how to write a school captain speech that is funny

40 Funny Speech Opening Lines: Make ‘Em Laugh Before You Even Begin!

Think of your speech opening line like the first bite of a delicious meal – it sets the tone and leaves you wanting more. A well-crafted, funny speech opening lines can instantly break the ice, make your audience feel at ease, and build anticipation for what’s to come.

But crafting that perfect line? It can feel like searching for a needle in a haystack. That’s why we’ve done the heavy lifting for you! If you read our article about “ How to Write a Powerful Speech Opening ?” you will get a full understanding of how to craft your speech opening.

Below, you’ll find 40 funny speech opening lines that cater to a wide range of topics and situations. Whether you’re addressing a formal business conference or a casual wedding reception, these lines will help you the ice and kick things off with a bang.

General Icebreakers

Everyone loves a good laugh, right? These funny speech opening lines are designed to do just that – break the ice and get your audience smiling. They’re perfect for any occasion where you want to start things off on a light and friendly note.

“Before we start, can everyone please look under their chairs? I lost my contact lens, and it might be a little blurry up here…”
“Good evening, everyone! Or as I like to call it, the part of the day where I try to sound smarter than I actually am.”
“It’s a pleasure to be here tonight. Or as my therapist would say, ‘It’s a start.'”
“Thank you for that warm welcome. I was worried you’d all be asleep by now.”
“Hello, everyone! I’m here to talk to you about [topic]. Or as my kids call it, ‘The thing that makes dad boring.'”
“Before I begin, I want to thank the person who invented coffee. You are the real MVP.”

Self-Deprecating Humor

Want to show your audience you don’t take yourself too seriously? Try poking a little fun at yourself ! These self-deprecating funny speech opening lines can help you appear more relatable and down-to-earth.

“I wasn’t sure what to wear tonight, so I asked my cat. He said, ‘Meow’ (which I think means ‘go for the tuxedo’).”
“I’d like to thank [person] for that glowing introduction. I must say, I’ve never heard myself described as so… fictional.”
“I’ve been practicing this speech in front of my dog. He hasn’t understood a word, but he sure does wag his tail a lot.”
“I’m a little nervous tonight, so bear with me. I’m not used to talking to people who aren’t my plants.”
“I promise to keep this speech short. My attention span is about as long as a goldfish’s.”
“I know what you’re thinking: ‘This guy doesn’t look like a public speaker.’ Well, you’re right. I’m actually a ninja in disguise.”

Situational Humor (Weddings, Business, etc.)

Every event has its unique flavor, and your opening line can reflect that! Use these tailored jokes to match the mood of your specific occasion.

(Wedding) “Ladies and gentlemen, it’s an honor to be here tonight. And for the single folks out there, don’t worry, your time will come. Or it won’t. Either way, there’s cake.”
(Business) “I’m here to talk to you about increasing productivity. But first, let’s be honest, who here is secretly checking their email?”
(Graduation) “Congratulations, graduates! You made it. Now go out there and prove your parents wrong about that whole ‘art history degree’ thing.”
(Birthday) “Happy birthday, [person]! You don’t look a day over… well, let’s just say you look amazing.”
(Retirement) “Congratulations on your retirement! Finally, you can stop pretending to know what the young people are talking about.”
(Awards) “I’m truly honored to receive this award. Although, I must admit, I was hoping for a cash prize.”

Read our funny maid of honor speeches guide if you plan to do a speech on your friend’s big day.

Pop Culture References

Do you love movies, TV shows, or music? Sprinkle in a pop culture reference! It’s a fun way to connect with your audience, especially if you share a common interest.

“I’m so nervous, I feel like I’m about to go on stage for the first time since my middle school production of ‘Grease.'”
“I’m not sure if I’m qualified to give this speech. I mean, I’ve never even won an Oscar.”
“If this speech were a Netflix series, it would be called ‘Awkward Silences and Dad Jokes.'”
“I hope my speech isn’t as forgettable as the last season of ‘Game of Thrones.'”

Audience Participation

Want to make your speech even more fun? Get your audience involved ! These funny speech opening lines are designed to spark interaction and create a lively atmosphere. They’ll help you build a connection with your listeners right from the start.

“Can I get a show of hands? Who here actually read my bio in the program?”
“Who’s excited to be here tonight? [Pause for response] Liars.”
“I have a joke, but it only works if you laugh. So, on the count of three, everyone laugh… One, two, three… [Pause] Well, that was awkward.”
“Let’s play a game. I’ll say a word, and you shout out the first thing that comes to mind. Ready? [Topic of your speech].”

