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March 22, 2021

The Personal Statement That Got Me a Large Scholarship to Cambridge

When I submitted my application for the Masters program in Latin American Studies at Cambridge University, I was a bit lost in life. I was what they call a “super-senior” at UCLA, taking my last three General Education requirements during Fall quarter of a fifth year. I had already walked for graduation the June before and the future was oddly wide open, and incredibly empty to me. Like many students who are “good at school,” I thought that a graduate program seemed like a reasonable idea, especially because I graduated during an economic crisis and the job search was difficult. I opened a number of applications for PhD programs in the United States and, on the advice of a professor, I applied to Cambridge because of the opportunity to focus exclusively on Latin American Cinema and a chance to be considered for the Gates Cambridge Scholarship.

My Gates Cambridge personal statement

While the application to Cambridge’s Latin American Studies program did not differ greatly from that of most global graduate schools, in order to be considered for funding opportunities like the Gates Cambridge award I was required to submit an additional personal statement. 

The prompt was daunting:

In not more than 500 words, please describe below how your interests and achievements, both academic and extra-curricular, demonstrate a capacity for leadership, commitment to using your knowledge to serve your community and to applying your talents to improve the lives of others.

I was 22, and I had never really tried to articulate how my curiosity about foreign languages, Latin American literature, culture, and film could demonstrate “ a capacity for leadership ,” or the ability to “serve my community.” But I gave it a go.

The statement of purpose I wrote and submitted to Cambridge:

I grew up in Oakland, California, one of the most violent and disparate urban communities in America. While I knew this as a child, I only knew it in a distant sense. I caught glimpses of newspaper headlines with phrases like “gang violence” and “high homicide rate.” I heard rap songs on the radio that referred to the infamous “O-town of the West,” or the area code “510.” Those were always funny references to my hometown, but they were words and sayings; they never felt like realities to me as I grew up. To my great surprise, these newspaper articles, statistics, and song lyrics only became real to me when I left Oakland and America to spend my junior year abroad in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, and then return home. Before I arrived there, Brazil only existed on paper, in books like Peter Winn’s Americas, and on screen in films like City of God. The mesmerizing topography and diverse population of Rio de Janeiro were realities that I approached with trepidation. But after a year, I abandoned my preconceptions about the city and was even comfortable using unofficial vans, or kombis, to navigate my way through the chaotic and sprawling city. I overcame my fears and learned how to assert myself appropriately in difficult situations. Just as I had become comfortably aware of the realities of Oakland, I became inured to the violence and class conflicts that had frightened me before arriving in Rio. With regards to this experience, the most educational and enlightening moments of shock came to me as I drove through Oakland on my way home from the airport. I had not been home for a year, my eyes were glued to the car window, and I saw everything differently. Though the terrain between the Oakland airport and my home is relatively flat, that day the socio-economic inequality was as clear to me as the diverse topography of Rio de Janeiro. To put it simply, there were houses with fences and window guards, and houses with large driveways and beautifully landscaped gardens. Through subtle markers and contexts, the issues and conflicts that had surprised and scared me in Rio were suddenly applicable to the scenery and media of my hometown. Both of these experiences, of arriving in Brazil and returning to Oakland, are powerful instances of where academic or literary knowledge solidifies through the experience of real events. I want to know more about issues of urban Latin America because they are directly related to urban American issues. Emotional and analytical access to these socio-economic issues through literature and film is a bridge that I passionately want to extend towards students. Every person who enters a college classroom is profoundly privileged with the opportunity to see herself and her surroundings differently. It is my dream to inspire others to see education as an opportunity to travel, to experience difference, and to return home with critical points of view, and the desire to create positive change.

Here’s what happened after I submitted:

• On December 10, I received an email from the Center of Latin American Studies informing me that I had been accepted to the program and would be hearing from the Board of Graduate Studies shortly.
• On December 14, I was informed that I had made it to the finalist round for Gates Cambridge, and that interviews were to be held in February.
• After finishing my coursework at UCLA , I moved home in December, picked up a job as a waitress at a local diner, and started applying for office jobs in the Bay Area.
• And on January 1, 22-year-old Oscar Grant was fatally shot by a BART cop at Fruitvale Station in Oakland, California.

How I was shocked during my Gates Cambridge interview:

During my 25-minute interview with the Gates committee in February, I was completely stunned by a question that one of the British members posed as a research question. It was something like: “Given that you propose to study Latin American film as part of your research, what do you think of the footage of Oscar Grant’s death?” I was pretty much speechless when this question was asked, and I had a hard time composing myself. Footage of Oscar Grant’s killing was impossible to avoid in Oakland. The cell phone recordings of Oscar Grant’s death were also the first reel of raw film images that I had ever seen to depict the end of an actual person’s life. I had seen American History X, a movie in which a white man brutally commits racist and fatal hate crimes, but those were fictional images. Most of the films that I studied regarding Latin America were also made of fictional images. The footage of Oscar Grant dying was a visceral reality for me, and it came with weeks of rioting in my hometown, a series of incredibly tense conversations with neighbors and family, feelings of guilt about my whiteness, and a deep sense of helplessness about the world around me. None of those words came out in my interview. Overwhelmed with emotions, I just wasn’t able to express myself in that moment, and I tried to move on as quickly as possible. But since then, I’ve thought a lot about that question.

What I learned from writing my personal statement for the Cambridge College Scholarship Application:

In hindsight, the question that the committee asked me was a genuine response to my personal statement, which means that the statement had been effective even before it became timely. Remember, I was selected for the shortlist before Oscar Grant was shot, but the setting that I created by observing my own surroundings in the personal statement is what allowed for the committee to connect with a reality that was (and still is) unfolding around me. When I first wrote this statement, I was afraid it didn’t say enough about my achievements, past leadership experiences, or meaningful accomplishments . I wasn’t ready to discuss obstacles overcome, I acknowledged my privilege, and I didn’t know anything about what the essay was supposed to be like. In fact, I didn’t share any of my applications materials with advisors or friends before submitting (a horrible idea!).  

However, after my many years of working with students from a variety of backgrounds on diversity statements and scholarship applications , I understand why this was a successful statement. All I did was observe myself in the world, genuinely and honestly at that stage of my life. I described my relationship to Oakland from an insider’s eyes, and an outsider’s eyes, and that allowed the committee to learn about me within the context of where I grew up. Because I described Oakland from the eyes of someone just off of a plane from Rio de Janeiro, I gave the committee concrete insights that they couldn’t have surmised from the first sentence: “I grew up in Oakland, California.” This is an issue that comes up a lot when I work with people on personal statements. Oftentimes the things that you know about yourself and your surroundings are so obvious to you that you forget to describe these insights to your audience. In a personal statement it is your job to explain who you are, what drives you to accomplish your goals, why your current course of study matters to you and how it can impact others.

How to write a compelling personal statement

If you’re working on a statement like this and you start to wonder what it’s supposed to be, or what you’re supposed to talk about, tell yourself to stop asking that question. Instead ask yourself, what do you know intuitively about how you move in the world? How can you observe yourself so that someone else gets a glimpse of how you think, what you care about, and why you want to do the things that you want to do? I didn’t end up getting the Gates Cambridge Scholarship, which felt like a blow at the time. 

As a result of the same application materials and essays, however, I was awarded a Cambridge Overseas Trust Scholarship for £10,000 ($17,000) which covered most of my tuition. Because of this funding, I ended up going to Cambridge and studying Latin American film. I also took away some incredible lessons from Gates Cambridge interview, and those personal insights made the whole process worth it.

Applying for multiple sources of graduate funding through the Cambridge Trust

My experience interviewing for the Gates Cambridge scholarship also marked a moment when I began my journey into the world of research, grant writing, and teaching college level composition. What I’ve learned since then is that, when it comes to competitive opportunities like the Gates Cambridge Scholarship, it is important to approach the process with level-headed expectations about the chances of getting through to the final rounds and being selected. However, that doesn’t mean that the time you spend building strong application materials and scholarship essays isn’t worth it, as your effort can likely pay off in other ways. 

At universities like Cambridge, there are usually numerous opportunities for funding through entities such as the Cambridge Trust and Funded Research Projects , and they all have different application procedures. Within the Cambridge Trust, for example, there are awards like the Hughes Hall PhD Scholarship, which requires students to select Hughes Hall as a first-choice college and fill out the general College Scholarship application, and the Kanders Churchill Scholarship, which has an entirely separate application process and personal statement. 

So, if you find yourself working on personal statement for a specific university scholarship, that’s a sign that there are other available opportunities at the same institution. The frustrating truth is that it is more than likely that these opportunities are not centralized into one application process. In order for you to make the most of all the work you’ve put into composing a personal statement, it is worth it to conduct additional research about how to be considered for additional scholarships and put together multiple applications based on your profile. 

Working on your SOP?

Get the help you need to write a personal, meaningful graduate statement of purpose. Work one-on-one with an experienced admissions advisor – one who has personally been there – to create an application you’re proud to submit. And did you know that Accepted’s clients received over $1 million dollars in scholarship offers in the last application cycle? Learn more about how Accepted can help when you check out our Graduate School Admissions Consulting Services .

Related Resources:

• What I Learned about Grant Writing from Putting Together 3 Fulbright Applications Before Finally Being Selected • What Is a Scholarship? And Why Didn’t I Get One? • Awards! Grants! Scholarships! Oh My! a podcast episode

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Pedro Vallejo Ramirez - igniting the curiosity of the young in science >>

Pedro Vallejo Ramirez

• 2016 PhD Biotechnology
• Robinson College

Born in Colombia but raised in Panama, I grew up playing with Legos. I rendered my thoughts in the form of colored bricks, building until my fingertips hurt from pushing pieces together. This passion for building translated into a love for science, which resulted in a Bachelor’s degree in Optical Engineering at the University of Rochester. During my studies I explored the ray, wave, and quantum natures of light and I fell in love with its inherent duality. There’s no absolute definition to light’s character, it depends on the context in which it interacts with its surroundings. Science and technology inspire me, and management and entrepreneurship are my driving passions. I truly enjoy working with people, especially to push forward new technologies to improve our society’s living standards. At Cambridge I will work with Professor Clemens Kaminski’s group to pioneer new trade-offs between optical and digital complexity in super resolution microscopy to better understand chemical reactions in the human body at a nanometer scale. This could allow scientists to better understand protein aggregation in the brain for early diagnosis of neurodegenerative diseases such as Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s. In the long term I want to become involved in international public policy on technological innovation and energy awareness; I want to bridge the gap between technical knowledge, management decisions, and policy making in the optics and photonics industry.

Previous Education

University of Rochester

The application process

Watch the University’s short overview film about applying for postgraduate admission and funding and then read below about specific requirements for the Gates Cambridge Scholarship.

A combined application form

Applicants submit their application for admission and funding (Gates Cambridge and other funding) via the University’s Graduate Application Portal.

To be considered for a Gates Cambridge Scholarship you must complete the section to apply for admission to a course and a College place and the Gates Cambridge part of the funding section. Gates Cambridge has access to the full application for admission and funding when reviewing applications.

The admission section

In this section you are applying to a specific graduate course and a College place. You will provide all of the usual details about yourself, your academic background, plans and suitability for the proposed course.

The funding section

In this section you can apply for a range of funding offered by the University and associated bodies, including the Gates Cambridge Scholarships, which has it’s own sub-section. When applying for a Gates Cambridge Scholarship you will be asked to provide the following:

Gates Cambridge statement

In the application form we ask:

In no more than 3000 characters (approximately 500 words) please explain why you are applying for a Gates Cambridge Scholarship and how you meet the four main criteria. Full details about how to apply, including selection criteria and guidance on completing this statement, can be found at:  www.gatescambridge.org

The statement is used by Gates Cambridge to help distinguish between those candidates who have nominated by academic departments. It helps us identify those candidates who, as well as being academically outstanding, possess a capacity for leadership and commitment to improving the lives of others. This is the only part of the application form where applicants are specifically asked about their fit with the Gates Cambridge programme and you should use your background, achievements, experiences and future aims to show how you specifically meet the programme’s criteria.

