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Parent Child Relationship Essay | An Essay on Strengthening Parent-Child Relationships

December 22, 2021 by Prasanna

Parent Child Relationship Essay: Loving a child is an exhausting experience, but giving them everything they need will be worth the struggle! Societal norms dictate that adults can improve their relationships with their children through strengthening, acknowledging and supporting each other. A parent-child relationship is unique in that it has many qualities that are present in no other type of interaction. At the same time, mistakes parents make can cause damage to their relationships and affect the development of the child. In this essay, we shall explore how to establish a healthy and mutually beneficial parent-child relationship.

Parent-child relationships are essential to the development of children and their overall health. Though the time-consuming nature of parenting can sometimes make it seem like a burden, it is crucial that parenthood shouldn’t be taken for granted. Strong parent-child relationships are a central part of child development. They impact children’s emotional, social, and cognitive development and can significantly improve their future achievements. One way of strengthening parent-child relationships is to keep the lines of communication open through conversation.

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What is a Parent Child Relationship?

Parent-child relations are important in many areas of one’s life. In the home, a parent and child relationship is often defined as the way the two interact with each other. Unhealthy parent-child relationships may negatively affect how a person interacts or functions in society and at school, or shows up on various psychological tests. If a parent is not providing love, support and care, then they may be creating an environment where a child could experience trauma and dysfunction.   This will result in an inability for the child to function adequately, and this may place them at a socio-economic or academic disadvantage later in life.

Parents should adopt a more open mind to help their child grow into adulthood. The child should be encouraged and praised for their individuality, creativity and originality. Parents as well as teachers also need to become more child-centered. A child that is not heard, or who is teased or made fun of, will become self-conscious. Self-consciousness is a roadblock for their ability to learn and grow. Furthermore, a path for healing involves opening communication about issues of importance to the child so that they can express their emotions privately and safely.

Strengthening Parent Child Relationships:

The close relationship between a parent and their children can carry on into adulthood, making the transition to independence for both parent and child tricky. When parents are aware of the new struggles their child might be experiencing, it can help to strengthen the relationship by creating balance between individual responsibilities. There are many concepts to learn and parents must work in unison to create mutual and enjoyable relationships with their children. Moreover, it is necessary to establish your children as the most important people in your life by taking the time to nurture them every day, especially when they are young. Let your children know it is OK to make mistakes, ask them for their opinion on a sincere matter and let them talk about themselves in ways that are not invasive. Parents need to remember that a child needs time and patience in developing their personality and individuality. Your love should be unconditional and children that feel loved are open to making anyone feel good – positive results will come as a result. There can be no greater gift you can give your children than to care for and protect them as they navigate adolescence. Making the effort to do this shows that they are not insignificant and you want them to succeed in life.

Another important aspect to remember is that your child will eventually say or do something that is going to bother you. Instead of feeling hurt or offended, tear the sentiment down. Remove your child from a situation that is getting out of hand, or censor words you find unkind. Limiting and being assertive are key parts of being in parental control. You need to take the leap of faith, because resentment will negatively affect the dynamics of your family. Punishing a child for bad behavior is not a healthy way to go about disciplining. Many parents view hitting and yelling as the only acceptable way of settling any disagreements. Doing so can cause frustration to kick in. This can cause the child to have meltdowns that may negatively impact their academics and social relationships. Instead, rewards can be used to influence children to learn control. In fact, many kids have better self-control when rewarded for holding off from their needs like television or video games.

Importance of Emotions for Family Relationships

Bringing these feelings and emotions up front can help your children understand more clearly. Use touch, choice words, gestures and facial expressions to convey what is most important to you: Your love and affection are the basis of a strong relationship. Implied emotions and attitudes will carry more weight with your children than words alone. While children openly express their emotions, parents often hold back and display a more stoic image; however, these expressions are still valid to how the parent-child relationship is growing.

Parents should look for ways to coach their process of positive emotions with empathy and understanding; if they are not sure of their approach, they should move to a more traditional position and proceed. Emotions are the outward expression of their mental states, and children need to learn how to interpret their emotions. This will teach them to be aware of their emotional state, as well as when they are to blame. Additionally, children need to be taught how to  remain calm and also soothe themselves, as having unruly emotions leaves them vulnerable.

Ways to Improve Parenthood Skills

One major way to improve a family relationship is having a discussion of the relationships between adults and children. It is important for children to feel that they are allowed to voice their opinion and for parents to listen to without judging. As parents, our ability to love unconditionally can be limited by tension, even when we are relaxed. Take advantage of this fact if you want to, as long as you are able to give everything to your children at home, it is better than giving nothing and having terrible results. A good rule is that you should never enact a punishment if the child wants to do something they think they cannot do.  Your punishment should be kept for when the child makes a mistake. As soon as it is done, explain it and make sure that the child does not repeat it again. Being a parent is tough and there are countless factors that can influence or affect a parent-child relationship. Asking the following questions can help you improve your parenting skills:

What Needs to Improve?

  • Are there negative patterns that take place and create stress or negativity?
  • Are parental skills deficient?
  • Is communication poor?
  • Does conflict harm our emotional stability or relationships?
  • How can we do things differently to improve the situation?

Essay on Parent Child Relationship

Strengthening Self Esteem in Parenting

Parent-child relationships are some of the most crucial social interactions in any person’s life. They’ll set the boundaries, give insight, and guide you throughout your life. One of the many stressors in parenting is dealing with your child not being obedient. Often, we can see that children who are well behaved have a sense of self worth and confidence in themselves. This can be achieved if you make sure to compliment your child for good behavior and provide rewards for their hard work.

Sometimes developing this form of self-esteem leads them to forming stronger relationships later on in life as well. The thing that parents often get wrong is assuming a fun and playful character derails the development of young personalities. By punishment and creating hostility in children, you are instead building them up for the wrong kind of person; the kind of person who is easily influenced and picked on. This type of personality will shut down its ability to enjoy just being a good person while also disregarding others. Teasing, bullying and hostile behavior is common and it is needed for society to exist.

However, this does not mean that all teasing; bullying and hostile behavior is acceptable or good. People learn by example and most people have a natural disposition that they copy or take from a variety of things. If you are toxic, you will attract a community that is just like you. We do not realize when we pick up bad habits by being around toxic people; we try to reinforce these bad qualities and attitudes in the environment that we work or play in. Bad traits can come from any place, it takes effort and responsibility to change them.

Conclusion on Parent Child Relationship Essay

The most reliable way to strengthen your parent-child relationship is to try and learn from previous experiences. Don’t always believe what other people tell you and make an educated decision based on your own experiences. Beyond that, try and find a healthy balance between independence and cooperation between yourself and your children.

FAQ’s on Parent Child Relationship Essay

Question 1. What is a good parent/child relationship?

Answer: A good parent-child relationship is built on mutual respect. Parents need to be open minded and understanding while children need to be responsible and respectful. The two should also work together to make sure they are on the same page about what’s best for each other. If parents are not on the same page with their children, it can lead to a strained or non-existent relationship.

Question 2. What are factors influencing parent/child relationships?

Answer: Parent-child relationships are influenced by a number of factors. Social science research shows that the quality of parent-child relationships is determined by a wide range of factors, including whether parents were angry or angry at their child, the degree to which the child feels accepted, and how demanding parents are.

Question 3. What are the qualities of a good parent?

Answer: There are many qualities that make up a good parent, and we all want to be the best parent we can be. It’s important to remember that parenting is a constantly evolving role as our children grow and change. The following are traits of what makes a good parent:

  • Responsible
  • Able to provide stability and guidance
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Home — Essay Samples — Sociology — Sociology of the Family — Parent-Child Relationship

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Essays on Parent-child Relationship

The parent-child relationship is foundational to human development, influencing everything from emotional growth to social behavior. Recognizing the depth and breadth of this topic, GradesFixer offers a comprehensive collection of essay samples on parent-child relationships. These essays serve as an essential resource for students, educators, and anyone interested in exploring the intricate dynamics that define these fundamental bonds.

A Diverse Array of Insights on Parent-Child Relationships

Our collection features essays that cover a wide spectrum of topics within the realm of parent-child relationships. From examining the impact of parenting styles on child development to exploring the effects of familial conflict, cultural differences, and the evolving nature of these relationships in modern society, these essays provide a multifaceted look at how parent-child interactions shape individual identities and societal norms.

Supporting Academic Excellence and Personal Reflection

For students assigned to write a parent-child relationship essay, our samples offer a wealth of knowledge, perspectives, and analytical frameworks. These essays exemplify how to approach sensitive and complex topics with scholarly rigor and empathy. By engaging with our collection, students can gain insights into structuring their essays, developing compelling arguments, and incorporating evidence to support their analyses.

Fostering Deeper Understanding and Empathy

Beyond their academic utility, our essay samples on parent-child relationships encourage a deeper understanding of the psychological, emotional, and cultural factors that influence these connections. They invite readers to reflect on their own experiences and the broader societal implications of parenting practices and child development. Engaging with these essays promotes empathy, critical thinking, and a greater appreciation for the diversity of family dynamics.

Join Our Community in Exploring Family Dynamics

At GradesFixer, we are dedicated to fostering a community of learners and thinkers passionate about understanding human relationships. We invite you to explore our collection of parent-child relationship essay samples, draw inspiration for your own writing, and contribute to the ongoing discourse on the significance of these essential bonds.

Nurturing Insights on Parent-Child Relationships

The exploration of parent-child relationships is not just an academic exercise; it's a journey into understanding the forces that shape us from our earliest moments. With our curated collection of essay samples, you're equipped to engage deeply with this topic, enriching your academic work and enhancing your understanding of the complexities of family dynamics. Dive into our collection today to support your research, writing, and exploration of the profound connections that define the parent-child relationship.

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essay about parent and child relationship

Shakespeare’s Hamlet: Analyzing Parent and Child Relationships

In William Shakespeare’s timeless tragedy, Hamlet, the relationship between parents and their offspring is complex and nuanced. The protagonist grapples with his duty to avenge his father’s murder while also confronting his own guilt and responsibility as a kid. Similarly, Queen Mother Gertrude struggles to balance her role as a mom with her duty to her new husband, King Claudius.

List of Characters in Hamlet

HamletSon of the late King and Queen Gertrude
GhostSpirit of the deceased King, father of Hamlet
Queen GertrudeMother of Hamlet, wife of King Claudius
King ClaudiusUncle of Hamlet (brother of late king) and current King of Denmark
PoloniusFather of Ophelia and Laertes and Chief Counselor to the current King
OpheliaDaughter of Polonius
LaertesSon of Polonius
FortinbrasPrince of Norway

 

Family Relationships

The difficulties of parenthood and family ties are one of the main themes. Although Hamlet has great admiration and respect for his father, the king’s assassination complicates his relationship with the rest of the family. It also depicts the complicated bond between him and his mother, Queen Gertrude. Their connection is strained as a result of her hurried marriage to Hamlet’s uncle following the passing of her husband.

Exploring the Damaging Effects of Overbearing Parenting

Parenting is a topic that is often discussed in lots of literary works. In examples of the Hamlet revenge essay, one of the central explored themes is the complex relations in the family. For instance, the bond between Polonius and his kids, Laertes and Ophelia, highlights the damaging effects of overbearing and controlling fatherhood. Alternatively, the protagonist’s feelings of abandonment by his mother and uncle show the destructive consequences of parental neglect.

The Impact of a Father’s Death on Revenge in Hamlet

The father-son relationship is a central theme, particularly when involving revenge in an essay on Hamlet. His wish for vengeance is driven by obedience and a sense of duty to avenge his father’s murder. Yet, this is complicated by the fact that he is left to grapple with his grief and anger alone and cannot count on many allies by his side.

The Psychological Effects of Parental Loss and Betrayal in Hamlet

Aside from swinging between sorrow and rage, Hamlet is also constantly tormented by the desire to satisfy his father’s wish. The fact that his ghost follows him everywhere and reminds him that he must exact retribution doesn’t help his mental stability.

King Claudius, the uncle, and stepfather, serves as another lens through which the father-son bond is examined. The King is shown as a cunning and dishonest individual who killed his own brother to take control. The hatred and disgust towards the King are fueled by his loyalty to his father and his wish for revenge.

Mother-Son Relationship

Exploring this relationship in an essay on Hamlet provides an opportunity to delve into the nuances of this complex dynamic. You could analyze how the mother-son connection theme affects their character development.

Struggle with Betrayal and Mistrust

Exploring the conflicts.

The conflict between adults and kids is a theme that drives much of the action. It encompasses a complicated web of feelings underpinning family connections. The problematic relationship between Hamlet and both of his parents is the most vivid example. As seen, his father is both a source of pride but, ultimately, the reason for his disgrace. If he wasn’t obsessively pushing for revenge, Hamlet would have survived. Similarly, his mother is also conflicted between caring for herself (by marrying Claudius) and trying to comfort his son.

Ultimately, the enduring power of this artwork lies in its ability to tap into universal themes and emotions. Allowing us to connect with the protagonists and their struggles and to gain deeper insights into the human experience.

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Parenting For Brain

Parent-Child Relationship: How To Strengthen It

inductive discipline mother provides son with guidance

Table of Contents

Why Is A Parent-Child Relationship Important

The early parent-child relationship is important because it directly affects a child’s physical, emotional, social, and attachment development, determining their future personality, behavior, relationship, and life choices.

In other words, the parent and child relationship forms the foundation of the child’s future success.

A study at Harvard University shows that a loving parental relationship is the strongest predictor of a child’s future success.

Creating a close and positive parent-child relationship is a crucial aspect of parenting.

Despite its importance, building strong child-parent relationships is rarely the focus of day-to-day life.

Benefits of having a strong relationship with your child

The benefits of a positive relationship on child development are numerous. They contribute to a child’s future success in the following ways.

Secure Attachment

A positive parent-child relationship in early childhood fosters a secure attachment in the child.

Psychologists have found that secure attachment is the best type of attachment.

Children with a securely attached relationship with their parents are more resilient .

They persevere when facing challenges. They have fewer behavioral problems, higher self-esteem, better academic performance , and other positive outcomes. 

Relationships between parents and children also affect how one forms future relationships in adulthood.

Securely attached people have positive internal working models, allowing them to develop competent social skills.

Social-Emotional Regulation

Parent-child interactions in the early years set the groundwork for a child’s social development .

Young children learn to self-regulate by watching and mimicking their parents. A close relationship with the parents facilitates the emotional development of children.

Mental Health and Well-Being

A healthy relationship with the child is strongly associated with their mental well-being .

Research shows that having a poor connection is a risk factor for developing depressive symptoms.

Self-motivation

Relations with others are vital innate motivators in humans.

A child is more intrinsically motivated to engage in an activity valued by people they feel connected to.

Parents with strong bonds with their children can greatly influence their academic interests and help them succeed.

Why “Spend More Time” or “Eat Meals Together” Don’t Work

A lot of advice found on the Internet concerning parent-child relationships is ineffective at best but detrimental to the relationship at worst.

You can find advice like “spend more time” or “eat family meals together” everywhere.

Here’s the problem with this type of advice:

If spending more time and eating meals together were the way to improve relationships, we should all have had perfect relationships with our kids after the year 2020 when we were in lockdown.

But it didn’t work out that way for many families.

For many parents, that year made the relationship worse, a lot worse.

