single mom influencer essay

I was a single parent in the 90s. It was hard to make adult connections, and sometimes I wish I had had social media.

• My daughter is 32, and I raised her on my own.
• I got used to hearing "Oh, that must be so hard," but I didn't see things that way.
• The hardest thing I remember about solo parenting was feeling lonely.

One of the things I am most proud of in my life is raising a human to adulthood. My daughter is 32, and although she deserves much more credit than I do for how she turned out, I can't help having a little "Yay me" moment when I reflect on what an awesome human she is.

Although I'm married now and co-parent my two younger children with my husband, I raised my daughter on my own. The experience of parenting my daughter was vastly different than parenting my two sons, who are now 13 and 14.

I have a partner now who shares parenting responsibilities and decisions with me, but while raising my daughter, everything was on my shoulders. Having another invested person to look to and bounce things off of when I'm not sure about something is an entirely new experience.

The world is also different. Technology and social media have evolved, presenting new conveniences and timesavers, and also new things to worry about, like comparing our parenting to everyone else's.

Social media makes us compare each other's parenting

When people found out I was a single parent , a typical response was, "Wow, that must be so tough." I rarely thought of it that way, although I remember being lonely and broke. Looking back, I think being a single mom was hard. However, I think today's solo parents have a more difficult time due to the pressures of social media.

I discovered Facebook mom groups when my two youngest children were small. We adopted our boys in 2012 and 2013, and there was a Facebook mom group for everything. Adoptive moms, boy moms, toddler moms, all types of parenting styles — you name it, there was a ready-made Facebook community for it. At first, I was thrilled to have found a network that would make me feel less isolated. Then I started noticing the snarky, thinly veiled criticisms.

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I compared my performance as a mom to complete strangers on Instagram, wondering why no one else had a train wreck of a dirty kitchen and whether I was failing because I wasn't color-coordinating our outfits to go to the grocery store.

I'm not sure if I would have been able to take so many things with so many grains of salt back when I was in my 20s and a single mom.

When I see a picture-perfect family on social media, it's easy to let myself feel inferior and mentally list the things they're doing right that I'm doing wrong, but I'm usually able to curb that urge to compare too strongly. I remind myself that I've posted some things on social media that aren't representative of what's really happening in my life and that other people are probably doing the same.

For me, loneliness was the hardest thing about being a single mom

The hardest thing about solo parenting my daughter was limited adult interaction. I got my social fix at work during the day, but I would have liked someone to talk to after she went to bed at night. Being lonely, while never being alone, is something that surprised me about being a single parent and something definitely not in the manual.

I often felt like my personal identity was limited to being a mom and that outside cutting the crusts off of sandwiches and reading "Amelia Bedelia," I didn't really know who I was. "Work me" was serious and hardworking, trying to erase my mom persona while on the job. I knew a few other moms, but we were mostly too busy and exhausted to make time for friendships. The concept of self-care wasn't as widespread as it is today, and nobody really talked about what moms needed. I got it all done. My daughter was thriving, and I advanced at work, but there was always that pervasive sense of aloneness.

I sometimes wonder how my experience parenting my daughter in the 90s would have been made better or worse by the presence of social media. My experience with Facebook mom groups has taught me that they're mostly a place of judgment and one-upmanship. Still, there are nuggets of connection in there if you can handle weeding through the noise and occasional snark. I wonder if I was better off being isolated on my own island than I would have been connected to a digital environment that had the potential to be toxic.

Still, I envy today's single moms a little bit. People are more used to solo parents, and it seems more "normal." And, whether we call having access to an online community of moms that might be unhealthy, I like the fact that there's a choice now.

Maybe, in that sea of "I can't believe you're giving your kid that much sugar" and "Does anyone know what this rash is?" I would have been able to find my people. I'll never know for sure.

Watch: Why childcare has become so unaffordable

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Research Article

Growing up with a single mother and life satisfaction in adulthood: A test of mediating and moderating factors

Affiliation German Institute for Economic Research, Berlin, Germany

* E-mail: [email protected]

Affiliation Department of Psychology, University of Warwick, Coventry, United Kingdom

• David Richter, 
• Sakari Lemola

• Published: June 15, 2017
• https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0179639
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Single parenthood is increasingly common in Western societies but only little is known about its long-term effects. We therefore studied life satisfaction among 641 individuals (ages 18–66 years) who spent their entire childhood with a single mother, 1539 individuals who spent part of their childhood with both parents but then experienced parental separation, and 21,943 individuals who grew up with both parents. Individuals who grew up with a single mother for their entire childhood and to a lesser degree also individuals who experienced parental separation showed a small but persistent decrease in life satisfaction into old age controlling childhood socio-economic status. This decrease was partly mediated by worse adulthood living conditions related to socio-economic and educational success, physical health, social integration, and romantic relationship outcomes. No moderation by age, gender, and societal system where the childhood was spent (i.e. western oriented FRG or socialist GDR) was found.

Citation: Richter D, Lemola S (2017) Growing up with a single mother and life satisfaction in adulthood: A test of mediating and moderating factors. PLoS ONE 12(6): e0179639. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0179639

Editor: Jacobus P. van Wouwe, TNO, NETHERLANDS

Received: November 15, 2016; Accepted: June 1, 2017; Published: June 15, 2017

Copyright: © 2017 Richter, Lemola. This is an open access article distributed under the terms of the Creative Commons Attribution License , which permits unrestricted use, distribution, and reproduction in any medium, provided the original author and source are credited.

Data Availability: Data are available from the German Socio-economic Panel Study (SOEP) due to third party restrictions (for requests, please contact [email protected] ). The scientific use file of the SOEP with anonymous microdata is made available free of charge to universities and research institutes for research and teaching purposes. The direct use of SOEP data is subject to the strict provisions of German data protection law. Therefore, signing a data distribution contract is a precondition for working with SOEP data. The data distribution contract can be requested with a form. The form is provided here: http://www.diw.de/documents/dokumentenarchiv/17/diw_01.c.88926.de/soep_application_contract.pdf . For further information the SOEPhotline at either [email protected] or +49 30 89789- 292 can be contacted.

Funding: The authors received no specific funding for this work.

Competing interests: The authors have declared that no competing interests exist.

