literature essay for mother to mother

Mother to Mother Grade 10: Essay, Contextual Questions and Answers

Mother to Mother Grade 10: Essay, Contextual Questions, and Answers

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Content – Mother to Mother Grade 10: Essay, Contextual Questions and Answers

Mother to mother book summary.

Mother to Mother weaves back and forth in time, covering the narrator, Mandisa’s life from her early childhood, through the birth of her children, through her son, Mxolisi’s murder of the Girl, a white American driving through their township of Guguletu. This is interspersed with The Girl, Mandisa, and Mxolisi’s experiences on the day of the murder, and the morning after.

The novel also includes interludes in which Mandisa addresses the Mother of the Girl, asking rhetorical questions about the Girl’s life and upbringing, expressing her grief for the Girl’s death, and attempting to explain—but not justify— Mxolisi’s actions.

Chronologically, the novel begins with Mandisa’s childhood. She and her brother, Khaya, were raised in Blouvlei, but were forced to relocate to Guguletu by the South African government. This derailed the educations of many students, although Mandisa and Khaya were able to remain in school for a while, at least until Khaya impregnated his girlfriend, Nono, and Mandisa became accidentally pregnant through non-penetrative sex with her boyfriend, China.

Mama, Mandisa’s mother, is furious with her daughter, feeling that her pregnancy will embarrass the whole family, but eventually comes to love Mandisa and her newborn son. Mandisa’s parents force her to marry China, who is no longer interested in her romantically, and the two lived together unhappily for two years, until one day China runs away and disappears forever. Mandisa then moves into a hokkie of her own and does her best to raise Mxolisi, eventually having another child, Lunga, with a man named Lungile, and finally marrying a man, Dwadwa, with whom she has her youngest child and only daughter, Siziwe.

Mandisa recounts Mxolisi’s childhood. A talkative precocious boy, he stops talking for several years after witnessing the death of two older boys, Zazi and Mzamo. He regains his speech, but during his silence Mandisa realizes the resentment she feels for him, for interrupting her life with an unplanned pregnancy, and dramatically changing the course of her future.

As Mxolisi gets older he becomes involved in youth political movements, like the Young Lions. Increasingly radicalized and violent, this group burns cars, buildings, and even kills black South Africans around their township.

On the day of the tragedy, Amy is driving some of her black South African friends home from their university, when Mxolisi and others spot her in her car. A group of men converge, chasing her from the car, but Mxolisi is the man to stab and kill her. Mandisa discovers this later, spending the first night after the murder anxiously wondering if her son, who has not returned home, was somehow involved. A late-night police raid of Mandisa’s house furthers her suspicions.

In the morning, Reverend Mananga stops by and gives Mandisa vague instructions for how to see her son. She follows them and is briefly reunited with Mxolisi, whom she comforts and who comforts her, before he (presumably though not explicitly) turns himself into the police.

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Mother to mother characters

Main Characters

• Mandisa Ntloko – Mother of Mxolisi and first person narrator
• Mxolisi – Son of Mandisa, involved in the killing of Amy Biehl, AKA Boyboy, Michael, Hlumelo)
• Amy Biehl – not part of the active storyline, but present in flashbacks, killed by a group of black teenagers, amongst others, Mxolisi

Secondary Characters

• China – married (traditionally only) to Mandisa, father of Mxolisi, but not present in the active storyline.
• Lungile – unmarried partner of Mandisa, one son (Lungisa)
• Dwadwa – husband of Mandisa, father of Siziwe
• Tata – Mandisa’s father
• Mama – Mandisa’s mother
• Tatomkhulu – Mandisa’s grandfather (Tata’s father)
• Makhulu – Mandisa’s grandmother (Tata’s mother)
• Mzamo and Zazi – friends of Mxolisi while he is still a small boy
• Aunty Funiwe – Mandisa’s aunt, Mama’s younger sister
• Khaya – Mandisa’s brother, married to Nono
• Nono – Mandisa’s school friend, married to her brother

Questions per Chapters

Chapter 1 Questions

• What is a lament?
• How is this lament represented and who is it written for and by?
• What is the purpose of the short introductory statement?
• Quote two places that indicate that Mxolisi’s conception was unusual.
• Discuss Mandisa’s portrayal of Mxolisi as a child.
• Why does Mandisa refer to Amy as “a white girl” in paragraph 7?
• Discuss why it appears as though Mxolisi and Mandisa have a strained relationship.
• Why does Mandisa think that Amy was irresponsible for putting herself in such a dangerous position?
• Explain the racial tension found in paragraph 13 and 15.
• What is the irony found in paragraph 18?

Chapter 2 Questions

• There are three storylines in this chapter. Which characters are being followed?
• Identify and explain the metaphors in the following paragraphs: par 13; par 18; par 24
• Comment on what you’ve learnt about Amy’s physical appearance and character traits.
• Explain the illusion that Mandisa is trying to create in par 37 and why it fails.
• Discuss the purpose of the writer’s explanation of the political background in par 44.
• Explain the ritual in par. 45.
• Explain Amy’s initial reaction when she offered her friends a lift.
• Discuss Lumka’s inner struggle in par 60 to 64 and why it is so important to the story.
• Discuss the scene of the burning car in par 88 and what we have learnt about the crowd of people that set it alight.
• Comment on the following sentence: “The car is small.”

Chapter 3 Questions

• Explain which storylines are being followed in this chapter
• Identify and explain the metaphors in the following paragraphs: par 23; par 56; par 68; par 98; par 104.
• Discuss the differences between Mandisa and Mrs Nelson’s social/ economic classes, highlighted in par 7, 9 and 13.
• What is Mandisa’s normal routine on a Wednesday at work and how is this Wednesday different?
• Quote Mandisa’s use of emotive words in par 46 that portrays her feelings towards Blouvlei.
• Discuss Mandisa’s initial impression about Gugulethu when she arrived there as a child.
• Quote an example of personification from par 47 and explain why she used this phrase.
• Explain the difference between people’s attitudes toward each other in par 49 and then in par 74 – 88 and par 95 – 96.
• Explain the simile Mandisa uses to describe the police in par 99
• What can we tell from Mandisa’s words “I found myself doing something I had not known I still remembered”?
• Why is she concerned for Siziwe’s safety in par 100?
• Explain what happened to Mandisa in par 104 and how it affected her behaviour in par 106.
• What is the purpose of the unanswered question “Where are your brothers?” in par 107?