This advice would have worked if the parent already had a great relationship with the child and wanted to deepen it.

Chances are, you are not looking for that type of advice because your relationship isn’t exactly great yet.

Here’s why this kind of advice doesn’t work.

If a relationship were a bottle of water, following that advice would be like you keep pouring water into it, ignoring the huge leaky hole at the bottom.

No matter how much you pour in, you will not fill up the bottle without first fixing the hole in the relationship.

That means spending more time together without addressing the source of strain in the relationship is useless.

Parent-Child Relationship Problems

Parenting is one of the most fulfilling yet challenging jobs.

Family life can be stressful. It’s no surprise that creating healthy parent-child relationships is often put on the back burner when issues such as missing homework, poor grades, unfinished household chores, or bad behaviors arise.

Many parents unknowingly spend more time damaging the relationship than strengthening it.

When problems become too big to ignore, desperate parents try to follow advice found on the Internet.

When they cannot get results with this ineffective advice, they think their kids are having problems.

How to strengthen the parent-child relationship

While younger children care more about how much time you can spend with them, older kids don’t translate more time into closer relationships.

You don’t need to spend much time connecting with your kids.

Children need quality time, not just time together.

But before you work on the relationship, think about your parenting goal .

Are you committed to building a strong relationship and setting it as your parenting goal?

Knowing your goal will help you prioritize what you do daily.

For example, is getting good grades more important than having a close relationship?

Is having the trash can empty worth damaging it?

One of the best things about prioritizing your relationship is that once you have a strong connection, all your other goals will be much easier to fulfill.

Once you know your goal, here are the steps to strengthen your relationship.

First, Attune

Step one to strengthen a relationship is to show attunement. It means attuning to your children’s emotions.

Emotional attunement is the best way to establish a connection with another person.

When they’re happy, you share their happiness.

When people are sad or frustrated, you share their sadness or frustration and show that visually through your body language, facial expressions, and words.

For example, if you have a conflict with your kid and they’re angry, without sounding angry, you can say with a frown, “You look upset. It is so unfair, isn’t it?”

This attunement can usually calm a child immediately; by doing that, you strengthen and repair the relationship quickly, even during a fight.

Then, Repair

Fix that hole in your relationship bottle!

If you have conflicts with your child about almost anything, that means you don’t really have a discipline problem—you have a relationship problem.

For some parents, apologizing repairs the relationship if they have been wrong in a recent fight.

You don’t have to take on everything. Point out the part you could have done differently. If your child’s feelings were hurt, apologize.

Admitting a mistake will not undermine your authority. It will show that you’re big enough to take responsibility for it, which will earn you respect.

If you haven’t had a recent fight, follow these steps.

  • Start with the biggest conflict or disagreement in your relationship.
  • Evaluate whether being right in it is that important to you.
  • Imagine 20 years from now, will you care more about winning this fight or your relationship with your child?
  • Talk to your child about your decision in #3.
  • Invite your child to discuss alternative solutions together, collaboratively. Do it together. A relationship takes two.
  • Go down your list of conflicts and repeat #1-5.

Finally, Quality

Here are some essential qualities psychologists have found to benefit your relationship with your child.

Practice Responsive, Warm Parenting

A responsive parenting style, such as authoritative parenting, can help your child develop a secure attachment.

Being responsive means meeting your child’s needs and showing parental warmth.

For instance, attune to your child’s emotional responses. Acknowledge your child’s feelings when they are in distress or emotionally dysregulated. Use emotional coaching rather than dismissing to teach kids about self-regulation.

Spend Quality Time Together

Spending quality time with your child doesn’t mean doing more educational activities.

It means mindfully attending to your child’s needs. It means being present.

Even resolving conflicts can become quality time if done right.

When conflicts arise, many parents bulldoze over them, skip over them, or try to sweep them under the rug so they can move on to “happily spend quality time together.”

But quality doesn’t mean that only positive emotions are involved.

Helping your child develop emotional regulation skills during tantrums, teaching them patiently how to disagree respectfully, or encouraging problem-solving instead of just saying no are all quality times well spent.

Use Positive Discipline

Using punishment is the most common way to damage your relationship with your kid.

Discipline means to teach, not to punish.

You don’t need to punish to teach.

Using positive parenting to discipline can strengthen your bond.

Positive discipline is about teaching, guiding, and correcting your child in a kind and firm way.

Children as young as 1-year-olds can benefit from using nurturing and positive discipline.

Being positive is not being permissive. Permissive parents don’t set boundaries or enforce rules.

Authoritative parents, on the other hand, are positive and still enforce reasonable rules.

Respect Builds Relationships. Lack of Respect Destroys Relationships.

Mutual respect is crucial in every healthy relationship.

A positive parent-child relationship is no exception.

Respecting a child means respecting that they are people, too.

They have their own needs, wants, and preferences. They may be a little ignorant because they still have much to learn, but we shouldn’t treat them as less because of that.

Provide Autonomous Support

Autonomy is the next most important innate human desire​after basic needs such as food and safety .

Humans thrive when given the freedom to choose and decide on their actions.

Allowing our children to act autonomously on things that are not safety- or health-related is a significant motivation booster.

Being a controlling parent reduces your child’s motivation and damages your relationship with them.

Allow Open Communication

Talk to, not at, your child to build trust. Have a good conversation.

Listen to things that bother them, even things that may make you unhappy.

Some parents feel that children giving negative feedback or voicing their concerns are talking back.

But if you can demonstrate grace in taking feedback, your child will learn to do the same when you give it.

Letting your child have a voice also helps them build confidence. Language development is another bonus to these new communication habits.

Love Them Unconditionally

Unconditional love from the parent is the most precious gift you can give your child.

Unconditional love means you love them even when you dislike their behavior, such as not doing homework, being mad that they failed an exam, or being annoyed that they don’t finish their chores.

None of these are more important than the unique bond between parents and children.

Final Thoughts On Parent-Child Relationships – Change is hard

Building a close, secure relationship with their child is a goal many parents have, but not many pursue.

We are too inundated with daily hassles and often forget the most important thing in life — families.

Shifting our focus from shortcut parenting hacks to creating a long-lasting bond with our kids is not easy, but it’s very well worth it.

The last thing we want is to have an estranged relationship with the ones we love when they grow up .

Also See: Why Adult Children Are Cutting Off Their Parents

  • 1. Vaillant G. TRIUMPHS OF EXPERIENCE: THE MEN OF THE HARVARD GRANT STUDY . Harvard University Press; 2012.
  • 2. Greenberg MT, Siegel JM, Leitch CJ. The nature and importance of attachment relationships to parents and peers during adolescence. J Youth Adolescence . Published online October 1983:373-386. doi:https://doi.org/10.1007/bf02088721
  • 3. van Ijzendoorn MH, Kranenburg MJ, Zwart-Woudstra HA, van Busschbach AM, Lambermon MWE. Parental Attachment and Children’s Socio-emotional Development: Some Findings                on the Validity of the Adult Attachment Interview in The Netherlands. International Journal of Behavioral Development . Published online December 1991:375-394. doi:https://doi.org/10.1177/016502549101400402
  • 4. Ryan RM, Powelson CL. Autonomy and Relatedness as Fundamental to Motivation and Education. The Journal of Experimental Education . Published online September 1991:49-66. doi:https://doi.org/10.1080/00220973.1991.10806579
  • 5. Ryan RM, Brown KW, Creswell JD. How Integrative is Attachment Theory? Unpacking the Meaning and Significance of Felt Security. Psychological Inquiry . Published online August 13, 2007:177-182. doi:https://doi.org/10.1080/10478400701512778
  • 6. McKee L, Roland E, Coffelt N, et al. Harsh Discipline and Child Problem Behaviors: The Roles of Positive Parenting and Gender. J Fam Viol . Published online April 20, 2007:187-196. doi:https://doi.org/10.1007/s10896-007-9070-6
  • 7. Cullaty B. The Role of Parental Involvement in the Autonomy Development of Traditional-Age College Students. Journal of College Student Development . Published online 2011:425-439. doi:https://doi.org/10.1353/csd.2011.0048

Disclaimer: The content of this article is intended for informational purposes only and should not be considered medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider for medical concerns.

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The Effect of Parenting and the Parent-Child Relationship on a Child's Cognitive Development: A Literature Review

Purva d lanjekar.

1 Community Medicine, Jawaharlal Nehru Medical College, Datta Meghe Institute of Medical Sciences, Wardha, IND

Shiv H Joshi

Puja d lanjekar, vasant wagh.

Various studies have been done on subjects such as parenting, parent-child relationships, parenting style, effortful parenting, the concept of parenting, the cognitive development of children, and the cognition of parents. This research is mainly based on parenting practice, child development, and maturation. Children's cognitive development starts in the first year of life and then progresses gradually. Children require positive parenting in painful and different situations. Parenting gives a child the confidence to face crucial, challenging problems. Sensitive parenting and caregiving are required for the child's maturity and cognitive development. Media has been observed to be essential in improving parenting practices. Children exhibit internalizing and externalizing symptoms as a result of harsh, aggressive, and intrusive parenting. According to the data, it is seen that the risk of depression increases in adolescence. The main reason for the rise in depression in children is the non-cooperation and support of mothers and fathers. The risk of depression decreases in children whose mothers and fathers are cooperative and supportive. While family and social stress increase the chances of depression in children, a negative parenting style means children face family and social anxiety. Due to the high level of hostile parenting and low level of positive parenting, they experience stress, peer pressure, and social and family relationship problems. Another excellent term for effortful control parenting is required for children's cognitive development. Parenting is necessary for the regulation of emotions and behavior. There are many problems seen in infancy, early childhood, and late childhood. There are four types of parenting styles seen: authoritative parenting, authoritarian parenting/controlling parenting, permissive parenting/indulgent parenting, and uninvolved parenting/neglecting to parent. Good parenting requires one to know the concept of good parenting, the idea of parenting, the importance of parenting and children's needs, the components of parenting, and the consequences of parenting.

Introduction and background

Good parenting is a process whereby a parent meets a child's needs according to the cultural standard that changes from generation to generation [ 1 ]. Research on parent-child relationships and childhood development increased rapidly during this era; the research is mainly based on parenting practices and child development and maturation. Many studies show that mental and physical stimuli like cognition development, language, social emotion, and children's motor skills in infants and children are very hard to mature or grow. Higher academic performance, income, and socioeconomic development decide childhood growth [ 2 - 5 ]. Parenting is the process of supporting and promoting a child's physical, emotional, mental, and social development. Quality of instructions, animation, cognitive stimulation, physical care, parent-child synchrony, sensitivity, and positive responsiveness are dimensions of parenting and are interrelated with the child's cognitive development. Mainly, research focuses on increasing parental support and responsibility to develop children's cognitive abilities, thus providing sensitive caregiving effects on children's cognitive development. Parenting offers support and care to the child in painful or stressful situations and gives confidence when the child is in non-distressing or non-stressful conditions. Sensitive parenting with young children provides an emotional climate for them. Supporting and sensitive parenting offers children security and confidence; parents promote reasonable regulations and self-initiation in social and non-social experiments. Self-sufficient support and sensitivity, caregiving nature, such as best emotions, lead to early brain maturation and cognitive development in children. Sensitive parenting shows affective and behavioral development in children; it is characterized by responsiveness, positive encouragement for something, giving approval or thanking, stimulation, and lingering [ 6 - 8 ]. Children's health, behavior, development, and style of parenting are always a cause of worry for every parent. In such cases, professional help is required to solve this problem. It is related to family care, youth and parenting support, and children's mental health. The media is exclusively used to increase parenting information and awareness. It enhances parenting skills and decreases depression, anxiety, and stress; it also helps the parents improve the skills of the parent-child relationship and supports them for the benefit of the child's health and well-being [ 3 - 5 , 9 ]. This research is primarily focused on parenting styles, child cognition, and the concept of parenting.

Methodology

We searched the PubMed and Google Scholar databases for articles. We identified articles by using words like "parenting style," "child cognition," "parent cognition," "cognitive development," and "parenting." We got 265 results after our search. Out of 265 results, the articles lacking parenting and cognition were excluded. Additional relevant references from these articles were also reviewed.

Parenting and cognition

Zvara BJ et al. [ 10 ] observed that for a child to mature, a facilitative environment is required. Children's emotional regulation starts developing in the first year of life and rapidly develops in the coming years. The current and later ways of acting at school age are predicted by the emotional regulations in the preschool period. Children may not develop strong relationships with friends if their mother or father has difficulties regulating their own emotions in front of the children. It is seen that fearful, inhibited boys are affected by sensitive parenting. In contrast, girls with less self-control and fear are not affected by sensitive parenting [ 11 ]. Children develop and regulate their emotions when their parents are sensitive and supportive of them. At the same time, it is seen that a greater level of internalizing symptoms like sadness, anxiety, and loneliness, and externalizing symptoms like overreacting, poor impulse control, non-compliance, aggression, and poor relationships with friends are seen in children who do not get proper parenting. It was also noticed that internalizing and externalizing symptoms and problematic peer relationships are associated with harsh, aggressive, or intrusive parenting [ 10 ]. Parents play an important role in depression. The risk of depression increases when children's relationships with their mother and father are non-cooperative and lacking support. At the same time, the risk of depression decreases when children's relationships with parents are supportive and collaborative, which is the hallmark of positive parenting. Many studies show that parenting behavior can cause depression. Studies show that youngsters with less warmth, compliance, acceptance or a high level of rejection and criticism from parents develop a poor self-image and negative cognitive style [ 12 , 13 ]. A self-report questionnaire to examine whether a low level of positive parenting contributes to depression via a cognitive vulnerability, including a negative cognitive style, is used. The self-report provides useful, complementary information about parenting behavior. It is seen that positive parenting protects against emotional reactivity and peer pressure but not from non-peer pressure like health, finance, academic, and family problems. At the same time, the adverse events among anxious youth across the transition are limited due to the low positive relationships with parents [ 13 , 14 ]. Recent studies show that it is unclear if family and social stress also cause depression in youngsters. It is also found that negative cognitive style among children, peer stress, and family stress among youngsters are due to the high level of hostile/negative parenting. According to this, it is seen that the maturation of cognitive interpretation in response to social, family, and peer stress during adolescence is resolved by interactive relationships between parents and children. Younger individuals experience stress and peer pressure as well as family stress as a result of low levels of positive parenting and a high level of hostile parenting; this child presents with a negative cognitive style, cognitive vulnerability, depressive symptoms, and depressive episodes. Another type of stress is social stress; it is also due to low levels of positive parenting and a high level of hostile parenting [ 13 , 15 ].