Introduction

Single parenthood is increasingly common in Western societies, with 27.5% of children in the US currently being raised in single-parent households—more than 80% of them in households headed by single mothers [ 1 ]. Although the importance of studying the long-term consequences of single parenthood on children is clear, there is still a dearth of knowledge on the relative strength of long-term effects of single parenthood on children’s well-being at different stages of the adult life-span as well as on the involved mechanisms. Therefore, we study differences in life-satisfaction across adulthood related to differences in childhood family structure in a large representative German panel study. We focus on life-satisfaction in adulthood as a highly desirable characteristic which is assumed to play a crucial role for the populations' health, longevity, and citizenship [ 2 , 3 ].

There are three main pathways by which being raised by a single mother may produce a long-lasting impact on well-being in adulthood. First, children in single-mother households are more likely to suffer from less effective guardianship and a higher likelihood of family distress and conflicts (e.g., [ 4 ]). It is well established that two-parent families generally provide more emotional resources to children than single-parent families (e.g., [ 5 , 6 ]). In a related vein, children, whose parents divorce, exhibit slightly lower psychological well-being and social adjustment than children from stable two-parent families (e.g., [ 5 , 7 , 8 – 10 ]). The experience of parental divorce may cause further emotional distress to the child [ 5 , 11 ] and may eventually lead to an insecure attachment representation [ 5 , 12 ]. Prolonged family distress and insecure attachment representation may in turn complicate the development of social skills and make it more difficult to engage in satisfying intimate relationships which may eventually also hamper life-satisfaction during adulthood [ 12 ].

A second pathway of impact is related to the generally lower socio-economic status and increased risk of economic deprivation among children in single-mother households (e.g., [ 4 ]). Economic deprivation affects children's adjustment and well-being in multiple ways. Children from poor households are at increased risk to live in a low quality home environment and poor neighborhood conditions. They are more often exposed to harsh parental rearing practices and poor parental mental health, and they more often receive suboptimal nutrition and suffer from poor physical health [ 13 ]. Finally, economic deprivation also increases the likelihood of these children to enter careers with poor socio-economic prospects and to show poor social integration when they reach early adulthood [ 5 ].

A third pathway can be summarized as the ‘missing-father hypothesis.’ In popular science, it has been discussed that children need both a mother and a father, presuming that fathering involves distinct and necessary qualities which are particularly important for gender identity formation in boys (e.g., [ 14 , 15 ]). There is also evidence that the absence of a father is associated with an increase in antisocial behaviors in boys, including violence, criminality, and substance abuse [ 16 ] and a decrease in social adjustment in general [ 5 ].

The present study

In the present study, we examine whether general life satisfaction is lower among adults raised by a single mother than for adults raised in two-parent families. To do so, we compare the general life satisfaction of adults reared by their single mothers with respondents who grew up with both parents. As single parenthood and parental divorce are associated with parental socio-economic background and education, we statistically control for parents’ education and occupational prestige along with the respondents’ age and sex.

We expect to find a dose-response relationship, that is, that adults who spent at least part of their childhood in a two-parent family are affected less—despite the significant stresses associated with the experience of parental separation [ 5 ]. We expect a smaller decrease in general life satisfaction in this group, as the parent who left the family may still provide resources to support children when they enter adulthood—which is less likely when the parent has never lived together with the child.

Second, we test mediation models namely whether the association between childhood family structure and general adulthood life satisfaction is mediated by life outcomes that may be summarized as adulthood life success, including educational attainment, employment status, occupational prestige, net income, physical health, integration into social networks, and success in romantic relationships as there is evidence that these life-circumstances are affected in a negative way by growing up in a single parent household and/or by having experienced parental divorce [ 5 ]. We hypothesize that differences in these life circumstances during adulthood partly explain the difference in general adulthood life satisfaction between individuals who have been raised by single mothers and their counterparts who grew up with both parents.

Third, we test moderation of the effects by three possible moderating variables, age, gender, and societal system where the children grew up. Regarding age differences one might assume that the effects of single parenthood wane across the adult life-span following the general psychological principle that the longer ago a negative experience the smaller the imposed impact (e.g., [ 17 ]). Regarding gender differences we test the idea frequently echoed in popular science, namely that men who were raised by single mothers are more disadvantaged in adulthood than their female counterparts. Finally, regarding the question if different societal systems differentially affect the role of childhood family settings for adulthood life satisfaction we compare individuals who grew up in the Federal Republic of Germany and in the German Democratic Republic. The western oriented Federal Republic of Germany (FRG) and the socialist German Democratic Republic (GDR), which existed between 1949 and 1990, differed sharply in terms of several variables that may possibly be relevant for single parent families namely divorce rate, female participation in the labor market, and child day-care infrastructure. The divorce rate in the socialist GDR was nearly twice as high as in the FRG and female participation in the labor market was at 89% compared to 55% in the FRG in 1990 [ 18 ]. Even more drastic difference existed with regard to the child day-care infrastructure; more than half of the children who grew up in the socialist GDR were in regular day-care, which was free of charge, while less than 2% were in day-care in the FRG at the end of the 1980s [ 19 ]. Due to these differences we expect that children who grew up with single mothers in the socialist GDR were less disadvantaged compared to their counterparts who grew up with both parents than children who grew up with single mothers in the FRG; we expect this, as the higher divorce-rate may have reduced the stigma associated with single parenthood in the GDR, moreover, single motherhood was possibly related with relatively less economic burden in the GDR compared to the FRG.

The data are from the SOEP (Version 30), which is an ongoing, nationally representative longitudinal study of private households in Germany running since 1984. Comprehensive information about the data collection, design, respondents, variables, and assessment procedures is reported in Wagner, Frick, and Schupp [ 20 ].

The sample comprised of 26,936 adults born after 1946, of whom 24,123 adults between the ages of 17 and 66 years ( M = 37.86 years, SD = 13.50 years; 52.1% female) were analyzed in the present paper. Given the present study’s focus on the effect of single parenthood vs. growing up with both parents, we categorized the participants into three subgroups: individuals who lived with both parents up to the age of 15 ( n = 21,943), those whose parents separated and who lived with their mothers for between one and fourteen years ( n = 1539), and those who lived with a single mother up to the age of 15 ( n = 641). Data from 2813 respondents were excluded who had spent part of their childhood in different family settings (e.g., raised by the mother and a new partner, by a single father with or without a new partner, or by other relatives; among the excluded respondents there were 207 individuals who grew up with a single father for 1–14 years and 21 individuals who grew up with a single father for 15 years, respectively).

Regarding the societal system where the children grew up, in the FRG, 18,186 respondents grew up with both parents up to the age of fifteen, 1234 lived with their mothers for between one and fourteen years, and 483 lived with a single mother up to the age of fifteen. In the former GDR, 3757 respondents grew up with both parents up to the age of fifteen, 305 lived with their mothers for between one and fourteen years, and 158 lived with a single mother up to the age of fifteen.