Chapter 4 Questions

• Explain where this chapter fits into the main storyline of the book.
• Identify and explain the metaphors in the following paragraphs: par 17; par 29; par 43.
• Quote two lines from par 5, 6 and/or 10 that give us the idea that Siziwe maybe knows more about what happened that day than what she is leading on.
• What are the two things Mandisa is comparing in par 7?
• Discuss the emergence of Mandisa’s victim complex.
• Identify and explain the onomatopoeia found in par 13 and 43.
• In par 31 the words “every day” are repeated three times. Comment on this.
• Comment on the feeling of opposition Mandisa creates between the people of Gugulethu and the police in par 32. Quote to support your answer.
• Comment on the last line of the chapter “They stabbed her.”

Chapter 6 Questions

• Identify the emotive language in par 5 – 6 and explain the image that Mandisa is trying to create.
• Identify and explain the metaphors in the following paragraphs: par8; par 29; par 50; par 59; par 61; par 69 – 72; par 88; par 102; par 135; par 189; par 200; par 205; par 206; par 213.
• Identify and explain the uses of personification in the following paragraphs: par 10; par 11; par 50; par 56; par 59; par 60; par 64 (two occurences); par 143.
• Identify and explain the uses of simile in the following paragraphs: par 11; par 44; par 95; par 135; par 143.
• Identify and explain the uses of figurative language in the following paragraphs: par 147; par 205.
• Explain the use of the words “those days” in par 15.
• Identify the persuasive techniques used by Mandisa in par 19.
• Why did Mandisa translate the words of the man in par 33?
• Explain the community’s reaction to the rumour; when it came out, how they thought about it over time and after the plane dropped the flyers off.
• Why does Mandisa paint the story of a happy life in par 57?
• Identify examples of the metaphor of the flyers and explain what it means.
• What did we learn about Mandisa’s father in par 125?
• Identify the emotive words in par 134 and explain their use.
• Identify and explain the contrast illustrated in par 148 to Mandisa’s memory of Blouvlei.
• How can we see that Dwadwa is not fond of Mxolisi?
• Identify the similarities between the nun in East London and Amy.
• Comment on the structure the writer uses from par 175 to par 183.
• Discuss Mandisa’s use of the quotation from chapter 1 in par 184.
• Summarise the process of the degradation of the youth, as explained by Mandisa in par 191 – 207.
• Identify and explain the emotive language in par 12.
• Identify and explain the metaphors in the following paragraphs: par 12; par 14 (two occurrences); par 37; par 38; par 39; par 42; par 51; par 55; par 63.
• Identify and explain the uses of personification in the following paragraphs: par 37; par 38.
• Identify and explain the uses of simile in the following paragraphs: par 17; par 18; par 19; par 35.
• Identify and explain the use of onomatopoeia in par 14.
• Discuss the hyperbole in par 39.
• The last paragraph of the chapter shows a big moment for Mandisa. What happened in that moment?

Chapter 7 Questions

• There is a jump in the timeline from the previous chapter to the current one. Explain the purpose of the first paragraph to indicate the timeline that will follow.
• Identify and explain the metaphors in the following paragraphs: par; 7; par 11; par 13; par 25; par 27; par 39; par 41; par 50; par 53; par 57; par 65; par 80; par 92 (two occurrences); par 95; par 130; par 131 (four occurrences); par 139; par 196 (two occurrences)
• Identify and explain the uses of personification in the following paragraphs: par 7; par 45; par 100; par 133
• Identify and explain the uses of simile in the following paragraphs: par 49; par 95; par 98
• Identify and explain the uses of emotive language in the following paragraphs: par 7; par 10; par 36; par 106.
• What in the chapter indicated that Mandisa’s relationship with her mother is not what it used to be in Blouvlei?
• Comment on the use of intertextuality in par 119.
• Explain what happened when Mandisa went into her gran’s room and her aunt Funiwe saw her.
• Compare Mandisa’s initial reaction to the realisation that she was pregnant, to her thoughts at the end of the chapter.

Chapter 8 Questions

• Discuss China’s reaction to seeing that Mandisa is pregnant by referring to his body language. Quote and interpret the metaphors used to emphasize his body language and facial expressions.
• Describe the emotional response that Mandisa had to China’s disbelief.
• Name two positive things that happened when Hlumelo was born.
• Shortly discuss Mandisa’s induction ceremony in her new home by focusing on the reactions of her new family members. The purpose is to ultimately identify how her new family feels about her.
• Par 230: “I shrunk because he was.” Discuss what feelings Mandisa reveals towards her son in this sentence.
• Discuss Mandisa’s emotional response to China’s disappearance and the changes she had to make to her life as a result.
• Explain what happened in par 259 – 278, focusing on Mxolisi’s point of view of the events.
• What did Mandisa and her family do to try to get Mxolisi to speak again?

Chapter 9 Questions

• Discuss the metaphor found in par 17: “he will immediately donate that person to me.”
• Discuss how the following metaphor found in par 99 ties into the theme of presience : “…he will come here dragging such a thorny bush of a scandal, you won’t know what to do with yourself or where to hide your eyes.”

Chapter 10 Questions

• Discuss how the British took advantage of Nongqawuse’s failed prophecy.
• Discuss the various emotions present in Mandisa and Mxolisi’s interaction.

Chapter 11 Questions

• Discuss the metaphor Mandisa uses in par 7 in an attempt to take the blame for the murder away from her son.
• In par 10 – 12, Mandisa comes to a stark realisation about her community and the way their children are raised. What did she realise?
• In par 16 – 28, something special happens to Mandisa. Discuss what happened and the significance of the event.
• How is Mandisa trying to console Amy’s mother in par 31?

Chapter 12 Questions

• Discuss the monologue Mandisa has with Amy’s mother in the beginning of Chapter 12.
• Comment on the techniques used by the writer in the remainder of the chapter, to build tension up to the climax, where Amy is killed.
• In par 74, Mandisa says: “Died when the time and place and hands were all in perfect congruence; cruel confluence of time, place and agent.” Discuss this statement and how it ties into the theme of contingency.
• Discuss the final sentence of the chapter and what it finally reveals about Mandisa’s opinion of her son.

Mother to Mother Themes

• Colonialism and Apartheid
• Family, Tradition, and Obligation
• Fate and the Fragility of Human Plans
• Motherhood and the Nature of Home and Family
• The nature and the role of Education and Knowledge
• The Human Condition

Character Analysis: Mother to Mother

Mandisa character analysis:.

The novel’s narrator, Mandisa is also referred to as Molokazana and Nohenhake by her husband China’s family. Mandisa is the early middle-aged mother of three: Mxolisi, Lunga, and Siziwe. Born in Blouvlei to Mama and Tata, she has one brother Khaya. Mandisa was a respectful, hardworking child and talented student, whose life was first disrupted by her family’s forced relocation to Guguletu, and then by her surprise pregnancy.