Effortful parenting and control

Positive parenting and effortful control of children are necessary for child cognitive development. Effortful control means suppressing the dominant response to perform the subdominant response. It includes inhibitory control, attention, focusing, and attention shifting. At the same time, components are the ability to initiate or suppress behavior. In children, the self-regulating ability is seen between six and 12 months of age and rises in preschool. Effortful control is also required for children's emotions and behavior regulations [ 16 , 17 ]. This study observed that children who are less able to focus in academic years or socially due to harsh and non-supportive parenting. Due to warm and supportive parenting, a child can regulate their emotions, and they become less frustrated and angry. The ability to initiate or suppress behavior is the central part of effortful control and is related to externalizing problems mainly after 4.5 years of age. Children's external problems are directly proportional to low levels of effortful control. Supportive parenting is linked with early adolescence for self-control and difficult adjustment, while school achievement in children is linked with external behavior and effortful control [ 16 - 18 ]. Much of the research focuses only on the mother-child relationship and not on the role of fathers in parenting. Studies show that fathers also spend time with children, and that time increases gradually. The interaction of the child with the father and mother has differed; the father is always like a friend to the child, while the mother is a caregiver to the child. Fathers encourage the child for emotional stimulation, to solve problems, and to go to the outside world for development and exposure [ 19 ]. Hence, the father also plays an essential role in the maturation of exclusive function or condition. While the mother is more related to emotion, she is the source of comfort in stressful stimulation. Maternal parenting is more important; it is associated with the child's effortful control of both current and future stimulation and emotions because the mother uses a positive emotional tone for parenting; therefore, for effortful control of children, positive parenting is necessary. Low levels of effortful control in the child are associated with parental rejection and inconsistency. If parents make positive changes in parenting, then children will demonstrate early learning skills and less problematic behavior. Effortful control affects positive parenting at a younger age for children. At the same time, parenting affects the effortful control of an older generation's life. Hence, it is observed that both paternal and maternal parenting are essential for effortful control and child development [ 16 , 20 ].

Children's cognitive development

Table ​ Table1 shows 1  shows the stages of cognitive development.

StagesAgeCharacteristics
Sensorimotor stage (cognitive development during Infancy)  Two years  Incorporation between reflex pattern and child design first (thought), then maintain it, and lastly engulf new changes. Increased understanding of children. The thought process begins, and the child tries to solve the internalized problem.
Preoperative stages (cognitive development during play; preschool age; early childhood age).Two to seven years Unsystematic reasoning, development of character representation and language, thought development, mainly egocentrism, animism, etc. Language development is rapid in the pre-conceptual substage (two to four years). The reasoning ability fails to retain a decision or identity related to volume, number, or mass in the perceptual or intuitive substage (four to seven years). There is no flexible thinking, perplexity, or fantasy involved.
Concrete operation stage. (Cognitive development in late childhood stage)Seven to 12 years  Systemic reasoning develops. Retains the decision and identity of the number, mass, and other properties.
Stage of formal operation12 years onward  Logic is the reasoning of a hypothetical thought, the evaluation of knowledge, and finding a conclusion to the problem. Think about theories and books and guide them.

According to Piaget's classification, the pre-operational stage is the stage between the ages of two and seven. At this age, children's maturation is a genuinely logical operation. Operation means pliable actions that can interact with each other to solve problems. According to the Piaget theory of cognitive development, older children have more flexible logical operations, while in young children, judgment is dominated by perceptual appearance. According to Muller, children between five and six years of age are surprised to see any weird situation; this is called the primitive identity concept. The primitive idea is the primary milestone. It gives the child reason to think about their gender identity [ 22 , 23 ]. Representational thought is the ability of a child to form mental symbols to represent an object or event that is not present. At the age of two, a child is in the transductive reasoning stage, which means children are influenced by their desires. Children are befuddled by experience and it is difficult for them to remain satisfied with their current way of thinking. Egocentrism in children is the inability to take other points of view. It is not selfless. Instead, it is referred to as "intellectual limitations" [ 22 , 23 ].

Problem and accommodation difficulty during infancy, early childhood, and late childhood

Infancy is a time when parents and children adjust quickly to each other for effortful development. In the first year of life, they face feeding problems, digestive discomfort from colic, vomiting, constipation, diarrhea, irregular sleep patterns, and crying. Witnessing the quarrels between mother and father during the baby's physical and mental growth period makes them hostile and unrestrained in the second year of life. Parents report that their child's behavior at this age is stubborn and they have a temper. An infant with autism fails to focus on people's eyes, doesn't show affection when parents leave them, and shows less social interaction. In such cases, children become ignorant, misused, and poorly stimulated [ 22 , 24 ].

Early Childhood

Children in preschool have mobility problems, language-related problems, and immature judgment. Studies and surveys show that a common problem in preschool children is due to representational thinking and fear involving thought and imagination. Other issues are being asocial; using physical and verbal power; being overactive, talkative, angry, whining, showing off, arguing with others, demanding attention, disobedience, and resisting bedtime [ 22 , 24 ].

Late Childhood

A child's experiences in school can determine if he/she "fits in" academically and socially. Some children feel uncomfortable due to low socioeconomic status, casteism, and comparison with friends regarding academic and social matters, leading to mental retardation, physiological disorder, and intellectual problems. The most common problems in this age group are arguing with others, showing off, being talkative, and being self-conscious (most common). School phobia is normal anxiety about school, and it is due to a fear of separation from parents. An internalizing problem pattern is defined as a school phobia with concern, worry, sadness, and diligence. Whereas if hostile behavior is combined with antisocial activity and attitude, this pattern is called an externalizing problem. Dyslexia, reading difficulties, and learning disabilities are examples of learning issues. Children with hyperactivity problems are impulsive and overreact [ 22 , 24 ]. Figure ​ Figure1 1 depicts a brief description of the problem and the child's accommodation difficulty.

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Figure Credits: Purva Lanjekar

GIT- Gastrointestinal tract.

Parenting styles

There are four types of parenting styles. They are authoritative parenting (warm and firm personality), authoritarian/controlling parenting (minor warm/highly controlling personality), permissive parenting/indulgent parenting (amiable and undemanding), and uninvolved parenting/neglecting to parent (not warm, does not demand anything) [ 25 - 28 ]. Below, Table ​ Table2 2 shows the various parenting styles.

Source [ 25 - 28 ].

Parenting style  Parenting characteristics  Parental cognitionChild's cognitive development
Authoritative parenting (warm and firm)Inspires children to be independent but sets some boundaries and limits to control their actions. Listens to the child's point of view and is involved in discussions and debates with children.Understands the child's point of view, practices sensitive parenting, and scolds a child when required to ensure proper molding of the child's character. Does not use phrases that invoke them, such as "because I said, you should do this." Healthy development, the self-reliant child within parental limits, guidelines, regulations, and rules.  
Authoritarian parenting/controlling Parenting. (a little warm and highly controlling)  The parent takes strict disciplinary action in a restrictive, punitive style. Does not listen to the child's point of view and does not get involved in the child's discussions and debates.  Children should accept their parents' orders without any questions. Does not understand the child's point of view. They always scold the child. Uses phrases that invoke the child, "You did this because I said don't do this." Dominant attitude toward the childThe child will turn out to be rebellious, dependent, and aggressive.
Permissive parenting/Indulgent parenting. (warm, undemanding Parenting)  Parental involvement is passive. The parents do not say no; few boundaries and regulations are not present. If a child is upset, then parents use things (childlike) to make the child feel better.  The parent doesn't participate in active parenting to shape the children's future. If a child asks for anything or asks to do something, then the child depends on parents' advice or permission. Phrases like "you do what you want, no need to ask" are used.Take your own decision without parental knowledge. The child does not listen to orders.  
Uninvolved parenting/ neglected parenting. (this is not "warm parenting; make no demands.")There is less interaction between parents and children. The parents are uninvolved in the children's needs and don't participate in the experience of the child in school and with peers.Parents do not want to bother the children. Parents are overwhelmed and self-centered and are engaged with their work and problems. Do not talk to the child. Uses phrases like "I do not care. Do whatever you want. Why should I care about you?"Impulsive behavior, self-regulation, do not listen to anyone. Does not care about anything.

If both the mother's and father's parenting styles are different, like one parent is authoritarian and the other parent is permissive, then in this condition, they should sit and discuss with each other the situation faced by the child and the child's needs. Cooperative, motivated, and responsible children are a result of the authoritative parenting style, while the uncooperative, immature, irresponsible child is elicited by the uninvolved parenting style. Environmental and behavioral genetic patterns also play a role in children's cognitive development. Parenting style is determined by the mother's and father's behavior, with internalizing problems such as sleep and mood and externalizing problems such as social stress and job difficulty. Individual adolescent characteristics like temperament and personality also play an essential role in parenting [ 19 , 25 , 29 ].

The concept of parenting

According to research, a survey shows that the cases of crime and violence increase due to a decrease in disciplinary actions in school, divorce, single parenthood, separation of parents, and flight between parents [ 30 ]. The cases of drug addiction and homelessness are all due to poverty [ 31 ]. Table ​ Table3 3 displays information about the concept of parenting, according to Smetana JG and Hoghughi M [ 1 , 32 ].

[ 1 , 32 ].

Good enough parenting concept.  The term "good enough parenting" was coined by Winnicott. When parents are involved in good practical aspects that meet children's needs, it is called "good parenting" and does not need any perfection or alternative parenting style. If parenting is "not good enough" to recognize a child's problem and it gets neglected, then an alternative parenting style is required.
The concept of parenting  Parenting is a group of activities, processes, and relationships between children and their mothers and fathers. Any person who gives a child care, control, and development in any situation is involved in parenting. In parenting, family members, peers, neighbors, teachers, community workers, doctors, and nurses are involved.
Importance of parenting and children's needs.  In the first five years, parenting is required the most because the child depends on parents for physical and emotional control and protection. Good enough parenting gives security to children in difficult situations.
Components of parenting.  Love, care, and commitment. If the child is emotionally unstable from early childhood, it leads to the risk of the development of " affectional psychopathy," the development of insurance attachment, and social and emotional relationship difficulties. 2. Consistent/controllable limit settings 3. Facilitation of development.  
The consequences of "not good parenting"Parental incompetence: Type A: lack of love and care, resulting in an insecure personality, low self-confidence, problematic relationships with friends, marital problems, and parenting difficulties. Type B: Children who are within consistent limits are at risk of future conduct disorders and criminal behavior. Type C: undeveloped, neglected children are at risk of educational failure and are socially handicapped.

Child cognitive development is estimated by the Bayley scales of infant development, Wechsler preschool, and scale of intelligence. At the same time, the sensitivity of the mother's and father's parenting is measured by the observation of the relationship between parents and children [ 7 , 33 , 34 ]. The interaction between the parent and child and the child's cognitive development is measured by multiple linear regression analyses, adjusting for paternal age, education, depression, infant age, and maternal sensitivity [ 35 ].

Conclusions

Good parenting is how parenting meets the children's needs according to the cultural standards that change from generation to generation. Cognitive development starts in the first year of life and then progresses gradually. Children require positive parenting in painful and different situations. Parenting gives a child the confidence to face crucial, challenging problems. Sensitive parenting and caregiving are required for the child's maturity and cognitive development. Sensitive parenting is required for the proper cognitive development of a child. Proper emotional management is required for proper emotional regulation. Positive parenting helps the child face non-social or social problems. Positive parenting is required for early cognitive development, emotional balance, and the maturation of thought. While negative, hostile parenting leads to depression and social and cultural problems. Parenting styles (authoritative, authoritarian, permissive, and uninvolved parenting) have a psychological effect on a child's behavior.

The content published in Cureus is the result of clinical experience and/or research by independent individuals or organizations. Cureus is not responsible for the scientific accuracy or reliability of data or conclusions published herein. All content published within Cureus is intended only for educational, research and reference purposes. Additionally, articles published within Cureus should not be deemed a suitable substitute for the advice of a qualified health care professional. Do not disregard or avoid professional medical advice due to content published within Cureus.

The authors have declared that no competing interests exist.

Laura Markham Ph.D.

Strengthen a Parent-Child Relationship Through Connection

Daily habits to increase connection with your child..

Posted May 25, 2021 | Reviewed by Jessica Schrader

  • A Parent's Role
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  • Tips for increasing connection with your child include welcoming their emotions, listening, and empathizing.
  • It may be helpful to slow down and share moments with your child, including bedtime snuggles and chats.
  • Try your best to be fully present with your child several times each day.

In our previous post, 10 Habits to Strengthen a Parent-Child Relationship, we introduced five habits for strengthening your relationship with your child. We continue the discussion in today’s post with five additional daily habits to increase connection with your child.

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6. Welcome emotion

Sure, it's inconvenient that kids have such big emotions. But your child needs to express those emotions to you, or they'll drive his behavior. Besides, this is an opportunity to help your child heal those upsets, which will bring you closer. So summon up all your compassion, don't let your child's anger trigger you, and welcome the tears and fears that always hide behind the anger. Remember that you're the one your child trusts enough to cry with, and breathe your way through it. Just acknowledge all those feelings and offer understanding of the pain. That creates safety, so he can move through those emotions and back into connection. Afterwards, he'll feel more relaxed, cooperative, and closer to you. Yes, most kids start by being angry, so you have to stay calm and patient in the face of their anger if you want the more vulnerable feelings to surface. This can be really, really hard. Regulating our own emotions in the face of our child's anger is one of the hardest parts of parenting . But that doesn't mean we're excused from giving it our best shot.

7. Listen and empathize

Connection starts with listening. Bite your tongue if you need to, except to say:

"Wow! ... I see ... Really? ... How was that for you? ... Tell me more ..."

The habit of seeing things from your child's perspective will ensure that you treat them with respect and look for win/win solutions. It will help you see the reasons for behavior that would otherwise drive you crazy. And it will help you regulate your own emotions so when your buttons get pushed and you find yourself in "fight or flight," your child doesn't look so much like the enemy.

8. Slow down and savor the moment

Instead of rushing your child through the schedule so you can spend a few minutes with them before bed, use every interaction all day long as an opportunity to connect. Slow down and share the moment with your child: let him smell the strawberries before you put them in the smoothie. When you're helping him wash his hands, put yours in the running water with his, and share the rush of the water. Smell his hair. Listen to his laughter . Look him in the eyes and meet him heart to open heart, sharing that big love. Connect in the magnificence of the present moment. Which is really the only way we can connect. (For most parents, this is also the secret to being able to tolerate playing that same game yet again.)

9. Bedtime snuggle and chat

Set your child's bedtime a wee bit earlier with the assumption that you'll spend some time visiting and snuggling in the dark. Those companionable, safe moments of connection invite whatever your child is currently grappling with to the surface, whether it's something that happened at school, the way you snapped at her this morning, or her worries about tomorrow's field trip. Do you have to resolve her problem right then? No. Just listen. Acknowledge feelings. Reassure your child that you hear her concern, and that together you'll solve it, tomorrow. The next day, be sure to follow up. You'll be amazed how your relationship with your child deepens. And don't give this habit up as your child gets older. Late at night is often the only time teens will open up.

10. Show up

Most of us go through life half-present. But your child has only about 900 weeks of childhood with you before they leave your home. They'll be gone before you know it.

Try this as a practice: When you're interacting with your child, show up 100%. Just be right here, right now, and let everything else go. You won't be able to pull this off all the time. But if you make it a habit several times a day, you'll find yourself shifting into presence more and more often.

And you'll find a lot more of those moments that make your heart melt.

This is the second part of a two-part series. The first post of the series is 10 Habits to Strengthen a Parent-Child Relationship.

Laura Markham Ph.D.

Laura Markham, Ph.D. , is the author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How To Stop Yelling and Start Connecting.

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Parent Child Relationship

Impact of social media on parent-child relationship, meaning of social media.

Social media includes popular networking websites, like Facebook and Twitter.  It involves groups, forums and other platforms for interactive sharing and discussion of various events, news, blog post and articles.