Although life satisfaction has been measured since the very beginning of the SOEP study in 1984, the information on where respondents had spent the first fifteen years of their lives was only available for respondents who entered the panel after the year 2000. During the fourteen years of data collection, respondents reported their general life satisfaction (‘All things considered, how satisfied are you with your life in general?’) at the end of each yearly interview using an 11-point scale ranging from 0 ( completely dissatisfied ) to 10 ( completely satisfied ), a measure with high reported reliability and validity [ 21 ]. To minimize error variance and to get a global indicator of adult well-being, general life satisfaction was estimated by aggregating all data available to build a mean-score ( M = 7.33, SD = 1.49). On average, respondents provided 4.71 ( SD = 4.29; range = 1–14) data points of general life satisfaction.

When entering the panel study, respondents reported where they had grown up in the first fifteen years of their life (“How many years of your childhood (up until age fifteen) did you live with the following persons? Please round off to the nearest year”). For our analyses, we used data from the response options “with both your father and mother (biological or adoptive)” and “with your mother without a new husband or partner”.

The participants also reported their socio-economic status (SES) in childhood (i.e., their parents’ education and occupational prestige), their own SES in adulthood (i.e., employment status, occupational prestige, education, and net income), their physical health status during adulthood (the number of visits to the doctor, reverse-coded), their social integration in adulthood (number of friends, number of visits to/from friends, and number of visits to/from family members), and success in romantic relationships (their relationship status and if they were divorced). Descriptive statistics of the study variables for the three subgroups are presented in Table 1 .

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https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0179639.t001

Occupational prestige was scored from 13 to 78 using the Standard International Occupation Prestige Score index (SIOPS; [ 22 ]). Occupational prestige was not available for 5377 (22.3%) of the respondents and for 12,331 (51.1%) mothers and 7097 (29.4%) fathers of respondents. In most cases these individuals had no occupational prestige due to being homemakers or being unemployed. In rare cases, however, participants also did not know their parents’ occupation. Missing occupational prestige was scored with the lowest value possible following the rationale that being unemployed or homemaker is regarded as lower in prestige than all other paid work. Respondents’ general occupational prestige was estimated by calculating the mean of all yearly data available.

Education of parents measured when respondents entered the panel and scored from 1 to 3 (no education [ 1 ]: no school attendance, no degree obtained, other degree obtained, or respondent did not know; low education [ 2 ]: lower-track secondary school; and high education [ 3 ]: intermediate-track or upper-track secondary school). Education of respondents was scored using the International Standard Classification of Education (ISCED-1997; [ 23 ]. Prior to the analyses respondents’ ISCED-Scores were collapsed into three categories (low education [ 1 ]: ISCED-Scores 0, 1, and 2; medium education [ 2 ]: ISCED-Scores 3 and 4; and high education [ 3 ]: ISCED-Scores 5 and 6). Missing information on education ( n = 138, 0.6%) was scored as the lowest category.

Yearly data on the employment status of respondents were coded to generate a continuous index (full-time employment was coded 1.0, regular part-time employment or vocational training were coded 0.5, marginal, irregular part-time employment was coded 0.25, and not employed was coded 0.0) and collapsed into a mean score to represent the general employments status of respondents across the years they reported their life satisfaction.

The number of doctor visits as well as their generalized monthly net income in EUR were estimated by calculating the mean of all yearly data available.

Social network status was measured in the years 2003, 2008, and 2013. Respondents reported how often they “visited or were visited by neighbors, friends, or acquaintances” and how often they “visited or were visited by family members or relatives” on a 1 ( daily ) to 5 ( never ) scale. In the analysis, the scales of these variables were reversed. In addition, respondents answered the question “how many close friends would you say that you have?”. Respondents’ general social network status was estimated by calculating the mean of all data available.

Respondents’ partnership status was coded (with partner was coded 1.0, no partner was coded 0.0) and collapsed into a mean score to represent the respondent’s general relationship status across the years they reported their life satisfaction. Similarly, we coded whether respondents’ marital status was “divorced” (divorced was coded 1.0, all other marital statuses were coded 0.0) for the years they reported their life satisfaction and collapsed the data into a mean score.

Intercorrelations of all study variables are depicted in S1 Table .

In a first step, respondents’ z-standardized general life satisfaction served as the dependent variable in hierarchical multiple regression analyses. In this analysis, dummy-coded variables were used to represent the childhood family settings of the subgroups. These analyses controlled respondents’ age, age 2 , age 3 , and sex as well as parents’ education (dummy coded) and parents’ occupational prestige (standardized). Age was centered before age 2 and age 3 were calculated.

In a second step, analyses of variance were conducted to test whether indicators of adulthood life outcomes including adulthood SES, physical health, social integration, and success in romantic relationships varied significantly in the three aforementioned subgroups. Again, respondents’ age, age 2 , age 3 , and sex as well as parents’ education (dummy coded) and occupational prestige (standardized) were entered into the equations to control for these background variables.

In a third step, mediation analyses were conducted to test whether differences in adulthood life satisfaction related to childhood family structure were mediated by indicators of adulthood life outcomes including adulthood SES, physical health, social integration, and success in romantic relationships in adulthood. These possible mediators of the effect of childhood family settings on general life satisfaction were entered in three blocks. In model 1 (baseline model), parents’ education (dummy coded) and occupational prestige (standardized) were included into the equation to control for childhood SES. In model 2, respondents’ own education (dummy coded), occupational prestige (standardized), employment status (centered), and net income (standardized) were entered as one block representing adulthood SES. In model 3, respondents’ adulthood physical health (number of doctor visits, reverse coded, and centered) was entered to the equation. Finally, in model 4 respondents’ number of friends (centered), visits to/from friends (centered), visits to/from family members (centered), partnership status (centered), and having been divorced (centered) were entered as one block representing adulthood social integration and success in romantic relationships.

First, we compared the variance explained by childhood family settings (only controlling age, age 2 , age 3 , and sex) with the variance that childhood family settings explained after the control variables of model 1 (childhood SES) had been entered to the regression model. Second, we compared the variance explained by childhood family settings in model 1 (only controlling childhood SES) with the variance that childhood family settings explained after the mediators of model 2 (adulthood SES) had been entered to the regression model. Third, we compared the variance explained by the childhood family settings in model 2 with the variance that childhood family settings explained after the mediators of model 3 (model 2 mediators plus physical health) had been entered to the regression model. Finally, we compared the variance explained by the childhood family settings in model 3 with the variance that childhood family settings explained after the mediators of model 4 (model 3 mediators plus adulthood social integration and success in romantic relationships) had been entered to the regression model.