Research proposal (PhD applicants only)

Gates Cambridge requires PhD applicants only to submit a research proposal as part of their application for funding. Most PhD applicants will upload a research proposal as part of their application for admission, but where this is not the case a research proposal is required to apply for a Gates Cambridge Scholarship. If you are applying for a degree other than the PhD you do not need to submit a research proposal as part of your materials of the Gates Cambridge Scholarship .

Gates Cambridge reference

In addition to two academic references for admission, Gates Cambridge applicants must arrange for someone to submit a reference setting out how they meet the scholarship’s criteria.

Please give your assessment of the applicant’s suitability for a Gates Cambridge Scholarship. These are awarded on the following criteria: intellectual ability, justification for the choice of course, a commitment to improving the lives of others and leadership capacity.

We also ask:

• How highly would you rank the applicant for a Gates Cambridge Scholarship?
• On what overall group are you basing this ranking?
• What is the size of this group?

The Gates Cambridge reference is used in the same way as the Gates Cambridge statement – to help distinguish between those candidates who have nominated by academic departments.

Referees are also asked how they rate the applicant for the scholarship: exceptional, strong, not strong, weak. They may paste/type up to 4,000 characters into the on-line reference or upload a separate letter.

Who should write the Gates Cambridge reference?

You should ask someone of appropriate standing who is able to answer the question with authority and who understands the criteria and highly competitive nature of the Gates Cambridge programme and academic standards at the University of Cambridge.

Many applicants ask a current or former academic advisor who is aware of their personal attributes, a current or former employer, or a senior member of an organisation with whom they have volunteered – although this is by no means an exhaustive list. Some applicants ask one of their two academic referees to write the Gates Cambridge reference: this is fine, as long as that person has a good understanding of your personal qualities and writes specifically about how you meet the Gates Cambridge criteria (and does not provide a third academic reference).

You should not ask a friend or a family member, or someone who is unable to comment on your suitability for a Gates Cambridge Scholarship.

Some points to consider are:

• It is essential that the Gates Cambridge referee is fully briefed about the Gates Cambridge Scholarship, especially its selection criteria, so they can write the most appropriate reference for you;
• It is useful when referees use specific examples of how you meet the Scholarship’s criteria;
• You will need to ensure your Gates Cambridge referee understands the need to keep the reference focused on the Gates Cambridge criteria (and not, for example, rehash a standard or previous reference).
• You must ensure both your academic and gates Cambridge referees submit their references by the specified deadline

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The Best Cambridge Personal Statement Examples

A deep perusal of Cambridge personal statement examples can help you understand how to go about crafting your own finely honed statement. You can also look at college letter of intent samples, diversity essay examples – also called diversity secondary essays – or the Common App essay for inspiration.

Writing college essays is tough. Whether you need help with how to start a college essay or how to structure your college essay, reading essay samples written for Cambridge will help you navigate this intimidating process and submit a personal statement that impresses the admissions committee. Now let’s dive in!

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Article Contents 8 min read

Cambridge personal statement examples, example no.1.

Working as a private tutor has changed my life dramatically. I started out because some of my peers wanted assistance with their studies, but I quickly became frustrated. Tutoring seemed like an easy way to make money. All I had to do was explain some concepts – or so I thought. When I started tutoring, I would read out a lesson or concept, then go over problems with my student until I knew they could handle that particular problem, and I would be back for the next session. However, I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something deeper to teaching a subject.

I was working with my friend Eli on math every week. What frustrated me with Eli was that, although he could grasp concepts, he was always in need of help. I realised that I wasn’t helping Eli; I was only teaching him one concept at a time. What I needed to do was teach Eli how to learn. It wasn’t enough to show him answers and equations; I had to teach him how to spark his curiosity. I had to teach him how to think, not what to think. This was the missing element in my instruction. It wasn’t enough that I should help a student grasp a difficult concept, but rather to acquire the tools he would need to grow in his curiosity and approach to studying.

Want to learn easy ways to make your college essay standout? Watch this video:

When next I taught Eli, I changed my methods. Instead of just telling Eli when to use a specific calculus formula, I started bringing in oddly shaped containers and showing him how calculus would be useful in determining their volume. Giving him physical mysteries to solve and showing him the applicability of calculus fired Eli’s imagination and engaged him far more. I was on my way to teaching Eli how to think.

Eli needed fewer sessions after that, which became my measurement of success. Strangely enough, doing my work optimally would put myself out of a job. While there will always be new students to help, the goal of a teacher or tutor should not be to keep working with one student, but to help that student move beyond the teacher and then to seek out the next growing mind to aid.

I felt like I was ready to throw my computer monitor out the window or give up entirely on coding. I was trying to learn how to programme a video game, but I was becoming frustrated with my project. Our deadline was looming, and I felt like I had taken on a bigger project than I could handle.

Fortunately, I learnt the most valuable lesson that day. My friend, Kaylee, noticed my frustration and asked, “Can I help?”. I showed her what was wrong, and she helped me move past my hurdles and smooth out my code. I shared some of my ideas, and we both went away with a better understanding of computer coding. Along with improving my own project and getting over my own frustrating hurdle, I was also able to help Kaylee. Our conversations throughout the day had me suggesting several shortcuts to tighten up her coding language, making it more efficient and precise. While I hadn’t intended to help Kaylee, our collaboration benefited her as well.

The lesson was to stay connected. We live increasingly in a virtual world, from social media to online work-from-home jobs, and it is harder than ever to maintain connections with actual human beings. This led Kaylee and me to found the “Human Programming Club,” which emphasised human interaction, along with collaboration and a team effort. The club grew to include several schools in our area, which improved the programming experience of a lot of computer science students in our city.

Your Computer Science programme emphasises these human and collaborative elements. In second year, students work on a group project “…which reflects current industrial practice.” This emphasis on working together attracted me to your programme and is the reason I am applying. The Cambridge Ring, which emphasises social, career and community, is something I would love to be a part of. This is also because I have long-term goals that I believe will be best served with this type of education.

My plan is to bring the liveliness of the Human Programming Club to our current computing technologies, both in programming environments and through the interactions we have with machines and with apps in our day-to-day lives. I want our interactions with computers to serve relationships and human society, not replace them. Most importantly, I want to bring an inclusiveness and sense of belonging to the world of programming. When we emphasised these aspects of our Human Programming Club, we saw an increase in underrepresented persons among the membership. Making marginalised persons feel more accepted in the world of coding and computer science would be amazing. You also offer positive action programmes for women and LGBTQ+ computer science students, and I find this encouraging and something I would like to support.

I believe your programme is optimal for me to work towards those goals, and I hope to hear from you – and connect – soon.

Want to learn strategies to increase your chances of getting into an Ivy League School? Check this out:

Example No.3

The sky seemed smaller when I saw the eagle pass across the sun. I immediately pulled out the nature journal I had with me. These journals have kept track of every scientific discovery I have experienced. I did a quick sketch of the bird – some extras of the wings – and wrote down my observations. I also recorded questions about the bird – mostly diet and habitat – that occurred to me while sketching. My journals, based on Kipling’s “six honest serving men” (What, Why, When, How, Where and Who), guided and augmented my insatiable curiosity. I returned from my US vacation with two full journals of sketches and questions about everything. Fascinated with how a bird’s wing works, it became an obsession at the library for weeks.

These questions gave me purpose in another favourite place of mine: the lab. I couldn’t wait to get home and get into the science labs of my school, which would provide me the opportunity to ask my questions and get answers. My teacher, Mr. Shepherd, books the lab for me after school to allow me to go deeper into research. He has helped me set up experiments in aerodynamics, lift and velocity, which would help me to understand a bird’s wing better.

I also used my shop class time to build different gliders to test. I tried one that really flapped, but it never got off the ground. Still, I learnt why it couldn’t work – the wood was too heavy for the small engines I used. That failure became as informative as a success would have been.

I love all aspects of scientific inquiry, and it is for this reason that I have applied to your Biological Sciences programme, which is both comprehensive and focused. I am particularly interested in your research projects on organisms, evolution and ecology. How do new species arise? How did we get to the species we have now? Birds’ wings didn’t come from nowhere, and I’d love to explore the past, present and future of the evolution of species. I believe your programme will allow me this opportunity.

Cambridge recommends that you follow the UCAS advice on personal statements when writing your own. While acceptance to Cambridge is based solely on academic criteria (ability and potential), your personal statement may be discussed during the interview, so it is an important aspect of your college interview prep .

When writing your personal statement, consider the following 4 points highlighted by Cambridge:

It will also be helpful to keep Cambridge’s core values and mission statement in mind and reflect those ideals in your essay.

Also remember that every essay is, to some extent, a “ why this college” essay . You should always use that as a baseline for how to write a college essay .

Mission Statement

“The mission of the University of Cambridge is to contribute to society through the pursuit of education, learning and research at the highest international levels of excellence."

Core Values

Freedom of thought and expression

Freedom from discrimination

Integrating Values

You don’t need to specifically use the exact wording Cambridge chooses, but your essays should reflect these goals. Here’s what every essay can include:

• Something to show that you think about your community and the global community, to correspond with the stated goal of contributing to society
• A focus on education and research – mentioning your curiosity or pursuit of knowledge
• Expressing yourself and telling your story to fulfil one half of the core values
• Are there any ways you represent diversity? This could be in your personal profile or experiences, but more important will be ways you might have contributed to assisting diversity, progress, or the advancement of underrepresented persons.

All Cambridge personal statements have a 4,000-character cap, which includes spaces, and must be no longer than 47 lines. Some universities might have college essay topics , but Cambridge’s personal statements are not prompt-based.

These three examples should give you a good sense of the structure, tone and content you can consider in your Cambridge personal statement.

If you still need more examples, you can get good insights from different institutions’ requirements, such as the Oxford personal statement . Columbia Medical School secondary essay examples or Brown Medical School secondary essay examples might not seem germane to your Cambridge essays, but they will still provide you with the structure and focus you need. Looking at other essay systems, such as the one that applies to the AMCAS personal statement , might also give you ideas.

Cambridge University personal statements should be no more than 4,000 characters, and this number includes spaces.

No. If you express yourself well, it doesn’t really matter if you have a shorter personal statement. Brevity is a good thing, provided you have fully communicated why you are the perfect candidate for the programme to which you are applying.

Give examples of your connection to the programme you are interested in, and remember the rule of “Show, don’t tell” when communicating this. Traits you want to show include curiosity, passion, and personal growth. You might choose to highlight some of your extracurriculars for college , too.

Anything irrelevant, which has no bearing on your goals or accomplishments, as well as anything negative. You don’t want to cast yourself in a negative light or just be perceived as a negative person. 

Stay very focused on one or two main points. You must show your greatest strengths and connect yourself to the programme. You don’t need to include everything, so just focus on one, driving point.

Start with a good “hook” sentence and use your opening paragraph to set up the rest of the essay. Keep to one theme per paragraph and link everything together with your conclusion for the perfect essay.

They will want to see creativity, curiosity, persistence, a good work ethic, a connection to the material and some sense of goals and aspirations. College admissions consulting , such as a college essay review service , can give you excellent advice on your personal statement. 

Two or three weeks, working daily on your statement, to give you the chance to not only write, but re-write, refine, edit, proofread and find someone to read and critique your paper.

Brainstorming for a few minutes will help. Take two or three minutes and a blank page and write down everything you love about your chosen subject. Free-associate, and you’ll almost definitely have something when your time is up.

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Gates Cambridge Class of 2020

Photo Credit: Nazim Uddin Prince

The Gates Cambridge Scholarship is one of the world's most sought after awards. The scholarship programme was established in 2000 after the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation donated $210 million to the University of Cambridge to fund an international postgraduate scholarship programme for students who are both academically outstanding and show a strong commitment to improving the lives of others. It remains the largest single donation to a UK university.

Since the first cohort of Gates Cambridge Scholars in 2001, over 1,700 scholars have been selected from over 100 countries. This year’s cohort of 77 Scholars - the Class of 2020 - includes citizens from 30 different countries.

Eighty per cent of the scholars-elect will pursue PhDs and their subjects range from the impact of climate change on coastal birds and rabies control to indigenous rights in New Zealand, the history of uncertainty in polar climate science and the moral basis of identity-based harm.