Definition of social media

“Social media are platforms that enable the interactive web by engaging users to participate in, comment on and create content as means of communicating with their social graph, other users and the public”(Cohen, 2011).

“The parent-child relationship consists of a combination of behaviour’s, feelings, and expectations that are unique to a particular parent and a particular child.  The relationship involves the full extent of a child's development.” 

Of the many different people form over the course of the life span, the relationship between parent and child is among the most important.  The quality of the parent-child relationship is affected by the parent’s age, experience, and self-confidence, the unique characteristics of the child compared with those of the parent. 

Social Media Effect on Parent Child Relationship

For better or worse, social media has changed the way we parent.  You may not have been able to get a conversation out of your teenager at dinner, but if you check their Facebook page, you can find out if they’re in a relationship.

“Social media, a term that is used to define communicating and networking with others through the internet using a website site such as Facebook or Twitter, has completely changed the world.  In particular, its influence on parenting is enormous.”People love social media technology, and it’s great that kids have access to endless amounts of information and culture.  We are witnessing a new digital revolution.

In general, social media has influenced parenting for the better.  Pregnancy and parenting unite people as you could have absolutely nothing else in common with another person except that you both have a child or are pregnant and suddenly you are so very much the same.

It was through social media that people are able to find people going through the same experiences you are going through, and are able to connect with them.  There are many social media forums and groups where you can join in and support each other, grieve many losses, celebrate healthy births, ask thousands of questions that people are too embarrassed to even ask our own doctors.

Social media has the power to bring out the ugly and envious side in us as we start comparing our parent child relationship with that of others which is utter nonsense and should never be done.  Unfortunately, these are difficult lessons to learn.

Parents are usually the Role model for their children.  The way their parents use the social media is often noticed and imbibed by the children at a faster rate than other good qualities which they should imbibe.  People often view Facebook, go through their emails when with their children impacting their children and their habits .

The other issue is the addiction attached to the social media and games that tend to bypass other things and give less time to important things in the day.  Thus the parents should understand and control their child as well as themselves from not over indulging in anything.

The last issue is that people tend to suffer heavily by constantly glaring through social media, especially eye problems. Thus to avoid a long term problem both parent and child should understand the issue and concern.“Overall, social media is a very useful tool. People can’t imagine what their life would be without pictures of their beautiful daughter plastered all over Facebook for friends and family to enjoy, what life without Twitter in general would be like, or what loosing hundreds of amazing online friendships would do to me.”

A research was conducted in April 2016, the highlights of which are following,

1)Types of social media engaged in frequently

essay about parent and child relationship

(Multiple responses obtained)

Interpretation-

84 out of 100 subjects used WhatsApp frequently whereas 59 of 100 used Facebook.

Thus it is clearly evident that Facebook and WhatsApp are the major social media sites which eat up the time of the parent.

16 participants used Instagram.

13 participants used LinkedIn and 13 participants used twitter.

There was 1 participant who also used YouTube frequently.

2) Type of activity carried out by parent and child together

essay about parent and child relationship

Interpretation 

Major type of activity that almost 47 participants carry with their children is Indoor/Outdoor games thus inculcating the habit of playing in natural environment and not on electronic device.

Also there are 40 such participants who play with toys along with the child and be a child themselves, whereas 38 of those participants also talk and chat together and spend more time just developing trust.

There are few parents, almost 13 of the total sample size who indulge in playing computer games along with their children thus developing a wrong habit of playing on the computer rather than out in the nature.

3) Engagement of children during parental usage of an electronic device

essay about parent and child relationship

82% of the responses pointed the use of social media while the child is busy playing, watching TV or sleeping with 33% using while the child is sleeping whereas 26% and 23% use while they are playing and watching TV.

While remaining 18% of the responses hinted that they use social media while the child is studying or at tuitions.

This clearly points out that parents majorly use social media while the child is sleeping or engrossed in playing / watching TV thus not affecting the quality time spent with child.

4) Use of social media in educating the child

essay about parent and child relationship

63% participants use social media to educate their children while 37% do not use social media to educate their children.

Thus the chart clearly carves out that there is a growing sense of feeling that social media can be used in educating children.

5) Hand of social media in narrowing the gap between parents and children

essay about parent and child relationship

When asked about whether social media has narrowed the gap between parents and children 62% participants said yes and 38% refrained from the same.

The reason that was given by maximum participants was, “No quality time is given because of constant engagement on social media”

6)  Relationship healthier without social media

essay about parent and child relationship

76% out of the total participants answered yes that their relationship would be healthier without social media and the reason given was that no quality time is given to family because of constant use of social media.  

The remaining 24% were of the different view and had a belief that people need to balance their lives be it social media or anything else.

Recommendations

  • Schools should train the parents regarding the potential effects of the excessive use of social media on parent-child relationship.

It is highly recommended that the use of social media for child education should be limited as there are other ways to educate the child regarding the same things learnt on the electronic device.

The most important recommendation is parents should understand that the relation between child and parent is of utmost importance and the relation needs different inputs at various stages of growing up.  Thus the awareness of the various things needed to nurture the relationship is of utmost importance.

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Chapter 7: Technology’s Influence on Parent-Child Relationships

7.1 Technology’s Influence on Parent-Child Relationships

Well, an element of conflict in any discussion’s a very good thing.

It means everybody is taking part and nobody is left out.

― from Harvey by Mary Chase

Chapter Insights

  • Two concepts that underlie parent-child relationships: the emotional context of parenting style as the balance (or imbalance) of demandingness and warmth; and relationship dynamics as the coordination of agency/communion perspectives by parent and by child.
  • Parental mediation can be active, restrictive, and indirect. Active mediation involves parent-child communication, parent engagement in media content exposure, and coordinated activity to negotiate rules.
  • A variety of factors related to the parents (e.g., mediacentrism), the child (e.g., age) and the context (e.g., COVID-19 pandemic) can affect parent behavior on regulating children’s use.
  • Reverse mediation, or when children’s knowledge of technology exceeds parents’ and enacted to aid the parent’s use, can be a potential conflict in the relationship.
  • Conflict in the parent-child relationship might occur in several ways related to technology (e.g., through parental attempts to control technology use, negotiations on content).
  • Differences exist in perceived conflict in families by child age (e.g., fewer parents report conflict with children under 8 years), and changes in parent control with age. Influences on parental control can relate to the child’s advancing development (e.g., confidence, knowledge of child’s actual use, ability to stick with plans).
  • Potential conflict to the parent-child relationship, to parenting, and to the child’s well-being can occur through the parent’s own technology use while with the child. Distractedness (or “technoference”) has been related to a variety of parenting consequences.
  • After reading this chapter, identify what you feel inspired by, the questions that remain for you, and the steps you can take for your own technology use to be more intentional.

Mother and daughter looking at a laptop computer

The Parent-Child Relationship

Relationships between parents and children are key to family well-being: as a vehicle to “successful” parenting, which means healthy child development; in the ongoing happiness of children and of parents; and in overall family satisfaction. The dynamic between parent and child is a reciprocal, emotional context through which information is communicated that guides the child’s understanding of themselves and the world; through which the parent expresses their knowledge, experience, goals, and dreams for their child; and through which the parent develops (Azar, 2006; Harach & Kuczynski, 2005). And as parenting is a social role, one conferred with certain responsibility and expectation by the society and culture in which the family lives, the relationship with the child may be viewed differently. Some may view the role with more authoritarian rights; others may view the child’s agency as a vehicle for expression that calls for a more democratic, authoritative approach (Bornstein, 2012). And some may be so overwhelmed by society’s demands and challenges that they view the role with near resignation and give authority to the child to determine their path.

And each parent-child experience is different. As we viewed Belsky’s multiple determinant model in Chapter 6, we saw how parents’ perspectives change with experience, age, gender, socialization, and developmental history. Their interactions also depend on unique characteristics of the child. And the social context factors heavily on the parent-child dynamic, particularly as support is available to buffer stressors. In short, each relationship between a parent and child is like no other. It is forever in the life of the child, and it changes over time and with changes that occur in the lives of the parent and of the child. This transactional, developmental, contextual consideration of the parent-child relationship over time has led scholars to call for using a life-course perspective when characterizing the enduring nature of the unique human experience as facilitated by technology (Dworkin et al., 2019; Shin et al., 2021).

In previous chapters we’ve gleaned the systemic, ecological, and biological forces on individuals in families and on family member subsets, and understood technology as an external force that influences the family through facilitating communication, aiding family life, and at times introducing conflict through differences in the ways that family members use technology. In Chapter 5 we understood the many ways technology can impact all domains of children’s development — cognitive, social, psychological, and physical — and differences in use and impacts as children age from infants through young adults. In Chapter 6 we reviewed basic functions of parenting that emphasize the physical health and well-being of the child (keeping the child safe and thriving); guiding the many social, emotional, cognitive, and physical aspects of the child’s development; and at times being an advocate for the child. We saw that technology could support the parent’s role in childrearing — primarily as it supports the parent as a vehicle to social and informational support, and as an expression of the parent’s identity. We also introduced other ways that parents use technology in the parenting role — with their children, and with technology as the focus of their parenting.

In this chapter we take a closer look at these dynamic elements of technology in the parent-child relationship, including how parents enact their role in childrearing through parenting about technology. Parents mediate, monitor, and moderate children’s use, and in keeping their children safe and their technology use effective, parents also model ways to use technology through their own behavior.  Parents mediate, monitor, and moderate children’s use, and in keeping their children safe and their technology use effective, parents also model ways to use technology through their own behavior. Yet there are certain “paradoxes” that affect technology’s application to the parent-child relationship (Hessel & Dworkin, 2018; Jarvenpaa & Lang, 2005). For example, we see that generational differences in exposure to technology, comfort and skill in use, and motivations for use can create a shift in a relationship’s power dynamic. This may result in friction between parent and child. This chapter will explore those possibilities and recommendations for peaceful negotiation.

This chapter will also look at technology use as it positively facilitates and influences the quality of parent-child relationship. Applications like FaceTime, texting, and social media are used to maintain communication and feelings of connectedness between parent and child, and can promote feelings of cohesion. This can be seen by the time college students spend texting or making video or voice calls to their parents while away (Vaterlaus et al., 2019), and in the heavy use of videoconferencing between parents and children, and grandparents and children, during COVID (Hamilton, et al, 2021). Indeed many parents and children are quite positive about having mobile devices as a means for continued family contact. Media multiplexity theory posits that when a “repertoire” of technologies are used, the relationship is closer (McCurdy et al., 2022).

Parents looking at phones while daughter waits

Yet relational use can also mean the nonverbal communication that comes when a parent or child ignores the other, distracted by technology. Sadly this is an all too real scenario that can disrupt quality in the relationship. Studies suggest that parental distraction by technology can compromise secure attachment and, consequently, child development (Kildare & Middlemiss, 2019; McDaniel, 2019). Parents can also overshare online, much to the embarrassment of the child (Blum-Ross & Livingstone, 2017). These elements of technology and the parent-child relationship are explored in this chapter.

Finally, analysts of the existing literature identify both assets and challenges of current technology and the ways in which they are used to facilitate the parent-child relationship (e.g., Shin et al., 2021). The chapter closes with their observations and questions to move us forward in this important family topic.

Parenting Frameworks

To set the stage for a deeper understanding of the parent-child relationship dynamic, we’ll explore two parenting frameworks. One is a frequently used construct of the parent’s style of communicating which offers an emotional context for the relationship. The other is less well known, yet presents the balanced perspective of both actors in the relationship and the balance required for connection.

Parenting style

Parenting style is frequently studied as the emotional context through which parents assert authority or invite children’s input while guiding children’s behavior (Darling & Steinberg, 1993, 2017; Smetana, 2017). Because of this, parenting style has been conceptually and empirically related to measurable elements of childrearing, such as demonstration of support, relational depth, and parent–child conflict (Aloia & Warren, 2019), which in turn contribute to myriad child outcomes (Smetana, 2017).

Baumrind’s (1971) parenting style construct uses demonstrations at the intersection of warmth and demandingness as indication of authoritative (balanced), authoritarian (high demandingness, low warmth), permissive (low demandingness, high warmth), and neglectful (low demandingness, low warmth) childrearing. Contemporary perspectives on Baumrind’s construct encourage adaptations through a cultural and contextual lens, and consideration of factors such as parenting beliefs that moderate demonstrations of style (Smetana, 2017). More domain-specific applications have been suggested which are sensitive to the interplay between parent’s goals, child’s needs, and parenting processes. [1]

essay about parent and child relationship

Examples of parenting style and parental mediation have found, in general, that those who are more permissive (higher in warmth over control) are less likely to restrict children’s screen time, while those who are more authoritarian are more likely to do so. In a 2009 study, Bumpass and Werner explored types of parental technology regulation. They studied 113 children in 3rd to 6th grades and 109 mothers, identifying four clusters based on rules, enforcement strategies, consequences, and child adjustment. Traditional mothers reported rules related to time, permission, and co-viewing. Technology-specific mothers used blocking software, filtering, and removal of privileges. Passive mothers voiced rules that required only minimal parental supervision, and they were more watchful of the child’s interest. And the children of parents with few rules (e.g., neglectful) reported slightly higher levels of internalizing problems such as depression and anxiety, and demonstrated slightly lower levels of prosocial behavior.

Wartella et al. (2013) found a parallel between parenting style and family media practices. Looking at families with children between birth to 8 years, those in mediacentric households (reporting approximately 11 hours or more per day) were more permissive than those who were media moderate or “media light.” Children in mediacentric homes are also more likely to have televisions in their bedrooms.

As demonstration of the complexity of applying the parenting style construct to the parent-child relationship with technology, a study of 504 parent-teen (12–17 year old) pairs proposed a model linking parenting style, online relational behaviors, and relational quality (Aloia & Warren, 2019). The researchers hypothesized that parental behaviors such as sending comforting messages and sharing material would mediate (i.e., be a conveyor for) parenting style and parent-child relationship quality including parent-child conflict and relational depth. In fact, although they validated previous research linking parenting style to relationship quality (e.g., enhanced parent-child conflict with authoritarian or permissive parenting), they found no relationship between parenting style, online relational behaviors by the parents, and relationship quality. Authoritarian parenting showed no relationship to any of the online strategies (comforting messages, material sharing, planning behaviors), and authoritative parenting showed positive and significant relationships to all three, yet permissive parenting also related significantly to two of the actions (comforting messages and material sharing). Planning behaviors and positive messages online were positively related to parental comfort, yet planning behaviors and material sharing were also related to perceived conflict. The authors observed methodological limitations (e.g., data from self-report) as a cause for the unexpected result, but also suggested that, ​​with regard to mediated communication channels, parents and children may develop unique norms (p. 53). As Dworkin, et al. (2019) observe,

“The insurgence of technology has completely changed the family landscape, challenging what we know and requiring a reassessment of how we understand family relationships during adolescence, a time when technology acquires new meaning for developing and maintaining interpersonal relationships. (p. 514).”