Additionally, we also evaluated indirect paths of childhood family settings on adulthood general life satisfaction via these mediators employing the Structural Equation Modeling module of stata 13. Here, all possible indirect paths were tested in individual models controlling age, age 2 , age 3 , sex, and childhood SES.

In a fourth step, we included interaction terms into the regression analyses to analyze if the effects of the childhood family structure on adulthood life satisfaction varied depending on respondents’ sex and age when completing the questionnaire following the procedure proposed by Aiken and West [ 24 ]. In addition, we tested whether associations of the different childhood family settings with general life satisfaction in adulthood differed for individuals who grew up in the FRG or the GDR.

The analyses were conducted with SPSS 20 and stata 13.

Childhood family settings and adulthood life satisfaction

The main analyses showed a significant association of the different childhood family settings with general life satisfaction. Compared to people raised by both parents, respondents reared by a single mother for between 1 and 14 years or for the entire first 15 years of their lives reported significantly lower general life satisfaction than the group reared by both parents. The effect sizes for the difference in life satisfaction between the two groups reared by a single mother and the group reared by both parents were in the small range (1–14 years: d = 0.10 p < .001, entire first 15 years: d = 0.19, p < .001). Fig 1A depicts the association between childhood family settings and adulthood life satisfaction across the adult life-span controlling for childhood SES. The values underlying Fig 1A are reported in Table 2 , Model 1. The association between childhood family settings and adulthood life satisfaction was not moderated by respondents’ age or respondents’ sex (for further details see below).

A. Association of general life satisfaction with childhood family settings across the adult life-span controlling for respondents’ sex and childhood SES. 1B. Association of adulthood life outcomes (adulthood SES, physical health, social integration, and romantic relationship success) with childhood family settings controlling for respondents’ sex, age, and childhood SES.

https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0179639.g001

https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0179639.t002

Childhood family settings and adulthood life circumstances

Fig 1B depicts the various domains of adult life outcomes including adulthood SES, physical health, adulthood social integration, and romantic relationship success separately for individuals who grew up with both parents, who lived with a single mother for between one and 14 years (i.e., individuals whose parents separated at some point in childhood), or who spent their first 15 years living with a single mother, controlling for childhood SES. Growing up with a single mother was associated with lower SES in childhood including lower parental education and occupational prestige (mother’s education p < .01, all other p s < .001). Growing up with a single mother was further related to the participants’ own SES in adulthood including employment status, occupational prestige, and net income. This association exhibited evidence of a dose-response relationship: individuals who spent their first 15 years living with a single mother reported lower SES in adulthood than individuals who spent between 1 and 14 years living with a single mother, who again were lower than their counterparts who lived with both parents throughout childhood, controlling for their childhood SES (all linear trends p < 0.05).

Participants who spent their first 15 years with a single mother further showed a lower degree of social integration during adulthood, including a smaller number of friends and fewer visits to/from family as well as less success in romantic relationships, including a lower probability of living with a partner and a higher probability of having been divorced, controlling for childhood SES (linear trends p < 0.05). Again the effect was somewhat stronger for participants who lived with a single mother for their first 15 years compared to their counterparts whose parents separated at some point during childhood. Generally, the effect sizes were in the modest range, and no significant association between childhood family settings and physical health (number of doctor visits, reverse-coded) and number of visits to/from friends was revealed after controlling childhood SES (see also S2 Table ).

Mediation of the effect on life satisfaction by adulthood life circumstances

Mediation analyses revealed that a large part of the variance in life satisfaction between different childhood family settings was explained by childhood SES, including differences in the education and occupational prestige of the respondents’ parents (i.e., 29% of the variance; see Table 2 , Model 1). Inclusion of respondents’ own education, occupational prestige, employment status, and net income during adulthood into the model attenuated the association of the different childhood family settings with general life satisfaction by a further 20% (Model 2). Inclusion of physical health (Model 3) attenuated the association of the different childhood family settings with life satisfaction by a further 6%. Finally, inclusion of respondents’ social integration and success in romantic relationships attenuated the association of the different childhood family settings with life satisfaction by a further 16% (Model 4). However, the differences in general life satisfaction between respondents who lived with both parents for their first 15 years of life and either group of respondents reared by a single mother remained significant in all models, even when all adulthood life circumstances were controlled for.

Evaluation of the indirect paths between ‘growing up with a single mother for 1–14 years vs. with both parents’ and general life satisfaction revealed that paths mediated by respondents’ education, employment status, physical health, and number of friends were significant (p < 0.05, see Fig 2 ). Regarding indirect paths between ‘growing up with a single mother for the entire childhood vs. with both parents’ and general life satisfaction, paths mediated by respondents’ education, employment status, occupational prestige, net income, number of friends, visits to/from family, partnership status, and experience of divorce in adulthood were significant (p < 0.05, see Fig 2 ).

Indirect paths were estimated separately in individual models but illustrated here together in one model for presentational parsimony. All models controlled age, age2, age3, sex, and childhood SES. Values are unstandardized path coefficients with 95% confidence limits. Life satisfaction, occupational prestige and net income were standardized; employment status, physical health (number of doctor visits, reverse coded), number of friends, visits to/from family, partnership status, and having been divorced were centered.

https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0179639.g002

Moderation of the effect of life circumstances on life satisfaction by sex

Testing sex differences regarding the role of these adulthood life circumstances for life satisfaction revealed that physical health (i.e., the reverse-coded number of doctor visits; men: β = .09, t = 2.46, p > .05, women: β = .20, t = 5.80, p < .001, sex × physical health interaction: t = 2.66, p < .01) and number of friends (men: β = .05, t = 1.17, p = .241, women: β = .16, t = 4.61, p < .001, sex × number of friends interaction: t = 2.54, p < .01) were more strongly associated with life satisfaction among women who spent between 1 and 14 years of their childhood living with a single mother when compared to their male counterparts. No respective interactions with sex were found for those who spent 15 years living with a single mother.

