beans-per-hour brew. 

"I was in the first submarine. Instead of a periscope, they had a kaleidoscope. 'We're surrounded.'"

I can't tell if Steven Wright's laidback demeanor would be a boon or a hindrance within a submarine surrounded by enemy vessels. Leave 'em laughing is always a good motto. 

"I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone."

The phrase "spot remover" possibly dates this joke as much as the use of Spot as a name, but the idea is timeless. As is another of Wright's pet-related jokes about naming his dog Stay.

"Today, I was... No, that wasn't me."

This is Steven Wright anti-humor at his best, and it makes me giggle thinking about how often comedians launch into fabricated stories just for the sake of making a joke work. Even if that wasn't the impetus of the joke, it still applies.

"If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you."

There presumably aren't many people in the world who have a lot of experience with failing at skydiving. Not a very good life goal, in any case. 

"I have the oldest typewriter in the world. It types in pencil."

A typewriter that typed in pencil would be pretty amazing as far as making corrections goes. Someone should have marketed this, and probably still can.

"Smoking cures weight problems...eventually."

Though many of Steven Wright's jokes are silly and non-consequential, the jokes he makes that skew a little darker always feel that much more ominous when he delivers them. 

"I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast."

All of the jokes that have been made about NASCAR and racing as a sport, this is easily my favorite, because it's silly and non-judgmental. Or at least not judgmental of anyone who knows how to leave on time.

"Sometimes you can’t hear me; it’s because sometimes I’m in parentheses."

While perhaps not the most obviously influential joke, some high school friends and I definitely would joke about being in parentheses during quiet moments.

"Why is it a penny for your thoughts, but you have to put your two cents in? Somebody’s making a penny."

Save up some of those pennies, and one can go and get the psychiatric advice of one Lucy Van Pelt, whose two cents in will set patients back five. 

"I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went, 'Aaahhh...'"

As it goes with other Wright one-liners, the logic behind this scenario leaves much to be desired, but once you get beyond the suspension of disbelief, it's hilarious turtles all the way down. 

"The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing."

There's probably a version of this joke where the Bermuda Triangle moved up to the Arctic Circle. But then maybe it would have been SpongeBob SquarePants that went missing. 

"I took a course in speed-reading. Then I got Reader's Digest on microfilm. By the time I got the machine set up, I was done."

This joke, in a not-altogether-current nutshell, speaks to why Steven Wright has been such a beloved comedian for this many years. You don't need to have any context for courses in speed-reading, nor any knowledge of what microfilm is, nor any history with Reader's Digest. And yet the joke still lands in the same unexpected way, because it's actually about impossible circumstances, which are universal to all. 

"On the other hand, you have different fingers."

Like a picture that appears to be one thing, and then looks like something else when viewed from a different perspective, this joke is either tautological obviousness, or a sage thought to spend time mulling over. Or, if you move your head back and forth a bunch while squinting, it can be both. 

"I used to work for the factory where they make hydrants, but you couldn't park anywhere near the place."

Of all the faux former occupations that Steven Wright has claimed to have for the sake of his jokes, I love this everyday-blasé reference to a fire hydrant factory. I don't think I've ever heard of such a place, though I guess they must exist. Nobody's putting hydrants together by hand.

"When I first moved into my house, there was a switch on the wall that didn't control the lights or anything. I'd just flick it up and down every once in a while. Then about a month later, I got a letter from a woman in Germany, saying, 'Cut it out.'"

This joke very much feels like the inspiration for the mysterious light switch inside Monica's apartment on Friends , considering it's the same set-up, just without any German women sending snail mail correspondence. Granted, many houses and apartment buildings are known to have wall switches that were never hooked up, or were handled erroneously, but I still prefer to believe Steven Wright and Friends are connected. 

"I was Cesarean-born. You can’t really tell, although whenever I leave a house, I go out through the window."

This joke speaks not only to Steven Wright's origins, but also might offer insight into anyone else you know that exclusively exits buildings through windows. It's a whole other conversation when it comes to the ones that readily enter buildings for the first time through windows. 

"I was thinking about the new phone that I bought, and the first thing I did was push redial. The phone had a nervous breakdown."

Just because an object is inanimate and non-sentient doesn't mean it's completely free from anxiety. I have a sneaking suspicion that a lot of Steven Wright's belongings carry an innate pang of anxiousness over the idea that he might swoop in and use them to break reality for the sake of fiction. 

"You know how it is when you decide to lie and say the check is in the mail, and then you remember it really is? I'm like that all the time."

Does it take away the sting of someone lying if it later turns out that person was unwittingly telling the truth? Probably not, since motivations are everything. Whatever that feeling is in between, where there's guilt for fibbing mixed in with relief, that's just Steven Wright. And we love him for it. 

Nick is a Cajun Country native and an Assistant Managing Editor with a focus on TV and features. His humble origin story with CinemaBlend began all the way back in the pre-streaming era, circa 2009, as a freelancing DVD reviewer and TV recapper.  Nick leapfrogged over to the small screen to cover more and more television news and interviews, eventually taking over the section for the current era and covering topics like Yellowstone, The Walking Dead and horror. Born in Louisiana and currently living in Texas — Who Dat Nation over America’s Team all day, all night — Nick spent several years in the hospitality industry, and also worked as a 911 operator. If you ever happened to hear his music or read his comics/short stories, you have his sympathy.

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