Agency and Communion

Facilitating the child’s well-being related to technology through and while maintaining a positive relationship with the child is no small feat for parents. In promoting the child’s development, the relationship must be a balance of agency and communion by both individuals: assertion of the parent’s power while keeping in mind communion with the child; promotion of the child’s agency and independence, while keeping in mind the relationship. In promoting the child’s development, the relationship must be a balance of agency and communion by both individuals: assertion of the parent’s power while keeping in mind communion with the child; promotion of the child’s agency and independence, while keeping in mind the relationship. Unlike parenting style, which assesses the actions of the parent, perspectives of agency and communion regard both actors in the relationship (Heck & Pincus, 2001; Wiggins, 1991). Each person, in interaction with the other, asserts an action reflecting dimensions of both coordinates. Conflict arises when both are seeking agency (or power) more than communion. As related to parent-child relationships, conflicts occur with both child noncompliance and resistance to parents requests (high agency/low communion) and with parent resistance to children’s requests (high agency/low communion) (Eisenberg, 1992).

Agency and communion dimensions held by each actor in an interpersonal relationship (Wiggins, 1991).

For example, if my partner and I are deciding on a vacation location, and I want to go to the mountains and they want to go to the beach, as we both assert our agency (power) in our desires, we compromise the value of communion (joint happiness). We are at a standstill and our relationship suffers. If, however, through discussion, we listen to each other about the interests of the other with a true value for the relationship and we come to compromise, we are more balanced in our individual agency and communion. Within the parent-child relationship, the parent’s actions are tempered by understanding the developmental age and ability of the child, and changes in that development over time (Heck & Pincus, 2001). Agency by the parent is, in part, a personal expression of fulfilling the responsibilities of childrearing. The joint balance of agency and communion between parent and child in negotiation and understanding is within this structure of safety and growth.

The ecological context is a consideration for both parent-child relationship models when applied to new media and digital technology. As observed in previous chapters, interactions and dynamics of the relationship are influenced by ecological contexts of the microsystem of the family, and by exosystems, macrosystems, and chronosystems. These systems create influences on the development of both the child and the parent, and on the conditions in which the family lives. Technology access and use and qualities of the devices and applications are external and inherent influences in each of the systems that can both facilitate and challenge relational dynamics (Navarro & Tudge, 2022; Lanigan, 2009).

Parental Mediation and the Parent-Child Relationship

Younger child and older woman looking at a computer screen.

Fully 98% of parents in a recent U.S. study believe it is the parent’s responsibility to protect children from online content (Auxier et al., 2020), compared to 65% expecting the government or technology (78%) companies to bear responsibility. While most parents (71%) are aware of and concerned about the amount of time children 11 and younger are spending with screens (Auxier et al., 2020), more (84%) report feeling confident that they know how much screen time is too much. Most (71%) believe that widespread use of smartphones might be harmful to their children’s socioemotional learning. There is also concern by most about exposure to online predators (63%), sexually explicit content (60%), and violent content (59%). While bullying is a general concern of many parents, the majority (96% of parents of children 5–11) report that their child has not been bullied online (Auxier et al., 2020).

As parents assert their responsibilities to keep children safe online and guide their development, potential areas of conflict include:

  • Parental attempts to regulate use.
  • Parental concern over potentially negative consequences of internet use that can lead to over-restrictions on use.
  • An imbalance of power as expertise in technology use varies between parent and child.
  • Counter modeling of technology by parents’ own use (e.g., do as I say, not as I do)
  • Parent invasion of children’s online social space.

The majority of families don’t perceive significant conflict around technology. Parents of young children (birth to age 8) don’t perceive regulating children’s technology use to be a conflict (Wartella et al., 2013). Even parents of older children (8 to 18 years) don’t report significant struggles. In a 2016 Commonsense Media report, nearly two-thirds of parents (62%) disagreed that getting a child to turn off their smartphone or tablet was a struggle. The majority (85%) agreed that monitoring child safety was important, and nearly the same amount (81%) disagreed that the child was less likely to communicate face-to-face. That said, parents of boys and of those children with lower grades did report greater struggle. Similarly, a 2018 report of families in the European Union also determined that most do not report conflict on technology use (Livingstone et al., 2015).

In large part, there is optimism that the lack of conflict observed in families is the result of technology oversight integrated into parenting practices and the parent-child relationship. Technology and adolescence researcher Candice Ogders (2018) observes,

Because online problems can be largely predicted by young people’s vulnerabilities offline, much of our existing knowledge about what promotes healthy child development is applicable even in what seems like a foreign digital landscape. Strategies such as the maintenance of supportive parent–child relationships that encourage disclosure, parental involvement in the activities of their children, and the avoidance of overly restrictive or coercive monitoring will help to support adolescents and keep them safe online, just as they do offline.

In the next section we explore types of mediation practices in families, and the potential for conflict, and the opportunities for parent-child communication.

Mediation practices

Apple TV screen showing parental controls.

Mediation practices vary by type and family (Rudi & Dworkin, 2018). Frequently, mediation practices are labeled as active  or “enabling” (of positive technology use) or restrictive. A recent qualitative study with 40 parents of Australian teens (Page, 2021) identified five mediation strategies, three of which were active: physical observation, digital surveillance, and trust-based and discursive strategies; one restrictive: restriction and control through social or technical means; and one (as alluded to in Chapter 6), indirect: talking with other parents. Parents’ active mediation occurs through direct parent-to-child interaction and conversation about media’s effects. Co-viewing or co-participation (such as playing games) enables parents to actively mediate and monitor children’s exposure and scaffold healthy use. More restrictive mediation means setting rules regarding the time spent or content viewed. It can also mean “e-rewards,” in which parents withhold or grant technology use in recognition of good behavior. More restrictive mediation means setting rules regarding the time spent or content viewed. It can also mean “e-rewards,” in which parents withhold or grant technology use in recognition of good behavior. Across the approaches, restrictive mediation can reduce negative media effects, and co-viewing or “enabling” can enhance or facilitate media’s positive effects (Coyne et al., 2017).

The EU Kids Online report (2020) surveyed children age 9–16 years in 19 countries. An average of 33% said their parents actively talk to them about the internet, 30% said sometimes, and 37% said never. Across countries, on average, higher percentages of children at younger ages reported parent discussion about the internet “at least sometimes:” 67% of 9–11 year olds, 61% of 12–14 year olds, and 54% of those 16 and older. When asked about active mediation strategies by parents, friends, and teachers, the highest percentages were reported for parents (e.g., 64% reported that parents “help me when something bothers me on the internet,” compared with 45% friends and 35% teachers). Internet safety is a common topic of mediation, with 85% of EU children reporting that their parents talk about this. More technical controls are far less frequently reported (22%, on average, report parental control through GPS monitoring, use of software that blocks or filters internet content, or tracking applications) . Also, a minority of children — about 15% — reported restrictions on using a web camera, downloading music, or using social media. That said, there are very clear differences in social media use restrictions by age, with the majority of children age 9–11 indicating that they cannot use social media.

The resolution of “conflict” with mediation is more nuanced than might be believed. Recent research with Australian families of teens revealed the range of ways that parents negotiating technology use with their teenagers (Page, 2021). Traditional mediation strategies may be used, but when they are not successful parents turn to other strategies, such as trust-based and discursive (reasoned negotiation) ones. Similarly, in interview research with pre-teen and teenage children (n=23) and their parents (n=18, Blackwell et al., 2016), children expressed the desire for shared expectations, rather than more attention to the issue of technology. They claimed that parents primarily told them what not to do, and didn’t have a very accurate perception of either the quantity or quality of their screen time, or its effects on them. The interviews unlocked a more complex dynamic than of parents establishing rules and children breaking them. They identified a give-and-take in negotiating family life, in which children’s needs and desires for technology use are taken into consideration, and reflect nuance — for example, when “rule violation” is acceptable. The authors concluded that families respect the developing teen’s need for privacy and independence, while maintaining  consistent and realistic expectations around work, attention, and the interests of the whole family to better manage household technology use.

Influences on parental mediation

Age of child.

Parental restrictions on children’s technology use largely curve with the child’s age — with monitoring occurring through co-use in early childhood and middle childhood, then tapering off through adolescence.

A child with her family playing a videogame on the subway.

Naab (2018) refers to early childhood parenting mediation as “trusteeship,” as the cognition and communication skill limitations of the very young child confer responsibilities on the parent to oversee their access and safe use as they make the transition to mediating children’s own active, independent use. Co-viewing with young children appears to be predominantly through traditional media including books, TV, smartphones, and tablets, and less so with games (Connell et al., 2015). As an indication of the blend of parental agency in the role and accommodating a child’s need, some parents may use media to soothe babies who are fussy and demonstrate poor self-regulation. Mediation with school age children can be restrictive (limiting use of hardware or software, including taking away technology as a punishment), monitoring (tracking use, messages, and the child’s location), and active (talking to children about their technology use) (Auxier et al., 2020; Blum-Ross et al., 2018; Livingstone et al., 2015).

Parents’ conversations with their children about the content of their media also varies by child age. In Commonsense Media’s 2016 study of parents and their teens and “tweens,” parents were more likely to talk with their 12–14 year olds about media content while watching television, viewing apps on a device, using a computer for something other than homework, and playing videogames than with their teenagers; only when it came to social media did parents report higher frequencies of discussing content with children. Coyne et al. (2017) observe that research has yet to determine the interplay between parents’ mediation strategies and more specific child characteristics.

Family demographic differences

Parents’ education, income, gender, and age may influence mediation. Parents who are higher in income and educational attainment and who demonstrate more comfort with technology may exercise more mediational practices. Livingstone et al. (2015) determined socioeconomic differences in mediation strategies and attitudes in a sample of parents of primarily 4- to 7-year-old children in seven countries, including England, Finland, and Russia. Families with less income, formal education, who are non-White, and whose parents measure higher on depression are more likely to report higher rates of media consumption. When surveyed, many parents note that media provides a safe, inexpensive, and available form of entertainment for their children (Livingstone et al., 2018). Similarly, Wartella et al.’s (2013) observation of permissive parenting style and mediacentrism, noted earlier, also showed demographic correlations. Parents who were lower-income and single reported greater consumption of media in the household than those with other demographic characteristics. Media was reported as a favorite family activity, and mothers were more likely to report using it as a parenting tool (e.g., keeping a child occupied and safe while she attended to other duties).  It should be noted, however, that in a U.S. sample Connell et al. (2015) found scant relationships to co-viewing with young children by parent education level or race. Parents in the EU with more education and income used a diversity of mediation strategies and encouraged non-school media use for learning. Cross national variation in parent mediation strategies has been found among the Finnish (actively engaged), Czech (passive), and in EU and UK countries and Russia (restrictive) (Helsper et al., 2013).

Mothers are more likely to demonstrate mediation than fathers (Connell et al., 2015; CSM, 2016). In their research among Portuguese school-age children, Ferreira et al. (2017) identified not only parent gender differences in mediation by type of activity (e.g., fathers actively mediating children’s use while playing videogames), but gendered perspectives by children of parents’ technology mediation. Children perceived fathers as more skilled in using technology, reported that their technology was for work (vs. mothers’ devices that were to be shared), and that the father’s mediation was more technical (e.g., uploading, removing software) and mother’s more digital (e.g., exposure to content quality).

Parents’ technology use, comfort, and skill

Parents’ mediation strategies appear to relate to their attitudes toward technology, their competencies, and their own use, as observed in research in EU countries (Brito et al., 2017; Livingstone et al., 2018) and research in the US (e.g., Commonsense Media, 2016; Wartella et al., 2013). Observing the construct of reasoned action applied to technology acceptance (Ajzen, 1985), Nikken and Opree’s (2018) survey of parents of young children (ages 1–9) in the Netherlands identified basic proficiency associated with the ease of active co-use. Advanced and basic proficiency with technology related to restrictive mediation, and advanced proficiency related to imposing technical restrictions. As Naab (2018) observed from in depth interviews with 29 parents of young children, parents are often uncertain about digital strategies and gain proficiency over time through interaction with their child, acquisition of knowledge about technology’s affordances and challenges, and their own comfort with the interplay between themselves and their child’s needs. Parents are often uncertain about digital strategies and gain proficiency over time through interaction with their child, acquisition of knowledge about technology’s affordances and challenges, and their own comfort with the interplay between themselves and their child’s needs.

Parental use can influence the effectiveness of their mediation strategies. In the Commonsense Media study with over 1100 parents in 2016, parents spend more than 9 hours a day with screen media (especially personal media like smartphones) . A majority (78%) believe they are good media and technology models for their children. Yet research with parent-teen pairs indicates that when teens see parents’ time on their phones similar to their own, they question parental advice and role modeling (Commonsense Media, 2016; Livingstone et al., 2018).

Child guidance and the power differential

Children are challenged when their parents are ‘all thumbs’ with using technology.

https://youtu.be/A6A331B1oq8

The picture of parental mediation can get complicated as a generation of children grow up with technology in ways far different than those of their parents, and a potential power dynamic is shifted. Livingstone et al. 2018 observe this particularly in lower-income and immigrant homes, as children gain more comfort and skill with technology than their parents (Livingstone et al., 2018), or when children need to assist parents with language translation and technology. Perhaps this is why teens don’t turn to parents for safety issues related to technology (Blum-Ross et al., 2018; Commonsense Media, 2018), or for information on sexual health. Flores and Barroso (2018) identified SES differences in parental technology comfort and use and the ability to talk to their teenagers about sex. Limited knowledge of how technology works, including realities of peer communication, privacy issues and laws, and the potential for exposure to imagery, act as barriers to parental communication that supports the child’s sexual health.

Various scholars have characterized this complicated parent-child power dynamic (Dworkin et al., 2019). Livingstone across 19 countries, on average 40% of 9–16-year-olds report often or very often helping parents when they found something difficult online, and 29% sometimes helping parents. This differential in knowledge can upset the traditional family hierarchy. (2009) refers to tech-knowledgeable children in the household as “youthful experts,” while Katz (2010) calls them ‘media brokers.’ Correa (2014) labels the knowledge sharing as “bottom-up technology transmission,” and the EU Kids on the Internet 2020 report calls this “reverse mediation.” The latter reports that, across 19 countries, on average 40% of 9–16-year-olds report often or very often helping parents when they found something difficult online, and 29% sometimes helping parents. This differential in knowledge can upset the traditional family hierarchy. In interviews with parent-teen pairs in 1995, Kiesler et al. (2000) determined that fathers’ attitudes prevented them from seeking help from their children about internet-related issues; the fathers voiced concern about a shift in their parental authority.

In a later study with Belgian parents and teens, Nelissen and Van den Bulck (2017) predicted that reports of conflict would correlate with parental requests for assistance with technology. The survey included questions like “Do you ever get into an argument with your child/with your parent about (a) television use, (b) tablet use, (c) smartphone use, or (d) computer/laptop use?” It used a 5-point Likert scale ranging from “(almost) never” (=0) to “(almost) always” (=4). With regard to media guidance, the pairs were asked “If you think about your children, how often do they teach you to use the following media, technologies, and/or applications?/If you think about your parents, how often do you teach them to use the following media, technologies, and/or applications?” Again, a 5-point Likert scale was used and applied to 13 technologiesm including smartphones, online purchases, and tablets. After controlling for demographic variables (including parent and child gender and age), there were significant associations between a parent help seeking/guidance by children and parent-child conflict. The authors observed that child guidance was dominant on some technologies — smartphones and specific apps — but not all.