Mandisa and her then-boyfriend, China, had purposefully avoided having penetrative sex, but they conceived anyway, and Mandisa has her first son, Mxolisi. Out of duty, Mandisa marries China, and the two are unhappily married for two years. However, one day China leaves for work and never comes back, leaving Mandisa to fend for herself. As she pieces her life back together and starts anew, Mandisa comes to resent Mxolisi for disrupting her life. Mandisa then conceives a second child with a man named Lungile, who, like China, also leaves her.

She eventually marries a man named Dwadwa, with whom she has her youngest child and only daughter, Siziwe. Out of all of Mandisa’s children, Mxolisi becomes the biggest troublemaker and the most politically charged. When he gets into hot water for stabbing and murdering The Girl—a white college girl who had ventured into Guguletu, earning her the attention of an angry mob, of which Mxolisi was a part—Mandisa feels great guilt regarding Mxolisi’s life and crimes. She feels responsible for him, and is made to feel responsible for his murder of The Girl by people in her community. The book, which she narrates, is a way for her to come to terms with her son’s actions, and to apologize to The Mother of the Girl for her hand in Mxolisi’s upbringing, while also explaining the factors beyond their control that lead to the tragedy at the novel’s centre.

Mxolisi Character Analysis

Mandisa’s oldest son, and her only son with China. He is originally named Hlumelo, but China’s family renames him, claiming their right to do so, as grandparents traditionally name the baby. Mxolisi is twenty, but still in the equivalent of middle or early high school, both because of his own truancy and because of the abysmal school system. Mandisa and Mxolisi have a troubled relationship; she blames him for his own conception (he was unplanned), and, because she had never had penetrative sex before giving birth, she blames Mxolisi for essentially taking her virginity.

Mandisa, however, tries to compensate for resenting her son by paying more attention to him, at the expense of her other children, Siziwe and Lunga, who accuse her of favouring their brother. Mxolisi began his life as a sweet child, but when he witnessed the police murder his friends, Zazi and Mzamo, he stopped speaking for several years. He eventually regained his speech, and Mandisa sent him to school, where beatings from teachers discouraged him from continuing to pursue his education.

He dropped out without Mandisa’s knowledge to work and help her support the family, but she convinced him to return. Eventually he became politically active, and joined the Young Lions, spending his days patrolling the neighbourhood, sometimes fighting for his education, but often harassing members of his own community. Mxolisi becomes caught up in a mob that forms around the car of a white university girl when she drives in Guguletu—a place that is extremely unsafe for white people—and when the violence escalates, he stabs and kills The Girl. Mxolisi clearly feels guilt and regret for what he’s done, which he confesses to Mandisa in their final conversation in the novel. Although not depicted, he likely turns himself in, and spends time (if not the rest of his life) in jail.

Mama Character Analysis:

Mama, whose name is Kukwana, is married to Tata, and has two children, Mandisa and Khaya. Mama is a strict parent, calling in her children while other parents allowed their sons and daughters to continue to play, expecting them to do many chores around the house, and demanding academic excellence. Mandisa, however, has a relatively good relationship with Mama until she hits puberty, at which point Mama becomes obsessed with Mandisa’s virginity, forcing her to undergo vaginal examinations to ensure she hasn’t had sex. Though she balks at the invasive examinations, Mandisa takes Mama’s warnings to heart and refuses to have penetrative sex with her boyfriend, China.

Over time, though, Mandisa begins to refuse the examinations, and Mama banishes Mandisa to live with her grandmother (Mama’s own mother), Makhulu, in Gungululu. Mama, a member of a local church, is concerned with her own social standing and the stigma Mandisa’s pregnancy could bring upon the family. She cares about her own social capital more than her daughter’s wellbeing, and so when Mandisa does finally become pregnant—despite not having penetrative sex— Mama is ashamed and embarrassed, and unable to bring herself to help her daughter. Once Mxolisi is born, however, Mama warms to him and begins to forgive Mandisa for having sex and getting pregnant out of wedlock, accepting her back into her life.

CHIN A Character Analysis:

Mandisa’s first boyfriend, and the father of Mxolisi. In his youth, China was a respectful teenage boy, a good student with a bright future, and never pressured Mandisa for sex, carefully listening to and acknowledging her boundaries. When Mandisa moves away to live with Makhulu in Gungululu, China writes her frequently, and presumably stays faithful. However, when he discovers Mandisa is pregnant, his entire demeanour changes.

He scathingly accuses Mandisa of cheating on him—after all, the pair have never had penetrative sex—and believes that she’s trying to trick him into taking responsibility as the father of the child. Although he and his family are eventually convinced to acknowledge Mxolisi as part of their bloodline, and China and Mandisa marry out of duty, China never forgives Mandisa or their son for ruining his future. He is forced to drop out of school to work and support the family, and, after two years of unhappy marriage, runs away, never to be heard from again. Mandisa feels similarly, and throughout her life she resents Mxolisi for getting in the way of her own plans for her life.

A my Character Analysis:

The white girl whom Mxolisi stabs and murders when she drives into Guguletu—a place that is extremely dangerous for white people like herself. Mandisa believes that The Girl was driving through the town in order to drop of her black friends from college, who had warned her about the risks of going to Guguletu, which she had promptly brushed off. As soon as the Guguletu residents spot a white person in their town, though, they begin to chant, “One settler, one bullet,” and a mob forms around The Girl’s car, rocking it menacingly.

The crowd swiftly turns violent, as they chant that Boers (white people in South Africa) are dogs—“AmaBhulu, azizinja!” When Mxolisi fatally stabs her, he is treated like a “king.”

Although a fictional character, The Girl based on Amy Elizabeth Biehl, an American Fulbright Scholar studying in South Africa, who was murdered by a group of young black South Africans. The story is occasionally told from The Girl’s point of view in the third person, but these passages are always Mandisa mournfully imagining what The Girl’s final moments were like. The Girl’s internal life is not known, instead it is constructed by Mandisa. Mandisa creates a book-smart, kind- hearted, dedicated friend, who nonetheless doesn’t fully understand the racial dynamics of South Africa.