Kayla Barron, NASA

Although the scholarship has been in existence for less than two decades, there are now over 1,500 alumni across the world already making an impact in all areas of human endeavour. They include:

Kayla Barron [pictured above], who recently graduated from NASA’s astronaut training programme and is one of a growing cadre of female astronauts who are vying to become the first woman to set foot on the Moon.

Jimin Yu ,  Associate Professor in the Research School of Earth Sciences at the Australian National University, whose research in the  field of paleoceanography and explores climate change over millennia now covers data from the last 15 million years.

Sabrina Anjara , who continues to break new ground with her research on mental health provision in Indonesia, recently met the President of Indonesia to discuss the role of the Indonesian diaspora in economic development.  

Chandler Robinson whose second successful biotech company, Monopar Therapeutics Inc, recently floated on the stock market and reportedly experienced the “best first-day pop for an IPO since [Chinese tech company] Baidu in 2005”.

Robyn Scott , co-founder of Apolitical, which brings government workers across the world together to discuss best practice on global challenges.

Stephen Toope, Vice-Chancellor, University of Cambridge

Stephen Toope, the Vice-Chancellor of the University of Cambridge and Chair of the Gates Cambridge Trustees, said: “The Gates Cambridge Scholars are an outstanding group of people. They have not only demonstrated exceptional academic abilities in their fields, but have also shown a real commitment to engaging with the world – and to changing it for the better. They truly embody the values our University cherishes –  excellence, a global outlook and an aspiration to contribute to society, values that are needed more than ever at this terrible time.”

This year's cohort includes:

Shadrack Frimpong

Shadrack Frimpong , from Ghana, who will research how the use of community engagement and farm revenues can help to eliminate some of the barriers to healthcare in poor regions.

It builds on his experience of setting up global health non-profit Cocoa360 which leverages community resources such as cocoa to improve social determinants of health such as healthcare and educational access. 

Shadrack's motivation is deeply personal. At age nine, his legs were nearly amputated after he contracted an infection from swimming in a river and had to travel six hours to access healthcare.

He says: "My own health challenges, as well as those of my family members have fuelled my calling to serve others as a public health leader and scholar."

Emma Gattey

Emma Gattey who will be doing a PhD on Māori resistance to British colonisation in New Zealand. Her aim is to highlight the role of indigenous peoples in the globalisation of anticolonial discourse.

Emma has worked as a junior barrister, law tutor and within the High Court in New Zealand, focusing on cases in the field of indigenous rights law. 

She says: "My project traces the genealogy of international solidarity in New Zealand: the increasing consciousness of a shared struggle against common oppressors transcending national or ethnic boundaries.

"I want my academic work to inform and develop public knowledge and opinion, to improve race relations as well as social justice outcomes for New Zealanders."

Muhamad Hartono

Muhamad Hartono , from Bengkulu in Sumatra, who will use his PhD to develop nanomaterials for a combined therapy and diagnosis for pancreatic cancer treatment.

Having lost his grandmother to pancreatic cancer, Muhamad hopes his work will improve outcomes for pancreatic cancer, which remains one of the hardest cancers to treat.

Muhamad, who has worked on several community projects including a mentorship programme for students in Bengkulu, lived for five years in a tent with his family after the 2004 Indian Ocean tsunami and earthquake demolished his village.

His experiences have made him determined to use his education for good.

Lyndie Zollinger

Lyndie Zollinger , who will do a PhD in Engineering. Raised in Utah, she took one and a half years away from her studies to be a missionary.

Lyndie’s interest in studying medical challenges from a mechanical perspective was ignited after she suffered an accident in class which injured her leg.

Her research projects have included an assistive diaphragm for cystic fibrosis patients at MIT and an implantable sensor for the brain at the University of Auckland. For her PhD she will focus on knee force loading in everyday activities and its effects on knee damage and injuries using image analysis techniques and mechanical modeling.

She says: “This will enable the use of simpler data acquisition devices to understand, characterise and predict various ailments of the knee in day-to-day activities.”

Sayam Chowdhury

Sayam Chowdhury , from Bangladesh, will do a PhD in Zoology focused on migratory shorebirds in the coastal areas of Bangladesh.

His work aims to identify the most effective long-term conservation measures for these species, ecosystems and the communities that depend on them.

Sayam has been working in conservation for the past 12 years, focusing on threatened coastal and riverine birds.

He says: "I hope that the results of my PhD will be used to inform coastal planning decisions in Bangladesh and elsewhere in Asia and will benefit millions of migratory birds of our region and people who are dependent on coastal wetlands for their livelihood." 

Niamh O'Neill

Niamh O’Neill , from Ireland, who will do her PhD on Computational Methods for Materials Science, which will focus on the mathematical underpinnings of computational techniques and high-performance computing.

Although based on fundamental research into electronic structure theory, she says the societal implications and potential applications of her project are vast, particularly in the pharmaceutical sector.

Niamh, who is also a top athlete, having been an Irish National under 23 5,000m champion in 2018, says: "I am really motivated by the prospect of developing new computational methods so that we can accurately model the physical and chemical properties of molecular crystals.

"Improving our understanding of these is very important - for example, in the world today most pharmaceutical drugs are comprised of molecular crystals."

Kumar Thurimella

Kumar Thurimella , from the US, who will combine maths and medicine in his PhD in Biotechnology which will focus on using technology to help aid the discovery of the mechanisms behind inflammatory diseases.

It is something that is close to his heart as he witnessed how his father struggled with inflammatory disease.

His research involves developing a mathematical framework for validating a bioelectronic model of the gut. He hopes his research will be "a game changer for pharmaceutical treatments".

Kumar, who worked as a software engineer at Uber for three years before doing his master's in Cambridge, is in the middle of medical training in the US where he has also been building software tools for microbiome analysis.

Amelia Urry

Amelia Urry who is doing a PhD on the history of scientific uncertainty in climate science in Antarctica.

A prize-winning poet and journalist from the US, she is motivated by her experience of covering climate change as a reporter. 

Amelia says: "I wanted to look at the history behind our attitudes toward the environment, to understand how we ended up where we are today - and what kind of lessons we might take from that history.

"It's pretty clear, for example, that the problem facing climate activists and journalists doesn't have anything to do with explaining the science more clearly, but with pushing back collectively against decades of industry-led campaigns to convince us that climate science is unsettled and that scientists themselves are untrustworthy." 

Gates Cambridge orientation

The Gates Cambridge experience

In addition to the quality of scholars, the focus on social leadership and the generosity of the programme, what makes Gates Cambridge stand out is its focus on community. The Gates Cambridge Scholars Council is a scholar-led body that provides professional, academic and personal support to scholars and their families.

Andrea Kusec, the President of the Council said: "The Scholars Council is formed of diverse and passionate individuals that aim to enhance the Cambridge experience for Gates Scholars. The Council organises events that focus on personal interests of scholars such as socials, cultural celebrations, and opportunities to share and disseminate their research, but we also provide outward-focused events such as public engagement opportunities and volunteering with local charities.

“We aim to offer scholars academic and professional skills training, while striving to help scholars feel supported, welcome, and part of something truly unique throughout their time here in Cambridge. We very much wish for scholars to always feel part of our global network, and to come together as change-driven leaders for the wellbeing of the world."

The sense of community is extended after graduation through the Gates Cambridge Alumni Association which organises events and meet-ups around the world such as the annual Gates Cambridge Alumni Symposium and Gates Cambridge Memorial Lecture, as well as online 'Careers in Academia' alumni panels . This year’s Lauren Zeitels keynote speaker was Dr Leana Wen, an emergency physician, public health leader and passionate advocate for patient-centred healthcare reform.

Professor Barry Everitt

Professor Barry Everitt FRS FMedSci ScD, Provost (CEO) of the Gates Cambridge Trust, said: "The Scholars-elect fully meet the aspiration of the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation’s generous and historic gift to the University of Cambridge. This year's selection process has taken place against the background of the COVID-19 pandemic which more than ever shows the vital need to bring together from around the world the most brilliant minds from the most diverse backgrounds to work on global challenges. 

"This year's cohort, like its predecessors, is an impressive group of individuals who have already made their mark in their academic studies and demonstrated strong leadership qualities.We are particularly delighted that we were able to offer awards to a large number of PhD scholars.  We are certain that our 2020 Gates Cambridge cohort will flourish in the vibrant, international community at Cambridge and go on to make a significant impact in their fields and the wider global community."

For full details of this year’s new scholars, click here .

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Medicine Personal Statement Examples – Cambridge (Lucy)

Home » Application Guide » Medicine Personal Statement Examples – Cambridge (Lucy)

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Welcome to our collection of Medicine Personal Statement Examples! We’ve searched far and wide to find personal statements from successful applicants all around the UK and asked them to analyse the strengths and weaknesses of their work for your own inspiration. Today’s subject is from Lucy, who studies Medicine at the University of Cambridge.

Lucy applied to study medicine in 2020 at some of the top Universities in the UK, including Imperial and Birmingham , and subsequently received offers from three of her four choices, of which she chose Cambridge.  

Let’s read the personal statement that got her a place at the University of Cambridge , or skip straight to her feedback to learn what made her personal statement a success!

Please be aware that these examples are meant purely for the sake of inspiration, and should absolutely NOT be used as a model around which to base your own personal statement. UCAS have a rather strict system that detects plagiarism .

Cambridge Medicine Personal Statement Example

Whole personal statement.

My interest in medicine stems originally from my fascination with science and its relation to the human body, and the opportunity to apply medical research to improve people’s lives. However, it was volunteering in a nursing home for a year and realising how much joy just offering care and empathy can give that motivated me to pursue a medical career.

Watching one of the residents with whom I had built a bond gradually showing the unrelenting impacts of ageing highlighted the difficulty in maintaining emotional resilience in medicine. This inspired me to read ‘Being Mortal’ which shed light on the roles of a doctor in end of life care whilst making me increasingly aware of the ethical dilemmas in supporting an ageing population. To enhance my interpersonal skills, I also volunteered at a charity shop where facing difficult customers has made me more confident and versatile in my interactions with the public.

Shadowing a GP emphasised to me the incredible demand put on primary care services but also the efficacy of triage and good organisation. Nurses ran minor illness clinics, freeing up GPs to see more urgent or complex patients which enabled the practice to run smoothly and efficiently. Despite having a backlog of patients to see, the GP’s calm and sensitive manner towards each individual was inspiring. A high level of care I aspire to achieve as a doctor. My hospital work experience reiterated the value of cohesive team-work during an anterior cruciate ligament replacement and I was impressed by how team members’ roles and responsibilities complemented each other. Team-work and leadership are integral to my role as a Prefect and as co-secretary in BAYouth, the Welsh NHS’ youth advisory panel, ensuring that minutes are written and projects completed. Sitting on interview panels has given me an insight into the diversity of roles within healthcare and the importance of each member in a multidisciplinary team.

I thoroughly enjoyed doing my Extended Project on nanomedicine as it showed how the scientific disciplines of physics, biology and chemistry overlap each other in medicine. Synthesising complex scientific literature taught me valuable critical thinking and extended writing skills. Through time-consuming amendments, challenging me to deal with uncertainty and situations not going to plan, I found that effective organisation made the research process much more manageable, allowing me to complete my EPQ to a high standard in one year. The scientific principles that underpin medicine continue to fascinate me, and therefore, I arranged work experience in the Centre for Nanohealth. It was exciting to successfully make and test my own glucose microneedle biosensor and assist in cutting-edge medical research.

As a naturally curious person, I enjoy investigating medical advancements in the New Scientist magazine. Since coming across a patient with fibromyalgia in my work experience, I have also been interested in topics surrounding neuroscience. The prospect of utilising scientific innovation in clinical contexts excites me and I look forward to furthering my understanding of science throughout my career.

As a Grade 8 pianist, I relish in performing in concerts and competitions under pressure. However, music, alongside badminton, mainly helps me to relax. I enjoyed completing my Bronze Duke of Edinburgh award and the UKMT Mathematics challenges which made use of my problem-solving skills, and doing Grade 8 LAMDA examinations enhanced my communication skills. I believe effective time-management enables me to integrate academia with relaxation so that I can maintain a good work-life balance.