An example of context as influence on parental mediation: The COVID-19 pandemic

When conditions encourage children’s technology use, parental mediation can shift. Clearly, the COVID-19 pandemic was an influence. As their children connected with friends, attended school, and sought out hobbies online during isolation and quarantine, parents’ efforts to mediate children’s screen time changed. As a report by Pew (2021) indicates, fewer parents reduced children’s time on screens and took away children’s smartphone privileges. On the other hand, more parents were active in checking children’s exposure online, and parents’ beliefs that their children spent too much time online nearly doubled. Among parents of children 11 or younger, in 2020, 28% felt their children spent too much time on their phones. In 2021, that percentage climbed to 42%. (See figure below).

Some parents’ approaches to managing kids' screen time changed over the first year of the coronavirus pandemic 2020-2021.

With regard to older children, parents reported that, during COVID, connections through videoconferencing, and with resident children through gaming and time spent together, deepened personal relationships (Joyce et al., 2021).

Technology’s Role in Parent-Child Communication

The primary reason that parents secure phones for their children, even before age 12, is to communicate with them (Auxier et al., 2020). Through texting and through voice and video calls, parents can convey information to children that supports their development, enable coordination, and promote closeness. The efficiency of using ICT for communication also makes co-parenting relationships easier, such in the case of divorced and separated parents (Ganong et al., 2012; Saini & Pollack, 2018), and maintains parent-child connections during separations, including military deployment (Carter & Renshaw, 2016) and immigration (Casmiro & Nico, 2016; Karraker, 2015).

Shin et al.’s (2021) literature review on technology designs that foster the parent-child relationship identified factors indicative of family qualities and technology-specific conditions. They include:

  • reciprocity in the family,
  • reinforcement of transparency,
  • affection and trust,
  • physical proxy of each other through an object or interface design,
  • accessibility, level of technology sophistication and communication resource, and
  • enjoyable, age-appropriate shared content between parents and children, and situational awareness and routine.

Two people having a conversation using FaceTime.

When parents and children are at a distance, system design that favors media richness (closer approximation of real life) and synchronicity, and the ability to maintain privacy, are positive. Challenges to the parent-child relationship occur through discrepancies in expected communication between parent and child(ren), through parents’ complex emotions toward parenting due to their busy schedule, and, from the technological standpoint, from access limitations. As this section of the chapter indicates, the use of technology as a means to facilitate parent-child relationships is quite a complex issue. Although there are elements specific to digital media and the programming of the for communication and interaction, challenges arise through human factors inherent in the individuals and their relationships.

Connections, for example, may not always be smooth, and whether due to technology or the actor, complications can arise. Use of technology to maintain the parent-child relationship may lead to what Parrenas and Boris (2010, as cited by Karraker, 2015 p. 13) refer to as the “antithesis of intimacy.” Expectations for maintaining communication through the ease afforded by digital media can impinge on children’s or parents’ independence. Connections, for example, may not always be smooth, and whether due to technology or the actor, complications can arise. The complicated power dynamics discussed above can and do interfere with satisfaction when using technology for parent-child communications. And although teleconferencing made parent-child visits possible during COVID-19 for those facing separation due to welfare issues, technological and human barriers prevented this alternative to in-person visits from being successful (Goldberg et al., 2021).

Shin et al. (2021) observe developmental differences reflected in the availability of technology and use by parents and children that affect satisfaction. For young children, technology that is playful, age-appropriate, and encourages creativity can foster engagement by both parent and child. School-age children and their parents have a strong desire to be together, learn more about each other, and feel a sense of warmth and security. Yet designs may not be user- or communication-friendly, and differences in ability and access can create barriers to effective use. For older children (e.g., adolescents), when parents and teens have access to phones and social media, and when a common time for interaction is apparent, communication appears effective. Yet as Dworkin et al. (2019) observe, the paradox of connecting and distancing can make parents’ use of social networking and unscheduled calls feel intrusive and like a privacy invasio.

Assets and challenges are apparent for specific populations of parents and children as well. Parents and children attempting to maintain communication through technology across legal separations face particular scrutiny with regard to child privacy and safety (Saini & Pollack, 2018).  In a survey with 106 family caseworkers, Saini and Pollack (2018) identified that the majority of legally separated parents and children use technology to maintain communication. This can be quite positive, as they can each keep abreast of the life details of the other and maintain connectedness, particularly when a child is long-distance and living in the other parent’s home or in a foster home. Caseworkers also saw it as a way to protect the child from conflict in the parent-to-parent relationship, and enhance the child’s feeling of safety. Yet rampant posting on social media diminishes the child’s safety, as well as the privacy of the parent who may closely monitor and track the child. As with other cases representing the range of technologies’ uses and affordances, the picture is a complex one. Because of this, the caseworkers in Saini and Pollack’s study advocates for ICT not as a replacement for parent-child connections, but as a way to enhance communication.

Possible disruption in the relationship: Parents’ own technology use

Child with a man using an iPad outside.

As noted above, parents’ own technology use is a significant factor in their attitudes about monitoring and mediating children’s use, and in shaping and modeling children’s technology consumption. Samual’s (2017) counter response to the argument that smartphones were destroying a generation (Twenge, 2017) was that smartphones distracted parents, leading them to demonstrate “minimal parenting.” McDaniel’s (2019) and Kildare and Middlemiss’ (2017) reviews of the literature concerning parents’ use of technology when with their children paint a third picture of communication in the relationship: that of nonverbal messaging through distracted use. Noting that the majority of research in this area has focused on parents of young children, McDaniel observes the many reasons parents would use their phones with a child present. Not only do they seek information and communicate with others, seek emotional support, or continue work, but their use attempts to relieve the boredom of childrearing. This “ technoference ” (McDaniel’s term for the “everyday intrusions and interruptions of devices in our face-to-face interactions”) can have potentially serious consequences to the child through the parents’ ability to connect and engage and through the child’s own observation of the parent’s distracted action, and can negatively impact the parent’s own emotional state. Parenting outcomes of being distracted by one’s phone include reduced verbal and nonverbal interactions with the child, reduced awareness and sensitivity to the child’s needs and responses, and reduced coordination and communication in co-parenting. McDaniel, and Kildare and Middlemiss, note that these responses are directly associated with the relational mechanisms in attachment formation, although longitudinal research to date hasn’t validated these assumptions.

Additional parenting consequences of being distracted by technology include the difficulty of multitasking between the device and the needs and attention of the child, and time displacement (e.g., focusing on a phone compared to active time with a child). From the child’s perspective, they may express dissatisfaction in the time spent with the parent and in turn, feel ignored. Kildare and Middlemiss cite a study in which 32% (of 6,000) children reported feeling unimportant when their parents were distracted by a phone. As the authors of both review articles observe, more research is needed to more definitively understand specific dimensions of parental technology use with children (e.g., how much time is spent on phones when with children, specific activities parents do while on their phones) and impacts on parenting, the relationship, and child development. They also observe that it’s not reasonable to expect parents not to engage with technology when with their children, observing the complex reasons that parents use technology. They advocate for education on appropriate use, and engagement in ways that are healthy for the relationship and for the child. This resource from Zero to Three offers parents ways to focus on their children, not their phones.

“Sharenting”

As discussed in Chapter 6, parents express their caregiver and relational identities online through blogging, posting on social media, and texting ideas and images of the children to others (Blum-Ross & Livingstone, 2017). A challenge can occur in the parent-child relationship when children object to their images and information about themselves being shared, particularly without permission ( Saner (2018 ) refers to this as a “permanent digital tattoo”). While not as overt an expression of distraction by technology use as those discussed above, “sharenting” can still send a message to the child that their feelings are not being considered. Blum-Ross and Livingstone (2017) determined that when parents of younger children share images and experiences of their child and childrearing, they may also have misgivings about the archival nature of the internet and the possibility of their posts resurfacing when the child is older. Parents also express a certain element of guilt, part of the complex feelings parents describe, as discovered in Shin et al. (2022)’s review of the literature of parent-child relationships through technological innovation. Parents hold an awareness of the child’s aging to the point of awareness and expressing feelings of dissatisfaction with their private information being shared. Blum-Ross and Livingstone share this incident, which directly points to the potential conflict with “sharenting” and the need for parent-child communication to maintain communion:

Harvey confronted this issue when his 6-year-old son Archie began to express discomfort at appearing on the blog. Harvey described how Archie had begun to ask what the photos Harvey took were for, questioning “is this a photo for you, Daddy, or is it a photo for the blog”’ Increasingly Archie would refuse to be in pictures, eventually exacting revenge by covertly using Harvey’s phone to post an unflattering picture of Harvey eating a sandwich on his dad’s Instagram feed. Harvey was working with Archie to help Archie decide what “he wants me to write” so he could be more in control. Yet, finding himself cajoling his son, Harvey described a struggle between respecting his son’s boundaries and keeping his commitment to the blog and his readership among the wider blogging community. (Blum-Ross & Livingstone, 2017, p. 116).

Focus on technology-facilitated parent-child relationships in young adulthood

A significant amount of research has examined the role of technology in the parent-child relationship during young adulthood. One conclusion is that the availability and use of ICT is a positive influence on this relationship. A review by Hessel and Dworkin (2018) identified differences in how young adults use technology to communicate with parents, compared with siblings and grandparents. The authors indicated that when children go to college (given that college students are an often sampled group in this research area), there may be a stronger focus on the relationship, and technology has an intentional purpose. While they indicate that the research on persons other than parents is limited, young adults appear to use a variety of methods to maintain relationships with parents through technology, including adding parents as “friend”’ on social media, texting, and sending email (though the Hessel and Dworkin review and McCurdy et al.’s 2022 research with college students validates that email use has declined). Purposes include utility (sharing, asking for help), immediacy, and emotional connections. Relationship quality appears to be positive, as demonstrated by emerging adults’ reports of satisfaction, feelings of intimacy, and the number of types of media used for communication.

As an example, Vaterlaus et al. (2019), surveyed 766 young adults and adolescents (just over 10% of the sample) Young adults’ reports of using computer-mediated communication with parents (particularly text messaging when it came to both mothers and fathers) were significantly associated with feelings of closeness, togetherness, and connection in their time spent with the parent. and their parents on their use of technology together and on the notions of quantity and quality time spent. Not surprisingly (given that the young adults were away and in college), teens reported spending more time with their parents. Among the whole sample, there was a clear perceptual difference between quantity time and quality time. Young adults still sought and identified having quality time with parents. Type of media was differentiated when considering connectivity: synchronous media such as telephone calls, video chat, and texting facilitated quality interactions; fewer young adults reported using email, social networking, and texting for quality interactions. And young adults’ reports of using computer-mediated communication with parents (particularly text messaging when it came to both mothers and fathers) were significantly associated with feelings of closeness, togetherness, and connection in their time spent with the parent. The authors observe the role that technology can play in maintaining quality relationships between parents and teens, and acknowledge the challenges brought about through an individual being distracted by media when in the presence of the other. They recommend additional research and educational efforts on the benefits of using technology together in ways that foster and facilitate relationships.

Yet Hessel and Dworkin indicate that a dominant theme in the literature indicates potential challenges with autonomy, or rather the lack thereof. Frequency of contact with parents and parental over-involvement related to lower feelings of autonomy, whereas those with a strong parent-child relationship reported higher levels of autonomy. They also observe that, as noted in Chapter 5, there are differences by generational cohort, as research with college students just two years apart indicates differences in email and social networking behavior with parents.

essay about parent and child relationship

McCurdy et al. (2022) also point to differences in communication behavior and perceived young adult/parent relationships. In interviews with 44 college students, those who used a rich communication repertoire for connection with their parents reported more closeness. Citing media multiplexity theory, the authors identified that students perceived stronger relationships due to multiple technologies affording more contact frequency, more ways to make connection, and a stronger parental social presence. Interestingly, young adults also were strategic about differentials in technology competence and access by their parents to maintain boundaries. Knowing what skills their parents had, and which applications they did and didn’t use, worked to their advantage as ways to find necessary separation for their individuation. From Miller-Ott et al.’s (2014) research, frequent texting, establishing rules around availability, repetitive contact, and relational arguments were more direct strategies for healthy individuation with connectedness.

Research also suggests new opportunities for connecting with parents: gaming, social media, video creation, even family genealogy applications. Given the range of potential technologies for interaction and differentials in access and use together, Hessel and Dworkin (2018, p. 369) wisely observe,

Rather than building research around specific technology, such as Facebook, categorizing technology options by context will produce findings that are more transferable and durable. Using theoretical foundations such as Media Richness Theory may help to identify which technology choices complement which types of communication between which family members for what purpose.

This chapter reveals complexities in the notion of the parent-child relationship and technology. Most families don’t perceive conflict, though when the focus of research, perception may be skewed depending on who is being interviewed. Positively, many children and parents manage negotiations around children’s healthy technology use, and parents practice active or other types of mediation that encourage children’s positive use. many children and parents constructively negotiate healthy technology use, and parents practice active or other types of mediation that are encouraging and maintain trust and communication in the relationship  There isn’t a need for practices that are restrictive or punitive. Active mediation strategies align with a life-course model of relationships and developmental growth that balances a respect for each individual’s ability for agency and for the communion of the relationship.

The chapter also examined the many factors that can influence the ways parents’ mediate, which can contribute to conflict or to the lack thereof. Key within these is the generational difference in parents’ own knowledge and use of technology. When children grow up knowing more, and “reverse mediation” occurs, the power dynamic can shift. In some homes, this can be sensitive. The dynamic shifts as well when parents’ technology use leads to their being distracted from their children. This sends a strong non-verbal message about the importance of the relationship, and can have damaging effects on parenting, on the relationship, and consequently on child development. As technology continues to evolve, and as generations of children and parents change in their knowledge, skills, comfort, and expectations about using technology individually and with each other, the clear message for both parents and children is one of intentionality.

As technology continues to evolve, and as generations of children and parents change in their knowledge, skills, comfort, and expectations about using technology individually and with each other, the clear message for both parents and children is one of intentionality. Shin et al. (2021) advocate for a life-course perspective in the future design of technology to promote the parent-child relationship:

Technology design that supports relationships must be responsive to the dynamic environment and transactional nature of relationships; accordingly, designers should be aware of technology’s role, and find ways to provide users with timely suggestions. The family life course development approach provides a theoretical lens by which design can incorporate a family’s transactional nature. The theory’s central assumption is that the family’s developmental process is inevitable, and that individuals’ lives change dynamically over time. It further explains how the lives of individual family members, such as parents and children, are interconnected, and how families transmit their assets and disadvantages to the next generation. [p.441:22]

For parents, technology visionary and parent danah boyd suggests approaching technology with an attitude of flexibility (Tippet, 2017):

From my perspective, it’s about stepping back and not assuming that just the technology is transformative, and saying, okay, what are we trying to achieve here? What does balance look like? What does happiness look like? What does success look like? What are these core tenets or values that we’re aiming for, and how do we achieve them holistically across our lives? And certainly, when parents are navigating this, I think one of the difficulties is to recognize that this is what your values are, and they may be different from your child’s values. And so how do you learn to sit and have a conversation of “Here’s what I want for you. What do you want? And how do we balance that?” And that’s that negotiation that’s really hard. And so I think about it in terms of all of us — how do you find your own sense of grounding?
  • The volume of research on parenting styles should motivate readers interested in this concept and in parent-child relationships and technology to seek out specific, current, and cross-cultural/cultural literature. ↵

Critical Perspectives on Technology and the Family Copyright © 2022 by Susan K. Walker is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 4.0 International License , except where otherwise noted.