Makhulu Character Analysis:

Mandisa’s maternal grandmother and Mama’s mother, who lives in Gungululu. When Mandisa stops submitting willingly to Mama’s invasive “virginity checks,” Mama banishes her to live with Makhulu, despite the fact that Mandisa has never even met the woman. Luckily, Makhulu is a kind caretaker, keeping Mandisa “sane” and “bodily alive,” making sure to cook food she knows Mandisa likes, and making sure she feels love even if Mama abandoned her. Much less judgmental than Mama, when Makhulu discovers that Mandisa is pregnant, she accepts the truth: that this was an accident and Mandisa should not be blamed. Instead, Mandisa should be comforted, supported, and accepted by her family.

Lunga Character Analysis:

Mandisa’s second son, and her only son with Lungile, who eventually leaves her just like China did not long after she gave birth to Mxolisi. Lunga is small for his age, especially compared to his brother. Unlike Mxolisi he is not (yet) involved in student protests, and more regularly attends school. Both Lunga and his sister, Siziwe, accuse Mandisa of preferring their older brother, Mxolisi, to them. In actuality, Mandisa deeply resents Mxolisi for changing the course of her life, but she does shower him with extra attention to make up for her resentment.

Sizwe Character Analysis:

Mandisa’s youngest child and only daughter, and Dwadwa’s only biological child. Both Lunga and Siziwe accuse Mandisa of preferring their older brother, Mxolisi, to them. This is partly true, as Mandisa objectively does give Mxolisi more attention than her other two children. However, this is because Mandisa deeply resents Mxolisi for ruining her life and blames him for his own surprise conception (Mandisa and her then-boyfriend China never had penetrative sex, but got pregnant anyway). Mandisa gives her eldest son more attention to make up for holding such a fierce grudge against him.

Khaya Character Analysis:

Mandisa’s brother, and Mama and Tata’s son. Like Mandisa, Khaya is a smart, well-behaved child. He and Nono, Mandisa’s close friend, begin dating when they are all teenagers, and Khaya eventually impregnates her. Unlike Mandisa, who Mama feels has brought shame to the family, Mama does not see Khaya as responsible for his girlfriend’s pregnancy, illuminating a double standard in her treatment of her children based on gender.

Dwadwa Character Analysis:

Mandisa’s husband, and the father of her youngest child and only daughter, Siziwe. Dwadwa is a good man, who treats Mandisa’s first two children, Mxolisi and Lunga, as his own (their fathers are China and Lungile, respectively). Still, Mandisa remains the primary parent of her three children, and is more involved in the internal and external lives of all of her children than Dwadwa is with his biological daughter and adopted sons.

Mother to Mother

52 pages • 1 hour read

A modern alternative to SparkNotes and CliffsNotes, SuperSummary offers high-quality Study Guides with detailed chapter summaries and analysis of major themes, characters, and more.

Chapter Summaries & Analyses

Preface–Chapter 1

Chapters 3–4

Chapters 5–6

Chapters 9–10

Chapters 11–12

Character Analysis

Symbols & Motifs

Important Quotes

Essay Topics

Discussion Questions

Why do you think Magona chooses not to name Biehl in the narrative itself? On the flipside, why do you think she chooses to distill all of Biehl's killers into a single, named character? Compare and contrast the way Magona depicts Mxolisi and the student, bearing these questions in mind.

Mandisa generally comes across as a confident and honest narrator, but there are moments when she seems torn or at odds with herself; speaking of Mxolisi, for example, she says at one point, "Did I hate my son? Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! How could you hate him?" (156). What purpose do these moments serve? How do they influence our understanding of Mandisa and/or Mxolisi?

Christianity plays a complex role in the novel; it is the religion Mandisa and her family practice, but it is also a religion that was brought to South Africa alongside colonialism. Thinking about both the novel's Christian characters and its allusions to Christianity, discuss Magona's treatment of religion.

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South African Literature

Mother To Mother Literature Essay

Through the story of Mandisa and her son, Magona is showing us how deep seeded feelings of hatred and anger from the past can swell up with each new generation that is born into the society. She is teaching us the flaws in looking at this single event and placing the full blame on one person.There is a history and a story leading up to the creation and sculpting of a person who has the capacity to carry out such an awful act.

Essay Example on Mother To Mother Literature

Magona tells us this story through the eyes of Mandisa. This is done in order for us to learn the history of anguish many people in this place and time of apartheid endured. This history has an effect on Mxolisi whether or not he is fully aware of it. One example is when Mandisas’ grandfather tells her the story of the people in ships coming and taking the land from the natives.

Way back then, some three hundred years before, was the beginning of this relationship with the foreigners, this hatred for the people who took from them. The hatred was so deep that the people would try almost anything to rid themselves of these unwanted foreigners. They even went as far as killing their cattle and burning their crops because they believed in a prophecy that said this would make the strangers leave. To the natives back then, the cows provided milk, dung for the huts, and hides to help them stay warm.

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But even more importantly the cows were a kind of symbol, something men offered to his in-laws to form a union. As well as being used healers. So killing the cattle was a representation of how bad they wanted the “abelunga” gone. This hatred is passed down through each new generation.

There is a large focus on Mandisa’s life as a child growing up and what lead up to the birth of her first child, Mxolisi. This helps to give a picture of the instability and struggle many of the people deal of Southern Africa endure. Mandisa is twice uprooted and relocated from her home. The first time by the government and the second …

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Have you ever wanted to convey the depth of your feelings and appreciation for your mother through words, but felt unsure about how to do it effectively?

Crafting a descriptive essay about your mother can be a challenging task. You want to capture her essence, the love she's given you, and the incredible person she is. 

But how do you put all those emotions into words that truly do her justice?

In this blog, we'll provide you with a step-by-step guide on how to write a heartwarming and meaningful descriptive essay about your mother. 

We’ll also provide essay examples to assist you in crafting an enhanced paper, complemented by valuable tips and guidance.

Let’s get started.

• 1. Descriptive Essay - What You Need to Know
• 2. How to Write a Descriptive Essay About My Mother - 8 Easy Steps
• 3. Examples of Descriptive Essay About My Mother
• 4. Tips to Write a Descriptive Essay About Mother

Descriptive Essay - What You Need to Know

A descriptive essay is a type of essay that uses words to describe an object, person, experience, or place. The purpose of writing this type of essay is to provide the reader with a vivid and clear description of something. The writer must use sensory details, such as sight, hearing, smell, touch, and taste to make the reader experience the topic.

When writing about a person such as your mother, you need to describe the characteristics that make her unique. It can include personality traits or experiences that make her special.

Reading a few essay samples will help you out! So read on to find good examples and tips.

How to Write a Descriptive Essay About My Mother - 8 Easy Steps

Writing a heartfelt and vivid descriptive essay about your mother requires careful consideration. 