My resolve to study medicine is the result of long contemplation. I know that it will often be gruelling and will involve sacrifices, but I believe it will offer a sense of satisfaction like no other job. My intrinsic scientific curiosity along with my desire for social interaction drive a commitment to medicine as a life-long endeavour.

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Cambridge Medicine Personal Statement Example Analysis

Now, let’s go section by section and see what Lucy has to say about what she wrote:  

INTRODUCTION

Introduction

The introduction is simple & clear, with no filler or frills. My intention was simply to state why I wanted to go into healthcare rather than a purely scientific career . It’s always good to hone in on what is about medicine in particular that interests you, as it is very easy to discuss topics that could apply to other subjects like Biology, Chemistry, etc. It was also backed by evidence from my time in the care home. It is not too long which is important for maintaining attention, but gets across a lot of points and provides topics for further discussion in the main body of the statement.

It does feel a bit cliched to speak about medicine in such a noble and positive way, but it is how I genuinely felt when writing this statement. This can be seen in some of my choices of words, such as ‘joy’, which could have been a bit more sincere and less idealistic. The admissions team want to see people with an actual desire to enter medicine, but it can perhaps seem naive to describe experience like this in such a way. It also reads as if the nursing home was the only reason for me to pursue medicine rather than an accumulation of experiences, which wasn’t the case.  

Paragraph 1

This paragraph follows on from the introduction very directly as it goes into my experience in a nursing home which linked to my reading of ‘Being Mortal’, indicating that I have followed up on my interests and reflections. You should always be looking to demonstrate you understanding of the subject by discussing the connections between different experiences, as well as discussing how they link with medicine as a whole. Not only does it show an understanding of the things you do, but it also tells a story, which makes the statement more interesting to read. I also stated what steps I had done to improve on the skills I saw/read, another key element of writing a personal statement; reflection of one’s experiences.

I was a bit too vague with my discussion of ‘ ethical issues ‘ but it does give some room for exploration in the interview. However, the biggest flaw with this paragraph is the last sentence. While the connection between difficult customers and difficult patients may seem fairly obvious, this is still the type of thing that I should have actually explored in writing. Even with this in mind though, trying to connect retail experience with medical work was a very big stretch, one that makes me seem even more naive as the two fields are on completely different levels. This was a case of me having experience I wanted to mention without thinking about how it would work in the statement as a whole.  

Paragraph 2

Here, I delve into my most relevant work experience , which is essential for any medical personal statement. Through my description of the things I saw and did, I was able to express the various lessons and values I learnt from my time there. Showing how meaningful the experience was to my development is important for showing my commitment and engagement with the subject. As a more general example, I emphasised the importance of teamwork and showed appreciation for all healthcare workers I had encountered rather than just the doctor, further displaying my appreciation of the work it takes to enter the medical field.  

My first major issue isn’t really with the paragraph itself but with the format of the statement as a whole. This should have been my first main body paragraph, as it is a much stronger introduction to my abilities and understanding compared to my experience in care or retail. Those two things are important to mention, but I didn’t start with my best foot forward, which is a definite mistake. In terms of the actual writing here, I didn’t go into detail of specific experiences/things I saw that showed teamwork and was quite vague in ‘complemented each other’- in what way? Instead of describing that I saw a lot of teamwork, I could have cut down the experiences and went into one specific one in more detail.  

Paragraph 3

This paragraph emphasises my scientific interest which is an important skill to demonstrate,   especially for Oxbridge applications. Since I sought out work experience in an area related to my EPQ, it shows I am truly interested and dedicated in the topic. While you need to be prepared to branch out into other area throughout your studies, demonstrating that you have already formed an interest in a specialist subject is great for showing that you are proactive and independent.  

Instead of just saying I arranged work experience, I should have reflected more on what I gained from it or learnt from it. I could have also described a more specific area of nanomedicine or an interesting case I saw to guide/predict interview questions more easily. The amount of detail I went into was decent, but you can always go deeper into topics, provided you’ve got the word count for it. Either way, it creates a good discussion point at you interview.  

Paragraph 4/5

These two paragraphs delve deeper into my research and extra-curricular activities , which is always an important thing to discuss in the latter half of your personal statement. The research especially further demonstrates my interest in the subject, while my extra curricular activities help to portray me as a hard-working, well-rounded and multi-skilled individual, something that’s always important for admissions teams.

While my research shows further dedication and understanding for the medicine, I have not linked any of my extra-curricular activities to the subject in anyway. I do mention so very general skills that have been developed from these activities, but the best personal statements would link these activities back to medicine in some way, even just with a brief sentence or passing mention. How do my piano or badminton skills make me a better medical student? This is the type of question you should aim to answer.  

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This conclusion is short and sums up my reasons to study medicine nicely, which is exactly what a good conclusion should do. However, it also describes how I appreciate the challenges that come with it, which show a level of self-awareness and realism that I perhaps missed in my introduction. It follows from the paragraph about my work/life balance which demonstrates appreciation of the sacrifices made in medicine, while demonstrating that these are sacrifices I would happily make for a chance to study, and eventually work, in medicine.

I think that ‘ social interaction’ could have been replaced by something more specific to medicine such as saving lives or advancing medicinal technology, as social interaction could encompass quite a lot of professions. Overall though, I feel this is a very solid conclusion!

Final Thoughts

I have covered practically everything that is expected of a good personal statement in some form here. Despite a couple of structural issues, I believe I have prioritised the the most important and most effective parts of my experience in order to create a statement that paints me in a very good light. From almost all of my work experiences, I have tried to improve certain skills and I showed that I took action to do so. The introduction is as clear as I could make it which is important to convey my key reasons to study medicine while the conclusion sums everything up nicely without repeating too much from the rest of the statement.

There are various smaller issues scattered around this personal statement, but nothing that makes it become a weak piece of work. For one, some of the statements I made were unnecessary and vague. Rather than aiming for quantity of experiences/skills, I think that delving into the most important ones with good reflection and understanding of their relevance would have been better. I could have also removed the section about LAMDA exams and piano exams as they would have been described in my UCAS application anyway, and don’t link to medicine in any meaningful way in my writing.  

As I said before, I didn’t start the discussion of my experiences with the most impressive and important part, my work experience, which undervalues all the work I did during the time somewhat. My final paragraph about my extra-curricular activities was also a bit weak looking back at it, as the admissions team will only be so impressed by these achievements if I haven’t explained how they have improved my abilities in medicine.  

So there you have it! This personal statement helped Lucy get 3/4 offers in her application, which is an incredibly desirable position for any applicant to be in!

Everyone has different experiences and abilities, so you may not be able to relate to everything that was said in this personal statement. However, the information and advice provided by Lucy is universal and will help any applicant write a better personal statement!  

Be sure to check out more Medicine Personal Statement Analyses to see advice from all different kinds of applicants, including Ali Abdaal himself, who also attended Cambridge! Or if you want to get started on your own statement, check out 6med’s Personal Statement Bundle for all the support and resources you’ll ever need! If you want full support on every part of your application and a guaranteed place at med school, the Complete Bundle will be perfect for you.  

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Chapter 5: Personal Statements and Application Essays for National Scholarships

A good essay must have this permanent quality about it; it must draw its curtain around us, but it must be a curtain that shuts us in not out.

Nowhere does a student’s ability to communicate well about personal attitudes and accomplishments become more important than in applications for national scholarships. With a mostly even playing field among scholars when it comes to GPA, personal statements and answers to application questions truly do help selectors winnow out the best choices, seeking a tidy match between individual candidates and available opportunities. A Marshall Scholar might not be right for an NSF Fellowship, and vice versa; a student activist might be a poor fit for many scholarships but perfect for the Truman Scholarship.

This chapter summarizes nine of the nation’s most coveted scholarships, with samples of personal statements and essays following each scholarship description. All of the samples here are strong, and about half of them come from scholarship winners and finalists, culled from about 100 students representing about 20 states.

Using the material in this chapter, educate yourself on your target scholarship and study its samples thoroughly, recognizing the rhetorical strategies employed as well as how carefully writers match their backgrounds to the scholarship criteria. Visit the scholarship websites and read the profiles of past winners when available, envisioning yourself as a featured student on the website in the following year. Most importantly, be prepared to spend 50+ hours studying, reflecting, and writing as part of the scholarship application process, as winners typically report they do. Whether you win or not, the time will be well spent.

In addition to the national scholarships discussed in this chapter, there are numerous other "prestige" scholarships available to ambitious and deserving students. The guidebook, "Prestige Scholarships for College," lists and explains the various prestige scholarships available, discusses how to make them a realistic option, and includes expert advice on increasing your chances of landing one.

Visit the "Prestige Scholarships for College" Website.

Websites such as STEPS (Student Training & Education in Public Service) support students seeking careers in public service, helping aspiring police officers, teachers, social workers, and related public service professionals find the necessary funding for their specialized college education. STEPS lnks students to scholarships in areas ranging from criminal justice to cybersecurity to public health.

Visit the STEPS Website.

Websites such as edumed.org help students find the best scholarships available in medical fields including nursing, dental hygiene, and special interests. Scholarship amounts range from hundreds to thousands of dollars, including loan forgiveness programs tied to a specific follow-up profession by the student upon graduation.

Visit edumed.org's "50 Top Scholarships for Medical & Health Students" site.

The Udall Scholarship

The Udall Scholarship honors Morris K. Udall, an Arizona Congressman who authored legislation to protect wilderness areas and demonstrated commitment to the Native American and Alaska Native populations. Sophomores and juniors are eligible for the scholarship, which covers educational expenses for one year up to a maximum of $5,000. Udall Scholars come from various fields, ranging from environmental science to engineering to political science, and share in common a commitment to preserving or improving the environment. Udall Scholarships also include special categories for nominees who are Native American or Alaska Native with a commitment to the areas of tribal policy and health care.

The Udall Scholarship Selection Criteria

Udall Scholarship applications are reviewed by at least two readers, ranging from professors of environmental science to scholarship directors to representatives from the EPA. Four principal categories are used to rank each applicant:

• commitment to the environment, health care, or tribal public policy;
• academic achievements;
• nominee’s personal essay;
• personal characteristics as revealed by such evidence as volunteerism and testimonials in letters of reference.

Answering the Udall Application Essay Questions

The Udall application is extensive, including short essays written in response to a series of questions. These questions invite detail in such areas as your professional aspirations, career goals, research experience, leadership, personal motivation, and service, and there’s even an open-ended question asking what additional information you wish to share. In answering these questions, former Udall applicants have described active membership in professional service organizations, a spring break Habitat for Humanity project, a life-changing semester of study in Ecuador, and a project using bird counts as a marker to assess the biological integrity of a local landscape. To answer the open-ended question, which the selection committee uses to sometimes award discretionary points, former applicants have emphasized an interest in environmental education outreach, discussed their role as the first member of their family to attend college, or noted their struggles as a single parent on financial aid.

Most important in answering these application questions is that you read the questions carefully to discern the desired criteria, that you use specifics and avoid unnecessary redundancy with other parts of the application, and that you avoid leaving any of the questions blank or providing answers that are out of proportion to your other answers in length or intent. Seek a balanced, efficient presentation.

Evaluation of Two Sample Sets of Udall Application Materials

The two sample sets of Udall application materials in the pdf below are richly detailed, with both writers thoroughly discussing research and field experiences. In discussing his environmental commitment, the first writer, an environmental engineering student, focuses on a field trip to a Superfund site where he witnessed remediation in action, while the second writer, studying mathematics and ecology, discusses a course she is taking on environmental issues in South Africa and a sailing adventure in the Florida Keys. Of note in the first writer’s essay is his creative answer to question #4, about leadership in his campus community, where he discusses his participation in an outreach service project. The first writer was put forth as a finalist but did not receive a Udall. The second writer did receive a scholarship, after winning honorable mention in the previous year.