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Parent-Child Relationship essay

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12 times i questioned the parenting choices in gilmore girls.

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  • Lorelai's decision to date Rory's teacher and treat her daughter like a best friend displays her immaturity caused by becoming a parent as a teenager.
  • Emily's constant manipulation of Lorelai showcases a toxic parent-child dynamic that prevents closeness.
  • Liz and Christopher are both absentee parents who don't seem to take their parental responsibilities seriously.

The beloved 2000s show Gilmore Girls focuses on familial relationships across different generations, but some of the parenting decisions in the series leave a bad taste in my mouth. I’ve been a Gilmore Girls fan since my sister and I watched it together while it was on the air. Since it landed on Netflix in 2014, I’ve streamed it more times than I can count. I watch it when I’m happy, sad, mad, hopeless, or needing comfort. It’s gotten to the point that I know the tiniest details and can quote almost every episode of the show.

However, my undying love for the series doesn’t mean it’s exempt from scrutiny. Many aspects of the show haven’t aged well, leading to some Gilmore Girls storylines I wish I could forget . Additionally, watching the show now, I have different opinions on many parenting decisions than I did the first time I watched the show, with some sticking out as irresponsible, unhealthy, and detestable.

Lorelai-Gilmore-and-Rory-Gilmore-from-Gilmore-Girls

10 Gilmore Girls Moments That Explain Why The Show Is Still So Popular

For over twenty years, Gilmore Girls has charmed audiences, and these 10 unforgettable moments continue to make the show captivating even today.

12 Lorelai Dates Her Daughter’s Teacher

Dating rory's teacher was wildly inappropriate for both parties.

From the start of Gilmore Girl , Lorelai makes some questionable decisions, such as dating Rory’s teacher, Max Medina. I think he’s culpable, a bit creepy in retrospect, and completely unprofessional on multiple occasions. However, the blame for the situation ultimately falls on Lorelai because she’s the parent. Lorelai outwardly acknowledges how badly she and Max could impact Rory but chooses to do it anyway.

On top of that, she has very little discretion or boundaries. She uses her position as Max’s girlfriend to give Rory’s paper an A. Even if it’s a joke, that’s inappropriate. Then, she kisses him on parents' day in the middle of a classroom. I love Lorelai, and I understand that her emotional maturity isn’t at a level typical of a parent because she gave birth so young. However, she drops the ball when handling the Max situation.

11 Emily Manipulates Lorelai Constantly

Emily gilmore relies on control in her relationship with her daughter.

Emily Gilmore looks to the side in Gilmore Girls

Emily is the character that I love to hate. She’s quippy and has perfect comedic timing, but she’s also a judgmental and unrelenting parent who manipulates Lorelai every chance she gets. This is established in the first episode when she demands dinners with Lorelai and Rory in exchange for helping her daughter. This one instance could be written off if it were the only time, but her poor behavior continues over all eight seasons.

Emily sets Lorelai up on a date without her knowledge, keeps Rory all night to spite Lorelai, and tries to get Lorelai and Christopher together even though her daughter is happily in a relationship – to name a few examples. Even in the revival, Emily manipulates Lorelai by tricking her into therapy. However, the moment she’s challenged, she abandons her daughter. Ultimately, Emily’s manipulation of Lorelai makes her daughter’s hostile behavior much more justifiable.

10 Luke Makes Promises To April Without Talking To Anna First

Luke made promises he couldn't necessarily keep.

Luke and his daughter April at her science fair show in Gilmore Girls

Of all the parents in Gilmore Girls , Luke is the one who is the most consistent and caring, even towards Jess and Rory – two kids who aren’t even technically his. However, one moment where I simultaneously empathize with him and question his judgment is when he promises April that she will come back for spring break and the summer.

This is a challenging situation because April is emotionally distraught about moving across the country to a place she doesn’t know, surrounded by people she doesn’t know. I can understand his desire to provide her with some small amount of comfort and consistency; however, he should have talked to Anna before making any promises to April. His fight to have April is entirely justified. Direct communication and working as a team whenever possible is essential for co-parenting, though

Tearful Rory Gilmore in Gilmore Girls

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9 Liz Abandons Jess When Things Get Hard

Liz sends jess off to luke without a second thought.

Jess looks angry and Liz looks happy in Gilmore Girls

One parenting decision that infuriates me every time I watch Gilmore Girls is Liz’s decision to abandon Jess when things get challenging rather than learning to be a better parent. She might have felt that Luke could do a better job raising Jess, but she could have moved to Stars Hollow to be with him. She could have written him letters, called him on the phone, and visited him.

There were so many options that didn’t involve dropping him off with a family member he doesn’t know too well without any resources or support. Moreover, she declines to let Jess come home for Christmas – not for an extended period of time, but for a few weeks at most. Jess going to Stars Hallow is ultimately the best thing for him in the long run, but that doesn’t excuse Liz’s behavior.

8 Anna Won’t Let April Meet Lorelai

Anna's protectiveness seems overblown under the circumstances.

Unlike many Gilmore Girls fans, I love April Nardini and find her incredibly relatable. Unfortunately, everyone else in the situation frustrates me, even though I love Luke and Lorelai. Luke doesn’t make an effort to include his fiancée in his child’s life, despite his wanting to have a long-term relationship with both April and Lorelai. Lorelai gets overzealous by trying to build a relationship with April during her birthday party without ever speaking to Anna.

However, the most frustrating is Anna refusing to let Lorelai meet and have a relationship with April. I empathize with her desire to protect April so that her daughter doesn’t lose someone important. However, Luke and Lorelai already have a wedding date set , for goodness’ sake. Plus, her daughter is 12 years old, so the over-protectiveness about her meeting a new adult, in this specific case, seems a little overblown.

7 Christopher Barely Acts Like A Dad To Rory

Christopher doesn't take his role as a father seriously.

Rory and Christopher at the book store in Gilmore Girls

Christopher is an absentee dad to Rory, whose parenting decisions elicit ire. He looks at Rory more like a prop to parade around as if he’s a capable father. He barely shows up when she needs it. He doesn’t attend her high school graduation at the end of season 3 or her goodbye party in the Gilmore Girls finale. There’s zero indication that he tries to support Lorelai financially until he inherits his grandfather’s money.

The one time she asks him to give her and Lorelai space, he completely ignores this request. Rory’s dad only starts showing up more when he has Gigi, and that’s only because he needs help from Lorelai and Rory. Christopher just got worse and worse throughout Gilmore Girls , becoming less reliable and more pushy. Based on his behavior, he’s the definition of a deadbeat dad.

The Gilmore Girls cast poses for a picture.

Gilmore Girls' Gilmore Family Tree Explained

Gilmore Girls boasts a complicated and extensive family tree. Over the course of the show's run, it grew to include a number of major characters.

6 Emily Rarely Appreciates Lorelai's Successes

Emily gilmore is especially critical of lorelai.

Lorelai and Emily at Emily's house on Gilmore Girls

Another serious parenting flaw of Emily Gilmore is her lack of pride in Lorelai’s accomplishments. She went into parenting with rigid ideas about her daughter’s behavior and personality, a sadly common problem. Lorelai never quite seemed to fit the mold set by her parents, rebelling against their strict rules and expectations. Her mom sees all of her accomplishments as not good enough, which is painfully relatable, leading Emily to insult Lorelai repeatedly in Gilmore Girls .

I want to cry every time she dismisses Lorelai’s life as not good enough. She doesn’t seem to respect that Lorelai works hard, buys a house, and raises a well-mannered child. She also disregards Lorelai’s happy relationship. The two significant exceptions with Emily are her celebrating Lorelai’s graduation and her acknowledging the phone conversation about the inn. However, she largely fails to recognize that Lorelai is an autonomous human who doesn’t owe her mother undying loyalty and agreement.

5 Richard Blames Lorelai For Ruining Her Life By Getting Pregnant

Richard looking serious on Gilmore Girls

While I generally love Richard Gilmore, there are some moments I cannot forgive. After Straub and Francine start degrading Lorelai, he defends her. However, his attitude changes when she goes into his office to offer him food and thank him for what he said. He goes on a tirade against Lorelai, claiming she put her parents through hell and caused them public humiliation . He also implies that she caused the family disgrace by not marrying Christopher.

Then, he blames Lorelai for running away with Rory from him and Emily, disregarding that they don’t own Lorelai or Rory. They aren’t owed time with either of the two. Their relationship with Rory is something Lorelai graciously allows them to have despite the way they treat Lorelai. Ultimately, this is one of the worst things Richard ever did in Gilmore Girls . He takes Lorelai’s gratitude and humility and throws it back in her face instead of having a bonding moment.

Edward Hermann did not appear in the revival because he sadly passed away on December 31, 2014 at the age of 71 from brain cancer.

4 Christopher Doesn’t Set Boundaries With Gigi

Christopher carrying Gigi out of Lorelai's house on Gilmore Girls

While he was an absentee parent to Rory, Christopher had no choice but to take care of Gigi because Sherry abandoned her (another moment that nearly landed on the list of times I judged the parenting decisions in Gilmore Girls). Unfortunately, because he wasn’t around for Rory, he doesn’t know how to care for a child.

He also feels like he has to make up for Sherry being gone, which I completely empathize with. I’ve seen how hard it is to be a single parent, though I haven’t experienced it firsthand. The parenting choice in this situation that I question is him letting her get away with anything she wants. She has no sense of boundaries and doesn’t respond to the word “no” – skills that are important to implement early. Luckily, he eventually rectifies the issue by enforcing rules.

3 Lorelai Doesn’t Speak To Rory After She Quits Yale

I usually have different expectations of Lorelai when it comes to parenting because she became a mom as a teenager, making her less mature than other parents in the series. However, this is precisely why I have a hard time understanding Lorelai giving Rory the silent treatment after she gets arrested and quits Yale – one of the most controversial Gilmore Girls storylines . She knows what it’s like to be ostracized by her parents for making a decision that some would consider a mistake . Rory is in a similar position.

The youngest Gilmore is going through one of the most challenging times in her young adult life right before Lorelai cuts her off. Everyone thinks she’s making the wrong choice. I understand if Lorelai doesn’t condone Rory’s choice based on the reason. However, it seems cruel for Lorelai to completely cut off Rory when she knows the feeling of isolation and estrangement.

2 Emily Doesn’t Try To Understand Lorelai

One of the most apparent things in Gilmore Girls is that Emily and Lorelai are drastically different people. Emily likes order, social rules, plans, and all things prestigious. Her idea of fun is attending social functions and participating in the DAR. On the other hand, Lorelai likes pop culture, food, goofiness, jokes, town meetings, and coffee. She doesn’t concern herself with many societal expectations, picking and choosing which ones she thinks are meaningful.

It’s okay that people are different. The parenting choice I struggle with in this case is that Emily doesn’t try to understand or relate to her daughter. Everything shouldn’t have to be her way. She can support her daughter’s personality and interests despite their differences , but Emily doesn’t seem remotely interested in being flexible, except on rare occasions.

1 Lorelai Tries To Be Rory’s Best Friend Instead Of Her Mother

My most controversial opinion about parenting choices in Gilmore Girls is that Lorelai and Rory’s relationship is unhealthy . Lorelai very directly states that she and Rory are best friends first and mother-daughter second. This means Rory is often more mature than her mother, holds herself to rules, and has few secrets. The pair are heavily enmeshed, with Lorelai revealing far too much about her personal life to Rory and demanding the same in return.

For example, she emotionally flips out when Rory doesn’t immediately tell her about kissing Dean and then invites him over for a movie without talking to Rory first. Lorelai doesn’t understand healthy boundaries. Rather than seeming malicious, Lorelai's attempt to be Rory’s best friend in Gilmore Girls seems like an overcorrection after the oppressive household she grew up in. That doesn’t change the fact that the dynamic can be harmful.

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98 Parent Essay Topic Ideas & Examples

🏆 best parent topic ideas & essay examples, 💡 most interesting parent topics to write about, 📌 simple & easy parent essay titles, 👍 good essay topics on parent.