Here, we'll guide you through the process step by step, helping you express your feelings and admiration effectively:

Step 1: Choose a Focus

Decide on a specific aspect or trait of your mother that you want to describe. It could be her appearance, personality, nurturing qualities, or a particular event that showcases her character.

Step 2: Brainstorm Descriptive Words

Make a list of adjectives and descriptive words that come to mind when you think about your mother. Try to capture the essence of her being.

Step 3: Create an Outline

Organize your thoughts by creating a descriptive essay outline . Decide on the structure, such as the introduction, body, and conclusion, and what aspects you'll cover in each section.

Step 4: Start with a Hook

Begin your essay with an engaging hook or an anecdote that draws the reader in. It can be a personal memory or a captivating description of your mother.

Step 5: Descriptive Details

In the body of your essay, use sensory details to paint a vivid picture. Describe her appearance, mannerisms, and the emotions she evokes. Incorporate the descriptive words from your brainstorming list.

Step 6: Emotions and Memories

Share your personal emotions and memories associated with your mother. How does she make you feel, and what experiences have shaped your relationship with her?

Step 7: Use Metaphors and Similes

Employ metaphors and similes to enhance your descriptions. Compare her to elements from nature, objects, or anything that can add depth to your portrayal.

Step 8: Show, Don't Tell

Instead of simply stating qualities, show them through actions, interactions, and specific examples. Let the reader experience her through your words.

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Examples of Descriptive Essay About My Mother

Exploring essay examples can provide valuable insights for crafting an essay that deeply connects with your readers. 

Below, you'll find both a descriptive essay about my mother and an analysis of its content.

Why This Descriptive Essay Works

Here are several reasons why this descriptive essay is effective:

• Emotional Connection

The essay immediately establishes an emotional connection with the reader through its theme of a mother's love. The use of descriptive language and personal anecdotes invites the reader to empathize and relate to the feelings and experiences described.

• Vivid Imagery

The essay employs vivid imagery to paint a clear picture of the mother and her attributes. The descriptions of her eyes, hands, voice, and smile create a sensory experience for the reader, making them feel as if they are present with the author.

The essay uses symbolism effectively to convey the depth of the mother's love. The mother's eyes, for example, symbolize her wisdom and the shared experiences with the author. The use of the mother's hands as a source of healing symbolizes her nurturing and caring nature.

• Structure and Flow

The essay is well-structured and flows seamlessly from one descriptive element to another. 

It begins with a general introduction, moves into specific descriptions, and ends with a strong, heartfelt conclusion. This organization keeps the reader engaged and ensures a logical progression of ideas.

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• Emotional Impact

The essay's emotional impact is profound. It not only describes the mother's physical attributes but also delves into the intangible qualities that make her special. The reader is left with a deep sense of appreciation for the role of a mother and the love she provides.

• Relatability

The essay's theme of maternal love is universal, making it relatable to a broad audience. Most readers can connect with the feelings of love, protection, and guidance that the author describes. 

If you still find it challenging to write a descriptive essay, consider these additional examples for guidance.

Descriptive Essay About My Mother PDF

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Descriptive Essay On My Mother's Kitchen

Sample Descriptive Essay About My Mother

Here is a video of another short essay example about mother:

Want to read descriptive essays on other topics as well? Here are more descriptive essay examples that will help you out!

Tips to Write a Descriptive Essay About Mother

Now that you’ve read the examples, let’s look at some tips that will lead you to essay writing success.

• Start with the Basics

Begin by brainstorming ideas of what makes your mother special and why she is important to you. Think about her personality traits, accomplishments, quirks, and unique qualities. In addition, consider the ways that your mother has influenced you and shaped your life.

You can also practice your writing skills with other descriptive essay topics . So write away!

• Create an Outline

Once you have all of your ideas written down, create an descriptive essay outline that will guide the structure of your essay. This should include sections for your introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

• Capture Her Essence

Use vivid language to capture the essence of who your mother is. Utilize descriptive words and phrases that will help your reader understand who your mother is and what she means to you.

• Show, Don’t Tell

Instead of simply telling the reader about your mother’s traits or accomplishments, use stories and examples to illustrate them. This will make your essay more interesting to readers.

• Keep Your Tone Consistent

Maintaining a consistent tone throughout ensures a cohesive narrative without feeling disjointed or scattered. This keeps readers interested until they reach their conclusion!

• Don’t Forget the Conclusion

Summarize the main points of your essay in your conclusion and provide a call to action for readers. Maybe you’ll leave them feeling inspired or motivated to do something special for their own mother.

• Revise & Edit Diligently

Revision is key when putting together any written piece. Read over your work multiple times and fix any errors in spelling, grammar, punctuation, etc. Also improve any awkward phrasing or unclear ideas that might not be conveyed effectively enough.

To sum it up,

Writing a descriptive essay about your mother doesn't have to be difficult. With our guide and examples, you can easily write an effective essay that will make your mother proud! So get started today, and create the perfect essay for her!

By following these tips and examples, you will find it easier to write a meaningful descriptive essay about your mother. Good luck!

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You can trust our custom essay writing online for all your essay needs. We offer top-notch essay writing help to you get the best grade possible. Our essay writers are experienced and qualified to handle any essay topic with ease.

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Essay on Mother for Students and Children

500 words essay on mother for school students.

First of all, Mother is a word which fills everyone with emotions . A Mother is certainly the most important human being in everyone’s life. Mother’s Love for her child certainly cannot be compared with anything. Her level of forgiveness is unmatchable. A Mother is capable of forgiving any wrongdoing. Mother is the most important woman in everyone’s life. A mother sacrifices her happiness for her child. No one else can care for their kids the way a Mother does.  A Mother is great and does not need anyone like me explaining that. This essay on Mother is a small attempt to discover the greatness of a mother.

Importance of a Mother

First of all, Mothers are highly responsible women. They certainly play a very important role in the upbringing of a chil d. Most noteworthy, Mothers play a huge role in determining a child’s attitude. Whether a child will be good or evil in the future depends upon the Mother. The moral values taught by Mother probably play a huge role. Individuals often remember their Mother’s values until old age. Hence, the Mother is responsible for the well-being of society. The future of society in a large way is the result of a Mother’s teaching.

Mothers share a deep connection with their children. This connection certainly cannot be matched by anyone else. Even fathers fail to establish that type of understanding. The origins of this connection happen from infancy. Most noteworthy, a Mother can understand her infant child without communication. This certainly develops a strong emotional connection between a mother and child. This bond seems to carry into adult life. A Mother, it seems like, can always tell when we are feeling hungry.