The final application question is especially challenging, requiring you to compose an 800-word essay discussing Udall’s ideas and connect them to your own interests. Through the detail of the two samples, we sense that these writers are genuine rather than simply parroting back answers they anticipate the committee wants to hear, and that they studied Udall’s work carefully to inform their essays. The first writer focuses on Udall’s contributions to “the philosophical evolution of the environmental movement,” while the second writer takes the gutsy approach of discussing legislation that Udall fought hard for but later came to regret because of some of its impacts. This writer also draws an interesting case for simpatico views she has with Udall regarding her current environmental project.

To apply for the Udall Scholarship, you must start the process online, where you’ll find everything from application materials to a video featuring former Udall winners.

Visit the Morris K. Udall Scholarship website .

The National Science Foundation Graduate Research Fellowship

The National Science Foundation (NSF) awards fellowships for graduate study in science, mathematics, and engineering to candidates who are expected to contribute significantly to research, teaching, and industrial applications. Fellowships support students for one year or several, and the stipend is generous (in 2009 each fellow received $30,000 for a 12-month tenure), with an additional cost-of-education allowance granted to the fellowship institution ($10,500 in 2009). Obviously these awards are highly competitive, and selection panels choose students who will have a great impact on their fields and bring further reputation to their institutions. The NSF program also includes special awards for women in engineering and computer and information science. Individuals can apply during their senior year of college as well as during graduate school.

The NSF Fellowship Selection Criteria

NSF applications are reviewed by discipline-specific panels of mathematicians, scientists, professors, and engineers. Reviewers attend specifically to two criteria:

• intellectual merit, including the strength of the candidate’s academic record, the research plan and previous research, and ability to communicate and interpret research findings;
• broader impacts, reflecting the review panel’s desire to encourage diversity and benefit society through NSF awards.

Once the review panel makes its selections, NSF staff further review the fellowship recommendations, considering additional criteria such as geographic region, discipline, and other policy-specific selection factors.

Answering the NSF Application Essay Questions

The NSF application includes almost 20 questions, four of which must be answered in the form of extensive essays. Essays must be uploaded online through a process called FastLane, with all essays typed in no smaller than a 10-point font size and strict adherence to the dictated page limits.

For the essay questions requiring full narrative responses, applicants must carefully determine the substance of the question and frame responses so that the answers complement each other rather than result in needless redundancy. In this regard, it is useful to think of these questions in the context of just one or two words (e.g., personal motivation, scientific commitment, previous research, proposed research), and frame your answers accordingly. Extrapolate from the lengthy wording of the questions to generate ideas for examples, keeping in mind the fundamental context of the question and sticking to that context.

Evaluation of Two Sample Sets of NSF Application Essays

The two sample responses to NSF application questions provided in the pdf below make for an excellent study in contrast. Also noteworthy: despite the great differences in these two approaches, both students did indeed receive an NSF.

The first sample essays are grounded completely in narrative and do not include any figures, tables, or references. The style is sometimes highly informal, to the point of what some might call a slightly hubristic tone, the use of an exclamation point (!), and even an admittance by the candidate that he has not yet decided on a particular graduate program. Nevertheless, if you read closely you realize that the informality is mostly placed within context of the personal motivation and scientific commitment discussions, while the discussions of previous research and proposed research are scientific and concerned with solving relevant problems related to microelectricalmechanical systems (MEMS). The research hypothesis and applications are also spelled out directly. Thus, we obtain a strong sense of the person (and personality) of this candidate, and we gain confidence in his abilities as a researcher.

In the second sample essays, discussions of previous and proposed research resemble formal literature reviews, each one citing numerous references from refereed journals and presenting figures generated by the author. The applications of the research, which has implications for rebuilding cartilage tissue and relieving musculoskeletal pain, are straightforward and beneficial to society. Meanwhile, we also get a sense of this writer’s personal character, as she cites examples of tutoring other students and her role as captain of a women’s soccer team sponsored by the Biomedical Engineering Society. In short, we meet both the scientist and the humanist—equal concerns for the NSF selectors.

When you apply for the NSF Graduate Research Fellowship program, the process begins at the fastlane.nsf.gov website.

Visit the NSF Graduate Research Fellowship website.

The Fulbright Scholarship

The Fulbright Scholarship provides funds sufficient to complete a proposed research or study abroad project for one year. Applicants submit written documents detailing their research or study plans, which may include a year of graduate study, original dissertation research, a creative or performing arts project, or a teaching assistantship. Because the study is undertaken abroad, applicants must have sufficient maturity, character, and literacy to work within the host country.

The Fulbright Scholarship Selection Criteria

Criteria that selectors use to award Fulbright Scholarships include:

• likelihood of the candidate and project to help advance the program and promote mutual understanding among nations;
• sufficient written and spoken literacy in the host country’s language;
• feasibility and specificity of the proposed plan.

A final criterion is the ratio between the number of awards offered in the target country and the number of applications received—i.e., students applying to countries that receive fewer applications have a greater statistical chance of acceptance. Applicants can assess competition statistics and other details for a particular country by consulting the Fulbright website linked at the bottom of this page.

Composing a Personal Statement and Statement of Grant Purpose

The primary written portions of the Fulbright application are a one-page personal statement and two-page statement of grant purpose. As usual, the personal statement is your opportunity to discuss personal motivations, your experience and activities, and future goals. Though your examples should still be concrete, you have the room to reveal your personality—indeed many applicants view this as their chance to let the selectors know them as individually as possible, and they use lightly entertaining anecdotes to set themselves apart from other candidates. In plain terms, the goal is to write an essay that no other person could have written

In writing the statement of grant purpose, begin by making sure not to repeat material from other parts of the application unnecessarily, and present detail tailored as much as possible to the host country. If you can show that you have performed research on (or, better yet, in) the host country already and have made contacts with potential supervisors, you increase your odds of success dramatically.

The Fulbright website cautions writers against the use of discipline-specific jargon, and a good rule of thumb is to define any jargon that you do use in context, keeping the focus of your statement of grant purpose on addressing problems that will provide valuable contributions to society and within your field. Also, practicality and feasibility are principal concerns, so the best applicants provide a timeline, discuss their methodology and goals, and analyze such variables as the host country’s cultural and political climate and resources. Finally, of course, you must demonstrate as necessary your linguistic ability as it applies to the country and your proposed plan, especially if your primary goal is a teaching assistantship.

Evaluation of Written Materials from Two Sample Fulbright Applications

The first sample essays provided in the pdf link below do an excellent job of making the case for the writer’s personal and intellectual readiness for the proposed project. The personal statement focuses on the student’s experiences as inspired by his service-oriented grandparents—members of the Mennonite Church. These role models inspired the student to travel to Peru and contact the Mennonite Economic Development Associates (MEDA). As we learn in the student’s statement of grant purpose, he wishes to work on a grassroots project in Peru related to rice farming, and he shows that he has earned the support of the MEDA Consulting Group, underscoring the feasibility of his plan.

The two essays in the second set of samples are also neatly intertwined, and the writer opens the personal statement with a delightful anecdote about her family puzzling over why a woman would be interested in geological research. The student uses the essay to detail her science background and educational travel, including a month in Thailand, where she plans to do her proposed seismic research. To underscore the urgency of such research, she opens her statement of grant purpose with a poignant narrative and statistics about the devastating effects of a 1999 earthquake in Central Taiwan. Some readers might have valid concerns over whether the statement of grant purpose is too technical at times, and whether its sources should be cited internally, yet these essays remain impressive overall. Indeed, the writer was named as a scholarship alternate.

The Fulbright Scholarship program website is extensive, including everything from statistics on the previous year’s competition to advice about how to prepare your personal essay.

Visit the Fulbright Scholarship website.

The Goldwater Scholarship

The Goldwater Scholarship (honoring Senator Barry M. Goldwater) awards sophomore and junior students up to a maximum of $7500 annually for tuition, books, fees, and room and board. Its aim is to provide a continuing source of highly qualified scholars to work as scientists, mathematicians, and engineers. Students are chosen based on their commitment and potential to make significant future contributions in their fields, and it is expected that Goldwater Scholars will pursue graduate degrees.

The Goldwater Scholarship Selection Criteria

Goldwater applications are reviewed by an independent committee appointed by the Goldwater Foundation, and the committee’s selection criteria include:

• potential for a commitment to a career in the sciences, engineering, or mathematics, as demonstrated by the student’s overall application;
• excellence in academic performance.

As with many other national scholarships, candidates for the Goldwater are nominated by their institutions, and final selection of Goldwater Scholars is made by the Goldwater Board of Trustees, which reviews the assessment made by both the nominating institution and the independent selection committee.

Answering the Goldwater Essay Questions and Writing the Nominee’s Essay

The last few questions of the Goldwater application invite narrative responses, with approximate length dictated by the size of the space available to answer the questions. These three questions involve the applicant’s professional aspirations, personal motivations, and diversity (broadly defined). Clearly, a lot of flexibility is built into answering such questions, and students tend to approach these questions accordingly, narrating personal anecdotes and information about their families to let the selectors know what kind of people they are. While still emphasizing science and research, past applicants have shared information about a childhood or other formative experience, the desire to become a professor or write a textbook, their ethnic background, and even information about hardships of their parents. In answering these questions—especially the question inviting comments on diversity—it is important to be genuine and sound natural in your examples. Readers tend to sniff out and suspect aspirations that reach too high, or motivations that are insincere, or diversity that is forced.

For the nominee’s essay (limited to two pages), you must describe an issue or problem associated with your field and describe any related ongoing or intended research. Most writers document any sources cited in APA Style ( click here to visit the University of Wisconsin-Madison pages on APA Style ), and they are especially careful to credit sources of information and graphics as well as clarify their exact role in the research project. Your aim is to show how you can excel in a research environment, or work as part of a design team, or contribute to the understanding of a technical problem. Remember, too, that members of the selection panel will have the expertise to understand a complex problem in your field, and be certain to present detail accordingly.

Evaluation of Two Sample Sets of Goldwater Application Essays

In the pdf link below, two sample Goldwater essay sets are provided. Note how both writers show a facility with presenting themselves as budding scientists.

In answering the narrative questions, the first writer stresses his aspiration to lead a team of researchers studying pollution control in industrial chemical processes, and cites specific problems he has encountered in his current research on bacteria growth. His tone is almost philosophical at times, discussing the rewards of both achievement and failure in the sciences, and he notes that he is the first in his family to pursue a technical degree. His nominee’s essay stresses the long-term goal of his research in bacterial adhesion, and he carefully describes his team’s use of video microscopy to record particles as they adhere to bacteria.

The second writer addresses the narrative questions by outlining her participation in programs related to women in science and her personal aspirations, ranging from serving as part of a NASA research team to working as a glass blower at a Renaissance Faire. Her diversity background is grounded in her hailing from a highly rural area (even her influential father is a “senior bank auditor but country man at heart”). Finally, her nominee’s essay, addressing the goal to improve the durability of window glass, offers precisely detailed information even to the extent of giving exact nanometer depths that yielded different data points. Such an approach closely resembles a technical abstract that would appear in a journal. Significantly, this student did receive a Goldwater Scholarship.

When you apply for the Goldwater Scholarship program, the process begins at the Goldwater website, which includes a transcript request form for your secondary school, a supporting documents checklist, and candidacy information and instructions.

Visit the Goldwater Scholarship website.

The Rhodes Scholarship

Each year, 32 Rhodes Scholarships are awarded to US students, supporting two years of graduate study at Oxford University in any field. In addition to educational costs, Rhodes Scholars receive a maintenance allowance for term-time and vacation expenses. The scholarships are viewed as long-term investments in individuals with “excellence in qualities of mind and qualities of person,” measured by their academic superiority and devotion to humankind. Selectors who compose Rhodes Scholarship committees come from fields including academia, law, government, medicine, and journalism.

The Rhodes Scholarship Selection Criteria

Standards by which Rhodes Scholars are judged include:

• exceptional literary and scholastic achievements;
• demonstrated devotion to service, moral character, and leadership.

An additional criterion that can weigh in a candidate’s favor is success in athletics or another demonstration of physical vigor.