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  • Single Parent and Child Language Development The first-born child in a family is more likely to have a higher chance of better language development than the remaining children that follow him.
  • Emotions in Parent of a Child With Special Needs It is due to this that parents who have children that have special needs are often relegated to the role of a caregiver resulting in them having to bathe, feed and even change the clothes […]
  • Parent–Child and Sibling Relationships In the literature on quality of sibling relationships, the focus has been made on studying psychological implications of sibling relationships, variations in sibling relationships in societies, and the implications of their successful and unsuccessful development.
  • The CAEP’s 7 Elements of Effective Parent-Teacher Partnerships Furthermore, engaging families in their child’s learning can also improve communication between families and educators, leading to a better understanding of student needs and more effective teaching and learning.
  • Old-Young and Parent-Child Relationships in Early Chinese Society It is possible to apply the same principle to the relationships of the parent and the child, where the child should always respect the parent and follow their orders and advice.
  • Child-Parent Relationships in Contemporary International Cinema Understanding the quality of the relationships between parents and children plays an important role in modern society, and various methods are used to deliver the message and share opinions.
  • Parenthub as Resource for Parent-Child Relationships Building Unfortunately, not all parents understand effective methods of upbringing, do not realize the value of a favorable environment for the child’s independence, and neglect the appearance of the youth’s emotional anticipation.
  • Children and Parent’s Adjustment Process The adjustment process of new children and their parents can be challenging for them and the teacher. Inviting the parents to the classroom can help with the separation anxiety in both children and their parents.
  • The Relationship Between Single-Parent Households and Poverty The given literature review will primarily focus on the theoretical and empirical aspects of the relationship between single-parent households and poverty, as well as the implications of the latter on mental health issues, such as […]
  • Empathy in Parent-Child Relationships It is the responsibility of parents to explain to their children what is right and what is wrong so that they can form their own opinion and develop a sense of self-worth.
  • Parent-Child Relationships in Later Life My mother, in turn, seeks to demonstrate that she is not a child anymore, and the patronage of that kind insults her.
  • What Every New Parent Should Know Undoubtedly, the issue of preparing for the baby is essential, and it touches almost every young couple, so the majority of people are familiar with it. For instance, the conflict between the parents and their […]
  • New Parent Guide Assignment Their sense of smell is manifested at birth; they start distinguishing and preferring their mother’s scent. A baby’s attachment system can be actuated when their feelings of security and safety are threatened.
  • Parent’s Right to Travel Out of the Country This paper seeks to analyze the parent’s right to travel out of the country and outlines why traveling has been an issue for the courts In the US, the Supreme Court acknowledges that every citizen […]
  • Parent Involvement and Student Achievement The purpose of the study is to investigate whether parental involvement plays a role in elementary school student achievement.
  • Success: How to Parent? Therefore, it is crucial to choose a competent approach to raising a child to not injure them in this way. This will help in choosing a profession and the entire path of life.
  • Parent-School Communication The current paper includes an interview with the school’s principal regarding the opportunities for parent-school partnership.
  • Parent Purchase Bottled Water With all the sweat and tears, I can feel that you must be really tired with all the work that you do. This total number of bottled water consumed excludes the water that you take […]
  • Disability Equality of a Disabled Lone Parent Although the officials were initially reluctant owing to her physical condition and the nature of work she was to perform, they allowed her to try.
  • Teens Talking With Their Partners About Sex: The Role of Parent Communication The MSS covers areas relevant to the study that are the communication of students with parents, sexual behavior, and communication with sexual partners.
  • Parent-Teacher-Youth Mediation Program Analysis Firstly, the parent-child communication quality will be evaluated within the framework of the characteristics of their relationships and the ability to manage the conflicting situation.
  • The Parent-Involvement Research The REB attempts to balance between the benefits accrued to students from the research and the degree of interference in classroom activities. Therefore, Deslandes and Bertrand should have submitted the overall value of the research […]
  • Incarceration of a Parent or a Guardian of Recidivist It is important to note that the survey will generalize the experiences of these people, and it will be possible to develop certain recommendations concerning reintegration programs.
  • Parent-Child Relationships in “Everyday Use” by Alice Walker The more distant and fractious relationship is between the narrator and Dee. The narrator is referred to as “Mama,” and a mama she is.
  • Parent or Guardian Who Is Against Group Work Issue The discussion is held in groups, the students are free to express their ideas about the topic and to give persuasive arguments.
  • Parent-Child Relations in Poetry Robert Hayden is probably one of the best known for his verses that discover and articulate the African-American practice, from the epoch of slavery, and the times of Civil War, up to the time he […]
  • Parent Involvement in the Elementary School Setting The problem that should be discussed regarding parent involvement is the low level of their participation and the lack of understanding of how to assist children in their studying.
  • Parent-School Online Communication Platforms The above section has supported the use of different platforms to improve the way teachers share ideas and information with different parents in an attempt to improve learners’ outcomes.
  • Verizon Wireless: Joint Venture and Parent Company In the end, Verizon was able to adopt a more sustainable orientation, securing its position and capitalizing on the growing wireless communication market.
  • Abbreviated Plans: Parent or Guardian Incarceration The purpose of this study is to evaluate the effectiveness of the program aimed at the reintegration of former inmates into society.
  • Parent Volunteering in the Early Education Centers The essence of this practice is to make children aware of the colour palette and some of its peculiarities in the process of drawing and make sure all children learn to perform the task accurately […]
  • Infant-Parent Attachment: Secure or Insecure? Overall, it will be argued that a child with secure attachment, also referred to as strong attachment in the paper, is more aware, and easily interacts, with other people and his or her environment as […]
  • Children’s Right to Be Parented by the Best Parent If we attempt to answer what the parent really is, we are likely to touch upon the assumptions about the grounds, on which the right to parent a child is based.
  • Teacher-Parent Collaboration in Special Education One of the current trends in special education is the emphasis on the collaboration between the parents or caregivers of children with special needs and the providers of special education interventions.
  • Parent-Child Relationship in Early Modern England Moreover, the influence that parents had was significant, and it would not be an easy task for the government to monitor and review all the cases of unfair treatment. The author suggests that parents loved […]
  • Parent-Teen Relations in the United States and Denmark In this regard, the main aim of the given study is to compare and contrast the main behavioral patterns peculiar to these states and make certain conclusions. These are the level of authority, independence, and […]
  • “Dating and the Single Parent” by Deal Deal postulates some of the factors to consider during dating like its purpose, how to groom oneself and children, and the challenges that can be faced in the process. Pastors would provide the illustrations used […]
  • Designing Educational Spaces: A Birth-To-Eighteen-Year-Old Training for a Rich Parent As for the scope of the research, it will be necessary to embrace the specifics of the development of the students of specified age.
  • The Mothers Who Are Not Single: Striving to Avoid Poverty in Single-Parent Families In the present-day world, single-parent families are under a considerable threat due to the lack of support and the feeling of uncertainty that arises once one of the spouses leaves, whether it is due to […]
  • How Does the Gender of Parent Matters? In response to the controversial debate about the role of gender in parenting, this article contains a review of 81 studies that explore the role of gender in parenting.
  • Parent Involvement Interview The teacher notes, “the Children’s daily report is effective means of communication between the class teacher and the parent because both parties must comment on a daily basis about the learner”.
  • Parent Involvement and Educational Outcomes The family is a moving system meaning that it copes with changes that come along, but in the process relevantly maintain a stable positive effect on the children’s academic performance.
  • Use of Texting in Parent and Child Relationships
  • Traditional Beliefs About Motherhood Were a Parent Household
  • What Leads a Parent to Mistreat Their Children for Attention
  • What Are the Problems of Growing Up in A Single-Parent Family
  • The Theme of Parent and Child Relationship in Wordsworth’s the Affliction of Margaret
  • The Role of Parent Child Bonding in Music Preference
  • What Are the Special Joys and Benefits of Being a Parent
  • Understanding Contributors to Input Informativeness for Tense Marking: Overlap among English Typology, Parent-Toddler Interaction Style, and Register
  • What Qualities Are Most Necessary for a Good Parent
  • The Role of the Parent and Government in Providing Educational Concept to Children According to the Bible
  • Well-Being Parent-Children Relationships
  • The Three Key Concepts of Sociology Applied to the Analysis of Single-Parent Families
  • Use of Text Messaging in Parent and Child Relationships
  • Value of Education From Perspectives of Parent, Teacher, Students, and History
  • Voting With Their Feet: Family Friendliness and Parent Employment in Australian Industries, 1981-2001
  • What Does a Parent Go About Choosing a Style of Discipline
  • What Difference Does It Make If Parent Uses Power Assertive
  • Vaccines, Cognitive Bias, and the Parent Pediatrician
  • What Makes a Perfect Parent
  • Why Children Object Their Divorcee or Widowed Parent to Have Sex
  • Triadic Co-Parenting and Dyadic Marital and Parent-Child
  • The Spread of Single-Parent Families in the United States Since 1960
  • The Strength of a Single Parent Shown in The Scarlet Letter
  • What Parent Characteristics Are Related to the Physical Abuse of the Children
  • Unconditional Love Between a Parent and Child
  • The Undercover Parent: Coben’s Spyware Logic
  • The Social Impact of Living in a Single-Parent Household on Children
  • The Single Parent Home: Evolution and Factors Affecting Function
  • The Well Being of Children Impacted by a Parent With Cancer
  • The Setting and Theme of The Parent Trap, a Romantic Comedy-Drama Film by Nancy Meyers
  • Welfare Transfers in Two-Parent Families: Labor Supply and Welfare Participation Under AFDC-UP
  • Transition to Parent-Child Coresidence: Parental Needs and the Strategic Bequest Motive
  • The Struggles of Single-Parent Households
  • Why Do Selection Factors for Parent Company Nationals
  • The Struggles of Raising Children as a Single Parent
  • What Are the Characteristics of a Good Parent
  • Vaccinations Should Be a Choice of the Parent
  • The Science Workshop, South Hall Middle School Parent Nights
  • Two-Parent Families With Children: How Effective Tax Rates Affect Work Decisions
  • When a Parent Refuses Medical Care for Their Children
  • What Is the Effect of Single Parent Households on Unhealthy Relationship Formation
  • What Kind of Person Is an Overambitious Parent
  • Friendship Essay Ideas
  • Child Labour Research Topics
  • Attachment Theory Essay Topics
  • Childhood Obesity Research Ideas
  • Birth control Questions
  • Child Development Research Ideas
  • Child Abuse Essay Topics
  • Child Welfare Essay Ideas
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  1. Parent-Child Relationship

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  2. Relationship Between Parent and Child Essay Example

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  3. Parent Child Relationship Essay

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  4. Relationships Between Parents and Children in Poetry Free Essay Example

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  5. ⇉Parent-Child Relationship Essay Example

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  6. Good parent-children relationship

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COMMENTS

  1. Parent Child Relationship Essay

    Parent Child Relationship Essay: Loving a child is an exhausting experience, but giving them everything they need will be worth the struggle! Societal norms dictate that adults can improve their relationships with their children through strengthening, acknowledging and supporting each other. A parent-child relationship is unique in that it has ...

  2. Good parent-children relationship

    Good Parent-Children Relationship Essay. Relationships are a very important part of human life. Regardless of the success of any human being, relationships are an essential key to a better life and their ignorance could have the most serious repercussions. Family members should strive as much as they can to relate well with each other.

  3. Relationship between Parents and Children: Essay

    Cite this essay. Download. The relationship between the parents and the child is amongst the most prominent relationships in the life of an individual. Young children depend on their parents to provide them with fundamental needs as well as their parents provide their children with guidance and support to build their future generations.

  4. Relationship Between Parents and Children Essay

    Another example of the relationship between parents and children is the work Amy Tan's Rules of the Game. This story tells a situation where a girl achieved success in chess, and her mother was so proud of her that she walked down the street and told everyone about her daughter. Every day, the mother taught her daughter and sons various ...

  5. 439 Parenting Essay Topics to Write about & Samples

    It can be the case when it comes to writing about parenting. Topics on this subject can cover anything from parent-child relationships to children's behavior and parenting styles. Thus, picking one good title to discuss, research, and write about can be essential. That's why our experts have gathered this list of topics on parenting.

  6. Parenting and Child Development: A Relational Health Perspective

    Abstract. A child's development is embedded within a complex system of relationships. Among the many relationships that influence children's growth and development, perhaps the most influential is the one that exists between parent and child. Recognition of the critical importance of early parent-child relationship quality for children's ...

  7. Parents And Children Relationship

    Parents are responsible for nurturing and shaping their children from infancy to adulthood, providing them with guidance, support, love, and discipline. Children, in turn, look to their parents for love, security, and guidance as they grow and develop. This relationship is often characterized by unconditional love, mutual respect, and a deep ...

  8. Attachment Theory: Parent-Child Attachment Affects Relationship Skills

    4 Parent-Child Attachment Styles. The four attachment styles include: Secure attachment. Anxious-resistant attachment. Avoidant attachment. Disorganized-disoriented attachment. Infants with a ...

  9. Parent-Child Relationship Essay Examples

    Parent-Child Relationship Essays. ... The parent-child relationship is a unique bond that lays the basis of a child's personality. Positive parental and social relationships nurture children for the future. However, negative parent-child bonds exacerbate the effects of traumatic experiences on children. Hostilities between children and ...

  10. Essays on Parent-child Relationship

    Parent-child relationships, particularly the bond between fathers and sons, play a crucial role in the development and well-being of individuals. This essay explores the various aspects of the father-son relationship, including its definition, historical perspectives, psychological dynamics, communication patterns, and its influence on the son ...

  11. Shakespeare's Hamlet: Analyzing Parent and Child Relationships

    Family Relationships. This William Shakespeare play provides numerous examples of the intricate and tumultuous dynamics of parenthood and family relations, making it a rich source of material for essay examples.. The difficulties of parenthood and family ties are one of the main themes. Although Hamlet has great admiration and respect for his father, the king's assassination complicates his ...

  12. Parent-Child Relationship: How To Strengthen It

    Creating a close and positive parent-child relationship is a crucial aspect of parenting. Despite its importance, building strong child-parent relationships is rarely the focus of day-to-day life. Benefits of having a strong relationship with your child. The benefits of a positive relationship on child development are numerous. They contribute ...

  13. (PDF) Parent-Child Relationships and Well-Being

    The strong association between youth well-being and parent-child relationships. is robust across cultures. This conclusion is illustrated by a study of 1,034 early. adolescents (ages 10-14) from ...

  14. The Effect of Parenting and the Parent-Child Relationship on a Child's

    Introduction and background. Good parenting is a process whereby a parent meets a child's needs according to the cultural standard that changes from generation to generation [].Research on parent-child relationships and childhood development increased rapidly during this era; the research is mainly based on parenting practices and child development and maturation.

  15. Strengthen a Parent-Child Relationship Through Connection

    8. Slow down and savor the moment. Instead of rushing your child through the schedule so you can spend a few minutes with them before bed, use every interaction all day long as an opportunity to ...

  16. IMPACT OF SOCIAL MEDIA ON PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP

    When asked about whether social media has narrowed the gap between parents and children 62% participants said yes and 38% refrained from the same. The reason that was given by maximum participants was, "No quality time is given because of constant engagement on social media". 6) Relationship healthier without social media.

  17. Empathy in Parent-Child Relationships

    Nevertheless, it can serve as one of the ways by which parents can practice empathy and support their children. Another example of parental empathy is inviting children to play team games. In a class, where African-American, Hispanic, and Chinese students learn together, conflicts seem to be unavoidable. Some students can be mocked, others can ...

  18. Parent-Child Relationship Essay

    A parent-child relationship is a special relationship that has a huge effect on the way that the child will turn out. This relationship is formed through pregnancy, adoption, and step parenting. Parenting requires a great deal of adaptation. The parents want to develop a strong bond with their child but they also want to maintain a healthy ...

  19. 7.1 Technology's Influence on Parent-Child Relationships

    Within the parent-child relationship, the parent's actions are tempered by understanding the developmental age and ability of the child, and changes in that development over time (Heck & Pincus, 2001). Agency by the parent is, in part, a personal expression of fulfilling the responsibilities of childrearing. The joint balance of agency and ...

  20. Essay On Parent Child Relationships

    In this sort of relationship, children grow up distrusting their parents. A wall of enmity is formed between both parent and child, and in most cases, the parents are at fault. When dealing with a child, parents are still human and undergo some levels of impatience. Parents who jump to conclusions and are quick to punish their children slowly ...

  21. Parent-Child Relationship Free Essay Example

    Essay, Pages 5 (1238 words) Views. 5691. The relationship between parents and their children is perhaps one of the most important relationships among human beings. The relationship between parents and their children can determine the personal growth of children as it can likewise influence the behavioral adjustments needed on the part of ...

  22. Parent-Child Attachment: A Principle-Based Concept Analysis

    Parent-child relationships influence the social and emotional development of the child (Koehn & Kerns, 2018). Nonetheless, PCA is not the same as the concept of a parent-child relationship. Rather, attachment theory provides a framework for studying parent-child relationships (Van IJzendoorn, Goldberg et al., 1992). Attachment is a specific ...

  23. Parent-Child Relationship: Why Is It Important And How To Build It

    Understanding Parent-child Relationship. A parent-child relationship (PCR) is one that nurtures the physical, emotional, and social development of the child. It's a unique bond that every child and parent experiences, enjoys, and nurtures. The relationship lays the foundation for the child's personality, choices, and overall behavior.

  24. 9 Parent-Adult Child Relationship Dynamics To Stop ASAP

    4. Fixed family roles. Kids can get boxed into specific "roles" within a family, such as a clown, caregiver and peacemaker. They may want (or need) to seek out a different identity in adulthood ...

  25. 12 Times I Questioned The Parenting Choices In Gilmore Girls

    The beloved 2000s show Gilmore Girls focuses on familial relationships across different generations, but some of the parenting decisions in the series leave a bad taste in my mouth. I've been a Gilmore Girls fan since my sister and I watched it together while it was on the air. Since it landed on Netflix in 2014, I've streamed it more times than I can count.

  26. 98 Parent Topic Ideas to Write about & Essay Samples

    The Theme of Parent and Child Relationship in Wordsworth's the Affliction of Margaret; The Role of Parent Child Bonding in Music Preference; What Are the Special Joys and Benefits of Being a Parent; Understanding Contributors to Input Informativeness for Tense Marking: Overlap among English Typology, Parent-Toddler Interaction Style, and Register