Mothers also are the emotional backbone of the family. They support everyone’s feeling in a family. Family members can certainly tell their emotions to Mothers without worry. An individual can share almost any secret with Mother. This is because Mothers have a huge level of trust with their family. Furthermore, Mothers have an extremely forgiving nature. Hence, even wrongdoing can be shared with a Mother.

Get the huge list of more than 500 Essay Topics and Ideas

How to Support Mothers?

First of all, Mothers are precious gifts from God. Without mothers, life would certainly be dark and gloomy. Therefore, it is our duty to help and support our Mothers. One important way to do that is to help in chores. Individuals must try to do more household work. This would certainly reduce the burden of Mothers. Hence, this will also improve her health. Another way of supporting Mothers is to speak words of affirmation.

Most noteworthy, a Mother’s heart is made of gold. A few words of acknowledgment would fill her heart with happiness. There are probably several ways of doing so. One way is to praise the meal cooked by her. Above all, such acknowledgment should come on a regular basis.

A Mother is a gem in everyone’s life. She is the ultimate source of happiness for a child. Her contributions are certainly too great to imagine. Above all, her love is pure and innocent. To find a Mother who does not love is probably an impossible task.

Read some awesome Essay Writing Tips here.

FAQs  – Essay on Mother

Q.1 At what age a child forms an emotional connection with Mother?

A.1 A child forms an emotional connection with his mother from the age of infancy.

Q.2 Mention one way in which children can help their Mothers.

A.2 Children can help their Mothers by speaking words of acknowledgment. This is one way of certainly helping Mothers.

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15 of literature’s most famous mothers

Posted: February 19, 2024 | Last updated: February 19, 2024

Beloved by Toni Morrison (1987)Slavery has left its mark on Sethe, both physically and mentally. Remarkably devoted to her children, she strives at all costs to spare them from the same traumatic experiences she endured. In the aftermath of the Civil War, Sethe continues to be haunted by the ghost of her daughter , Beloved, whom she killed at birth to save from slavery.

Les Misérables by Victor Hugo (1862)Fantine symbolizes the unfortunate fate of unwed mothers in 19th-century France. While willing to sacrifice everything to give her daughter, Cosette, a better life, naive Fantine fails to see that she’s being exploited. With no choice but to continue suffering, she pays a heavy price for her youthful error as she gradually declines and her life comes to an end.

Folcoche (Paule Rezeau)

Violet Bridgerton

Bridgerton series by Julia Quinn (starting in 2000)The widowed matriarch of the charming Bridgerton family inspires her eight children to marry for love, like she did. After following Violet’s story from afar through eight novels, readers liked her character so much that, in 2013, the author dedicated a short story to her in the collection Happily Ever After .

Mrs. Bennet

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen (1813)Constantly ridiculed by her husband ( and the author herself ), Mrs. Bennet is a woman of such limited intelligence as to be comical. Indeed, her obsession with arranging brilliant marriages for her children embarrasses daughters Jane and Elizabeth. She’s not entirely wrong, however, given the difficulty of being a single woman of modest means in 19th-century England.

Room by Emma Donoghue (2010)We learn about Ma via the voice of young Jack, a child born in captivity. Kidnapped, isolated, and raped, this young woman is the centre of her son’s existence and his only link to the real world . She ingeniously finds ways to ensure his development, despite their less-than-ideal circumstances, and even ends up providing him with the tools needed to save them both.

Sophie Zawistowska

Sophie’s Choice by William Styron (1979)Sophie, a young mother of two and prisoner in a Nazi concentration camp, is faced with a terrible choice that will shatter her family. Survival only leaves her torn between an instinct to live life to the fullest and guilt coupled with a desire to punish herself. Her story made such an impact on audiences that the expression “Sophie’s choice” is now used to describe a particularly trying dilemma.

Pelageya Nilovna

The Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett (1989)At the height of the Middle Ages, Ellen is accused of witchcraft and forced into hiding as a rebel against the established order. After taking refuge in the woods, this strong, well-educated woman raises her son Jack alone. She eventually cares for a new lover’s children as well, rebuilding a family as best she can without sacrificing her independence.

Anna Fierling

Mutter Courage und ihre Kinder ( Mother Courage and Her Children ) by Bertolt Brecht (1939-1941)During the Thirty Years’ War (1618-1648), canteen operator Anna follows various armies across Europe to support her three children. She gradually loses them, however, one by one. The author paints Anna as a negative figure . Unable to be a proper mother while pursuing profit, she embodies the devastating effects of war and capitalism.

Lady Jessica

Molly Weasley

Marilla cuthbert.

Anne of Green Gables series by Lucy Maud Montgomery (starting in 1908)At first glance, Marilla Cuthbert seems an aging, austere spinster with no apparent desire for children. Nevertheless, she gradually comes to love and become a true mother to Anne Shirley, an orphaned girl she reluctantly takes in. In fact, Marilla’s maternal nature blossoms so much that she later adopts two more children.

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The Strange, Sad Literature of Evil Mothers

Sally hepworth on portraits of motherhood you won't soon forget..

Given how much I love reading and writing about dysfunctional families, it’s no wonder I would soon turn my attention to evil mothers! While my new book, Darling Girls , is about the relationship between three women who grew up in foster care together and call each other sisters, once you meet their foster mother Miss Fairchild, you’ll understand what I mean. Here are some of my favourite thrillers that feature evil mothers, all of which definitely provided inspiration for Darling Girls…

Strange Sally Diamond by Liz Nugent

This incredibly twisty book is an absolute page-turner! Strange Sally Diamond is told from two perspectives. We have Sally Diamond, now orphaned in her forties and grappling with her less-than-average upbringing as she tries to function in ‘normal society’ in the small Irish town where she lives. Then we have another narrator, living in New Zealand, who’s also grappling with their strange childhood and telling the story of the past. Do their stories intertwine? What do evil mothers have to do with it? You’ll need to read to find out…

None of This is True by Lisa Jewell  

Where I live in Australia, it seems like everyone is talking about None of This is True by Lisa Jewell… and for good reason. The story follows two mothers who meet in a restaurant bathroom and both realise it’s their 45 th birthday. The protagonist, Alix Summers, is a popular podcaster, and Josie Fair sees an opportunity to tell her own story. Alix agrees to interview Josie, and quickly we realise we have no idea what’s true. I can’t really talk about the evil mothers storyline without spoilers, so you’ll have to trust me!

Mommie Dearest by Christina Crawford

Originally published in 1978, Mommie Dearest was one of the first harrowing memoirs of child abuse that gained global attention. It also shed light on the behind-the-scenes life of Hollywood actor Joan Crawford who was an alcoholic and abuser of her adopted daughter, Christine. 