The Rhodes Personal Statement

Given the prestige of the Rhodes Scholarship and the staggering competition, many applicants struggle with the fact that they are limited to two fairly short writings in their applications. Candidates provide a list, not longer than two pages and in a font size no smaller than 10 points, of activities and honors in college, and a 1000-word essay setting forth personal aspirations and detailing a specific plan of study for their proposed academic work at Oxford. Needless to say, these documents are scrutinized with great care by selection committees.

The list of activities and honors should be selective and grouped logically into categories, as in a resume or curriculum vitae, and some very brief description could be used amidst this list to give context as necessary. Most important, though—in that the writer has the opportunity to interpret and persuade—is the writing of the personal statement. Excellent Rhodes personal statements are infused with concrete examples, a self-reflective tone, a showcasing of priorities and service, and an overall picture of yourself as a person of accomplishment and character. Some applicants make the mistake of seeing the essay as an academic mini-thesis or a narrative resume, while others treat it as an exercise in purple prose. Some even seem to make a demand for the scholarship or grovel at the feet of the selectors. Such poor visions of what a personal statement should be explain why the Rhodes application calls for the essay to be “written in as simple and direct a manner as possible.” Meanwhile, remember the bottom line about the goal of the personal statement in the eyes of the readers: describing your specific area of proposed study and reasons for wishing to study at Oxford.

Evaluation of Two Sample Rhodes Personal Statements

One of the most striking features of the first sample is its introduction, in which the writer places herself soaked in sweat and deep in thought on a mound of rock in northern Kenya, contemplating the fate of a Homo erectus woman who died 1.7 million years ago. This narrative leads the writer to an extensive explanation, including service-based examples, of the marriage between her degrees in Women’s Studies and Anthropology. Her second page is devoted to her research, including work at the Smithsonian Institute’s National Museum of Natural History. We also find details evidencing physical rigor and athletic competition.

In the second sample, the writer opens with the simple phrase “I have found my mentor,” then describes the very person she wishes to study with at Oxford, making further references to this professor in five of the essay’s eight paragraphs. Amidst various literary references, we find examples of the student presenting a paper on Chaucer at a conference as a junior, and finally describing herself as one like Sir Gawain—an adventurer seeking a deeper understanding of self.

Though neither of these candidates received a Rhodes (which punctuates the keenness of competition), both were put forth as candidates by their schools and made it to the interview stage.

Applying for the Rhodes Scholarship involves six steps and an extensive time investment. Begin the process and download the application at the rhodescholar.org website.

Visit the Rhodes Scholarship website.

The Marshall Scholarship

The Marshall Scholarship is awarded for two years of study in any discipline, usually at the graduate level, and is tenable at any British university. Only the best students who apply make it beyond a school’s internal selection committee to the regional review panel interviews, where about 130 students are interviewed out of 800 applicants, for about 40 awarded scholarships. Of these applicants, more than half typically have a perfect GPA. Marshall Scholars receive payment of tuition and travel as well as a personal allowance to cover living expenses.

The Marshall Scholarship Selection Criteria

Criteria used by Marshall selectors in awarding scholarships include:

• evidenced distinction of intellect and character;
• strong motivation and seriousness of purpose, as represented by the proposal of a specific, rigorous academic program.

Selectors also appreciate evidence that Marshall Scholars will view themselves as US cultural ambassadors to the United Kingdom and understand the United Kingdon's role on the world stage. Specifically, Marshall selectors have noted their disappointment in past applicants who seemed unaware that Great Britain is no longer an Empire and did not seem to acknowledge that it is a modern multicultural society. Therefore, applicants should be cautious about how they characterize modern Britain and avoid historical stereotypes.

The Marshall Scholarship Application Essays

The most significant writings in the Marshall application are a personal statement of up to 1000 words and a one-page summary of the proposed academic programme. The personal statement typically discusses personal motivations, experience in research or teaching, academic activities, and career goals. Most writers keep this essay focused on motivations and ambitions, while some focus more on academic examples such as senior thesis work or research, and some writers introduce their target program in the final paragraph. In their personal statements, former applicants have expanded on such details as their parents’ professions, an influential teacher or course they took, important texts they have read, theories and positions they uphold, future applications of their research, and conference presentations and publications. Stressing academic achievements here is of little to no value, in that academic excellence in Marshall candidates is a given.

In the one-page proposed academic programme essay, tie your experience directly to the target school(s) and provide a clear study plan. Although students list two preferred universities elsewhere in their application, most use the one-page summary to discuss their first choice only. Clearly, the best writers evidence their suitability for the program while showcasing details to prove that they understand the program’s offerings, especially if they have chosen specific individuals at the target program with whom they would like to study.

Evaluation of Two Sets of Sample Marshall Scholarship Application Essays

The first set of Marshall essays in the pdf below takes an interestingly creative approach, with the writer describing himself as a “biological anthropologist by day” and a “philosopher by night” in the personal statement. These two unlikely partnerships, wedded in one person, are exemplified by a paper the student wrote about a “consilience between Nietzsche and the theoretical work of Amotz Zahavi.” We also find affecting narrative in the personal statement, with the writer depicting himself standing waist-deep in a Costa Rican swamp and working with human cadavers in a gross anatomy course. The accompanying academic programme essay is dominated by connections between the writer’s background and his target program, the University of Leeds.

The second set of Marshall essays is generally more formal and research-based, but ultimately equally personal, with detail including the writer growing up as the son of two Presbyterian ministers and extensive descriptions about his physical activities, which he ties directly to the personal attribute of energy. As this student clarifies, his research concern is with fundamental principles of light and the philosophy of measurement, which he intends to study with a particular professor at Cambridge. Most importantly, the writer also notes in his academic programme essay that he aims to complete a third year of undergraduate studies followed by a one-year MPhil research program at the graduate level.

The Marshall Scholarship process begins online, where you can set up an account for your application as well as read about profiles of past Marshall winners.

Visit the Marshall Scholarship website.

The Truman Scholarship

The Truman Scholarship awards up to $30,000 towards graduate study, and undergraduates apply during their junior year. Applicants must have extensive records of community service, be committed to working in a government or public service position, and possess excellent communication skills. Truman Scholars are also required to fulfill a special public service requirement, committing to work in public service for 3-7 years following completion of their graduate degree, as detailed on the Truman website.

The Truman Scholarship Selection Criteria

In culling from among about 600 candidates nominated by nearly 300 colleges and universities, the Truman Scholarship selection committee uses criteria including:

• quality and length of community or government service;
• leadership record, academic performance, and analytical skills.

Selectors give priority to candidates enrolling specifically in graduate programs related to service, ranging from public policy to environmental protection.

The Truman Scholarship Application Essays

The Truman Scholarship application requires extensive writing in the form of more than a dozen questions to answer with lists and short essays and a separate two-page policy proposal. The application questions include discussions of a specific example of your leadership, a recent service activity, a societal problem, influential courses you have taken, your target graduate program and future plans, and an open-ended question for “additional personal information.” There are two important pieces of advice in answering these application questions. First, don’t leave any questions blank—find creative ways to answer all of the questions based on your background, seeking advice from your school’s Truman faculty representative. Secondly, thoroughly scour the Truman website, linked in the “Self-Study” box below. Here you will find links to everything from a checklist to help you assess your potential to become a Truman Scholar to both satisfactory and unsatisfactory responses to application questions.

The website also details policy proposal tips and provides a sample proposal. In the policy proposal, your task is to choose a controversial, manageable, well-studied problem and write a recommendations-based proposal to a government official. Obviously, you are not expected to solve the problem—the committee is interested in how well you can analyze an issue and demonstrate both a passion and practicality for solving it. In writing this proposal, keep in mind the fundamental definition of a Truman Scholar: one who will be an agent of social change.

Evaluation of Two Sample Truman Scholarship Policy Proposals

Because the Truman website is so thorough in its advice about writing personal statements and answering the application essay questions, I do not offer any such examples for this particular scholarship here, instead focusing on presenting two sample Truman Policy Proposals.

In the two sample policy proposals that follow in the pdf link below, you will find some noteworthy similarities: both use the same basic form and headings; both use statistical data to demonstrate the problem; both provide a specific solution (the first in the form of a bill, the second in the form of an education program) to address the problem; both cite a variety of references. These similarities are significant in that every Truman policy proposal needs to have these attributes in order to be successful.

Considering the proposals individually, the first focuses on the controversial topic of discrimination faced by the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender (LGBT) community. This writer analyzes how members of this community experience problems ranging from employment to physician referrals, and correlates how such individuals might be protected in the same way that persons of color are protected under the Civil Rights Act of 1964. The writer shows particular savvy as she reminds her target senator that he recently supported the Employment Non-Discrimination Act, but that she proposes a bill whose net of protection would be even wider. As we read the final section of the proposal, purposely even-handed in tone, we recognize that the writer is politically active, aware, and potentially persuasive. Indeed, this candidate did receive a Truman Scholarship.

The second proposal focuses on Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS), opening by noting the fate of the innocent victims, then branching into statistics about both binge drinking among women and low levels of FAS awareness. The writer’s proposal is to deliver FAS awareness programs within colleges through increasingly popular first-year seminar classes, and the essay’s end analyzes the considerable challenges involved in implementing this proposal. Some readers might find the proposal unpersuasive in that FAS problems themselves are not fleshed out and the relationship between cited data and proposed solution may be thin, but remember that the committee looks at this proposal in the context of the entire application, and fully intends to put a significant writing challenge.

The Truman Scholarship website is extensive and well-organized, including advice on preparing the personal statement, suggestions to candidates from a past participant, a sample Policy Proposal, and profiles of past Truman scholars.

Visit the Truman Scholarship website.

The Mitchell Scholarship

The Mitchell Scholarship is named to honor the former U.S. Senator George J. Mitchell, who served as Chairman of peace negotiations in Northern Ireland. The scholarship funds one year of graduate study at an Irish university and is awarded to approximately 12 students per year. The scholarship provides airfare, tuition, fees, housing, and a stipend for living expenses. The Mitchell Scholarship Selection Committee interviews 20 scholarship finalists in Washington, DC.

The Mitchell Scholarship Selection Criteria

The Mitchell website notes the criteria used to select Mitchell Scholars:

• Academic excellence and intellectual distinction;
• An outstanding record of leadership;
• A sustained commitment to service and community.

No minimum GPA is required and no GRE scores are used in the selection process, but high academic achievement is a necessity in a Mitchell Scholar. Also, a student’s past experience in Ireland or previous acceptance into an Irish university program does not serve as an advantage, in that part of the scholarship’s mission is to introduce new future leaders to Ireland. Nevertheless, one of the necessities of the scholarship is that the student has a concrete plan and commitment to study at an Irish university

Preparing the Mitchell Scholarship Application

The Mitchell application process takes place completely on-line, even for the applicant’s recommenders. Thus, a good deal of time must be spent on familiarizing yourself with the on-line system. Note that much of what you input in the application is the sort of material one lists in a curriculum vitae or resume, and this material will be balanced with your personal statement by the committee as part of the selection process. The application also invites you to list at least three preferences for schools, and the website notes that failure to do so can seriously weaken an application, in that institutional balance is a factor in placing students at universities.

In relation to the personal statement, the FAQ section of the Mitchell website notes this advice:

The personal essay is extremely important. Members of the Selection Committee examine the essay for clues to the character, commitment, and interests of each candidate. This is the only opportunity for the applicant to convey a sense of his/her passions, personality, and intellectual drive. In addition, a well-written essay should provide the Committee with valuable insight into the applicant’s motivation and rationale for the proposed graduate study program that is not otherwise communicated in the rest of the application materials.

In composing the personal statement, which is about two pages (no more than 1,000 words) in length, the basic goal is to present a rationale for the proposed study program and provide concrete evidence of your readiness. Some students detail their achievements in academics, leadership, and service, while others focus heavily on the study program of their first school preference, trusting that their application as a whole will provide a balanced picture of their background. Still other students match themselves to Ireland or Northern Ireland as directly as they can, including travel abroad when relevant, and noting any Irish professors whom they have met or with whom they have had contact.

Evaluation of Two Sample Mitchell Scholarship Personal Statements

The two sample personal statements in the pdf link below are an interesting study in contrasts, in that the first focuses heavily on music performance and the second on political advocacy. While both are strong personal statements, it should be noted that neither student landed a Mitchell Scholarship, underscoring the competitiveness of the application pool.