Bonus Lines (Just for Fun)

Looking for something a little extra? These lines are just for fun. They might be a bit silly, but they’re sure to get a chuckle out of your audience.

“I’m not saying I’m lazy, but I once hired someone from fiverr to watch a YouTube video for me.”
“I’m so bad at math, I can’t even count the number of times I’ve said ‘I’m bad at math.'”
“I’m not a morning person. I’m barely even a person before noon.”
“I’m not sure why I was asked to give this speech. I think they confused me with someone who’s actually interesting.”
“My therapist told me to take up public speaking to overcome my fear of judgment. So, feel free to judge away!”
“I’ve been told I have a face for radio. But hey, I’m here, aren’t I?”
“I’m like a fine wine… I get better with age. Or at least, that’s what I tell myself.”
“I’m not saying I’m perfect, but I’ve never been wrong… yet.”
“I’m not sure what’s more nerve-wracking, giving this speech or trying to parallel park in front of all of you.”
“I’m so glad you all came to hear me speak. I was starting to worry I was only talking to myself.”
“I’m not sure what’s more confusing, the economy or my love life.”
“I’m like a box of chocolates… you never know what you’re gonna get. But hopefully, it’s not salmonella.”
“I’m not saying I’m old, but I remember when Netflix was just a DVD rental service.”
“I’m like a good book… worth sticking with until the end. Or at least, the first few chapters.”

Watch this compilation video of comedians delivering hilarious opening lines during their stand-up routines.

Remember, your opening line is your first chance to make a lasting impression. It’s your secret weapon to grab your audience’s attention and set the tone for an unforgettable speech.

We’ve covered a wide range of options to get you started:

General Icebreakers: Perfect for warming up any crowd with lighthearted humor.
Self-Deprecating Humor: Show your audience you don’t take yourself too seriously.
Situational Humor: Tailor your jokes to your specific event and audience.
Pop Culture References: Connect with your audience on a shared cultural level.
Audience Participation: Get everyone involved for a truly interactive experience.
Bonus Lines: Just for fun, because who doesn’t love a good laugh?

So, take a deep breath, step up to that microphone, and let your humor shine! Experiment with different types of speech opening lines until you find the perfect fit for your personality and your audience.

And if you’re ready to dive deeper into crafting a speech that truly resonates, don’t forget to check out our comprehensive guide on speech structure . It’ll give you all the tools you need to build a presentation that’s not only funny but also informative and engaging from start to finish.

Entertainment
Tips & Tricks

Funny Student Council Speeches

If you are running for the student council, you certainly need to popular vote from your peers if you are to become the winner. Because your campaign speech is targeted at other high school teens and not parents or teachers, you must be creative and use a funny introduction.

What You Should Know When Writing An Election Speech

Here are a few suggestions that should help you craft a solid your audience will never forget. It is however important that you make sure that the speech adequately suits your position and school.

Start with some humor!

It is always easy for people to be swayed by someone who knows how to engage them with some humor. You can begin like this: some of you here probably remember me for shutting myself in the restroom last summer. My being here today is a testament to the fact that you can overcome any form of embarrassment.

The 1982 Movie Poltergeist Used Real Skeletons As – Tymoff: Behind The Scenes Of Poltergeist

My track record.

I have had a lot of good ideas, many of which have been used to serve especially here in this high school. From the first time I stepped my feet in this school, I knew I should be involved. Before now, I have served as a member of the school athletic team as the vice-captain. The little experience I have gained in these leadership roles has put me in good stead to further advance the virtues upon which this school is built.

Declaration of interest

It may not come to a number of you as a surprise that I am running for student council for the post of (……………………..). if I am elected into this office, I will work hard to ensure that every student of this high school feels the effect of good governance.

I know what it takes

I am fully aware that the student council to which I am aspiring to be a member of works hand in hand with the administration and student body to ensure that the student events held yearly turn out to be a success.

I ask for you votes

I assure you that if I am considered worthy of election into this exalted office, I will do all to put your interests first while also ensuring that your concerns are taken care of.

Some Good Ideas Of Speeches For President You Should Consider

When running for the highest office in your school or class, you must do all to make it stand out.

Knock them out with the opening statement

Hello everyone, my name is Mark Henry. I may not be the coolest guy out there who doesn’t mind breaking a few rules and I’m sure that’s not what you want in a student council president. What I bring to the table is hard work, transparency, probity, and team spirit. This I promise to do without souring the fun.

Many of you will remember the petition I wrote concerning the hygiene issue we faced in the restroom last summer. We were able to affect the needed changes by coming together to endorse that petition. This is the kind of team spirit I hope my leadership will entrench if given the opportunity.