Moderation of the effect of childhood family settings on life satisfaction by age, sex, and societal system (FGR vs. GDR)

Moderation effects of the association between childhood family settings and adulthood life satisfaction by respondents’ age and respondents’ sex were non-significant when controlling for respondents’ childhood SES (age: F (6, 24104) = 0.807, p = .564, all age × years with single mother interactions: t < 0.45, p > .656; sex: F (2, 24108) = 2.554, p = .078, sex × 1–14 years with single mother interaction: t = 1.74, p = .081, sex × 15 years with single mother interaction: t = 1.51, p = .131), indicating that the effect does not change with age and does not differ between men and women. In addition, the association between childhood family settings and adulthood life satisfaction did not differ significantly between individuals who grew up in the FGR or the GDR ( F (2, 24107) = 0.734, p = .480, Societal System × 1–14 years with single mother interaction: t = 1.14, p = .253, Societal System × 15 years with single mother interaction: t = 0.34, p = .731). This effect remained non-significant ( F (2, 13687) = 0.834, p = .453) when the sample was restricted to individuals born between 1946 and 1974 who lived for their whole childhood until the age of fifteen in the FRG or GDR, respectively.

This is the first study to show that growing up with a single mother is related to a stable although modest reduction in general life satisfaction across the adult life-span until old age when adjusting for poor childhood SES. Individuals who spent their entire first 15 years of life living with a single mother showed on average approximately twice the reduction in life satisfaction compared to individuals who spent only part of their first 15 years with a single mother, which is consistent with a dose-response relationship. This suggests that growing up with a single mother throughout all of childhood and early adolescence and the related lack of resources from the father more than outweighs the well-described negative effects related to parental separation [ 5 , 7 – 9 ].

The reduction in adulthood life satisfaction was partially mediated by the individuals’ living conditions, including their lower socio-economic status and educational level, lower physical health status, and poor social integration and romantic success in adulthood. This finding is consistent with studies on adult well-being after parental divorce [ 5 , 25 ]. The decrease in adulthood life satisfaction was not moderated by age, thus we could not find waning of the effect of single parenthood with increasing distance to childhood. This is in contrast to evidence on negative life events during adulthood including divorce, bereavement, and unemployment for which the general principle of adaptation holds positing that the impact of an negative event decreases with increasing time since the event has happened (e.g., [ 17 , 26 ]). However, and in contrast to studies on effects of negative life events during adulthood we here studied long-term effects of enduring childhood family settings which are possibly more likely to lead to long-term changes to the set-point of general life-satisfaction during adulthood. Moreover, we could not find evidence supporting the widely held notion from popular science that boys are more affected than girls by the absence of their fathers. However, we did find that in females who experienced parental separation during childhood, the effect was more strongly mediated by poor physical health and a smaller number of friends than in their male counterparts.

Finally, we did not find evidence for differential associations between growing up with a single mother in the western oriented FRG compared to the socialist GDR––this although one might expect that the higher divorce rate in the GDR could have reduced the stigma associated with single parenthood in the GDR. Moreover, one might expect that the higher rate of female participation in the work force as well as the higher number of children in day-care in the socialist GDR might have mitigated inequalities between children raised in single parent households compared to children from two-parent households in the GDR.

However, our finding of a non-significant difference between the FRG and the GDR is consistent with comparisons between children raised by single parents in states with well-established welfare systems such as Norway as compared to children from single parents from states with less well-established welfare systems such as the US who neither found any differences [ 27 ]. One explanation for the lack of differences in such comparisons can be summarized by a relative deprivation perspective which holds that existing small economic differences may still matter a lot in societies with a more even distribution of goods and which is in contrast to an absolute economic deprivation perspective [ 26 ]. A second explanation for finding no differences between the FRG and the GDR is that our respondents who grew up in the GDR responded to the study many years after the breakdown of the socialist state of the GDR in 1990. The breakdown of the socialist system has lead to many changes and new economic hardships to a part of the population [ 28 ]. It remains possible that such economic hardships might have stroke adults who grew up with a single mother more strongly than their counterparts who grew up in two-parent families as they possibly also received less support from their father while they were already adults. A third explanation for finding no differences between the FRG and the GDR is that the socio-emotional resources provided by the father were also lacking in single-parent households in the GDR. The deprivation from the father's socio-emotional resources may have outbalanced the effects of some possibly more favorable societal circumstances for single-parents in the GDR.

As a limitation of the study, it remains impossible to derive causality as growing up in a single-mother household and adulthood life satisfaction might both be influenced by a third variable such as genetic factors. In this respect, there is evidence that the risk of divorce is up to 30–40% hereditary which is mediated by personality traits such as negative affectivity [ 29 ]. In a similar vein, it is possible that the direction of the causal influence between the factors that we tested as mediators and life satisfaction are different than we have specified them. For instance it is possible that the relationship between physical health and life satisfaction is reverse involving an impact of life satisfaction on physical health.

A further limitation lies in the measurement of the childhood family settings which were reported retrospectively during adulthood. While it may be assumed that adults are able to reliably report whether they spent the entire childhood vs. only a part of their childhood with a single mother, this variable may still be subject to memory distortions. Furthermore, regarding the possible mediating factors of the effect of childhood family settings on adulthood life satisfaction, physical health could have been measured in a more sophisticated fashion. In the present study it was assessed by the number of visits to the doctor, while more objective measures of physical health such as a doctor’s examinations or physical fitness tests might have revealed different findings.

In conclusion, the present study shows that growing up with a single mother—in particular if the father is absent for the entire childhood—predicts a small but stable decrease in life satisfaction across adulthood that is partly explained by lower socio-economic status and educational achievement, inferior physical health, poor social integration, and lower likelihood of romantic relationship success in adulthood. Contrary to expectations this effect was not moderated by sex, age, or the societal system in which the childhood was spent. Thus, the differences in life satisfaction were similar for younger and older, male and female, as well as participants who spent their childhood in the western oriented FRG or in the socialistic GDR.

Future cross-cultural research comparing effects of family settings on adulthood life-outcomes in several studies from different cultures may identify macro-level protective factors that could be targeted to improve the prospects of single parents and their children.

Supporting information

S1 table. intercorrelations of study variables..

* p < .05. ** p < .01. *** p < .001.

https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0179639.s001

S2 Table. Estimated marginal means of adulthood life circumstances by childhood family settings controlling participants' sex, age, and childhood SES (z-standardized on full sample; M , SE in brackets) .

Values with different superscripts vary significantly ( p < 0.05; Bonferroni-corrected).

https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0179639.s002

S1 File. SPSS-Syntax of the main analyses. Stata-syntax of the mediation analyses.