The first sample statement opens with a narrative discussion of Irish dance performance, after which the writer fleshes out her background in dance and music performance extensively. Indeed, this student has already studied for a semester abroad at University College Dublin and received private lessons in performing Irish “trad” music. Thus, her goal of extended study in this area is well-grounded in experience, and after she discusses her three target programs, making it clear why the University of Limerick is her first choice, she forcefully notes: “I must study in Ireland if I plan to pursue my passion.”

The second sample statement—written by a woman born of Peruvian parents and raised partly in Japan—opens with the writer defining her unique ethnic background and cultural diversity. As we learn throughout the essay, this background has informed her distinctive and deep involvement as an advocate for marginalized voices. She directly links this passion to her three academic programs of choice, and ends by artfully defining herself as a “world student and future political activist,” making a brief reference to Senator Mitchell’s work, and citing her commitment to ultimately helping US Latino citizens.

The Mitchell Scholarship website allows you to view a sample online application, offers a printable brochure about the scholarship, and gives profiles of past scholarship winners.

Visit the Mitchell Scholarship website.

The Gates Cambridge Scholarship

The Gates Cambridge Scholarship program, created by the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, offers various scholarships funding between one and four years of study at Cambridge University in England. Areas of funded study are graduate, affiliated (a second undergraduate degree), clinical, and MBA, and the scholarships are competed for internationally. Students apply directly to Cambridge through the usual procedures, with the scholarship award decision heavily driven by the target Cambridge department. About 500 US students per year apply for the scholarships, with approximately one-fourth of them being offered a follow-up interview. Nearly 100 scholarships are awarded per year, and about one-third of those awarded scholarships typically go to US applicants.

The Gates Cambridge Scholarship Selection Criteria

Gates Cambridge Scholarship applicants are evaluated by the following criteria:

• exceptional academic achievement and scholarly promise;
• aptitude for research, analysis, and a creative approach to defining and solving problems;
• appropriate fit between candidate’s plans and Cambridge offerings, as revealed through the applicant’s written application and interview.

Gates Cambridge scholars will become leaders who address such global concerns as social equity, health, and technological advances. Obviously, evidence of an applicant’s ability to have such an impact leads to a more favorable outcome.

Preparing the Gates Cambridge Scholarship Application

Gates Cambridge application questions vary slightly based on the area of funded study, but commonalities are questions related to your intended course of study and a 500-word personal statement. When answering these and other narrative questions, detail should be given about how your past activities reflect both leadership and service, and for how a particular course of study at Cambridge will serve to help you attain your goals. A useful exercise is to browse through the Gates Cambridge website link below, where you will find ample opportunities to hear from past Gates Scholars about their work and background. For instance, one Gates Scholar notes the value of her volunteer work in Ecuador. Discussing research and future plans, one scholar describes his plan to work on neuron regeneration at the Brain Repair Centre in Cambridge, while another summarizes his long-term goal to serve in Pakistan as a financial advisor. There is also a 12-minute film on the website detailing the goal to create a network of scholars through the Gates Scholar Alumni Association, and featuring recent Gates Scholars discussing their motivations and goals. Obviously, familiarizing yourself with these scholars will help you decide how to present yourself so that you can stand tall among them.

Evaluation of Two Sets of Sample Gates Scholarship Application Essays

In the pdf link below, the two sample excerpts from Gates Cambridge applications show the depth and diversity of students who apply for this scholarship. The first student, studying colon cancer, shows interests in everything from Renaissance painting to technical writing, while the second, studying speech technology, discusses interests ranging from computer security to swing dancing. Both of these students were awarded a Gates Cambridge Scholarship.

The first writer uses her short statement of research proposal to demonstrate her thorough awareness of the program at the center where she aims to conduct research at Cambridge. In her accompanying 500-word essay, she strikes a bold and creative tone by representing herself as something of a modern “Renaissance woman” (she even explores her creativity by “reproducing an intricate Renaissance painting” at the age of 13)—one who sees the study of science as an outlet for her creative mind, and one who takes the initiative to co-found and edit a health journal as well as teach science to students in state custody. Her theme of creativity as the “driving force” in her development and eventually leading her to science is both rhetorically persuasive and stylistically elegant.

The second writer discusses the specific course of study he would like to complete at Cambridge, followed by research which he hopes would make computer technology available to a wider audience, “including those suffering from physical disabilities.” His passion for working in this area becomes further articulated in his 500-word essay, where he expresses concerns about sensitivity of personal information and “the safety and stability of the global economic community.” Like the writer in the first example, he sees education as an important vehicle for change, and he has taught computer literacy classes to the elderly as well as studied abroad during his junior year at Oxford University. He ends his essay affirming his desire to “take action to improve the condition of humanity.”

The Gates Cambridge Scholarship website provides information on applying for the scholarship, profiles and quotes from recent Gates winners and alumni, and links to the bi-annual magazine The Gates Scholar.

Visit the Gates Cambridge Scholarship website.

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Cambridge University Personal Statements

We hope our collection of cambridge university personal statements provides inspiration for writing your own. please do not plagiarise them in any way, or ucas will penalise your application. our  personal statement editing & review services  are availble if you feel you need a little extra help..

History Personal Statement Example 2 I am captivated by the diversity and depth offered by a History degree; attracted by the way it encourages us to be analytical of the values and patterns of past societies. It was in my final year of secondary school that I was awarded the History Attainment Award, although my desire to study History dates back to an earlier age when I visited the site of the allied landings in Normandy at just eleven years old...

Linguistics Personal Statement Example 1 My most memorable Christmas came with a parcel of Harry Potter audio books and this was where my quest to understanding language began. The moment Stephen Fry started to narrate chapter one, I fell in love with words and all they could achieve...

Psychology Personal Statement Example 2 Psychology surrounds us. I often observe my class mates and ask myself why they are so different, struggling with attention or eating disorders. While looking for reasons, I also want to find ways to help them and I am confident that psychology will give me the means to do so...

Politics and International Relations Personal Statement Example 4 The era in which we live goes through constant turmoil and shifting powers. Not a day goes by without a change somewhere on our planet, which in turn has an effect on yet another change to come elsewhere...

Education and Drama Personal Statement Example (Oxbridge) "I shall have poetry in my life. And adventure. Unbiddable, ungovernable, like a riot in the heart, come ruin or rapture." Perhaps one should not begin with the words of another when presenting oneself, but as an actress, utilising the words of others is something that has become second nature...

Psychology Personal Statement Example 6 It was the odd behavioural traits displayed by my uncle, who has Asperger’s syndrome that first generated from a young age my questioning about why he acted so ‘differently’ to the rest of us. This was part of what led to my interest of studying psychology, as it made me question how and why humans are so disparate from one another, and what part the brain plays in running our everyday lives...

Politics & International Relations Personal Statement Example 2 It was November 1989. My parents were rattling their keys in the main square of Bratislava with other Czechoslovak youngsters asking for the democracy that was denied by the Communist regime. They raised me in an environment, where appreciation of freedom, expressing my thoughts and being an active citizen have been essential...

Mathematics and Physics Personal Statement Example 1 Mathematics is a fundamental tool for understanding our world: it can be used to define the symmetry of flowers or to manage global companies. What is so appealing about mathematics is the opportunity of applying it in the physical world...

Aerospace Engineering Personal Statement Example 1 Fire, the wheel, boats, book printing, electricity, engines, automobiles, planes, spaceships, wireless information transfer: engineering is determining this progress. Leading engineers are the creators of our future...

Maths and Spanish Personal Statement Example For as long as I have recognised words and numbers, I have seen a connection between the two. As I progressed in the AS Mathematics course I realised how drawn I was to the subject, motivating me to spend 2 weeks at school over the summer holidays learning 2 entire AS Further Maths modules, in order to take the full A-level course in one year...

Languages Personal Statement Example 10 At the age of eight, a friend introduced me to Guy Hamilton's 1969 film 'Battle of Britain'. This instilled in me two things: my doomed childhood ambition to be a Spitfire pilot, long since grudgingly abandoned, but also, perhaps ironically, a love for the sound and feel of the German language that has stayed with me all through the intervening decade...

English Personal Statement Example (Mature Student) Having worked on a secure psychiatric unit for two years, caring for many people unable to or precluded from following their dreams due to mental illness, as well as over a decade employed in positions just to pay the bills, I am finally pursuing my dream of becoming a published novelist...

History Personal Statement Example 7 It isn't an exaggeration to say my devotion to History has moulded me into the diligent and ambitious person I am today. History continues to shape our contemporary world and my opinions have been formed from an intellectual curiosity about the resonances between the past and the present...

Chemistry Personal Statement Example 2 Science is not just a subject taken in school, or a body of knowledge; it is a state of mind as well – always inquisitive and wondering. As a child, the world around me constantly captivated me and inspired questions, and I found delight in having my questions answered, always wanting to learn more, from fundamental particles, to atoms and molecules, to organisms, planets, and the universe...

Anthropology Personal Statement Example 2 My fascination with human behaviour and the motivations behind human actions has existed for most of my adult life, to determine a cause however I would accredit this to the voluntary work I participated in with Crisis Single Persons Homeless charity...

Mathematics and Economics Personal Statement Example 2 Every day we make decisions and interact with others; the laws of economics help us make rational choices and consider the irrationality of others, as well as understand the world better. Maths and statistics are the necessary tools for me to understand the modern economics...

Mechanical Engineering Personal Statement Example 2 The ability to apply what I have learnt in the classroom to the outside world is an aspect of physics and maths that I particularly enjoy. An example of this was being able to calculate the coefficient of friction between a book and a table, by knowing the weight and measuring the angle at which it started to move...

Pure Mathematics Personal Statement Example Mathematics is beautiful to me because of the deep and meaningful ideas touched upon by it, the vastness of these ideas, the clearness and elegance of their representation. Mathematics gives me the ability to apply knowledge by approaching things logically, and thinking clearly...

Civil Engineering Personal Statement Example 9 Civil engineering is a discipline which is essential in the modern world: roads, bridges, airports, railways, sewage works and power stations all provide the fabric of today's society, and without them the world would be a very different place...

Mathematics and Engineering Personal Statement Example Questions regarding the reason for my liking of mathematics have only one answer: mathematical logic and concepts contribute to a practical approach in every aspect of life. It is the diversity and universal applicability of this subject that encourages me to delve further and study it in depth...

Maths and Science Personal Statement Example Maths and science, in particular physics, have always been my favourite subjects in school. I have an inquisitive mind and am always asking "how?" and "why?" to find out how things work. I chose maths, physics and biology for my A levels, yet only realised I wanted to do engineering when I started studying topics such as mechanics...

Medicine Personal Statement Example 48 Given that over ninety nine percent of the body consists of just six elements, it is hard to imagine the human body as an intricately synchronised and immensely complex machine. Yet, it has done well to puzzle even the brightest minds in history-but I am drawn to a challenge; I cannot think of anything else more fascinating to work with...

Geography Personal Statement Example (Human/Environmental) The possibility of the human race’s days being numbered by our destructive lifestyles, as planted in my mind by Al Gore’s sensationalised and controversial ‘The Inconvenient Truth’, has fuelled my interest in the global warming phenomenon, forcing me to question society’s reluctance to tackle it and realise the worldwide impact of each of our daily lives...

Psychology Personal Statement Example 51 There is a reason behind everything we do, a purpose to our actions. The cognition behind any decision that we make is one of the many aspects of psychology that I am fascinated by. The following five words, as said by the Prophet Muhammad, I believe explain such a suggestion: "Actions are but by intentions"...

Mathematics Personal Statement Example 12 Mathematics is at the root of many academic subjects, such as mechanics in Physics, organic Chemistry and even Music and this is why I find it so fascinating. The process of starting from a simple set of formulae and deriving nearly all mathematical truth from these is what makes Mathematics a leading academic subject...

Engineering Personal Statement Example 20 Overcoming economic hurdles tempered by ecological limits requires innovative solutions. For centuries mathematical and analytical skills have fused to solve practical problems. The diverse nature of engineering has made advancements possible in an array of fields from the wheel to The International Space Station...