What Do I Bring To The Table?

The years I have spent so far in this high school has seen me explore the different opportunities on offer. I am a member of the school soccer team, and I have been part of a team that has helped juniors improve their math skills. I was made the vice-captain of the school soccer team just this year and along with my teammates, we have won 80 percent of our matches to date .

With me as your student council president, I may not be able to cancel all homework, but I guarantee you that I will be your voice whenever there is a need for one. I will make sure that this turns out to be a year to remember for you all in this school. I will ensure to improve upon the already existing extracurricular activities in this school while also introducing new ones. The community will also feel our impact as we will work together to come up with innovative ideas to improve a lot of our community through volunteer programs.

Call For Your Votes

Today, I make it known to you that it takes the people to vote for effective change to occur. I would be grateful for every vote cast for me to become your president. Together, I believe we can bring the changes we so much desire. Let’s activate the power of our votes as we turn this vision to reality.

Sample Vice President Speech

For your speech for the role of the vice president to sell, it must be delivered with great precision and effect.

Introduction

Rather than bore you with a default introduction expected of a great speech, I will begin by sharing with you all a memory that changed my view of high school. It was the day I scored my first goal on the school soccer team in a match. I had enlisted into the team earlier last summer and I was assigned as number 9(a striker). It was a struggle settling into the team as I wasn’t the most physical guy out there(I’m sure I still am not). The games went by and I just couldn’t get the ground running.

I needed a goal badly as expected for my role as a striker. Then came a qualification match for the local championships. The regular striker was out injured and I was called upon to deputize. To be honest, not much was expected of me in that match till the 85 th minute when I rose highest to head home the winner of the match. That was a remarkable day in my life and served as a turning point for me and my team. I learn the value of hard work, patience, and teamwork from that experience.

Why Should I Be Your Vice President?

The main reason I am running for the post of student council vice president is to contribute my quota to a school that has made me the awesome guy standing before you today. I want to work with each one of you to make this place even more awesome than it currently is.

The past years I have spent in this school have served as the perfect training ground for me to serve as your vice president. I have also spent some time an office aid gaining experience in the day to day operations of the school.

I know that for you people to vote me in, I have to bring something different. I can guarantee you that if I am voted into office; I will work together with the president providing the much-needed support for a stable and purposeful tenure. I will be actively involved in planning activities such as homecoming, prom, and graduation. I will be the ear for you to speak to and the shoulder to lean on when necessary.

Plea For Votes

I may not have succeeded in making one of the best student council speeches of all time today, but I do hope I have done enough to earn your trust and vote for this office. Join me as we begin creating memories that will never be forgotten.

How Can You Make Your Student Council Speech Stand Out?

If you want the people to vote for you, you should be prepared to make one of the student council speeches that would be used as reference material for a long time to come. It doesn’t matter how big or small the post you are running for is, there is a great need for you to create a lasting impression for your audience. Here are a few tips that should help you out in that regard:

Know that people tend to follow things they see more than what they just hear. This is why you should strive to give a visual angle to your presentation. This means you have to use hand gestures or props.
You should also look to expand your vocabulary by searching for words that have the same meaning as the office you are gunning for. Sounding different from the crowd puts you in good stead.
One of the most notable phrases Martin Luther King and Barack Obama will always be remembered for is the ‘I have a dream’ phrase. If there is anything learned from that, it is the fact that a catchphrase has the power to catch the people.
Also, when presenting the good ideas stored in your head, ensure that the speech is kept short. Don’t bore people with long speeches. You could also spice things up by putting a lyric in the background.

Why Do You Need To Include Some Humor In Your Speech?

I bet if you weren’t contesting for a position and had to listen to a ‘great speech’ by a contestant that was devoid of fun and humor, you would probably get bored and decide against voting for such a person. Using sarcasm and jokes only people who attend your high school will get is a great way of connecting with them.

Go And Win That Election!

Regardless of whether you use one of the samples we provided here or create your own, a personal touch is required for success. Place great emphasis on what makes you different from the crowd. At the end of the day, if you lose or win the election, you can always hold your head up high for delivering a great speech.

https://quotes.pub/q/economics-is-haunted-by-more-fallacies-than-any-other-study–92254

http://www.morefamousquotes.com/topics/can-we-start-over-quotes/

https://www.theburningplatform.com/2014/02/11/quotes-of-the-day-562/

https://quotes.pub/q/when-alexander-the-great-visited-the-philosopher-diogenes-an-92246

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