Those not using SPSS or stata may check the included output-file.

https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0179639.s003

Author Contributions

• Conceptualization: SL DR.
• Data curation: DR.
• Formal analysis: DR.
• Methodology: SL DR.
• Validation: SL DR.
• Visualization: SL DR.
• Writing – original draft: SL DR.
• Writing – review & editing: SL DR.
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Jessica Grose

Why Are Momfluencers So Good at Worming Their Way Into Your Brain?

By Jessica Grose

Ms. Grose is a writer for Opinion and the author, most recently, of “ Screaming on the Inside: The Unsustainability of American Motherhood ,” from which this essay has been adapted.

In some ways, the internet has been incredible for mothers.

Spaces online have provided solace and connection and allowed some women to have a public voice in communities that otherwise stifle them. It’s also a trove of practical tips. (Any solid guidance on installing a car seat is worth its weight in gold.)

The internet is also much of the reason I have a career writing about motherhood. Until I started working for The Times in 2018, almost every full-time job I had was for an online publication, and most of them were geared toward women. My work has allowed me to connect with all different kinds of parents through comment sections and social media, giving me a richer understanding of what it’s like to be a 21st-century American mom.

And yet when women write about how mothers can’t live up to the unreasonable and often nonsensical ideals of our culture, they often get flak for even mildly threatening the status quo. Whenever I’ve written about my struggles or those of other mothers to meet untenable expectations during the pandemic, I’ve received blowback about how we shouldn’t be complaining, because having kids was our choice and should be our full responsibility.

There’s a group of women on the internet who exist in contrast to the struggling moms who spent the Covid quarantines screaming : momfluencers, women with social media followings in the tens of thousands or even millions who offer tips and inspiration to their fellow moms. They’re often selling something through advertiser-sponsored posts — that’s how they earn money — whether it’s makeup , cookware or their own parenting courses or workout routines.

These mothers seem to be permanently happy with their children. Whenever they refer to mental health or parenting difficulties, those problems are in the past. Their postpartum depression or a family death or their child’s issues at school have been solved, juxtaposed with a beautiful image of open hands or a serene lake.

The influencers who show up most often in my algorithm often have a domestic or classically feminine inclination beyond motherhood — like beauty, clothing or home décor. They’re not infrequently blond. Some call themselves trad wives. who emphasize traditional gender roles. Others combine information about babies’ sleep or feeding with perfectly curated imagery.

I know these influencers have problems like any parent and that their 2-year-old probably threw a tantrum right before that smiling photo was taken in front of a backdrop of majestic mountains. I also know that they are trying to sell me something. Still, I’m entranced and shamed. I see their photographs with their sunny captions, and some small part of me believes they are more naturally suited to motherhood. And I know I’m far from alone.

I spoke to around 100 contemporary mothers from all different backgrounds for my book, and many of them talked about their complicated feelings about social media. Particularly during pregnancy, these women felt they couldn’t live up to the ideal that they saw on Instagram, which one woman described as giving her the “perception I would feel ecstatic and joyous and I’d be a goddess floating on a cloud.” When she didn’t feel that way, she thought there was something wrong with her. Looking at these influencers’ posts is like picking at a scab — painful but somehow irresistible.

Unreal expectations for American moms go back as far as written history: In the colonial days, the ideal was a pious Christian woman who spun cloth with her baby at her heels and helped keep her children on the path to salvation. Over the next few centuries, new requirements appeared: a focus on creating stalwart American citizens , an education in scientific child-rearing techniques . One thing remains consistent, though. Despite the work that mothers do to keep families and societies together, our contributions are insincerely praised, ignored or demonized, depending on the time and place and the mother’s race, religion and social standing.

In our era, the perfect mother is embodied by the momfluencer, who seamlessly melds work, wellness and home. Even if you avoid social media, the momfluencers’ expectations can manage to worm their way into you. The mothers I talked to knew that it was not realistic for them to be the ideal worker , behaving as if they had zero obligations outside the workplace, and to be the ideal mother at home, making a perfect dinner and crafting herself to sleep. And yet they blamed themselves for not living up to this model, even while acknowledging the lack of structural support American mothers have when compared with moms in peer countries.

These expectations are not just unrealistic. They are also insidiously individualistic and superficial. They have nothing to do with your private relationship with your own children, your values, your culture or your needs.

But momfluencers, the purveyors of these pernicious expectations, are part of a multibillion-dollar industry, selling products to a market of millennial moms with an estimated $2 trillion to spend . Many are just trying to make money working flexible hours while spending time with their young children, in a country without paid parental leave or affordable child care.

Jo Piazza, the host of “ Under the Influence ,” a podcast about the business of momfluencing, broke down the economics of the industry for me: While a few in the top tier are making millions, it’s rare to turn momfluencing into a great living. Some women will spend more money than they will ever make trying to become successful influencers.

To make enough money to compare with a decently paid full-time job, you need to have at least 150,000 followers on Instagram, with a high engagement rate, Ms. Piazza told me. The typical payment formula is simple: They make $100 per 10,000 followers on a post sponsored by a brand. And you can’t just buy followers and fake it; you need to have real fans. Ms. Piazza estimates that these women are working 50 to 60 hours a week, for a job that provides them no benefits and no safety net. It may seem more glamorous than driving for Uber, but it’s still precarious gig work.

Ms. Piazza also said it’s an “open secret” that influencers need perfect blowouts and fake eyelashes in every picture and “the perfect white kitchen and bedroom.” She added, “You’re not getting paid unless you’re showing the aspirational view that brands have been peddling for 50 years.” She said that she’s talked to 500 influencers for her podcast, that the majority of them find the performance really difficult and that they feel “there’s a part of it that crushes their soul every day.”

That aspirational view is, more often than not, one of white motherhood. The inequities in who is compensated for the performance are the same as everywhere else online. While there isn’t clear data about compensation, Black creators have staged boycotts over the lack of credit and compensation they receive for their work compared with their white counterparts.

As Denene Millner — the founder of MyBrownBaby , a best-selling author and the publisher of a book imprint focusing on Black children and families — rightly pointed out to me, the people at the companies who decide how to spend their marketing budgets are still mostly white. “You go for what you know, and you go for what you think will sell to the widest audiences, and people think the widest audience is the white audience,” a biased and lazy assumption, she said.

The impact of influencers on mothers’ psychological health troubles Ilyse DiMarco, a clinical psychologist and the author of “Mom Brain: Proven Strategies to Fight the Anxiety, Guilt and Overwhelming Emotions of Motherhood — and Relax Into Your New Self.” She treats lots of mothers who cite social media as one source of their anxiety, jealousy, shame, guilt and mood issues.