Architecture Personal Statement Example 16 I vividly remember the moment when I knew I wanted to be an architect. I had been taken to Barcelona to see ‘the wavy buildings’, at the time I didn’t know anything about Gaudí or his work so I was relatively unenthusiastic...

History Personal Statement Example 37 My interest in history lies in the simple fact that I have always been fascinated by the past. At eleven I won a full academic bursary to attend my current school. This was a way into a community in which my intellectual curiosity would be valued and where I could further my enthusiasm for history...

Medicine Personal Statement Example 61 While the idea to care for others is appealing to me, the applications of medicine for finding remedies to the complexities of the human body fascinates me even more. Studying medicine opens several career options from general practice to clinical research! Having the interest and aptitude for scientific knowledge and the awareness to promote health safety, it encourages me to choose this highly rewarding and satisfying course...

Aerospace Engineering Personal Statement Example 17 While other children fell asleep to the sound of their parents reading them bedtime fairytales, I was busy re-reading Ladybirds Explorer’s, “Flight” for probably the fourth time that day. I’ve been enthralled by the concept of flight and aerodynamics ever since I was young...

Chemistry Personal Statement Example 17 The realisation I wanted to study Chemistry at degree level came with my growing appreciation of its contribution and significance in shaping modern society, coupled with an increasing interest in the subject as my knowledge and understanding have developed...

History Personal Statement Example 40 History has always fascinated me because of what it can tell us about humanity; the decisions taken, the actions chosen and the mistakes made can all make us reflect on what it means to be human. I firmly believe history is not simply a case of learning facts and dates but rather a chance to analyse the past, enhancing our understanding of how we interact with each other today...

Maths Personal Statement Example 12 Mathematics dictates our understanding of the universe; the sciences that the world depends on today are founded and dependant on maths. Scientists and mathematicians spend their lives making remarkable discoveries contributing to the development of humanity, the findings we have been making in fields like quantum mechanics would be completely impossible without maths...

English Personal Statement Example 30 English is not simply the study of humanity, or society, or history or the written word; it is all of those together and it is this versatility that makes it so appealing to me. The link between literary criticism and psychoanalysis is a great interest of mine...

Psychology Personal Statement Example 67 I first became interested in psychology whilst discussing the underlying causes of criminal behaviour and non-conformity with my father. The nature-nurture debate gave me a huge desire to increase my knowledge and understanding of the human condition...

Economics Personal Statement Example 31 Since my parents were busy with the financial income throughout my childhood, I have been raised up by my grandmother. She was the oldest of 8 siblings in a family who were living in impoverished conditions...

Natural Sciences Personal Statement Example 4 Why and How? I believe these are the two most important question words as they express mankind’s unquenchable thirst for knowledge, and they have lain the foundation of sciences and have helped us find answers and solutions to problems throughout history from the domestication of fire to Darwin’s theory of evolution, to landing on the moon and so on...

Archaeology Personal Statement Example 6 I have always enjoyed learning about different cultures and civilisations, reflected in my enduring love of history, and more recently, archaeology. Compared to modern history, archaeology carries a sense of enigma which makes it much more stimulating for an imaginative and inquisitive mind...

Mechanical Engineering Personal Statement Example 19 These days, we are surrounded by engineering marvels. From radios to space shuttles, everything involves a vital feat of engineering. That is what I find most attractive about this field as its application is everywhere...

Land Economy Personal Statement Example (Cambridge University) Having been born and lived all my life in Hungary, with an English father and Hungarian mother, I have always wanted to go to university in England and spend most of my summers working in England. Being bilingual gives me an ability to see both sides of the question, and examine things from different perspectives which I feel will be useful for my studies...

Engineering Personal Statement Example 23 As I triggered the release mechanism and watched two pounds of rock hurtle skywards I thought to myself, "trebuchets are awesome!". Years passed before I realised that this was my first engineering project...

Engineering Personal Statement Example 24 When I was a child, most of the sentences I spoke out finished with a question mark, asking how everyday things work. Receiving answers to these questions and learning more about Mathematics and Physics has enlarged my desire to make human life easier and become an Engineer...

Linguistics Personal Statement Example 3 Have you ever heard the Tuvan throat singing technique? Beautiful and intriguing at the same time. The question that's bound to accompany a throat singing performance is how the human voice could possibly produce such a sound...

Computer Science Personal Statement Example 56 Computer Science - the most exciting insight into humanity's mission to conquer the future. It has been my favourite and most fascinating preoccupation since childhood, though back then I did not even know it...

History Personal Statement Example (Oxbridge) 2 Whether considering the real world applications of Bentham's utilitarianism in Religious Studies, analysing the context of a changing Victorian society in English Literature, or debating the evolving ideology of the Labour Party in Politics, there is one common thread connecting what I enjoy most about my studies: history...

Sociology Personal Statement Example 14 The need for the study of Sociology in society is, arguably, universally fundamental. The study of society is of paramount importance in solving social problems of great magnitude such as poverty and family disorganisation...

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Successful Personal Statement For Law At Cambridge

Last Updated: 15th April 2020

Author: Adi Sen

Table of Contents

Welcome to our popular Personal Statement series where we present a successful Personal Statement, and our Oxbridge Tutors provide their feedback on it. 

Today, we are looking through a Law applicant’s Personal Statement that helped secure a place at Cambridge University. The Law Course at Cambridge allows you to understand law in its historical and social contexts, and to examine its general principles and techniques.

Read on to see how this candidate wrote a Personal Statement that demonstrates an appreciation of the principles and challenges of law. 

Here’s a breakdown of the Personal Statement:

SUCCESSFUL?

The universities this candidate applied to were the following:

Enrolling on our Oxbridge Law comprehensive Programme will give you access to Personal Statement redrafts. 

Your tutor will give you actionable feedback with insider tips on how to improve and make your Personal Statement Oxbridge quality for the best chances of success.  

Law Personal Statement

Law is the epitome of human reason; it is the force that holds society together and the cornerstone on which great civilizations were built upon. By dictating a code of conduct which everyone had to abide by, it has created a system of accountability and allowed society to flourish. However, Law is never static. It changes with time – internalising new concepts and discarding anachronistic ones to reflect societal norms. It is this dynamic nature of the Law that I find so enthralling – that there exists a gamut of good answers but never a right one. Such idealism aside, I believe excellence in legal study and work does not come easy. It requires much passion, intellect and hard work.

At College, I offered 12 academic units (as compared to the standard 10 academic units) at the Singapore-Cambridge GCE ‘A’ Level Examinations. Concurrently, I represented Singapore in Swimming and was an active member of my College’s Swimming and Cross-Country team, training up to six times each week and achieving numerous medals and accolades in Inter-College Competitions. Such excellence in both sports and academics demonstrates my strong self-discipline, time management skills as well as my capacity for sustained hard work.

As a student, I heId numerous leadership positions such as Swimming Captain, School Prefect as well as being part of the Executive Committee of my College Freshman Orientation Camp. In addition, I undertook various community-based service projects aimed at spreading awareness on and massaging the plight of the less-privileged in society. These experiences in positions of influence and leadership have strengthened my organisational and problem-solving skills, teamwork as well as allowed me to develop effective communication skills.

For my ability to balance studies, sports and leadership roles, I was among the ten students (out of nine hundred) on my College’s prestigious Principal’s Honour Roll in 2011 that acknowledged distinguished academic achievement and outstanding contributions to the College. Though challenging as it might have been, I have benefited greatly from my overall College experience and would certainly look forward to continue to represent, contribute and excel in University.

During my National Service stint, I served as a Military Officer entrusted with the responsibility of leading and nurturing the next generation of soldiers. Besides leading soldiers out in the field, I had to handle soldiers from a myriad of backgrounds as well as run the general day to day administration of the battalion. I have had multiple opportunities to serve as a Defending Officer to servicemen (who were accused of various wrongdoings) in military courts as well as conduct investigations into various malpractices in my battalion. These unique and far-reaching dealings in the Army has reaffirmed my decision to pursue law, refined my ability to think critically and to work under significant constraints and duress.

I am a firm believer in the importance of reading and see it as an avenue for the pursuit of knowledge. I read on a wide range of topics including legal conundrums, science, philosophy and even military tactics as I believe sufficient breath of thought is needed to develop one’s mental prowess. Through such extensive reading, I have honed my rigour of thought and widened my perspectives to a myriad of issues.

A career in law is diverse and dynamic, yet fraught with many challenges. Legal theory, evidence, clientele management and not to mention regularly navigating the bureaucratic quagmire; no other field is as challenging or multi-faceted as the field of law. Though arduous, I relish the intellectual challenges of legal study and aspire to ensure human rationale and justice continues to prevail in society. Thus, I believe I possess the necessary attributes needed for legal study and excellence in the field of law.

For more inspiration, take a look through our other successful Personal Statement a nalysis articles:

Successful Personal Statement For Natural Science (Physical) At Cambridge

Successful personal statement for economics at cambridge, successful personal statement for land economy at cambridge, successful personal statement for chemistry at oxford, successful personal statement for geography at oxford, successful personal statement for classics at oxford, successful personal statement for law at oxford, successful personal statement for classics at cambridge, successful personal statement for engineering at cambridge, successful personal statement for philosophy at cambridge, successful personal statement for veterinary medicine at cambridge, successful personal statement for psychological and behavioural sciences at cambridge, successful personal statement for psychology at oxford, successful personal statement for history at oxford, successful personal statement for physics at oxford, successful personal statement for cambridge mathematics and physics, successful personal statement example for computer science at oxford, successful personal statement for english at cambridge, successful personal statement for oxford english language and literature, successful personal statement for medicine at oxford university, successful personal statement for modern languages at oxford, successful personal statement for engineering at oxford, successful personal statement for natural sciences (biological) at cambridge, successful personal statement for economics & management at oxford, successful personal statement for ppe at oxford, successful personal statement for dentistry at king’s college london, successful personal statement for medicine at cambridge.

Download our Free Personal Statement Starter Guide 

Good Points Of The Personal Statement

The personal statement is well-written with no obvious errors. The student opens with quite a conceptual statement of what law means to them and this helps to make the subject seem like a well thought through choice. Additionally, the student recognises that law is a difficult and challenging course but seems unafraid of the need to put the necessary effort into it. The conclusion is similar in this respect, tying back to the introductory thoughts and ending on a strong statement of why the student feels like they would be a strong candidate to study law at university. Moreover, the student gives a very capable impression by mentioning their place on the College’s Honour Roll, as it suggests they can balance their extra-curricular activities with (and not to the detriment of) their academic studies well.

Bad Points Of The Personal Statement

Structurally, this statement needs to be reorganised. The student’s legal interests are given attention and evidence far too late with extra-curricular activities of limited relevance being introduced closer to the beginning. In a personal statement as part of a law application, Law needs to be the primary focus throughout. The student’s positions of responsibility also come above their academic, legal interests, when they should be given less focus and come later on in the statement. When talking about the skills they developed in relation to these activities, the student makes these developed attributes sound beneficial but does not explicitly tie them to law or why they are useful to the study of law. It takes until the penultimate paragraph for the student to talk openly about their academic interests, and even then, they do not illustrate this with any specific legal examples.

UniAdmissions Overall Score:

The personal statement is good but could be easily improved. The student would benefit from reordering the structure of the content to open with legal or academic interests, and then saving less relevant extra-curricular activities till the end. Any activity or skill should be tied back to law wherever possible – giving specific examples of how they relate would also be helpful in getting across why the student is prepared to study law at university.

And there we have it – a Cambridge Law Personal Statement with feedback from our expert tutors. 

Remember, at Cambridge, the Admissions Tutors are often the people who will be teaching you for the next few years, so you need to appeal directly to them.

Our Free Personal Statement Resources page is filled with even more successful personal statements and expert guides.

Our expert tutors are on hand to help you craft the perfect Personal Statement for your Cambridge Law application.

With our  Oxbridge Law Premium Programme we help you craft the perfect  Personal   Statement , achieve a highly competitive LNAT score and teach you how to  Interview effectively.

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