I’m Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy

While we’re on the subject of true stories, how could I skip over I’m Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy? Not exactly an evil mother in the true crime sense, but the title says a lot about the toxic and abusive relationship that child actor Jennette experienced at the hands of her mother for many years. 

White Oleander by Janet Fitch

White Oleander technically isn’t a thriller, but the mother character, Ingrid, has always stayed with me. She’s a gorgeous, talented poet locked away for committing murder, and a master manipulator to her daughter who’s being shipped from foster home to foster home in her absence. It’s also beautifully written (Oprah reads the audiobook, if that tickles your fancy!).

Flowers in the Attic by V.C. Andrews  

One of the most evil mothers in crime fiction history, I would argue, is the mother in Flowers in the Attic, a book (series of books) that has haunted me since I first read it many years ago. I remember this being a book my friends passed around at school…it really had us in its grasp! Let’s just say the mother stores her children in the attic with unwanted furniture. Need I say more?

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51 Mother’s Day Gifts Under $100

Mother’s Day is coming up (it falls on May 12 this year), so it’s time to start thinking about gifts. Whether you’re going for a physical item or an experiential present — a meal, a trip to the movies or a museum, a spa day — it’s nice to have something to open on the day itself. I’ve rounded up gifts at all price points so there’s something for every mother in your life. All are available on Amazon, and many can also be purchased at other retailers. For more gifts for every kind of mom — from new mothers to foodies — check out our hub here .

The Strategist is designed to surface the most useful, expert recommendations for things to buy across the vast e-commerce landscape. Some of our latest conquests include the best acne treatments , rolling luggage , pillows for side sleepers , natural anxiety remedies , and bath towels . We update links when possible, but note that deals can expire and all prices are subject to change.

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Mother to Mother

Sindiwe magona, ask litcharts ai: the answer to your questions, apartheid quotes in mother to mother.

White people live in their own areas and mind their own business — period. We live here, fight and kill each other. That is our business. You don’t see big words on every page of the newspapers because one of us kills somebody, here in the townships. But with this case of Boyboy’s even the white woman I work for showed me. The story was all over the place. Pictures too.

Why is it that the government now pays for his food, his clothes, the roof over his head? Where was the government the day my son stole my neighbour's hen; wrung its neck and cooked it — feathers and all, because there was no food in the house and I was away, minding the children of the white family I worked for? […] Why now, when he’s an outcast, does my son have a better roof over his head than ever before in his life? Living a better life, if chained? I do not understand why it is that the government is giving him so much now when it has given him nothing at all, all his life.

Wednesday is a school day. However, not one of my children will go to school. This burdensome knowledge I carry with me as a tortoise carries her shell. But, it weighs my spirit down. Two days ago, the Congress of South African Students (COSAS) ordered the school children to join Operation Barcelona, a campaign they say is in support of their teachers who are on strike. Students were urged to stay away from school, to burn cars and to drive reactionary elements out of the townships. Flint to tinder. The students fell over each other to answer the call. Now, anyone who disagrees with them, the students label “reactionary.” This has struck stark fear in many a brave heart. One student leader has publicly announced, “We wish to make it clear to the government that we are tired of sitting without teachers in our classes.” These big-mouthed children don’t know anything. They have no idea how hard life is; and if they’re not careful, they’ll end up in the kitchens and gardens of white homes ... just like us, their mothers and fathers. See how they’ll like it then.

With the passage of time, our schools only grew worse. In 1976, students rose in revolt and, before long, Bantu Education had completely collapsed. It had become education in name only.

My son, Mxolisi, is twenty. Yet he is still in Standard 6. Standard 6! As though he were twelve or thirteen years old. But then, he is not alone, neither is he the oldest student in his class. Twenty. And still in Standard 6. And I am not saying he is the brightest pupil in his class either.

Boycotts, strikes and indifference have plagued the schools in the last two decades. Our children have paid the price.

AmaBhulu, azizinja! Today’s youth have been singing a different song. Whites are dogs! Not a new thought, by any means. We had said that all along. As far back as I can remember. Someone would come back from work fuming: amaBhulu azizinja , because of some unfairness they believed had been meted out to them that day. A slap. A kick. Deduction from wages. A deduction, neither discussed nor explained. Unless, a gruff – YOU ALWAYS LATE! or YOU BROKE MY PLATE! or YOU NOT VERY NICE TO MY MOTHER! qualifies as explanation. So yes, our children grew up in our homes, where we called white people dogs as a matter of idiom ... heart-felt idiom, I can tell you. Based on bitter experience.

AmaBhulu, azizinja! they sang. And went and burnt down their schools. That’s uncalled for, a few of us mumbled beneath our breath. Well beneath. Even so, we were quickly reprimanded. There was a war on. Besides, those ramshackle, barren things were no schools. No learning took place there.

But swiftly, our children graduated from stoning cars, white people’s cars. They graduated from that and from burning buildings. Unoccupied buildings. Public buildings. Now, they started stoning black people’s cars. And burning black people’s houses.

We reasoned that those black people to whom such a thing happened deserved what they got. The children were punishing them for one or another misdeed. Or, indeed, some misdeeds. They had collaborated with the repressive apartheid government. Iimpimpi , informers, we labeled the whole miserable lot. People on whom the students’ righteous and wrathful acts fell.

Standard Six and, come year’s end, would sit for external examinations. A not insignificant step, as Mama reminded me daily: Gone is the time for playing.

Mama had high hopes for me ... for both of us, my brother and me. Our parents believed that education would free us from the slavery that was their lot as uneducated labourers.

Yes, we had our plans. But the year had its plans too; unbeknown to us, of course.

There is knowledge with which I was born — or which I acquired at such an early age it is as though it was there the moment I came to know myself ... to know that I was. We sucked it from our mothers’ breasts, at the very least; inhaled it from the very air, for most.

Long before I went to school I knew when Tata had had a hard day at work. He would grumble, “Those dogs I work for!” and fuss about, and take long swigs from the bottle.

Mama’s own quarrel with bosses often came on the day when Tata got paid. For some reason, her dissatisfaction with Tata’s conditions of employment seemed to deepen on Fridays.

I remember when, one Friday, she exploded:

“ Sesilamba nje, beb’ umhlaba wethu abelungu! We have come thus to hunger, for white people stole our land.” […] Later, I was to hear those words with growing frequency. “White people stole our land. They stole our herds. We have no cattle today, and the people who came here without any have worlds of farms, overflowing with fattest cattle”

“Mzukulwana, listen to me. Listen and remember what you have heard, this day.” Then, in the voice of an imbongi of the people, he recited:

“Deep run the roots of hatred here

So deep, a cattle-worshipping nation killed all its precious herds.