What strikes her is that some of the moms who spiral from looking at the influencers on Instagram don’t even like the influencers they’re following or share their values. “My mom patients feel such shame and guilt and anxiety seeing what’s going on with other people, even though they don’t particularly respect them,” Dr. DiMarco told me. But even as she helps mothers cope with the negative feelings they get from social media, she is not immune to those feelings herself. She has two boys, 10 and 7. “It’s still seductive,” she said.

She said she tries to impress upon her patients that “if you can find an influencer whose values you share and who provides you with helpful tips, great,” but that if you are taking cues for living from influencers you don’t respect, that’s “like going to a doctor who you think is a quack, whose training you think is subpar, and then following their medical advice.”

And maybe there are better online models of motherhood than the ones supported by the biggest advertisers: Like Emily Feret, who goes by @emilyjeanne333 on TikTok, has 1.1 million followers and 36.4 million likes as of this writing. She’s a 29-year-old stay-at-home mom of two, and she makes delightful videos that send up the unattainable perfection found elsewhere on social media.

Ms. Feret said she wants to “normalize normal” and she’s done a series of videos taking the viewer on a tour of her house, showing “life without the filter.” Her kids are always in the background. “Levi, son, dear God, get out of the trash can,” she says with a smile in one. “Please stop going in there. You’re disgusting.” Then she shows us her lamp, which is still in its original plastic, and announces, laughing, “There’s dead bugs stuck in there!”

I’m glad Ms. Feret is normalizing normal. She makes me smile and she makes me feel seen. (I have a mountain of unfolded laundry sitting next to me on my bed as I work on this essay.) What is so valuable about her is that she’s not trying to get us to be like her or promote herself as someone who has it all figured out. Even if we have motherhood in common, the details of our lives are different, and we are often making the best of a set of unsatisfying choices.

I know there’s not a single way all people should raise their families, but if there’s one takeaway from my reporting on the history, sociology and science of American motherhood, it’s that the ideals as they are created may serve industry but they do not serve us or our families.

Anytime you feel guilty about not meeting some sort of insane, unachievable demand, ask yourself, “Does this help me improve my relationship with my children? And does this help my community?” If the answer is no to either one, push back. Refuse to feel the guilt and failure that plague so many of us when we’re just trying to raise our families under this broken system. Instead, use that energy to fuel something different: the possibility of a more humane and supportive future for our children.

Jessica Grose is a writer for Opinion and the author, most recently, of “ Screaming on the Inside: The Unsustainability of American Motherhood ,” from which this essay has been adapted.

The Times is committed to publishing a diversity of letters to the editor. We’d like to hear what you think about this or any of our articles. Here are some tips . And here’s our email: [email protected] .

Follow the New York Times Opinion section on Facebook , Twitter (@NYTopinion) and Instagram .

Encouragement and Hope for a Single Mom

Single mom-hood, the hardest job ever but the most rewarding.

The best way to give some insight on being a single mom is to be transparent and let you in on my journey. So with that being said, let me take you back a few years to January 21, 2014. This was just an ordinary day in my life, so I thought. Little did I know my whole world would be turned upside down and ripped apart. That night my journey as a single mom started when my husband of 11 years committed suicide, leaving me with two sons, ages 12 and five, and a 10-year-old daughter. Now all the details leading up to his death, well, that’s another story for another day.

There are many curveballs life can throw you that lead to being a single mom, such as parenting outside of marriage, death, divorce, or whatever the case may be and each one has their own challenges. But, in my humble opinion, death has got to be the most challenging. Let me explain my take on that. We went from being a family of five to abruptly a family of four, so on top of everything a mom in general has to do, I had to take on the role of dad while trying to grieve my husband’s death and tend to my children’s grief as well. The whys, what happeneds, and where’s my daddy—all questions to which I have no answer even to this day. It was a hard pill to swallow and quite frankly one I felt I was not equipped to ingest.

Take heart, my friend. Even in the challenges, the mundane, the frustrations, you can grip this season of life and make it what you want it to be. There was and still are times where I just have to make it through the seconds of the day. The beauty is that it does get better, as I’m living proof. The children change, as do their needs, and you become acclimated to your new normal . I look at it this way, I get to watch my kids grow and mature and help shape them into strong, kind, and loving individuals. And I’ve done the best I could.

So, I want to give you 3 things to walk away with in hopes you will find encouragement and inspiration on your road:

1. you time..

Sweet mom, this is a challenge but it is so important. It is a must to set aside some time to do you. Whether it’s a five-minute break in the bathroom, a quick coffee break, or stepping outside to catch your breath. You cannot pour continuously into the cup of others including our little ones without refilling your own. So prioritize your schedule to pamper yourself. Trust me, it is so worth it.

2. Connect with others.

This is huge so hear me out. Your tribe does not have to only be you and your kiddos. It is so important to surround yourself with positive people who bring out the best in you. Whether it’s a mom group, church family, or your closest girlfriends, get out of the house away from the routines, to-do lists, and the mundane things that happen every day. If we do not reach out to connect with others, especially as single moms, we tend to isolate ourselves. Believe me, honey, I’ve been there and it gets lonely. Loneliness will sneak in, but it can’t set in where it’s not wanted.

3. It is and will be ok.

You are an awesome mom no matter what anyone says. Right where you are in the middle of dinner, laundry, car line, busy schedules, etc., it is and will be ok. Life is hard and single parenting is even harder, but you are doing an amazing job and one day your kids will thank you for loving them, nurturing them, playing with them no matter what had to be done. They will grow to understand, but in the meantime enjoy this season of life and embrace each challenge with grit and grace. We all have it; we just have to dig deep to find it.

My encouragement to you as I end is no matter which journey to single motherhood is yours, always remember single moms have the same struggles, roadblocks, and chaos. But intertwined in all of the mess is a beautiful thing that is evolving. We, single moms, need each other and we need to encourage and love on one another. We are in this together no matter what.

— You’ll also like  From Pregnant Widow to Single Mom ,  My Ex, My Kids and a Funeral ,  My Story, Daring to Date After Divorce ,  Dear Single Mom, You Inspire Me ,  5 Tips for Grit and Grace as a Single Mom #gritandgracelife

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Kim Spurlock

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What It's Like Going To College As A Single Mom

What it's like going to college as a single mother, more from work & money, r29 original series.

College Essay: My Parents’ Sacrifice Makes Me Strong

After living in Texas briefly, my mom moved in with my aunt in Minnesota, where she helped raise my cousins while my aunt and uncle worked. My mom still glances to the building where she first lived. I think it’s amazing how she first moved here, she lived in a small apartment and now owns a house. 

My dad’s family was poor. He dropped out of elementary school to work. My dad was the only son my grandpa had. My dad thought he was responsible to help his family out, so he decided to leave for Minnesota   because  of  many  work opportunities .   

My parents met working in cleaning at the IDS  C enter during night shifts. I am their only child, and their main priority was not leaving me alone while they worked. My mom left her cleaning job to work mornings at a warehouse. My dad continued his job in cleaning at night.   

My dad would get me ready for school and walked me to the bus stop while waiting in the cold. When I arrived home from school, my dad had dinner prepared and the house cleaned. I would eat with him at the table while watching TV, but he left after to pick up my mom from work.   

My mom would get home in the afternoon. Most memories of my mom are watching her lying down on the couch watching her  n ovelas  –  S panish soap operas  – a nd falling asleep in the living room. I knew her job was physically tiring, so I didn’t bother her.  

Seeing my parents work hard and challenge Mexican customs influence my values today as a person. As a child, my dad cooked and cleaned, to help out my mom, which is rare in Mexican culture. Conservative Mexicans believe men are superior to women; women are seen as housewives who cook, clean and obey their husbands. My parents constantly tell me I should get an education to never depend on a man. My family challenged  machismo , Mexican sexism, by creating their own values and future.  

My parents encouraged me to, “ ponte  las  pilas ” in school, which translates to “put on your batteries” in English. It means that I should put in effort and work into achieving my goal. I was taught that school is the key object in life. I stay up late to complete all my homework assignments, because of this I miss a good amount of sleep, but I’m willing to put in effort to have good grades that will benefit me. I have softball practice right after school, so I try to do nearly all of my homework ahead of time, so I won’t end up behind.  

My parents taught me to set high standards for myself. My school operates on a 4.0-scale. During lunch, my friends talked joyfully about earning a 3.25 on a test. When I earn less than a 4.25, I feel disappointed. My friends reacted with, “You should be happy. You’re extra . ” Hearing that phrase flashbacks to my parents seeing my grades. My mom would pressure me to do better when I don’t earn all 4.0s  

Every once in  awhile , I struggled with following their value of education. It can be difficult to balance school, sports and life. My parents think I’m too young to complain about life. They don’t think I’m tired, because I don’t physically work, but don’t understand that I’m mentally tired and stressed out. It’s hard for them to understand this because they didn’t have the experience of going to school.   

The way I could thank my parents for their sacrifice is accomplishing their American dream by going to college and graduating to have a professional career. I visualize the day I graduate college with my degree, so my  family  celebrates by having a carne  asada (BBQ) in the yard. All my friends, relatives, and family friends would be there to congratulate me on my accomplishments.  

As teenagers, my parents worked hard manual labor jobs to be able to provide for themselves and their family. Both of them woke up early in the morning to head to work. Staying up late to earn extra cash. As teenagers, my parents tried going to school here in the U.S .  but weren’t able to, so they continued to work. Early in the morning now, my dad arrives home from work at 2:30 a.m .,  wakes up to drop me off at school around 7:30 a.m . , so I can focus on studying hard to earn good grades. My parents want me to stay in school and not prefer work to  head on their  same path as them. Their struggle influences me to have a good work ethic in school and go against the odds.  

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My Mother Is My Source of Inspiration: Speech

Do you have an idol? Many people do, nowadays. To some, those are sportsmen; to others – pop-stars, singers, Hollywood stars and dancers. I do not need to go far or look too hard for a role model. I take inspiration from a person I am close to, and whom I love very much. That person is my mother.

Perspectives, goals, and views may change with time. Objects of adoration and admiration may change as well. However, for most of us, our mothers will always remain our first superheroes. When I was very little, I often approached my mother with questions concerning the way babies were created that were difficult to answer, but she always did in an age-appropriate manner. When I was in need of help as a young adult, she was there each time. For instance, when I had marital issues, my mother gave me essential advice that helped me restore my marriage. She advised seeking for counseling along with prayer with our former pastor. This advice changed my entire life – if I did not reconcile with my husband, I probably would not be able to go to school now, or I would probably date around entering useless relationships. The advice she gave me was based on of her prior experience in marriage which gave her wisdom in the long run.

There is nothing she cannot answer, and there is nothing she cannot do. I want to be just like her! I want to be a wise, powerful and benevolent being, as a young adult. I became an adult at a very young age (when I was 16, to be exact). Years have passed, but some things never change. My mother still knows best. Of course, I defy her from time to time, trying to find my way of doing things – not being tidy enough, which causes a tremendous amount of cleaning in the long run, not being organized and waiting the last minute to do things, and tell her I can maintain an easy-going life without following her instructions. Still, more often than not, it turns out that she is right, and I am not.

I fail to understand people who blindly adore popular idols. Sure, a singer or a sportsman could be great at what they are doing, but you will never get to know them personally. Most likely they will never even be aware of your existence, while the person who has known you from day one, who has had the most influence on your life, who loves you deeply and unconditionally, and who deserves to be revered and viewed as a source of admiration and inspiration, is right next to you, under the same roof.

I admire my mother for many things. I admire her dedication and strength of will – these qualities make a difference between a good mother and a bad mother. It is hard to raise a child properly. With all the negative influence out here to keep your child on the right path – it requires a lot of sacrifice dedication and discipline. There are no breaks, no vacations and no weekends for a mother. I admire her wisdom and value her advice, even if I decline it sometimes in order to do things my way. I am thankful for her allowing me to do things my way, even if it occasionally leads to failure. My prime example is when my mother told me I was too young to get married when I was 18. I did not listen, and it was an experience for me to understand and appreciate what she was trying to tell me.

My mother inspires me through simple presence. She was always consistent with her daily living: she got her education, worked and provided a stable home for myself and siblings. I cannot stay idle while she is working, and when I help her out, her presence alone pushes me to perform better. When I need to make a decision, and when she is not around, I always ask myself, “What would my mother do?” More often than not, the answer is the right way to go.

I am grateful to her, for everything. I wish to repay her, in turn. She inspires me to strive for greater goals, and she is always there for me to help me get up when I fall. She is always there, with a helping hand and a word of encouragement, and it motivates me to stand up and try again whenever I feel I am ready to throw in the towel. For example, when I failed my driving test and when I failed my GED, she never gave up. She has always supported me, and she always helps me regain my belief in myself. She will always stay at my side, studying with me, praying and being a great support. With such a great role model around, why would I need anybody else?

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