Tillers, burned fertile fields, fully sowed, bearing rich promise too.

Readers of Nature’s Signs, allowed themselves fallacious belief.

In red noon’s eye rolling back to the east for sleep.

Anything. Anything, to rid themselves of these unwanted strangers.

No sacrifice too great, to wash away the curse.

That deep, deep, deep, ran the hatred then.

In the nearly two centuries since, the hatred has but multiplied.

The hatred has but multiplied.”

Apartheid Term Timeline in Mother to Mother

Mother to Mother Sindiwe Magona

Mother to Mother essays are academic essays for citation. These papers were written primarily by students and provide critical analysis of Mother to Mother by Sindiwe Magona.

Mother to Mother Material

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Mother to Mother Essays

O mother, where art thou: parental absence in literatures of conflict anonymous college, mother to mother.

Bernard Maclaverty’s Cal and Sindiwe Magona’s Mother to Mother both present the larger conflicts of a country through the voice of a single protagonist. The violence plaguing the lands of both Northern Ireland and South Africa in the late 1900’s...

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Guest Essay

Speaking Russian in America

By Sasha Vasilyuk

Ms. Vasilyuk is the author of the novel “Your Presence Is Mandatory.” She wrote from San Francisco.

In January 2022, I was planning a summer trip to Ukraine and Russia for my 4-year-old son and me.

I spent half of my childhood in Ukraine and half in Russia before moving to the United States when I was a teenager. When I became a parent, my one, obsessive goal — as a mother raising a child in America with a man who spoke only English — was to teach my son Russian. It wasn’t about his future résumé; it was because Russian forms such a deep-rooted part of my immigrant identity that I couldn’t imagine talking to my child in another language.

I spoke to him exclusively in Russian and found him a Russian-language day care. For three years, his Russian was better than his English. But when he turned 4 and made English-speaking friends, it started to slip. He started inserting English words in otherwise Russian sentences and talking to himself in English while playing alone.

Then, after a Christmas break with his American grandma, he spoke to me in English. I panicked. I decided he needed a full immersion as soon as possible.

A visit to Ukraine and Russia would allow him to see that his mother’s native language wasn’t a quirk of hers but something normal for millions of people. I told him he’d eat piroshki , see the circus and finally meet his cousins in Kyiv and Moscow.

One month later, Russian forces poured into Ukraine.

I did not immediately tell my son a war had started. I believe in telling children the truth, but I couldn’t even explain to myself why one of my homelands was invading the other, why my cousins in Kyiv were hiding in bomb shelters, why my cousins in Moscow were fleeing the country. Maybe I’d tell him once I had a better grasp of what was happening or, better yet, when it was over. I was certain that it wouldn’t — couldn’t — last long.

For two days, I called family in Ukraine in the early morning, before he woke up, and reserved my tears for nights. On the third day, we were hiking in a park when two American women approached and asked what language we were speaking. When I said, “Russian,” their faces contorted, and one of them said, “Oops,” as if they’d caught me doing something wrong.

If I’d been on my own, I might have said that the Russian language, spoken by many in Ukraine and other former Soviet republics where Russian was mandated, is not an indicator of political or moral affiliation with the actions of Vladimir Putin. But I wasn’t on my own, and I didn’t want my son to see his mother having to defend herself. We hurried on down the hill. When he asked me why that lady had said “Oops,” I said I had no idea.

Afterward, I grew self-conscious at stores and playgrounds and tried not to speak Russian to him too loudly.

One of Mr. Putin’s bogus reasons for the invasion was to protect Russian speakers in Ukraine, even though many Russian speakers — like my family — had felt perfectly safe in their bilingual country. As tanks rolled toward Kyiv, I thought about the effort and resources I’d expended teaching my son a language that was being used as an excuse for violence. I’d entangled him in a mess that he did not have to be a part of.

Many people in Ukraine vowed to stop speaking Russian, but that didn’t feel like the right solution for us. I decided to carry on as we were and say nothing about the war until and unless he asked.

I read articles by psychologists that recommended never lying to your children, even about distressing events; they cautioned that it’s important to dole out the truth in a limited, age-appropriate manner. I found an article that said to “ask yourself whether you are lying to benefit your kids or lying more to benefit yourself.” I had a hard time separating the two. I knew that compared with my relatives in Russia and Ukraine, I was lucky to have the choice to lie at all.

I’ve read reports of parents in war zones going to extreme lengths to hide the brutality of war from their children, even as they live it. Part of me thinks that this merciful lying is a biological instinct, that it’s somehow better for the survival of the species to allow our children to believe the world is better than it is.

But it can also be cultural. Soviet history, for example, contains a lot of private grief under a gilded collective exterior. My grandfather was a prisoner of war in World War II. He hid it from us his whole life because in the twisted moral code of the Soviet Union, P.O.W.s were considered almost traitors . My family learned of his secret only after his death, when we discovered a confession letter in which he begged the K.G.B. not to tell us because he didn’t want to traumatize us with his shame. I never really understood that until Russia invaded.

As the war dragged on, the summer of our planned trip came and went. My son didn’t notice, and I thanked his child brain’s nebulous sense of time for sparing me the need to explain. That November, he turned 5. I increased his dose of Russian-language cartoons and started to teach him to read in Russian.

Then one day he came home from day care and asked, “Mama, is there a war in Ukraine?”

A mix of panic and relief washed over me. We went to the world map on the wall of his bedroom, designed by a friend from Kyiv. I showed him the outline of Ukraine, with its little cartoons of borscht and onion-domed churches. I said something about tanks, about how terrible war was. He nodded silently. I kept it limited and age-appropriate. I also omitted a crucial piece: He did not ask me who started the war, and I didn’t tell him. I could not bring myself to volunteer that it was Russia.

A few months later, I saw my son make a beeline for a Russian-speaking family on the beach. When I caught up, they were asking him — and then me — where we were from. Their tone was urgent, insistent. They needed to know we weren’t from Russia; they had recently arrived in the United States from Kherson, Ukraine. As soon as I heard “Kherson,” I sent my son off to play. Their son was just a few years older, and he seemed to be traumatized, alternating between staring into space and angry outbursts at his grandma. I listened to how the family had survived a brutal six-month Russian occupation and watched my son play in the distance.

Let his little brain know about suffering. But not about Russia’s betrayal. Not yet.

Sasha Vasilyuk is the author of the novel “ Your Presence Is Mandatory .”

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